June 2001 Slammy Awards Ceremony

P.A System - Ladies And Gentlemen, welcome to June 2001 edition of the SWF Slammies! And now, the hosts for tonights awards, please give a warm reception to the SWF's premier Play-By-Play commentators, Jerry Ross and Jim Lawler!

[The capacity crowd in the arena stand and clap the arrival of the two biggest non-wrestling personas in the Federation, as the the pair walk out on stage dressed in sharp black tuxidos, Good 'Ol JR with his black cowboys hat and a mustard stain down the front of his shirt. The pair wait at the pedestal for the crowds cheers to die down.]

Jerry Ross - Welcome one and all to yet another edition of the SWF Slammie awards, the most prestigious honours this fine federation has to offer. Jim.

Jim Lawler - These awards are decided by you, and are given to those who have excelled themselves in their field of expertise. Jerry.

Jerry Ross - Each winner will be handed one of these fine slammie awards that are shaped in image of a pot, and not the pot that would be more accustomed to Jim Lawler's son.[Laughs********]

Jim Lawler - I don't get it…

Jerry Ross - So let us stall no longer, and get on with our first award, and that award is Top Main-Eventer. This award is given to the men who have reached the top level of their business, and ultimately rake in the most cash for those fat-cats sitting in their high-chairs back up in SWF HQ. God I wish I could kick those ruthless bastards right up their ana…

Jim Lawler - The Silver Slammie for this award goes to known other than our CURRENT SWF Champion, and key figure in Cameron Moyes' Commission, "The Cowboy" Michael Stevenson. But the Golden Slammie goes to the man who had the longest ever SWF Title reign, only to be defeated by The Cowboy, and that man is John Greg! *coughlosercough*

Jerry Ross - Oh shut up. Our next award goes to the best face in the SWF…

Jim Lawler - Pussies…

Jerry Ross - The silver slammie for best face goes to the joint pairing of Messiah and Oblivion, making John Greg the top face in the SWF!

Jim Lawler - Isn't it a shame that the top fan favourite has now quit the industry for good, never to be seen again. HA! Right, now onto the REAL award, and that is for best heel. The dictionary describes a heel as the area at the back of the foot, below the ankle…so the silver slammie for best heel goes to our SWF Champion, The Cowboy Michael Stevenson, which means the Golden Slammie goes to ANOTHER Commission member, namely the Greatest InterContinental Champion Of All Time, The Purple And White Wonder, 911!

Jerry Ross - Yes, marvellous. Now onto the award for best stable leader. The silver slammie for this award goes to the leader of the Commission, Cameron Moyes.

Jim Lawler - MISTER Moyes to you.

Jerry Ross - While the golden slammie goes to that Obese Australian, The Gimp!

Jim Lawler - Thank God Mole isn't here or else he would have exsperminated by now.

Jerry Ross - Speaking of exsperminate, we've now reached the award for best mid-card talent. The silver slammie for this award goes to that WRETCH 911, while the Golden Slammie goes to none other than the number one contender for the SWF Title, Oblivion!

Jim Lawler - SHENANIGANS! That cant be allowed, Oblivion is blatantly no longer a mid-carder, therefore the award should be given to 911.

Jerry Ross - No, I don't believe we will do that.

Jim Lawler - Fine, it's a shitty slammie anyway. Now onto best role-playing, taking into account quality AND quantity. The silver slammie goes to Brad Collins, and we have a three-way tie for the golden slammie between 911, Oblivion and John Greg! The only way to solve this is to give the award to me, I'll give it a good home.

Jerry Ross - No, your son will steal it and sell it on the black market in exchange for some dope.

Jim Lawler - My son is NOT a dope, how dare you.

Jerry Ross - Right, anyway, this next award goes to those who have written the most entertaining role-plays over the past few months. The joint award for the silver slammie goes to two champions, Slane and The Cowboy, while the golden slammie goes ALSO to two champions, The Gimp and 911. Delicious Ironing, gotta love it.

Jim Lawler - Now onto most deserving of a push…OFF THE SIDE OF A CLIFF!!!!!

[Silence rings throughout the audience as someone coughs and tumbleweed wanders by.]

Jim Lawler - My talent is WASTED on you people.

Jerry Ross - The Silver Slammie for most deserving of a push goes to three people, Brad Collins, Slane and Oblivion, while 911 wins the golden slammie!

Jim Lawler - The people have spoken, now lets hope the pushing guys respond by giving 911 many SWF title shots. Now onto most underrated in the SWF, the silver slammie goes to both The Gimp and Oblivion, while the golden slammie goes to "I kut my writz" Krow!

Jerry Ross - I never thought that cutting my wrists gag would get old, but I guess I was wrong. Now onto the best angle, not Kurt Angle of course.[Laughs******]

Jim Lawler - Oh come on, you laugh at his shitty Kurt Angle joke while you just ignore my cliff joke? WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

Jerry Ross - Easy there Jim. Anyway, the silver slammie goes to the Grandslam Race while the golden slammie goes to the Mystery Booker angle.

Jim Lawler - Who do those slammies go to anyway?

