Disclaimer: Jeff Hardy’s not mine… neither’s Wal-Mart. But the story and the characters are all mine.
Distribution: Flights
Notes: Well, all the rumors on Jeff Hardy taking a little vacation have been inspiring me. Here’s to hoping you enjoy my take on things.
“Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart, please come again.”
“Excuse me sir… where are the tampons and pads?” asked a forty-ish woman with a seven year old boy pulling on the hem of her skirt and on her frayed nerves.
“Two rows down, on the left hand side.”
“Uh… would you know where I could find the… uh… utensils?” asked a twenty-year old guy with his impatient, and pregnant wife, or girlfriend, tapping her foot a few feet away.
“Yes of course… just go down this aisle to the end of the store and turn right. They’ll be right in front of you.”
“Scuse me sir but… are you a wrestler?” asked a ten year old redheaded boy with bright green eyes.
“Sorry, no I’m not.”
“Ah, ok… because you look like a wrestler I know.”
“A lot of people tell me that. But would a wrestler work at Wal-Mart?”
“Guess not.”
“Anything else I can do for you?”
“Do you know where I can get a wrestling tee-shirt?”
“See that picture of The Rock over there?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s where they are.”
“Thanks.”
“You just lied to that little kid.”
Jeff Hardy straightened up and turned to Laura Myers. Her blond dreadlocks were pulled off her forehead by a black headband and with her Goth make-up, she looked as out of place inside a Wal-Mart as a bull in a china shop.
“I’m not a wrestler anymore.”
“Total crock of bullcaca.”
“Walk with me and pretend you need something.”
“Me, buy something here?”
“I don’t know… panties, tampons.”
“I am not about to ask for your help selecting panties and tampons, you perv.”
“Yeah well, I don’t want to get yelled at for doing nothing.”
“For Christ’s sakes Jeff… why aren’t you at home, relaxing?”
“Because I did that for a week and got so bored I almost died. Wal-Mart was looking people so I said why not?”
“Look at you… your hair is long, blond and unshaven… and what did you do to your beard?”
“Shaved it off.”
“God… you look so gross.”
“Gross? I look normal.”
“Exactly… gross.”
“Exaggeration. I just got tired of doing the designs and stuff. I wanted a break from everything and now I got that.”
“Excuse me, young man, but do you have Martha Stewart sheets?” asked a young mother asked as her twin daughters pulled on her arm.
“No we don’t but we offered a wide…”
“Selection? Present for the in-laws and she doesn’t sleep on anything but Martha’s stuff. I’ll go to… know where they sell them?”
“K-Mart,” Laura said shortly.
“Thank you both.”
“All right,” Laura said, “what is going on here? You take a break because you’re burning out and now you’re here, looking boring and normal, working at a Wal-Mart?”
“I needed to remember what it’s like to live life outside the ring…”
“Why? You have it all?”
Shaking his head, Jeff headed down the aisle for bed sheets and started sorting them and rearranging them, placing them by colors and sizes. Laura watched him in silence as he made his way down the aisle.
“Weren’t you happy anymore?”
“You remember how you felt when your band first got that gig at Jerry’s bar? You were bouncing off the walls and making plans for the awesome future you were going to have and all that shit.”
“Yeah.”
“Remember how much you started hating Jerry and your band after playing the same gig for six months in a row? You were fit to be tied.”
“That was different.”
“Different how?”
“You had it all Jeff… you were the Hardy Boy… girls loved you, boys worshipped you, women wanted you and men hated you!”
Jeff laughed as he leaned on a stack of dark blue Wabasso sheets. He looked at Laura and shook his head, “As lovely as all that sounds, it wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be.”
“And you expect me that after all that fame and glory, you’d rather be here, in Wal-Mart, stacking sheets than in a ring, kicking ass and delivering Swanton bombs left and right?”
“For the time being, yeah.”
“I don’t know if I should be amazed or worried. What does Matt think of all of this?”
“First of all, what Matt thinks of any of this is secondary at best. This is about me and my life.”
“And what are you doing with that life right now?”
“I’m taking it one day at a time and I’m smelling the roses.”
“Hate to break up the fantasy there Jeffie Poo, but the only roses you’re going to smell inside a Wal-Mart are plastic.”
“They actually have some nice roses in the gardening department right outside the front door. You might want to check them…”
Laura interrupted Jeff by covering his mouth with her fingers. She tilted her head and looked at his face.
“You happy here? Pretending you’re anonymous?
“It’s the perfect vacation. I get a break from the ring, from the WWE and from Jeff Hardy of the Hardy Boyz. I just get to be Jeff Hardy, model Wal-Mart employee,” he grinned as he refolded teal towels.
“As long as you’re happy.”
“Well, believe it or not, and trust me, I had trouble believing it myself, I’m very happy working at Wal-Mart right now.”
Laura winced before looking at Jeff’s face. She recognized the guy she’d had a crush on all through high school and the guy who’d become one of her very best friends. She also saw Jeff Hardy the man who hadn’t been happy at all in the past year.
“All right, so this makes you happy for the time being. I guess I’ll just have to accept that for now.”
“Good. And bear in mind, I’m happy working here right now. It’s not a forever thing. My dream life is still in the ring. I’m just stepping out of the dream and into reality for a little while.”
Laura shook her head, her blonde dreadlocks bouncing on her shoulders as she reached up and pulled Jeff down to her to gently kiss his cheek.
“Hang in there Jeff and drop by Jerry’s this Friday to watch me live the dream.”
Jeff nodded and watched Laura walk out of Wal-Mart. From day one, he’d known she’d come and bombard him with questions… he just hoped she got the answers she’d been looking for.