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*****7/16/01- Tampa, FL in the basement of a local Bingo Hall-51 people in attendance***** |
(The scene opens in the basement of Bob's Bingo in Tampa where a meeting for Women Against Sexism in Tampa and Everywhere (W.A.S.T.E.) is about to take place. As the camera pans the room, we see nothing but women. Big women! Small women! Fat women! Skinny women! Short women! Tall women! Ugly women! Pretty women! Old Women…you get the point, don't you? I thought so. In the front of the room we see a huge, blue banner depicting a man being shot in the groin with a machine gun (Ouch). In front of that banner is a podium, where a tall, blonde-haired woman wearing a black t-shirt, grey slacks and red high heel shoes steps up and waves to the crowd. She adjusts the microphone, clears her throat and prepares to speak)
Woman: GREETINGS SISTERS!!!!
Man in the crowd: (Clears his throat)
Woman: Oh…and you Thomas!
Thomas: (Girlish giggle) Thank ya kindly!
Woman: Yes! WHEW! Anyway, my name is Laura Laurer, President and CEO of WASTE, and I would like to welcome you all to the 22nd meeting of the Women Against Sexism in Tampa and Everywhere!
Thomas: GIRL POWER!!!!
Laura: Um…thank you Thomas!
Thomas: No problem suguh!
Laura: (Rolls eyes) Now ladies, please rise to the WASTE National Anthem!
(The women and Thomas stand and place their right hands over their hearts as "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child blasts over the loud speaker. The camera does a close up on an 80-year old woman with a walker trying to do the Tootsie Roll dance. When the song ends, the women take a seat as Laura continues)
Laura: Ok sisters…(nervous giggle) and Thomas, we have a very special guest here tonight. She came to us all the way from Philadelphia, PA! Please give a warm welcome to my loving cousin…TINA MARIE LAURER!!
(The crowd applauds as Tina walks through a door and heads over to the podium. Her hair is dyed a mixture of purple and gold, and she's wearing a black and silver "SUPERWOMAN" baby tee, tight blue jeans and white sneakers. She gives Laura a big hug and takes the mic as Laura takes a seat near the front of the room. Tina waits for the crowd to quiet down before she begins to speak)
Tina: Ladies and gentleman, it is my pleasure to be here tonight. And I know you're all happy to see me…even though I know the only reason that my cousin Laura asked me to be here tonight is because my sister Joanie was busy.
Laura: (Nervous laughter)
Tina: Yeah! But I'm gonna ignore that…I'm gonna pretend that I haven't heard from my loving cousin in over 10 years…no phone calls…no postcards…no nothing…(sinister smile) I'm gonna forget all of that and tell you sisters that I am truly honored to be here tonight in Tampa for your little feminist shindig! In fact…I've even brought a special guest with me! Also from Philadelphia, PA…weighing in at 199 rock solid pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal…call him the Champion of Champions, call him the Heavy Hitter, call him the Personification of Greatness…but for now you can just call him the brand new SOWF Cruiserweight Champion of the World…PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNTHEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
(Tina lights a HUGE cherry bomb and tosses it in front of the podium. The cherry bomb soon explodes and "The Truth" by Beanie Sigel plays over the loud speaker. A door opens and out walks Panther carrying his Cruiserweight Title belt over his shoulder, wearing his brand new "Panther's Way" t-shirt, black jeans, black boots and a 76ers cap on his head. He walks up to the podium and the crowd applauds as Tina takes a seat next to her cousin Laura)
Panther: Ladies…(smiles) YOUR Champion of Champions has returned to Tampa!
(The crowd cheers and applauds. They soon break into a loud chant of "Panther, Panther, Panther". Laura squirms nervously in her seat)
Laura: (Whispers to Tina) What is he doing here?
Tina: (Whispers to Laura) Just let him speak. He's got a lot he wants to get off his chest.
Laura: (Sighs) Ok. Sisters! Quiet down! (The crowd goes silent) thank you. Now…um…we've never…never quite had a guest like Panther before, so…I guess we can just have an open discussion right now. Let's open up the floor for questions!
