I used to be okay with it
I used to be its friend
But then it changed
And it took over my life
And now I am afraid
Of the future I used to look forward to
Because it will no longer be joyful
Because loneliness lacks in joy
I remember when I began my path alone
When my friends excluded me
And instead of crying about it
I rejoiced in my own company
I was fine with being alone
I got to know myself
I got to appreciate myself
I got to learn me
I realized what I wanted to be
That writing was in my blood
And sentences were my veins
And words sped through them
I got to enjoy my beauty
Enjoy the discoveries of my body
Experiment with my style
Love my bright smile
But once that was done
Once I knew I was beautiful and strong
Once I knew I was independent and fierce
I was still alone
My beauty didn't get me anything
My strength got me squat
My independence was worth diddly
And my creativity was my sole worth
And I stopped being alone
And I became lonely
Long gone was the time for new friendships
And I had to settle for lonely aloneness
My mind was my only escape
And I realized I was a beach
With the sand slowly disappearing
Into the ocean of loneliness
But I want it no longer
If of sand I am to be
Let me be a desert
Far from the water that will overtake me
I want friends
I want lovers
I want to be cared about
And I want to be loved
Because I can be alone
No longer
Written on April 16th, 2001