Lyrics: (By Hole; Northren Star)

And I cry and no one can hear
Inhale
The blinded etes that see
The chaos
Bring the pitiful to me
Even though I'm wide-wake, I will, & blackest night & I wait for you
It's cold in here there's no one left
I wait for you & nothing stops it happening & I knew, I'd cherish  all my misery alone
And I wait staring at the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead me anywhere,
He's so cold he will ruin the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the Nothern Lights
Knell into the frozen lights
And they paid, I cry and cry for you
Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow
I cried 'cause you were doomed
Praying to the wound that swallows
All that's cold and cruel
Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude,
They run to the pines
It's black in here blot out the sun & run to the pines
Our misery runs wild and free & I knew, the fire and the ashes of his grace...
And I wait staring at the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you very far
He's so cold he will win the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the Nothern Lights
Feel their hearts they're hearts they're cold and white
And I want you
And blessed are broken
And I beg you
No lineliness, no misery is worth you
Oh tear his heart out cold as ice it's mine
And I wait praying at the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold raining on the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the Nothern Lights
And I wait pray begging to the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold he will rule the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the Nothern Lights
And I wait pray begging to the Northern Lights
Kneeling to the frozen lights
Feel their hearts they're cold as ice.....

I remember that night like it was yesterday. It's been a year now. It's the anniversary tonight of when I left her. I didn't want to leave her, I really didn't! But I did and I can never forgive myself for it. It was for her own good I left. If I didn't I would have to make her like me, a vampire. A monster! Every night when we were together I knew I could never tell her. She was to sweet, to good, to destroy. I loved her to much and still do. I'm back in this dread full town each step I take I hear her, see her and smell her. As I walk I hold the cross I took from her when I left. I remember that night we were walking a long this every deserted beach. We were holding hands and gazing at the stars. "Look Emily the Northern Star."
"God their so beautiful."
"Not as beautiful as you." She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. "I love you." "I love you too. Adam honey?" "What?" "Catch me!" she went running into the ocean. I went in after her only to get splashed. "I'm going to get you for that Emily."
"You have to catch me first my love." After ten minutes I said, "I give up. You win." "Really?" "Yes, take me I'm yours." I said pouting. She walked over to me and kissed me again. I broke the kiss and began splashing her. "Hey!" "I win your mine!" I said carrying her out of the water and to the car. When we got home we made love on last time. She fell right to sleep afterwards, but not before she said, "I love you." I quickly and quietly got my things and put them in my car. I came back in the house to find her still sleeping, I kissed her forehead, took the cross from her jewlery box and then left.
As I said it's been a year now. I remember the pain she felt when she woke up and I was not there. I could feel it, I still feel it. The pain that I didn't leave a note or call. I just left. I wanted her to hate me. All I did was destroy her emotionally. I truly am a monster. I now sit looking up at the sky staring at the Northern Star. Come to think about it our anniversary isn't till 11:30. That was the last time I saw her. It's 9 now, she's probably at the club singing. She had a beautiful, voice that not even the angels could compete with. I don't know how I ended up at her front door, now that I'm here I might as well go in. I got the spare key and opened the door. This place is just the same as when I left it. The pictures of us are even still on the wall. "Emily?" No answer good. I went and walked into our room and her pain hit me, like a ton of bricks. I closed my eyes and I saw her that night when she woke up. "Adam?" she said getting out of bed. "Baby it's 1:30 in the morning you have to get up early tomorrow." She searched the house and found me to be gone. She ran outside franticly to see if my car was gone, which it was. She ran to the phone and dialed my cell phone number, "Adam pick, baby please pick up." I didn't, I had turned it off. She ran to my closet and found my clothes gone. "He left me. He fucken left me!" She said falling to the floor in tears. I don't know why but something told I was now seeing the next few months all she did was cry. She talked to no one and went no where but to get food, which she didn't eat. One day her parents and friends took her out of the house and made her try and act like herself again. After a while she began eating, going to work but that's it. She wore only black and still does. Her cousin who owned the club gave her more hours to keep her out more. Thinking of this I'm beginning to cry, but I must stop. I picked up her journal, it had nothing written in it since before I left, she always wrote in it. I found her poetry book and all the pages were torn out. "Why the hell did she do that she was so good at it, to throw it away!" I must leave, so I am. I will just walk to where ever my feet will carry me. Wait I must see her. I now found myself outside the club. I got in no problem and went up to the balcony over looking the stage. Her voice rang thru the club, but it was not as beautiful as I remembered it, it had no feeling, other then sadness to it. I sat and listened for a while then at this part:

Even though I'm wide-wake, I will, & blackest night I wait for you It's cold in here there's no one left & I wait for you nothing stops it happening & I knew, I'd cherish all my misery alone. And I wait staring at the Northern Star.