(An 18-year old redhead near the front of the room raises her hand and stands up)
Redhead: Hi…(giggles) my name is Jenna!
Panther: Hi Jenna!
Jenna: OH MY GOD!!!! HE SAID HI!!!!!!!!
(Jenna faints before she is able to ask her question. A few of the other women get up and help Jenna to the side of the room where they attempt to revive her. A 25-year old towards the back of the room stands up and raises her hand)
25-year old: Excuse me…Panther, my name is Stella. Can I ask you a question.
Panther: Sure Stella. Shoot.
Stella: Well…I just wanna let you know that my brother is your biggest fan. Anyway, I know you're a great wrestler and all…but what the hell are you doing here? I mean…what are you views on sexism? Do you think that it's a problem in the world today?
(Stella takes a seat. The cameras cut back to Panther, who is scratching his chin as he prepares an answer. He pats his belt, adjusts the mic and begins to speak)
Panther: Hmm…well Stella, you ask a good question. I, for one, believe that sexism is a very big problem in America today!
Crowd: OOOOOOOOH!
Panther: Yeah! I mean…damn it, you get a lot of people out there who say women belong in the kitchen and stuff like that! That's nothing but bullshit! The bottom line is that men and women are created equally! (Woman in the front row claps) Um…don't you ever clap while I'm speaking again! Yeah you, bitch! Don't clap anymore! Anyway, everybody should be treated equally, no matter his or her sex, race, color or creed! Now ladies…I come to you here tonight with a tragic tale. Yes…a very tragic tale indeed. You see ladies…I, too, have been the victim of sexism!
(Panther buries his hands in his face as if he is crying. We hear ooh's and ah's from the crowd as Tina tries to hold in her laughter.)
Laura: Panther…you mean…you've been discriminated against because you're a man?
Panther: That's right Laura…well…you're kinda right. See…I haven't been discriminated against simply because I am a man. No! I've been discriminated against because I am THE MAN! (Wipes a tear from his eye) Because I am the Champion of Champions…(sniffles) the Heavy Hitter, the Personification of Greatness! And you see, in every fed I have gone to over the past year…people have seen that and they've tried to hold me down! Tried to keep me from achieving the greatness that everybody on God's Green Earth knows that I can achieve! See people…when it all comes down to it, there's a 1st Class, Genuine, Grade A conspiracy against me by wrestling promoters around the world! They hate me…they hate me because I am great, they're jealous of me cuz they know that I'm greater than they'll ever be, and hold me back because they know that I'm the single greatest wrestler on God's green earth, and they know that there ain't a wrestler in the world that can stop me! I mean…gosh golly gee! The SOWF is the perfect example of what I'm talking about! Here we have a guy, Masahiro Shawno…he's dumb, he's ugly, he's clumsy, but he's smart! Smart enough to sign the Almighty Champion of Champions to his SOWF roster, for he knows that I am the only man alive capable of turning his bushleague wrestling promotion into a money-making juggernaut! He knows Panther, and he knows that Panther means ratings! Panther means money! But at the same time, he also knows that the rise of his fed will be credited to me, and not him! And frankly ladies, that makes him absolutely sick, so ya know what he does? He conspires against me to keep me out of the spotlight! He sticks me with an undercard title like this thing right here…(rubs the Cruiserweight Title Belt) and sticks me, the single greatest wrestler in the history of our sport, in the ring with a non-talent jobber that goes by the name of Kid Krush! Kid Krush, damn it! That's a guy who isn't even worthy of spelling my name, much less being in the same state as me, and he puts me in the ring with him! God! That just pisses me off, to see…
Laura: Panther!
Panther: …(bangs on the podium/breathes heavily through clinched teeth) IT PISSES ME OFF TO SEE HIM DO THIS TO ME! I AM A SUPERSTAR! I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE CRAP!!! I DO NOT DESERVE THIS DAMN BELT!
Laura: Um…Panther!
Panther: (Suddenly calms down) Yes, Laura?
Laura: (Nervously) Um…what does that have to do with sexism?
Panther: Woman, you got the nerve to interrupt me for a stupid…
Laura: I'm sorry! Really, I'm sorry! Um…anybody else have a question for Panther?
