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PERVERE PAPERS - CHAPTER TWO
MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD, I
am guessing that is what Jim Ross would have said if he had been watching the
last week of the SWF! But alas he is in WWF and now in this edition Event Run
down and then my Pay Per View Review as well as Role-playing and Shocks and Champions
as well as a "great" interview! NO HOLDS BARRED - QUICK WAR Warriors Of Night Vs Venom & Slane [Tag Team Match]Well this match was silly because it was a Pay Per View match and you know some could say being early spoilt it. The Match ended in DQ and possibly it was to note that this teams are 99%Hardcore (Only one man can be 100% and that’s The G Child) and promoting their PPY no DQ Match, who knows... does Karl? Johnny Storm Vs Pitbull [Hardcore Match]Why? Johnny Storm...
Why? The Belt on the line to Johnny Storm? Interesting but SteveWiza came and
made it all interesting and tried to make Pitbull suffer but made an error
and gave Pitbull the win via assist Rage Vs Oblivion [Steel Chair On A Pole Match]Rage Again! Can't the
man fade away in peace?? And what in the Hell Kinda Match is that anyway. 911
came down and decided to well make Oblivion lose! (Note: Only one
"o"). So then Oblivion ad to dig deep and then managed John Greg & Messiah Vs G-Force [Tag Title Match]The Old Vs The dWo
pretty much as two of the SWF names formed to take on some of the dWo's
finest! These two who would fight each other had to form and then attack
friends of The Gimp. Not all was
well. Well run ins were bound to happen in my opinions yet there were none
and the match ended a double count out after both deeps dismantled each
other. Legacy Vs Paddy O' Shea Vs Overdose [European Title Match]What another PPV match
early.. shame on you. But the match was fast and furious and a Mystery Man
came and screwed them over. The Mystery thing should have been on going but a
good match never the less! The Gimp Chris Roysten Vs The Cowboy Michael Stevenson [Standard Match]Two Old School Dudes
battle it off, Cowboy cost Gimp title a few weeks back! BIG MISTAKE. He was
pissed and their were cats there and one thing was bound to happen... CAT
FIGHT!Eyes Poked, Hair Pulled and Slaps a plenty as Lil Miss Naughy and
Melons went at it! Well Messiah and Greg came down and whipped up more
rowdyness and a dq was called! Generally a good NHB
from Karl, I wounder about the PPV matches but they were written at PPV
quality anyway so he is forgiven! SNA - BIG BOYS IN TOWN M.V.W.F Reps vs. Slane
& Venom (Tag Team Standard Match) A rather poor way to Start SNA in my view, Call Me Rude just don't call me Tasmanian, but it reeked of reeking! But WON gave it some creidiblity when they ran down and dismantled Slane and Venom! Johnny Storm vs. Jinx
(Tables Match) Another Storm Match!
BA! But it all ended well, However a very short match! Paddy O' Shea vs.
Pitbull (Standard Match) Three matches and
Three irish! Total pitbull domination in a non-bias way. He Crushed, Killed
and then conquered after he put down the Pedigree Slam on This irish man.
Pitbulls return match he lost to Paddy now he is on the way up, good to see. G- Force vs. Worriors
Of The Night (Tag Match) A Respectable match
with the 2 upper tag teams at the moment. A rather quick dominated match but
then Slane and Venom came in for some cheap shots which were not needed!
