Here is the breakup letter that my first and most special girlfriend gave to me a week after we first started going out. In middle school I thought it nessecary to have crushes on girls, its just what one did. Other boys did it to hide the fact of their budding homosexuality, for me it was more like well yeah you're supposed to pine over girls but then when you get to your room you can masturbate to pictures of naked men. In retrospect a crush is more of a girl thing anyway. Whenever I had a crush in middle school there was an elaborate guessing game that would ensue between me and my sisters. They would want to know who the lucky girl was and I would have to act coy and be evasive about it. Eventually they would pry the name out of me. Carol Brass was an especially long crush which coincided with my sister Rae and her friend Colette's crush on Chris LeVeque (codename "cherries"). They deemed it suitable to codename crushes to facilitate gossip about him in almost all situations. Together Rae Colette and I would compose ode's and songs to our loves. All I can remember now is something about Carol's golden hair. This was a time in my life when Rae and Colette (although at the time they were Rae Ann and Solange) would torture me endlessly with cruel mindgames, the most famous of the their exploits was convincing me that the Macintosh Bible was pronounced "Bibleh" becaue christians had sued the company for blasphemy. One day it was decided during lunch that it was my time to ask Carol out. I never really saw it coming to this but now there was no escaping it. Colette spoke with Carol alone out on the field whilst Rae pepped me up on a bench. Finally Carol and I both were forced onto the field and met halfway, we both were looking at the ground embarrassed, I finally asked her if she would go out with me and she answered yes. I was surprised but relieved. Even though we shared our sixth grade class, Carol and I did not speak after that for a week. She and a delegation of her friends came and gave me a letter. This was the first breakup letter which you see above you. Next year in seventh grade we ended going out again, this time of our own volition, I'm not sure how this happened. However, it was as last time and I recieved a breakup letter, which was titled "The Fifty Reasons Why We Shouldn't Be Going Out." This contained some juicy points all contacted during a period of spanish class. Unfortunately I was given it just before P.E. and they don't make the uniforms with pockets. Luckily I saw my little sister nearby carving pumpkins for class and I gave it to her for safe keeping, I said it was very very very important that she keep it safe. However, upon collecting it from her at the end of that period she said that she threw it away because it got pumpkin seeds on it. I was furious, if only I could have it now. The only reason I remember from my brief look at it was, "You're not Jewish and you probably don't even know what that means." This was absurd because although I was more catholic than anything else, my stepfather is Israeli which is about as Jewish as they come, had she even spoke with me she might have known that. Freshman year when I came out to her I think I crushed her life, she always was a bitch but now I think she became a bitter bitch. My friend Francesca told me that she saw her writing a death list and that my name was on it. Here are the footnotes for the initial break up letter: 1. Notice the hyphen, at first I thought: "what's a lationship?" 2.Of the reason it wasn't working out was due mainly to the fact that we never spoke much less made any physical contact. Maybe she knew I was gay. 3. "to" should be too. 4. Break up? Were we going out? 5. This isn't a business letter you don't need a formal signature. 6. Note the heart which has been pierced not once but twice by a pitchfork looking weapon. 7. This was the clencher, the rest seems nice enought but this makes it completly moot. Was my social standing so low in sixth grade? Did I even have a social standing? Did she?