(A 40-year old fat woman towards the middle of the room raises her hand. Panther points at her, and the woman stands)
40-year old: Hello. My name is Thelma.
Panther: Hey Thelma!
Thelma: (Smiles) Hey Panther! Um…I was just wondering how you can say that the SOWF office has conspired against you when you got a title match in your very 1st match?
Panther: Well Thelma…do you know what you've done?! Do you know?!
Thelma: I dunno. Asked you a question?
Panther: Asked me a…woman! No! You've fallen into the SOWF's trap! See…they're generous guys right? They want everybody to succeed. Hell, they even gave me a Cruiserweight Title shot just to prove that they're not against me! Well that's what they want you to think! That's how they trick all of you fans out there! See, I've said time and time again that even though I may be 199 pounds, the Cruiserweight Title is small potatoes to me! Giving me a shot at this belt was their way of keeping me down! And believe me, they didn't want me to win this belt! No! They didn't! See, they sent every non-talent loser they had in the locker room out to the ring that night to keep the title off of me! They wanted to keep me from winning! They wanted to embarrass me in front of the world! Damn it, they tried to ruin my life! Ruin the legacy of the Panther! But I didn't let em do it! (Clinches his fist) No! See, I saw them coming from a mile away! And ya know what I did?! I fought them all off! All of them! And I won the Cruiserweight Championship, not because I wanted the belt, but to prove to Shawno and the rest of the SOWF that I cannot be broken, damn it! I cannot be stopped, and I will not be stopped! And the SOWF won't be able to stop me! This title…(raises the belt into the air) this title is nothing more than a symbol! And it will be the first of many! Believe me, that's the f*cking Truth!
Laura: Excuse me, but does anybody have a question for Panther that DOESN'T have to do with wrestling?
Thomas: I do!
Laura: Oh, great! What is it?!
Thomas: Panther, you are one FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE young man! WHOOOOO WEEEEEE!!! How would you feel if a little later on tonight, you and I got together and…(giggles) well, celebrate the moments of your life! (growls)
Panther: SECURITY!!!!!!!!
(The door bursts open and 3 huge bodyguards in black suits rush the room and attack Thomas. They beat him with blackjacks and chairs, bloodying his nose, mouth and forehead. The largest of the guards picks Thomas up over his shoulder and carries him out of the room. Back at the podium, Panther cracks his knuckles and stretches before continuing)
Panther: Well…anymore questions? (Spots a hand) Ok! You in the red hat! C'mon! Whatcha need?
Red Hat Woman: (Stands) Hi, my name is Kelly!
Panther: Hello Kelly!
Kelly: Hi Panther. A match has been signed for the next SOWF PPV pitting you against 4 of the top talents on the SOWF roster. Lil'Man, Q-Dogg and Pennywise. How do you think you'll fare against these men?
Panther: Lil'Man?! Q-Dogg?! Pennywise?! I see! So instead of me being given the chance to showcase me world class talents against wrestlers who have actual skill, I get put in the ring with a midget, a mongrel, and a cheapskate! Sweet Son of a Damn! If this doesn't prove that the SOWF office is out to get me, I don't know what does! I mean seriously, they put me in the ring with not one man, but 3! They would do anything…ANYTHING…to take this belt from around my golden waist! ANYTHING DAMN IT! They put me in a match and they call it a 4 way! This ain't a 4 way! It's 3 on 1! It's a conspiracy damn it! A conspiracy to take this belt from around my waist! A conspiracy to…to make me look like a fool in front of the whole damn world! I know it is! Shawno puts me in the ring with these men! I know he doesn't want me to succeed but this is ridiculous! But he's gonna be in for a surprise come PPV Time! Yes he will! Cuz P-Diddy doesn't back down from a challenge! I fear absolutely no one! I am the Champion of Champions, I can beat anybody, anytime, anyplace, anywhere be it 1 man, 2 men, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50…(bangs against the podium) it just doesn't matter! Shawno wants to take this belt off of me…he can't take it off of me! Send them all into the ring! One by one by one! I will send them all out in bodybags! Bottom line is that I'm walking in the Cruiserweight Champ, and I'm walking out just so that I can take this belt and shove it down Shawno's throat! IT'S A CONSPIRACY!