She looked up and saw me. She looked down to her feet and finished the song as fast as she could and ran back stage. I knew she was crying. I followed her. She was in her dressing room I could hear her cousin's girlfriend, Tracy, comforting her. How I wish it was me. "It's ok! Emily he's gone." In between sobs she said, "But, but I saw him."
"No, Emily it was not him, I was someone else come on I'll take you home." They left, I followed. "Emily are you sure you don't want me to stay with you?" Tracy yelled from the car. "Yes, I'm sure! You people think I'm crazy but I'm not I saw him." She walked in the house slamming the door.
It was 10 now just about when we left the beach. About a half an hour later she came outside and got in her car and drove off. I again followed her, she stop the car at the beach. She went to about where we sat that night and looked up at the Northern Star. She pulled what looked to be a knife out of her pocket. I knew what she planed on doing "Emily don't!" She looked at me in shock, in her shocked state thankfully she drooped the knife. I ran to her side and pulled her into my embrace. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"
"Adam?" I pulled back from her a little and looked down into her eyes. "Yes, Emily." She threw her arms around me and broke out into tears. "Why, why did you leave me? Is it, Was it something I did? What hap..."
"You did nothing my love it was me. It was all me. It was my fault not yours."
"But why was it your fault? Why did you do it?"
"I, I can't tell you. I don't know how. Just shhh." I took her into my arms and I swore I won't let her go. How could I ever leave her like I did. Oh wait, because I was afraid of killing her. What can I do? Her voice brought me back into reality. "Adam?"
"Huh what Emily?"
"Can we go home?"
"Yes, my love lets go home."
"Thank you." I picked her up and placed her in the car. We drove back to the house not saying a word, but my right hand was joined to her left. I helped her out of the car and carry her to the door. She opens it and walks in, I follow. I pick her up again and put her down in the center of the bed, then pull one of her silk night gowns out and hand it to her. She walked into the bathroom and put it on. I lied down in bed and beckoned for her to follow. "Aren't you going to change?"
"My stuff is in my car, which is down by the beach."
"So why don't we go get it?" "It's late."
"So?"
"Just come to bed please, I need to hold you again." She crawled in next to me and fell asleep, as did I. I woke before she did. She had her head resting on my chest and her left arm across my abdomen. I forgot how good she felt. I was not going to leave her again. I got up and started to make breakfast. She got up and yelled "Adam!"
"I'm in the kitchen!" She ran inside the kitchen and slapped me "That was for leaving me and for all the hell you put me thru." Then she kissed me. She broke the kiss "I deserved the slap so don't apologize! I didn't deserve the kiss or your forgiveness. How can you forgive me?"
"I loved you to much not to. I spent hours, days, and months crying, waiting for your return. If I were to not forgive you then I wasted my time." She looked away "I always knew deep down inside that you would come back." I tilted her head up and kissed her lips and said "I love you. I don't deserve you but I love you."
"And I you. Tell me why you left?"
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because it would put us at risk."
"Risk of you kicking me out, my hurting you and so on."
"It was not someone else was it?"
"No, no of course not. No one, nothing can take the place of you."
"Then what?"
"Emily please."
"Please what?"
"Please don't make me tell you. I promise I will tell you when I'm ready to."
"When will you be ready to?"
"I don't know."
"That does not answer my question."
"Ok soon. Now eat you food my love before it gets cold."
"Last night was our anniversary. We spent that night looking at the Northern Star."
"I remember."
"Lets not talking about it now Emily." "But Adam..." "Please?"
"Then what do you want to talk about?"
"Why you ripped up your poetry?"
"I wrote most of the ones in that book when you were here and they were not any good."
"What's that supposed to mean? What are you talking about they were wonderful. You just threw them away?"
"Yes, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me, do it to yourself. How could you do that?"
"I don't know. I was not thinking straight. They were painful reminders you left."
"I wish you hadn't."
"I'm sor..."
"Shhhh."
"Adam where did you go?"