However they were repaying the favour Gimp vs. SteveWiZa
(Hardcore Match) Save the newbie from
the veterans wrath was all others could say! Roysten was dominating and My
God they went through the floor. SteveWiza is improving but my god what a
beating was he given! That was just pretty damn harsh in my opinion! Messiah, Oblivion &
Overdose vs. The Commission (6 Man Tag Match) Goodies Vs Badies a
nice typical battle, however ended early with many weapons and illegal
tactics! Nice to see a fallen Moyes though Now before I get
into a long Pay Per View review read this interview with Lord Griff and The
Cowboy(Stewart the man who likes purple) Lord Griff says: Welcome to the Second
Edition of The Perverse Paper, and i m your host Lord Griff, Today we have
current Ass Kicker and member of the Commision , ladies and gentlemen THE
COWBOYYYYYYYYy stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Hello Commoner. Lord Griff says: Welcome to the show
Michael Lord Griff says: Now just to start of
what do you think of your match at Hell Frozen Over? stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Well, Laura... do you
mind if I call you Laura? Lord Griff says: Um If you want? Will it
save me from getting beaten? stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Maybe. Lord Griff says: Then My Name is Laura
welcome to the Perverse Paper stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Anyway, Laura, needless
to say I was a tad distraught... I had that match under control until those
two personalities conspired to make me lose it. Johnny was in the ring making
that big fat ass Gimp cry like a little girl... I was there ready to stop
him, but Mescaline stop me. I'm sure it's a conspiracy. Don't think their
little plan's gone unnoticed. stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: I even had my
acceptance speech all planned... Lord Griff says: Well true but you did
break up many counts by Messiah/Greg and The Gimp and they all got a bit
annoyed at that and it must have driven them harder and further, Lord Griff says: Was the lack of Melons
at the ring a distraction for you? stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: So? I'm allowed to do
that... stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: I think it was more a
lack of distraction for the others. Lord Griff says: True She is one hot
woman if you don't mind me saying stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: I do mind you saying,
but please continue. Lord Griff says: I am sorry, and i will,
Now her match with Victoria Caufield, Also known as Lil miss Naughty
interested the fans and well what did you think of that match stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Well, I'm glad that it
was a decent, well fought match, and that no parts of the female anatomy that
shouldn't have been on display were on display. Some things are for my eyes
only. stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: You expect the fans to
like a match like that because both of their brain cells reside in their
pants. Lord Griff says: Well i sure was a fan
of it! Well Michael you refer
to these Personalities a lot would you please explain what exactly your cause
is stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: These people who think
that they're God, or in Messiah's case, Jesus, need to be shown their place
in the SWF. They think that they are better than they are, when as we have
shown, they are clearly not. I mean, Messiah couldn't even win the TV title
from Jinx! Cameroonie, Ninester, Legacy and myself are all about putting
people in their right place so that the federation runs slickly and smoothly. stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Like a well lubricated
dildo... Lord Griff says: Like Melons? Could some
describe the Commision as Personalities though> stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Perhaps they could, but
we would be personalities with personalities. Like I said before: Being a personality
doesn't mean you *have* a personality. The personalites main downfall is
their arrogance and pretentiousness. If we were personalities, we'd at least
be justified in our personalitiness as we are as good as we believe we are. Lord Griff says: Well you failed to win
at the Pay Per View and you lost
the European Strap aswell Lord Griff says: Is all still well? stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Of course it is,
dammit! Legacy and I were both up against the odds... we were both in 3 on 1
matches. I was very impressed with the way both of us performed under such
conditions. Lord Griff says: Really 3-1, I thought
it was everyman for himself, Surely the Gimp wasn't on the same side as
Messiah and Greg though stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: You can never trust a
pervert... if he had any character, he'd have never tapped out to that feeble
submission move. Lord Griff says: Well he was lieing
their in a heap of blood at the end, and does that mean i can't trust you
then?> stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Heap of blood, schmeap
of blood... he's got enough room in him for a year's supply of blood. It
shouldn't have affected him. Lord Griff says: Well what is your
opinion on Gimp and the rest of his boys stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: Hehe. Gimp and his
boys.. what a disgusting thought. Lord Griff says: Well Yes But they have
more belts than the commision and more legitamate men stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: What exactly do you
mean by legitamate? Lord Griff says: Well you only have