Laura: (noticing that Panther is becoming VERY paranoid) Ok. Folks, we're gonna call this meeting in a few! It's getting late. Anyone have a last question for Panther? (Someone raises their hand) Yes! Annette!
Annette: (Stands up) Thank you, Laura. Hi Panther!
Panther: Hi Annette! How are you?
Annette: I'm doing well. Anyway, I wanted to know what you think about the woman's role in pro wrestling? I mean, I honestly cannot sit through one show these days! Every week you see some Barbie doll blonde bimbo with huge ta-tas and a revealing outfit running around showing herself, or you've got women in bra and panties, or being degraded by men? Why is it that there are never any strong female role models in wrestling? Why all the T & A? When will the sexist pigs in the front office get their heads outta their asses realize that women are more than just sex objects for dull-minded men to amuse themselves! When are women gonna be treated with respect!
(The crowd cheers wildly and give Annette a standing ovation. They start a loud chant of "Girl Power, Girl Power" as Panther looks on. He raises a hand to quiet the crowd down, lays his Cruiserweight Belt on the podium and responds to Annette)
Panther: Well Annette, I agree with you 100%
Annette: Do you?
Panther: Yeah! Women are more than T & A! They're more than sex symbols! The fact that there aren't enough positive female role models in wrestling today is absolutely ridiculous…almost as ridiculous as the comments I heard come out of that Q-Dogg guys mouth earlier tonight! I mean, really ladies, did you hear this guy? Q-Dogg…you say I'm the Cruiserweight Champion only because of you?! HA! THAT'S JUST FOOLISH! Boy, lemme tell you something, you may have Shawno and the entire SOWF backing you up, but that doesn't matter, cuz whether you have your buddies with you or not, whether it's one on one or not, boy, to me you will always be nothing but a peon! A nothing! A nobody! I wouldn't even wipe my ass with you, that’s how sorry you are! But if it makes you feel good about yourself, keep on coming out here! Run your mouth about how you're gonna be the next Cruiserweight Champ! Keep on yapping about ass clowns and what not! But Q-Dogg, just show up at the PPV! You and the rest of those losers Shawno sent after me, cuz I will take all 3 off you guys and unleash the biggest Champion of Champions-style ass whooping known to man! And I mean that! I'll beat you to hell and back, and when all the smoke is cleared there won't be anything left of you but a big puddle of rat piss lying in the center of the ring! Shawno…is this the best you got? Is this all you can think of to take the Cruiserweight Title from around my waist? Well Shawno, it's not enough! Hell no it's not enough! See, I will destroy them, and I will destroy anybody else you put in my way! Damn it, I told you before that I am the single greatest wrestler ever to walk the face of the earth, and I can't be stopped! Not now! Not ever! And I will be the World Heavyweight Champion! There's nothing you can do to tell me different! That belt will belong to me like it or not Shawno! Conspiracy or not Shawno! SOWF…you don't like me! I know it! In fact you hate me! You wanna keep me down! But you can't do that! You will never be able to do that! I will rise to the top, and I will take what belongs to me! What is rightfully mine! The World Championship! (Laughs) Like it or not! And I will prove once and for all that what I've been saying for years is the truth! I will prove once and for all that there's no right way…there's no wrong way…there's only the Panther's way…
AND THERE CAN'T BE…ANY OTHER WAY!!!!!!!!!(Panther has an intense look on his face. He stands at the podium for a moment and breathes heavily into the mic. He then clutches the Cruiserweight Title and steps down from the podium as the crowd stands in silence. Panther grabs Tina by the arm and drags her out of her seat as they exit the building. Laura goes back up to the podium and picks up the mic. She is almost stunned)
Laura: (Nervous laughter) He's a moody son of a gun, ain't he? Ladies, let's here it for Panther!
(Laura and the crowd give Panther an ovation. The camera pans the room one last time as the screen snows out and fades to black)
©2001 Panther 187 Productions, Inc.