"I went to Los Angles."
"Are you staying?"
"Yes, my love. You don't know how much I missed you."
"If you missed me so much then why didn't you come back? Call? Write? SOMETHING!"
"I know I'm sorry."
"No, you don't know! You just left and didn't come back for a year." "I wanted to."
"Then why didn't you?"
"You deserved better."
"I don't care what I deserve. I love you."
"And I love you to much to let you get stuck with me."
"There you admit it you are going to leave me again." She was hysterical. "That's not how I meant it." I reached for her but she jumped. "Don't you touch me! Just leave if thats what you want."
"I don't want to leave again."
"Than tell me why you went in the first place?"
"I can't."
"Well, then, I can't speak to you." She ran out of the kitchen and into her room and shut the door. I went to open it but she had locked it. "Emily please let me in." I got no answer. "Emily I know you can hear me. Emily please let me in." Still nothing, "Fine I'll stay out here until you open the door." I sat outside the door till about 8 at night, the whole time pleading for her to let me in. I knew she was crying in there I could hear her sobs. Just when I am about to get ready to sleep out there at 8 she opened the door. "You real stood out here the whole time?"
"Yes, Emily please."
"Please what?" I leaned in and kissed her. I broke the kiss "I need to go down to the beach to get my stuff, come with me."
"Fine."
"Your still mad?" "Yes!"
"I'm sorry."
"Not sorry enough. Lets get your stuff." We drove her car down she drove it back and I drove mine. I could not help but look up at the Northern Star, hoping for her forgiveness. I drove into the drive way first and waited for her. She stopped her car stormed out and went for the door. "Emily!" She opened the door and went for her room, followed her in shut the door. Then went running for the bedroom door before she locked the door. I got there just in time to stop the door from closing. I pushed it open and said, "Please we need to talk."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Well, I need to talk to you." She rolled her eyes and walked into the bathroom. "No, you don't." I pulled her out of the bathroom and held her tightly. I brought to the bed and sat her down. "I love you and I'm not going to leave you. What happened in the past is just the past."
"History has a tendency to repeat it's self."
"Not now! I need you to much. If you want me to leave I will, if not I'm your's forever. Will you have me?" She looked a me "If you leave me again I'm going to find you and kick the leaving shit out of you."
"You'll have me?"
"Yes, now come here!" She kissed. When I broke the kiss we're both breathless. "I love you Emily."
"I love you too. I'm going to take a shower."
"Don't take two hours!"
"You know I won't just an hour and a half." Once I heard the water running I felt it that unmistakable hunger for blood. I had to go out and get some fast. What would I tell her "Honey I need to go hunt down some helpless victims for dinner be back in a few." I can't tell her. I have to go or I'll end up feeding off her. She unusual takes about 30 minutes, that should be enough time. I'll go out and come back with dinner or something. I knocked on the bathroom door and yelled, "I'm going to get dinner. What do you want?"
"Are you coming back?"
"Yes, my love. I'll take your car and I'll have your cell phone."
"Ok, just get anything I don't care."
"How about I go to that restaurant where we always got fish at and get some sword fish."
"It's almost 9:30, I'm not going to start cooking it."
"I'll get it to go."
"All right, be back soon."
"I will. I love you."
"Love you too." I went to the restaurant and order the food. Then went to the local park where all the punk teenagers hung out. I feed off of 2 or 3 of them not killing any of them just knocking them out. Then I got the food and returned home. To be greeted with a candle lit table set for two. "Hey baby."
"Emily what's all this for." "For us." She kissed my hungrily. I smiled at her and said "Later, my love. Later!" She grinned at me evilly, and then she looked at me in concern, "What happen?"
"What are you talking about love."
"You have blood on your shirt." She said pointing to a blood stain on it. "Oh that. The fisher man got a little blood on his hands when cutting some fish. He handed me the food and got some of the blood on me." That was so lame. "Oh ok," she said shaking her head. "Let me change and you can set the food up."
"Sure baby, don't murder anyone on the way." I looked at her in shock and she gave me a smile "I was just kidding."
"I know so was I." I came back out and dinner was set. I sat down next to her and picked up her fork, "What are you doing Adam?"
"Feeding you."
"I can feed myself, now eat before your's gets cold." I cut some of her food up "It's more fun this way. Now eat." I said putting the food to her lips. "Fine." We alternated me feeding her and her feeding me till we were done. "Ok let me take the dishes."