Cameroon, who doesnt wrestle and only three wrestlers while the dWo have four
wrestlers stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: It's not about number,
Laura, it's about quality. Lord Griff says: Quality, They still
have more belts though stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Well, maybe we should
"borrow" some of theirs, if you know what I mean. Lord Griff says: No i dont, but i will
say yes! Well The Ice Man is back! Lord Griff says: How do you feel on
that?\ stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Ooh... Mr. Ice Man,
making a big return and a big clever speech... ooh... I'm shaking in my
boots... isn't he so tough! He beat Jinx... oh he's the TV Champion... that
must mean he's good! Lord Griff says: Well he is a former
Stable Mate and well he is a
champion... are you? stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: He's also got an ego
bigger than the Empire State Building... he's naive... he still thinks it's
all about pleasing the fans... and I don't see what the big deal is about
having a belt... I mean, I've been a champion four times... so what if I
don't have a belt right at this very moment? Lord Griff says: Good Point Mike!! Now
upon your return you cost the Gimp his IC title helping 911 Get it, and then
you cost gipm the chance of winning the Main title by not couting the pin, do
you hate the gimp? stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: It's not a case of
hate, Laura... it's just, well, he's not really a good representative for the
federation, is he? I mean... who would you rather have as your champion... a
muscular, well rounded sportsman like myself or the Ninester, or this
overweight fool who waddles to and from the ring? If the Gimp was a champion,
I assure you, thousands of children would become obese. Lord Griff says: Well if you think so
little of him you should have made the count because he would have been
easier to bear Lord Griff says: *beat stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: I can beat anyone
Laura. Lord Griff says: can you?What about the
first Hell Frozen over, you didnt win their stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Like I said, that was
three on one... that's like a dWo party when they're all going at it with the
Gimp... another thing that doesn't bear thinking about... do you really think
that one man can take control of three others at one time? It's not the
easiest task in the world you know. Lord Griff says: Well sure what do you
have left do accomplish in your career in the SWF, what goals do you have? stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Once these
personalities are in their right place, then I'll be a happy man, and then
I'll set new goals for myself. Lord Griff says: Like winning the BWF
title? Lord Griff says: I mean SWF title stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Well of course, that'd
mean I'm the best, but I already know that and I don't need a piece of gold
to tell me so. Lord Griff says: Ohwell it was nice to
have you here for the interview good luck with the personalities stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Thank you very much
Laura... now run on home back to Mole, I've heard he's made you a candlelight
dinner tonight. Lord Griff says: Then we'll invite
Melons over! We'll see you next week stewart (lord of the
cheese people) says: Claire and I don't want
to get involved in your little homo romp. Lord Griff says: Whatever goodnight! NOW ONTO THE PAY PER
VIEW THE HUGEST IN THE SWF HISTORY (AFTER ALL , EVERYTHING IS HUGE IN THE SWF) SteveWiza vs. Pitbull Dogg Pound SWF
HardcoreTitle Match A normal hardcore cage match between two of the
most of hardcore-ess people in the SWF today. This feud started when Pitbull ruined SteveWiza’s chance
of winning then Steve demanded a title shot at the next pay per view and
Pitty had an idea and the Dogg Pound Match was formed. As Ross said “A Dogg Pound match is a
simple Cage match with a… “cool” name”.
Now we saw many types of weapons and a lot of blood was shed as these
two battled! Steve was using wrestling submission holds as Pitbull was
plainly brawling. They both fell
from the top and hit the floor at the same time. They announced SteveWiza as
the new champion and then they gave Pitbull joint custody of the belt. Julio “Legacy” Sanchez vs. Paddy O’Shea vs.
Overdose vs. Shawn “Platinum” Cruz = Fatal Fourway SWF European Title Match = Cruz was here and now the match was a fatal
fourway, this match was well for the future of the SWF and each basically hit
their finisher and had a chance to win but the other two men wouldn’t lte
that happen. More fighting it out and more cheesey commentary. Overdose eventually got the pin
and as I predicted became the new SWF European Champion, That belt has held
great names like 911 and The Gimp lets hope this is just another one to the
tally not a buckner type man. Claire “The Melons” Stevenson vs. Victoria
Caufield = Divas Match, loser is banned from ringside in
main event = A late match for the card and one for those horny
people, actually let me re-phrase that, a match or all the SWF’ers out
there! There were slaps
and dildos and mr Keiler the cat came out! There was rude second meanings and
a great match with Lil miss naughty getting the pin and Claire was gone! G-Force vs. The Reps = SWF Tag Title Match = Back to serious business as the Irish faced the Degenerates. Well the match was set up and these
four men have been at each other for months now, but the dWo boys cheated to
retain the belts but at this match the belts could change hands with a DQ and
that made The Reps have the upper hand.