Jerry Ross - I dunno. What am I, a doctor?

Jim Lawler - Onto most improved slammie, and the silver one goes to both Oblivion and Slane, while the gold one goes to Krow! Wooo! I feel like an American at a golf tournament. WOOOO! GO TIGER!

Jerry Ross - Uh…huh. Next slammie goes to best new-comer, the men who are most likely to challenge for the SWF Title in months to come. And the silver slammie goes to that loveable Irishman, Slane. But he was beaten to it by that not so loveable….Bird Guy…Krow!

Jim Lawler - Now onto best script writer, the guys who work tirelessly to get the events writing and posted on time for our enjoyment…well sort of on time anyway. The silver slammie for this award goes to the writer of No Holds Barred, Carl Smith! But beating Karl to it this year is none other than Former President Gerald Fo…Robert Webster!

Jerry Ross - The next award is for most hardcore..iest wrestler in the SWF, the men who pride themselves on finding new items and ways to hurt their opponent with. The Silver slammie for this award goes to the trio of Ryu Shade, SteveWiza and Pitbull, while Krow nets his Fourth Golden Slammie of the night!

Jim Lawler - Marvellous. Now onto The slammie for best feud. The proud owners of the silver slammie here are both 911 and Brad Collins for their ongoing feud while Pitbull and SteveWiza net the golden slammie! Huzzah!

Jerry Ross - You used z's in a word, ure a kewl dudez now. As for the best tag-team, the silver slammie goes to both G-Force and Snake & Venom, while the W.O.N of Krow and Chase Haifen win the golden slammie. Gold no.5 for Krow!

Jim Lawler - That can only be described as Madness in a well ventilated cubical. We have approached our penultimate award tonight, and that is the award for best stable. The winners of the silver slammie are the dWo while The Commission win the golden slammie! No better winners.

Jerry Ross - The final award of the evening is that of "Best Match" The silver slammie for this award goes to the Iron Man match between John Greg and Messiah at King Of The Ring, while the Golden Slammie goes to the Four-Way SWF Title match between Messiah, John Greg, The Cowboy and The Gimp.

Jim Lawler - And that brings to an end the Slammie awards for July, we hope you all had a pleasant evening.

Jerry Ross - We do?

Jim Lawler - I don't know, I'm just reading what that screen is scrolling over there.

Jerry Ross - Ah right.

Jim Lawler - You better hurry up, the words are moving pretty quickly, soon your lines will be gone.

Jerry Ross - Feck, too late.

Jim Lawler - Improvise, IMPROVISE DAMNIT!

Jerry Ross - Um…..I'd like to use this opportunity to promote my next line of JR products, from the makers of good 'ol JR's BBQ Sauce comes "JR's Fiery Rednecks", the last word in impotency solving drugs. Availible in all good bookstores nationwide.

Jim Lawler - Christ almighty, Good Night Folks.

[The crowd give a warm round of applause as the pair walk off the side of the stage, JR being comically grabbed by that hook thing that they do on stage, you know, the hook thing?….feck off!]

Awards Ceremony Written By Colm Collins and HTMLED by Craig Doyle

Slammies At A Glance

Best Main Eventer - Gold Slammie - John Greg Silver Slammie - The Cowboy

Best Face - Gold Slammie - John Greg Silver Slammie - Messiah & Oblivion

Best Heel - Gold Slammie - 911 Silver Slammie - The Cowboy

Best Stable Leader - Gold Slammie - The Gimp Silver Slammie - Mr Moyes

Best Mid Carder - Gold Slammie - Oblivion Silver Slammie - 911

Best RoleyPlayer (Quality & Quantity) - Gold Slammie - John Greg & Oblivion & 911 Silver Slammie Brad Collins

Best RolePlayer (Entertainting) - Gold Slammie - 911 & The Gimp Silver Slammie - Slane & Cowboy

Most Deserving A Push - Gold Slammie - Krow Silver Slammie - Collins & Slane & Oblivion

Most UnderRated - Gold Slammie - Krow Silver Slammie - Oblivion & Chris Roysten

Best Angle - Gold Slammie - Mystery Booker Silver Slammie - Grandslam Race

Most Improved - Gold Slammie - Krow Silver Slammie - Oblivion & Slane

Best New Comer - Gold Slammie - Krow Silver Slammie - Slane

Best Script Writer - Gold Slammie - Rob Webster Silver Slammie - Karl Smyth

Best F*ck The World/Hardcore - Gold Slammie - Krow Silver Slammie - SteveWiZa & Pitbull & Shade

Best Feud - Gold Slammie - SteveWiZa & Pitbull Silver Slammie - Collins & 911

Best Tag Team - Gold Slammie - WON (Krow & Chase) Silver Slammie - Slane & Venom & G - Force

Best Stable - Gold Slammie - The Comission Silver Slammie - dWo

Best PPV Match - Gold Slammie - 4 Corners Match @ Hell Frozen Over Silver Slammie - Iron Man Match @ King Of The ring

Slammies Board

The SWF Slammies decided by Roysten, Collins, Doyle Productions.

© SmackDown Wrestling Federation 2001