"Your going to do the dishes Adam?"
"Yes."
"This I have to see."
"Hey what's that supposed to mean."
"Nothing." I brought all the dishes in and put them in the sink. I rinsed them and began putting them in the dishwasher. "Hey no, no you said you were going to wash them."
"I am, I never said by hand." She smiled at me "I hate when you do that."
"No, you don't you love it and you know it."
"Shhhh and rinse." I put all of the dishes in the dishwasher, turned it on and brought my attention to the angel sitting on the counter. "Now what's my reward for doing the dishes?"
"I don't know," she said with a knowing grin, "what do you want."
"You know what I want," I said stalking her. "Oh you want that?"
"Yes, I do." She reached over her head and pulled out a bowl and then hopped off the counter. Then she got out the ice cream "Here you go."
"Hey this is not what I wanted," I said pouting. "Are you sure." She said mockingly. "Positive." I said pulling her into a kiss. "Oh I get it you want me."
"Yes, I do."
"Oh well to bad." She said pulling away. "Hey!"
"I'm not a reward."
"Ok have it our way." I began stalking her once again. She walk backwards out in to the living room and then lunged at her. I knocked her on the couch and kissed so hard it took her breath away. "Now angel is this so bad."
"No."
"Good." I threw her over my shoulder and walked her into the bedroom. Then placed her in the middle of the bed. I threw her's and my clothes everywhere. Then after much teasing on both out parts I entered her. I don't know what happened from then on, my vampire nature got the better of me I guess. I woke up next to her sleeping form and was horrified to see 2 bite marks on her neck. I placed 2 fingers to her pulse, lucky she had one. "What the hell did I do?" She stirred. Her eyes opened and she turned and looked at me, then jumped from the bed, "Stay away from me you psycho."
"Emily I can explain."
"Don't bother!"
"I didn't mean to bite you, I ...."
"What you talking about you hit me asshole!"
"I did?" "Yes, and it hurt. Not to mention if you went any rougher on me I would be split in 2."
"I'm sorry, please just let me explain!"
"Save it!" she said slamming the bathroom door. I closed my eyes and saw us in the process of making love and me just vamping out on her. She screamed I was hurting her but I didn't stop. Then I slapped her so she would stop yelling. She did stop yelling and then I bit her. I turned my head and looked towards the bathroom door and heard her sobs. I walked over to the door and turned the knob, "Emily."
"Go away!" she said throwing a bottle of hairspray at me. I grabbed her wrist and held her tight, she struggled to get free; but couldn't, I was to strong. After a while she wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shoulder. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I should have told you when you asked." "Adam shut up and hold me." I picked her up and lied her down on the bed. Then I got in next to her and held her against me.
All vampires know that when in a relationship with a human that if not careful you will vamp out on them. When you do vamp out on them you will hurt them, the only thing you can do then is to tell them what you are. The bad part about telling them is that the may be scared of you, or hate you. Another bad part is that you must then kill them or make them a vampire. I looked down at her and said "It's about time I told you this. Don't say anything. What I'm about to tell you might scare you or hurt you. I have to tell you. After I tell you, you must tell no one. Emily I'm different from you and just about everyone else."
"I know that but..."
"No, you don't, now listen. I'm flesh and bones, but not human. I'm a vampire."
"That not funny Adam. You slap me and then you joke about it."
"I'm not joking." I said vamping out on her. When a vampire shows his true nature, their teeth elongate and eyes turn blood red. She jumped and screamed. I held her ten time tighter then before, until she grew tired of stuggling. "When were you planing on telling me?" "I wasn't going to tell. Don't take that the wrong way, I never thought when I left I was going to come back. I was scared that what happened last night would happen, so I left. I love you to much, I need you to much, to stay away. I came back knowing I would have to tell you, but I didn't want to tell you like this. I can't begin to say sorry enough."
"How long have you been a vampire?"
"For 210 years."
"How? Why?"
"I was walking home from a tavern. A few days before the women I loved was taken away from me by her father. She was a woman of higher class and I was nothing but a servant. Well, I was not my mother and father were. I went off to New York and made something of myself, but her father still felt I was beneath her. I was heart broken and walking home, when it happened. He just attacked me out of no where. He made me a monster, and afterwards he asked me to kill him. I did what he asked, he left me all that he had, which was a lot of money and property."
"I see, but why you?"