The Reps should have won if the referee was watching on many occasions
but alas G-Shock they retain thre belts! Worriors Of the Night vs. Slane & Venom = No Disqualifications = The big tough foursome of the world came to show
why they deserve to be champions, longing to be the SWF Tag Champs they took
part in the No DQ number one contendorship match. Well it was a brutal match
and many stitches were required backstage but after all in the end The
Warriors of the Night, the most promising tag team since Blackout got the win
and were the number one contenders. Jinx vs. Open Challenge Acceptant = Open challenge for SWF Television Title Match = I had no idea and after
reading I still don’t. However
when the font changed my memory started twitching, when the word bike sprang
up I knew DA COLDEST PLAYER IN DA GAME was back! And I thought to my self
It’s the mutha fucken CPITG!!!! And after than moment I knew there would only
be one champion and that was THE ICE MAN! He crushed Jinx like a cheap slut! 911 vs. Oblivion = SWF Intercontinental Title Match = Well A first Blood match, the
aids was temporate! A 2 month battle was in the closing! And it was promising
to be a great match. At The last pay per view The Commission cost Oblivion
the chance of being European and Intercontinental Champion! Blood match a
classy choice for the Maccan Man and poor nemesis man Oblivion’s fate was
sealed with a HOAX Call on the Belt! 911 retained title as I guessed! Chris "The Gimp" Roysten Vs John Greg
Vs Messiah "The Cowboy" Michael Stevenson = Fatal Fourway SWF Title Match = The night was coming to an end
and so was this crummy Pay Per View report! These four hate each other, Greg
and Messiah were sort of on the same page but Cowboy and Gimp were reading
different books. The Gimp hits
Punishments and gets a nearfall, Then Messiah had a shot, Greg, and so it
continued as these four men battled it out. Later on each man stoped saved in an effort to claim
victory himself and win the gold.
Messiah had a shot, Then gimp Then a brawl broke lose and the gimp was
left silenced by John Greg who remained champion much to the disgust of the
other wrestlers in the match. WOW that was intense OOC THINGY Peter Gimpopolous says: Quick OOC things stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: Okely-dokely. Peter Gimpopolous says: Now did you enjoy the HFO ppv? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: I haven't had time to read it
all yet, but what I've read was very good. Peter Gimpopolous says: Was the Ice Man return a shock
to you? Peter Gimpopolous says: or the double Hardcore Champ? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: Ice Man always likes to make a
big deal...nothing surprises me with him. Peter Gimpopolous says: well Who is the Next big thing
in the SWF then? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: oh wait... this is out of
character now isn't it. doh! stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: actually, yeah... ice man's
return was a shock. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: (see little letters mean OOC) Peter Gimpopolous says: do you want me to edit that out stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: er... mr. cruz was impressive
so far. he could go far, and I think both oblivion and 911 are future main
eventers, they've both been doing good stuff in their feud. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: do you want to suck my balls? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: wait, don't answer that. Peter Gimpopolous says: fine i wont, now what have your
favourite ooc things in the SWF been, fake dWo, Buckners, Blame Canadas (now
gotta think of something i haven’t caused or made worse) the reef issue stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: hehe stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i thought the bwf takeover was
great... but then i orchestrated that so i'd probably be biased. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: um... Peter Gimpopolous says: well their was Brown i to help you as well Peter Gimpopolous says: remember the glorious loser
eats poop matches stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: you were indeed, but who was
champ? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: hehe. my favourite was when i
fed mike b his belt with shit, but anyway Peter Gimpopolous says: you spent like one day then
said yeah i'll have that, very classy stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i quite enjoyed working with
various people over fueds... i think my favourite was the cowboy vs baxter
thing, because it was my first major fued thing and was pretty good. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i also enjoyed writing some of
the matches when i was doing it. is that the kinda stuff you mean? Peter Gimpopolous says: your SNA's were just plain GOLD Peter Gimpopolous says: Hijinks at their best stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: hehe. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: thank you. Peter Gimpopolous says: Well Look at the roster now,
only a handful of originals left in the SWF why do you think that is? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i think mainly because people
do stuff outside the internet and decide that they haven't got time to be in
an e-fed... that's why i was out or at least not active from september until
last month. Peter Gimpopolous says: I know what you mean, now who
do you think the best SWF Champ/stable/Tag team were? Peter Gimpopolous says: were/are stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i may be biased again, but i
think the xs were the best stable simply because of the dominance. Peter Gimpopolous says: i think Up in its glory days
were dominant but they were missing that one thing. but then with reef it all
went to hell stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: for the best swf champ it'd be
a close call between armageddon, alonza and possibly john greg. i think mr.
