Disclaimer: Don't own Amy, if only in my dreams.
Distribution: My site.
Notes: Part 14 in Tested Love, the Kat and Amy saga. This part is in Amy's POV.
One of the things I've always admired about Kat is her bearing. It's a regal bearing. Not regal like William Regal is regal but regal like a queen. She always walks with her head held very high. And I never really understood why she held her head up that high. But now, I get it.
It happened this morning. We're spending our down time at her place in Miami. We went shopping for sheets and linens and that kind of stuff. I didn't even notice it at first, all the whispering and the looks we were getting. It struck me while we were looking at kids' WCW sheets. This woman dropped the blanket she was looking at and openly stared at us. This big wide-eyed stare, like she was seeing aliens for the first time. But her eyes weren't on our faces, but on my arm and hand, which at the time, were loosely wrapped around Kat's waist. What the fuck was her problem? I looked up and saw Kat returning the woman's stare, just as boldly. But there was something else in Kat's eyes, this quiet resignation at being stared at like that, like she had some kind of awful defect.
Finally, the woman stopped staring and walked away, muttering something under her breath. I didn't say anything to Kat then. I was in shock. I'd never thought it would ever be like this, that people would stare like that.
When we finally got to the cash register, things got worse. First off, it took the idiot bitch behind the counter a good thirty seconds to close her gaping jaw after staring at us... Okay, maybe I asked for it since my hand was squeezing Kat's ass at the time, but hey, sue me, I like touching my girlfriend. Anyhow, when Kat handed her her Master Card and signed the receipt, she made a big show of checking the signature. I was seething but Kat kept her cool. She didn't even blink. She looked the cashier straight in the eye, daring her to say something, anything. When we're on our way to Kat's place, I finally explode.
"I can't believe you let that ignorant cow get away with that."
"Away with what exactly?"
"First the stare, then the way she looked at your credit card. You should have put her in her place."
"What would that accomplish? Amy, she was ignorant, I'll give you that much. But there's nothing I could have done about the way she acted. She might been a little overzealous but that was it."
"Kat..."
"Baby, it's no biggie... Not anymore."
"It should be."
"You're right, it should be a big deal but it's not. Right now, the ignorants are winning the war by numbers."
"What can we do?"
"Do? Call me selfish, but I'm not going to do a damn thing. Not in the environment we were just in. That was a waste of my time."
"When will it be worth your time? When they throw more paint at you?"
"No. When they throw paint at you."
It strikes me then. My choice to be with her has made me a target too. I never thought I'd be a target. My choice to love Kat makes me a target. A target to ignorants who don't understand how I can love a woman.
"Does it get easier?" I ask her.
"What?"
"Being targeted by idiots?"
"A little..."
"How?"
"I know better. I could hate them, it'd be easy."
"So why don't you?"
"It'd be a waste of my time."
But I want to hate them for making me feel like being what I am is wrong. I am in love. So few people are lucky enough to be loved like I am loved. Why... No, HOW could that be wrong? I look over at Kat again. She seems cool, almost like what happened didn't happen, like we weren't treated like Big Bad Dykes. It must be love. And to think I almost lost her a few weeks ago.
"I love you."
Kat turns to me and covers my hand with hers.
"Remember the first time you told me that?"
"Yeah, the night you brought Jeff into our bed. I meant it then too."
"Could have fooled me. Then again, then, I wasn't willing to accept anything at all from you. I was way too angry."
"I was too. And scared."
"Of what?"
"Kat... You had experienced with men and women. Hell, when I first met you, you and Adam couldn't keep your hands off each other. Then, one time, I walked in on you and Jason..."
"You did?" Ah, good, she seems embarrassed. "God... How come you never said anything?"
"I don't know... it never came up. But you seemed to enjoy it."
"Jason is a very talented young man," she says with this scary grin.
"Don't say that," I snap at her.
"Don't say what?"
"Don't tell me what good lovers Jason or Adam were. I don't want to hear about that."
"Why not?"
Damn, for a brain, this girl is fucking slow!
"Because it scares me. You chose me, like you chose them and you might choose someone else."
We're about three blocks from her place but Kat stops the car right then and there. She turns to me and very, very softly, she brushes tears from my cheeks. Until I said it, I didn't realize how afraid I was she'd dump me.
"Here's the deal, Dumas," she says slowly, looking me right in the eye, "I love you. Even when I was mad at you, I loved you. I love you to distraction. I have known some beautiful women in my day, but you're the one who rocks my world. And, I'm talking some fine women with asses I could make movies about here!"
I laugh at that one. She wanted to make me laugh and I can't help but laugh.
"By the same token, I have known some equally hot men... I mean men other men AND women hated me for taking to bed..."
"So basically, you're a whore?" I quip.
"Yeah. But I'm your whore. And you're mine."
"How sweet of you to say."
But regardless of the words, I know what she means. It's less about the words and more about the feeling. And I am so grateful for that feeling. That feeling makes it all worthwhile. Being ostracized by my family, becoming a target to the ignorants of the world, losing the fans who can't love me now that I love her... It's all worth it. Because I love her. It's me loving her that makes it worthwhile. It makes it all worthwhile. And her love? That just makes it sweeter.
"I get it," I finally whisper as she starts the car back up.
"Get what?"
"That their hatred and ignorance really isn't worth my time. Our love, that's worth my time!"
"Our time," she corrects me.
I lean over and kiss her cheek. For her, I'll be a target, just like she was for me. She's worth it.