Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in the WWF, if only in my dreams.
Distribution: Flights.
Summary: I'm trying angst on for size.
Jason looked up and smiled when he heard her key in the front door. He was going to make her smile, he knew that for sure. She had no idea he was in town, much less that he was going to surprise her with a home cooked meal and a proposal. And so, he lowered the heat under the marinara sauce and waited. He could almost hear her take off her gloves, throw her hat in the top half of the vestibule closet, whip off her scarf, undo the three buttons of her ankle-length wool coat and bend over to untie her boots. Then, he mused, she would follow her nose and come into the kitchen. She would come up behind him, wrap her arms around his waist and lean her body into his.
But instead, Jason heard her go up the stairs and go to their room. He waited for her to come down and when she didn't, he turned off the stove and went up the stairs himself. He tried opening their bedroom and found the door locked.
"Kat? Are you in there?"
"..."
"Honey, is something wrong?"
"Go away..."
"No! You can't lock me out of my room, Kat. Come on, open up."
"I won't. Just leave me alone."
"No way! Open that door right now!"
Jason heard Kat's heavy sigh and her feet shuffling across the room. When she opened the door, he was faced with her reddened eyes, her tear-stained cheeks and the almost black eyes under her eyes. And what's more, he saw her suitcases on the bed, packed with clothes.
"Okay," he said, taking a deep breath, "something happened here. Care to tell me about it?"
"Usually, I'd say no, but since I know you'll push at me until I give, I might as well."
Jason walked to the fireplace and sat in a leather armchair and tried pulling Kat into his lap. She stiffened and jerkily moved away from him, avoiding his touch. He tried not to be hurt but it was hard, especially when she sat across from him, in an armchair that was a twin to his, her eyes lost in the fire he'd lit earlier.
"So?"
"I'm not a good person," she sighed. "I'm very selfish and... for now, I need to get away from you before I hurt you."
"Where is this coming from?" he asked with a calm he was far from feeling.
"That's not important. It's just... I hurt people and I don't want to do that to you."
"And you figured that walking out on me now won't hurt me?"
"It's like tearing off a Band-Aid. Better to do it fast than slowly."
"So I'm a Band-Aid."
Barely able to contain his anger, Jason got up and stalked away.
"You're mad at me now. I understand that. No matter how right this is for you, it hurts now. I can't do anything about that. I'll spend tonight in a hotel and I'll arrange to have my things sent back to Montreal tomorrow."
"Back to Montreal? What about your friends? And your job?"
"I quit my job today and I called my old boss in Montreal. He said he'd take me back. As for my friends, they'll do better without me than with me."
"Like me?"
"Like you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to pack."
"You have to pack."
Tears rimming his eyes, Jason blindly made his way to the den and reached for a bottle from the liquor cabinet. He unscrewed the top and started swigging.
The next morning, the phone's ring was like the battering of a sledgehammer in his head. Jason jerked himself back to life and immediately regretted his sudden move as his head started to throb. He reached for the phone and brought it to his ear.
"What?"
"Jason?" Carm asked, "what are you doing home? Aren't you supposed to be at the gym with the boys?"
"No."
"Is Kat in?"
"Don't know, don't care."
"Jason, what's wrong? Did you and Kat have a fight?"
"A fight would have been nice... nope, your sister just told me that I'd be better off without her. And then she walked out on me."
"I just found out she quit her job last night."
"I don't care anymore. I just hope she freezes her fucking ass off in Montreal, I don't care!"
"Jason..."
"I had a ring for her Carm... a bona fide ring... I was going to propose to her last night. And she told me she was no good for me. She was so cold about it. Told me she knew I was hurting and that I was better off without her."
"Oh Jace..."
"I don't care anymore Carm. I'm going to do my job, I'm going to let Vinnie Mac earn the money he needs from me and that's it! I'm done dealing with fucking people and their petty problems! I hate people and their fucking lives!"
"Jason... please. She's my sister too and I'm worried too. She didn't tell me a thing."
"Well, better you than me. I'm fucking done."
Jason slammed down the phone and picked up his bottle again. He looked at the bottom, saw Kat's ring there... Damn bitch! He loved her!
"Please Miss Wild, you have to eat."
"Why?"
The orderly sighed and left the tray on the table by Kat's chair. You wouldn't know it by looking at her... she looked so good, so together... and yet... Kat Wild had willingly committed herself to the psychiatric ward over three months ago. She'd made no progress. She barely ate, talked to no one. And yet, she always managed to look perfect, as if she was preparing for something.
Stacey was fascinated by her. Every day, the young woman wondered how Kat would look if she smiled. She'd be so pretty, so beautiful...
"No time for dawdling Stacey, we have to go," her supervisor reminded her.
Stacey left, taking one last look at Kat who was still staring at the wall.
Where are you? she asked. Death? I've been waiting for you. Please, take me away. I'm so tired of it all. Of having to feel, of having to be nice, of having to be the right kind of person for everyone. Just let me end it, get it over with. Please death, take me with you.
Carm got the phone call fourteen hours after Stacey had left the tray next to Kat's chair.
"Miss Carmaletta McMahon?
"Yes?"
"My name is Dr. Toussi. I'm a psychiatrist and I work for the pychiatric ward of the Green Vales Hospital."
"How can I help you Doctor?"
"Miss McMahon, it's my sad duty to inform you that your sister, Katia Wild, ended her life this morning at three forty-five."
"Excuse me? But that has to be wrong. My sister is in Montreal. She moved there three months ago."
"I'm sorry Miss McMahon, but that unfortunately is not true. Your sister committed herself into our care three months ago. She had been on suicide watch ever since."
"And you're saying she killed herself? What kind of establishment are you running if someone who's on suicide watch can kill themselves?"
"Your sister was very determined Miss McMahon. She twisted the leg off a metal chair and used the edge to slit her wrists."
Carm hung up the phone and started to cry. Her sister was gone. And she had to tell Jason.
It was a cold day in August when Kat was buried. Only two people attended the funeral, two people who had loved the young woman who had been so incredibly troubled.
"Why?" Jason asked. "I don't understand why."
"According to Dr. Toussi, Kat heard voices...it seems that those voices, combined with external pressures drove her over the edge."
"How could I have not known? I lived with her, I loved her."
"I loved her too... But I don't know Jason. Dr. Toussi said that during one of their last sessions, Kat kept on saying she was tired of people. I'm thinking that's what happened."
"So we lost her?"
"We lost her."
Jason tossed a single white rose on the coffin and took the engagement ring he'd kept out of his pocket, putting it down on the cool marble of her tombstone.
"Rest, my panther," he smiled through his tears, "just rest."