gregory could probably snatch it. he's more active than i remember any champ
being before. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i don't really remember
uprising... i think i disappeared just as they were starting. Peter Gimpopolous says: true champs seem to slack off i
noticed Peter Gimpopolous says: but apart from that, who has
been the BIGGEST ASS! in SWF history? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: best ic champ is me of course,
best tag champs... er... snake eyes, best euro champ... *looks a title
history... waits patiently for page to load* Peter Gimpopolous says: Davies for run paddy for times and me for plain ruling europe stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: biggest ass: a surprise
choice i guess, but the great
one...i got an email from him or someone who'd taken over the character when
i was in the dWo threatening me for turning my back on him or something... it
was really funny. he seemed to believe that it was all real. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: *waits for page to load some
more* Peter Gimpopolous says: oh but Stew it is real stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: *notices it hasn't been
updated* Peter Gimpopolous says: *evil look* stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: oh my god, chilly will won the
euro title... well i'm gonna have to pick him. Peter Gimpopolous says: if only he won Main stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: yeah. if only... stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: *checks out the bwf site* Peter Gimpopolous says: then the SWF would rule biggest underated SWF star in
history? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i didn't understand that
question... Peter Gimpopolous says: no it doesnt make sense does it Peter Gimpopolous says: most underated SWF dude ever stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: ooh. i thought it was all one
thing. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: um... i don't know... most
people who deserve stuff get stuff. the people who decide that sort of thing
know what they're looking for. Peter Gimpopolous says: oh my bad IT MUST BE MY STUPID
GRAMMAR!(YES YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! STOP IT! ITS NOT FUNYN ANY MORE! I WANT MY
UNDERPANTS BACK) Peter Gimpopolous says: Well i think mr arf was severly
mis-used stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: was he in the fed? i didn't
realise... stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: must have been whilst i was
invisible Peter Gimpopolous says: he was in for a long time stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: what was his character? Peter Gimpopolous says: Airborne- tag team blizzard- character winter-chick stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: ooh. yeah, i remember blizzard
vaguely... i seem to remember a mini lightning/winter fued as well Peter Gimpopolous says: yeah well if it was up to me*starts
dreaming*... anyway a few quick non
important questions Favourite band... stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: you count that as not
important? Peter Gimpopolous says: well for some Peter Gimpopolous says: is it doozer you skirt wearing
sissy? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: er... pick between radiohead,
soulwax, dEUS, ben folds five and reel big fish depending on mood. Peter Gimpopolous says: dude how about any Aussie
bands? stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: it was a dress, actually and
very fetching too. i'll have you know i pulled that night (and it was a girl,
too!) Peter Gimpopolous says: HINT: say "the living end
and acdc rule" stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i quite like living end from
what i've heard... inxs were pretty funky in their day too. not much of your
stuff gets over here. there was a ban put on aussie music after the
kylie/jason debacle Peter Gimpopolous says: well with kylie press the mute
button and watch it! see the living end do rule and
he didnt have to be cueed! Peter Gimpopolous says: favourite movie... stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: all time favourite: willy
wonka, current favourite: traffic Peter Gimpopolous says: willy wonka sure is a trippy
moovie stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: gene wilder is awesome. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i remember watching that movie
as a kid thinking: "i want to be *him*" Peter Gimpopolous says: lol well i think i should end this
soon otherwise no one would read on stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: fuck them. Peter Gimpopolous says: fine fuck you! stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: at least it'll look like you've
written a long report Peter Gimpopolous says: good point! Peter Gimpopolous says: my last one was crap and i need to write about
roleplays but i cant acces the damn rp board stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: actually i need to get up and
stuff in a bit. Peter Gimpopolous says: fine be like that :*( stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i got an email from the ezboard
people telling me they were updating it, so that's probably why. stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: why that asterix away from your
eye stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: *wipe Peter Gimpopolous says: oh you actually read the,m Peter Gimpopolous says: well you screwed that up didnt
ya stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: well i read this one stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: shush you. Peter Gimpopolous says: HA! well Mr Skirt Wearing ( . Y .)
Loving Cowboy, thanks for the interview i owe you, and no your not
getting head stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i wasn't gonna ask... Peter Gimpopolous says: dont lie stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: i never lie. it's bad for your
complexion Peter Gimpopolous says: yeah otherwise you might wake
up one morning canadian stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: or welsh... Peter Gimpopolous says: or From the United Kingdom all
together stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: *kills gimpy* Peter Gimpopolous says: *DIES* *INTERVIEW OVER* stewart (lord of the cheese
people) says: anywho, i need to go make
toilet. stewar:toodepip |
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[All graphics created by Stuart Anderson. Interface concept by Karl Smyth] |
