August 14, 2000

I took time off from this because… hell, it ain’t none of your business but it’s back, so sit down and read… he he he…
All right, I love the WWF but I want to take a moment and see exactly what the WWF has got going for itself. This is the first of at least three columns which will look at the women of the WWF, its tag teams and its single wrestlers. So let’s get started!

*****

The Fantastic women of the WWF

11 & 12. Mae Young and Moolah
There, I said their names. This is as far as it goes.

10. Debra
Okay, I actually miss her. There was something about her. She brought her own special brand of class to the WWF. She was ultra-feminine and as good a valet as a wrestler could get. Only thing I’m afraid of though is that they’ll match her up with Stone Cold, which, in my humble opinion, would just not work.

9. Terri Runnels
I don’t like her character. Never have and probably never will. But matching her up with Perry Saturn does her a great disservice. She can wreak havoc at much higher levels… imagine what she could do to Steven Richard’s RTC… doesn’t that sound cool?

8. Trish Stratus
She’s taken a lot of bumps and really put herself on the line. BUT I STRONGLY DISLIKE HER CHARACTER. I dislike her wardrobe, her job as a manager and frankly, the only time I like her is when she’s getting her clock cleaned.

7. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley
The WWF’s women’s champion. Married to the Game, HHH. I gotta give her props though. Her acting and her mike skills still stink but she has noticeably improved. But the WWF needs to find a middle point with this character. She didn’t work as a prissy virgin and she doesn’t work as a mouth bitch. So why don’t we try something new? Make her somewhat real. Make her strong enough to walk away from the men in her lives when they get on her nerves and give her some serious girlfriends, like Lita and Chyna to make her tougher and stronger.

6. The Kat
I hear she can wrestle (though my buddy Brittni informs me that she is not, that is what I’d heard). I’ve never seen her in action. Will she ever get to prove she can wrestle? I’m actually willing to give her a chance, although she is using my name.

5. Jacqueline
The girl has skills. As a stripper! LoL! Seriously though, she’s not a bad wrestler and I’m starting to miss her. Hell, she’s the only black woman in the WWF, they got to give her more airtime. Bring her, and her weaves, back!

4. Ivory
What happened to the purple scarf carrying spitfire? The girl had some mad moves and she knew how to work them. Definitely a skilled wrestler with the mike skills to match!

3. Tori
Manhands… it’s true, it’s damn true. I preferred her as a single female wrestler or as Kane’s girlfriend than as a member of DX. And so far, the highlights of her career have been those belly flops (or whatever they’re called) onto Bubba Ray Dudley.

2. Lita
OH MY GOD! First off, whenever I wear cargo pants, I wear g-strings and do the Lita thing. The girl fucking rocks! She could take on some of the lightweight wrestlers and make them sweat. She is that damn good! I love her, love the fact that she’s relentless, fearless and damn it, she’s beautiful too! I adore her. I worship her (okay, I don’t really but you get the point, don’t you?)! Hell, what’s not to love about her?

1. Chyna
Definitely worthy of being an idol for young people (mostly young girls and young women)! But to be honest… I hate the Mamacita thing. This is a woman who freed herself from a steel cage hanging ten feet about the ring. Now she’s relegated to being Eddie Guerrero’s girlfriend. Give me a break!
I want the Chyna of yore back! Hell, I liked her better with Chris Jericho. So Chyna baby, the time has come to take off the Lee Press-Ons, put your wrestling boots back on and show us why you were a 1999 King Of The Ring semi-finalist, why you were once a number one contender to the WWF Heavyweight Championship belt and why you were such a fabulous Intercontinental Champion.

Now, if you got a problem with what I just said, that’s perfectly fine. You’re allowed to be WRONG!!! LoL!!!
Until next time and my impression on the WWF Tag Teams, that was just MY CANADIAN LOONIE!

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