Disclaimer: Don't own them, please don't sue me.
Distribution: Flights.
Rating: G
Content: Silly, silly stuff
Summary: The Rock's interview gets a nice interruption.
"This is Kevin Kelly standing by with the people's champion. Rock, tonight, you face Kurt Angle in a championship match that could allow you to reclaim the title you won so many times in the past. How do you feel about tonight's match?"
"How do I feel about tonight's match? Well, the Rock took some time and looked deep within himself to find the one thing that would make him strong enough to defeat Kurt Angle tonight. The Rock thought about his family, about his heritage, about all of his little fans and you want to know what the Rock came up with Kevin Kelly?"
"Of course."
"Not a damn thing, you virgin hermaphrodite! Tonight is NOT about the Rock's family, it's not about his heritage, it's not even about his fans. It's about the Rock, the people's champion and about that Olympic pile of monkey crap that lucked out and won the championship belt."
"Rock, are you denying Kurt Angle's accomplishments in the ring? I mean, he won all three of the top WWF honors within his first year in the WWF. That is impressive."
"Impressive to you maybe, Kevin Kelly, but that's probably because you want to be his next Olympic bitch and follow in Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley's footsteps. And that doesn't say much about your career goals."
"Now Rock..."
"Hush," Rock said, shoving his hand in Kelly's face. "No more drooling over the wonderful specimen of manhood that is the Rock. Tonight Angle, the people's champion is going to find the perfect spot for your new asshole, he's going to carve you a new one, find the new bit of trailer park trash you hang out with, Trash 'I Ain't Got A' Status, stick her
straight up your candy ass in the one way you wouldn't enjoy it, heels first!"
With that, the Rock walked away, leaving an uncomfortable Kevin Kelly to stare after him.
After the commercial break, it was Test vs. Eddie Guerrero in a championship bout for European gold. Naturally, the Radicalz were excluded from ringside, but Trish and Kurt weren't and while Trish distracted the ref, Angle delivered the Olympic slam on the young Canadian champion.
Guerrero didn't waste any time and covered Test. Unfortunately, by the time the referee had sent Trish and Kurt away, Test had gathered the necessary strength to push off Guerrero.
While Trish and Kurt seethed on the ramp, Test positioned himself for the pumphandle slam, delivered it, covered Guerrero and kept his belt. But he looked over at Kurt and signaled his ending he would get his revenge.
Ten minutes later, armed with a chair, Test broke into the dressing room Trish was sharing with Albert and Kurt and with several well-placed chair shots, literally rid the people's champion of his title shot.
Chloe was hurrying down the hall, shouting direction orders to the remote truck. She came to stand next to the cameraman just as they were setting up for the second Rock interview. She watched his approach, his black training pants snugly fitting his powerful legs, his tee-shirt, minus the sleeves and tried to control her wildly beating heart.
"All right," she said, "Dwayne, Kevin, we go live in 5, 4, 3, 2 and..."
"Rock, this is the second time we meet here tonight. Your long awaited match with Kurt Angle is not going to happen, through the interference of the current European champion, Test."
"Second time Kevin Kelly? What, do you think the Rock cannot count?"
"Well, no but..."
"Are you going to ask me how I feel again?"
"Listen, I'm just trying to do my..."
"Enough. Test, you had a problem with Kurt Angle and you solved it. The Rock can understand that, the Rock can appreciate that. The Rock probably would have done the same thing. Problem is, your problem solving cost the Rock his shot at the belt and well, the Rock isn't very happy about that."
Rocky took a deep breath, raised his chin, made his nostrils flare, snatched the microphone from Kevin Kelly's hand and turned his eyes back to the camera.
"Now the Rock is going to have to come up with some way of spending the evening. Maybe the Rock will go bowling. Maybe he'll go to the movies and eat popcorn, or maybe-- the Rock will do what he does best after putting his foot up his opponents' candy asses and that's having a piece of poontang pie."
Over her headset, Chloe heard the director's shouts of protests.
"What the fuck is he doing?"
"I don't know," she whispered.
"Well, stop him!"
"I can't. Let's let him run with it. He knows what he's doing."
"You know what? That piece of pie sounds good, delicious even. And I know just where I'm going to get it."
He stepped forward and grabbed Chloe's wrist over her protest. She quickly whipped off her headset and followed the Rock's lead, promising herself she would rip his head off as soon as the segment was over.
"And this, ladies and gentlemen," he was saying, "is the nicest piece of pie on both coasts. Isn't that right sweetheart?"
"I probably am, but you'll never know," she retorted with a smile.
"I won't?"
"You won't."
"And why's that?"
"Because men who talk about pie know they can't get a piece of this cake!"
The Rock grinned down at Chloe and nodded thoughtfully.
"So what you're saying is that the Rock has to go the extra mile?"
"The Rock has to go the extra mile."
"Fine, Kevin Kelly, get your herm-Aphrodite ass a pen and a paper and take notes."
"Notes? I don't take notes."
"Tonight you do. Now, make reservations for two, in the Rock's name, at a nice, cozy restaurant."
"Reservations? But how am I supposed to..."
"The Rock doesn't care about the details, he just wants it done. And you, you lovely piece of cake, will accompany me."
"When did I agree to this?"
"When did you disagree to this?"
Chloe got the signal from the cameraman to cut it and knew she wouldn't have the time to go into a long, degrading refusal.
"You're right-- so Rock, tonight, you get an opportunity to prove that you can be my champion. Now, let's go."
Hooking her fingers into the hem of his pants, Chloe led Rock out of camera shot, leaving Kevin Kelly to come up with a way of making reservations.
"Chloe," yelled the cameraman, "we're clear."
"Good!"
The young woman turned to the people's champion, her eyes blazing angrily.
"What the hell was that all about? I work for this company too. Yeah, I'm not a big superstar like you, but I have a job and I do it well and I will not have you humiliating me so you can cut a promo! Is that clear?"
He looked down at her, smiled in a boyish way that made him look way too adorable and let out a long sigh.
"But you're still going out to dinner with me right?"
Chloe looked up at him and thought about her life, about how prim and proper it always was, about how she always did the right thing. About how she never broke the rules, about how regulated everything was.
"Yes, I am. Pick me up at the remote truck as soon as the show's over."
"Will do."
When she finally made it to the remote truck to check out over a few things, she was welcomed by thunderous applause from her grinning coworkers.
"Ladies and gentlemen," her boss said, "the woman who'll bring the Rock to his knees."
At the thought of the Rock on his knees in front of her, Chloe's mind was filled with naughty thoughts. Oh, tonight the Rock was going to smell what SHE was cookin'!