June 14, 2000

This is the first in what will hopefully be a weekly column on my take on wrestling. What can I say, I love sports entertainment.
To you non-Canucks, let me explain the Loonie thing. It’s not a sign that I’m crazy (although I am) but rather what we Canadians, proudly call our golden dollar coin which is decorated by a loonie, a Canadian duck. Now, since whenever someone brings up their opinion, they say they’re putting in their two cents, I figured I’d put in a whole dollar’s worth.
Now, enough talk and what not… on to this week’s column: I MISS DX!

*****

I MISS DX!
No, no, don’t go thinking that I miss DX because it’s Thursday night and I don’t get SMACKDOWN in my neck of the woods, etc, etc… When I say I miss DX, I mean I really miss DX, the old DX, the good DX.
Today I reminised. I put my Degeneration X tape into the VCR and I saw the old DX. Remember them? They used to make fun of people and make us laugh. Remember the good old days? Well, damn it, I want those good old days back!
What do I mean? Let’s do this step by step…
I miss HBK. True, he can’t wrestle like he used to because of his back injuries, but that’s not what I miss the most. I miss his irreverent style, I miss his raunchy jokes, I miss what he used to bring to the wild and wonderful world of sports entertainment.
I miss Hunter Hearst Helmsley. I like HHH, mind you, but I miss when it was Hunter, when he used to give Michael Cole wedgies… I miss when he used to make me laugh. I miss HIS laugh, HIS smile. Do you remember the last time Hunter looked like he was having fun?
I miss Chyna. Although I like the new angle with Latino Heat, Eddie Guerrero, and possibly soon with Crash Holly, I miss the low blows. And honestly, I think Chyna is one of the few women I like better as a heel than as a face. As a face, she looks too good to be true. She’s better when she’s bad.
I miss Road Dogg. When did this man go from being a wrestler to being a pussy? Right now, all he does is pull Tori out of the ring and help X-Pac during his matches. He’s become a one-man J.O.B. SQUAD and to tell you the truth, he can do much better. His career is in desperate need of mouth to mouth.
I miss X-Pac. Believe it or not, I do. Don’t go thinking I like him or anything, ‘cause I don’t. But I miss seeing him get his ass kicked by the big boys. All he’s been doing as of late in running in to save Shane’s ass or HHH’s. He can, believe it or not, wrestle. Let’s get him to do that.
And most of all, I miss Badd Ass. If I didn’t play his theme song over and over, I’d probably cry whenever I thought about him. I know he’s injured but I can’t wait for him to come back. Even in the early days of the faction, he brought a smile to my lips. Come back Badd Ass… I miss you! We ALL miss you!
Basically, I miss the days when DX used to be synonymous with fun. I understand that HHH was kept in the shadows for a long time after the Madison Square Garden incident and once he made a run for WWF gold, he ran with it, but enough already. This DX is a very pale shadow of its former self and it’s not even entertaining anymore.

My suggestions to revive DX:
1. Kick out the bimbos (Steph and Tori)
2. Bring back the muscle (Chyna) and give her a fun storyline that allows her to be a woman (with Eddie or Crash)
3. Bring back the Ass Man and maybe involve him in a battle of the asses with Rikishi
4. Bring back HBK, the true soul of DX
5. And let DX be the fun entity it once was.

That’s it for me tonight,
Enjoy this Canadian Loonie
It should be back next week, same time, same place.

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