"I felt I had nothing to live for."
"Did you love her more then you love me?"
"I love you more then anything, including more the I ever loved her."
"You should have told me sooner."
"I know and I'm sorry."
"It's ok, I guess. Just don't do anything like it again."
"I won't, you don't remember me biting you?"
"You bit me?!?!"
"Yes, I didn't realize till when I woke up and I didn't know what I did until you went into the bathroom." She jumped from the bed and looked at the marks in the mirror. "Adam!"
"I'm sorry, come here I'll heal them for you." She sat down beside me "How?"
"You'll see, I promise it won't hurt." I reopened the marks on her neck and then bit my figure and mixed the blood. The wound closed instantly. "All better." "Thank you." She said and then kissed me. "What happens now?"
"By the rules I have to kill you or make you on of us. I really don't want to do either."
"Then why did you tell me?"
"I had to."
"Great so which one is it?"
"I don't know."
"Look I have to go to work."
"Call in sick please."
"No, I need to think." She went into the shower and got dressed. "Emily please?"
"Don't tempt me."
"All right when will you be back?"
"At 12."
"Ok."
"I love you."
"I love you too Adam." I didn't now she meant to say it for the last time. 12 came and went and it was 1:30 and no sign of her. I went to her cousin's club and I didn't see her. I found Tracy "Tracy where is Emily?"
"You really are alive!"
"Yes, now where is she?"
"She said she was leaving town." "To where?!?! How?!?!?"
"I don't know." I screamed and walked out and tried to pick up her scent. I could smell it faintly. I close my eyes and saw her. She was at the bus station waiting for a bus to the next town over, where she was going to make plane reservations. She was in tears, starring outside the window up at the stars. I knew which one she was looking for, the Northern Star. Her bus came in 30 minutes, I would just make it if I went now. I got in my car and went 80 all the way there. The whole time I kept her picture in my mind. When I got there I heard "Bus 24 to..." I didn't need to listen anymore I knew it was her bus. I ran to the bus terminal and saw her going to the door of the bus. I ran to her grabbing her around the waist and dragged her away from the bus. I put her down "What the hell do you think you are doing?" "I was leaving."
"Why?" "Because, I know you don't want to kill me or make me a vampire."
"So rather then discussing this you leave."
"Don't you dare, you did this to me. Except I didn't get a chance to stop you."
"Your right I'm sorry."
"How did you know, that I would come here?"
"Tracy told me you left, but that she didn't know where. I used the mental connection you and I have."
"What?" "From the first time we kissed on, I was able to watch you, without being there. Keep you safe, without you knowing."
"I love you." "I love you too. Now lets go home!"
"Yes, Sir." We got in the car and went home. We walked in and sat at the kitchen table. "We need to decide what we're going to do Adam."
"Well, like I said we have two choices."
"I don't want to die, I don't want to leave you."
"I don't want you to leave me either, but..."
"But nothing." "I can't bring you to this hell!"
"But I want this hell, if thats where you are." "I just can't do that."
"Would you find it easier to kill me!"
"No of course not."
"Well, then what?"
"Ok baby, you win."
"I know," she said. "Shhhh and come here." I grabbed her and whispered "This may hurt." Then I went to bite down but couldn't. "I can't do this I love you to much." "If you loved me you would do it. You lived this way to long, don't torture yourself because of me. I want this, I need this. Please."
"Emily, do you know what you ask?"
"I'm asking you to let me in your world for all time."
"You will grow to hate it, and intern hate me."
"I will never hate you. If I hated you I would hate myself."
"Don't make me do this I can't!"
"If you don't do this you'll lose me. One way or another you'll lose me." I pulled her in my embrace and held her there. Nether of us talking just standing in the kitchen. "Please just do it." Her eyes where pleading with me as well as every other part of her. "All right." I pushed the hair from her neck and bit down. She screamed and held on tightly, digging her nails into my back. I drained her completely and held her limp body in my arms. I picked her up and but her down on the sofa and bit my wrist and held it to her lips. "Drink." She did as I told her, draining me until I had to pull away. She looked up at me and smiled. I knew it was not over, I straddled her hips and held her down. She scream, I kissed her deep to stop her screams. After it was over she laid beneath me gasping for breath. "I Love you Adam."
"I love you too Emily." I picked her up and put her to bed. I looked out her window staring up at the Northern Star and said "Tomorrow night would be that start our eternity."

The End