Hazy

Lily woke up early the next morning, and, for no reason in particular, decided to get dressed and creep silently out of the dormitories. She grabbed her cloak, not knowing why, then soon found herself outside.
The ground sparkled as Lily walked out. Snow was falling lazily all around her in the crisp, morning air. She tilted her head back and opened her mouth, like she used to when she was a young girl, in hopes that she might catch a snowflake on her tongue. She spread her arms, wriggling her fingers and began to twirl around, slowly, at first, then faster and faster. Everything seemed to whirl around her as she spun, laughing now.
It was all so wonderful to Lily at that moment. She had friends, James, a caring family-all who loved her very much. Yet, there was something wrong...
Severus. Lily stopped, and immediately the earth began to jerk and tumble her around and she fell backwards into the soft snow. Everything was still rocking and twisting around her. The world was hazy. And in more ways than one. James had told her to stay away from Severus, and she had agreed. But that was then. And now...
She had felt, last night, that staying away from Severus would be fine. But, well, now, it seemed more complicated. What had James meant, exactly? How far did he want her to stay? Did he want her to cut all ties to him, or just the most dangerous ones? The ones that might tear her and James apart. But she would have to talk to him sometime. Like in Charms, where they sat next to each other. Or whenever.
Hazy. There was no other word for it. She closed her eyes.
Snowflakes fell softly on her cheeks and eyelids, they sparkled on her lashes and speckled her lips and hair. She wasn't sure how long she lay there in the deepening snow, letting the cold slowly seep under her skin, into her very bones. Finally, she got up and went back to Gryffindor tower. To James. To her friends. To her life. Away from Severus.

Severus Snape pulled back the green curtains of the Slytherin common room and looked out onto the grounds. To his great surprise, Lily Evans was out there. He smiled and shifted into a more comfortable stance, not knowing how long he would be standing there.
He watched as she tilted her head back and stuck out a pink tongue, then spread her arms and begin to spin around, smiling and laughing. He chuckled as he watched her, shaking his head. She looked so happy. Then, all of a sudden, she stopped. She didn't slow down, just stopped. Immediately after, she toppled over backwards into the snow and lay there.
He wondered what she was thinking of. Severus didn't know what he saw in her, but he saw something, and lately, the feeling he had around her was beginning to creep up on him, whether she was in the room or not. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He had never before shown this much interest in a girl. Maybe he was losing his grip on life. Or maybe Lily was somehow linked to him. Like he was feeling the way he did toward her for a reason.
But she was Gryffindor! Yes, he was losing his grip. What was he thinking? He needed to go somewhere that he could be alone and think. He needed to sort out the tangled mess that his life had become. He watched Lily gradually raise herself off of the ground and walk back into the castle. He turned. He knew where he was going.
Suddenly, he bumped into someone.
"Hey, Sev!" Emmett said. Emmett was Severus's best friend. "What's up?"
"Nothing much, just heading to the library," Severus replied. "Not any place you'd ever think of going."
"Hey, hold up!" Emmett said. "What's that look in your eye for? I've never seen that one on you."
"What look?"
"You look..." Emmett stood there, tapping his lip as he studied him, then he started to smile. "You look confused! Wow! And I know the one thing that could confuse the great Severus Snape. What's her name?"
Uh-oh. A warning signal sounded loudly in Severus head, echoing off of the insides of his seemingly empty skull, and he closed up instantly. His facial expression turned blank, and then to stone as he said, "I don't know what you're talking about. Well, I'm heading out. See you later."
"Okay! Fine!" Emmett said, throwing his hands up. As Severus started to turn, Emmett pointed an accusing finger in his direction. "I'll find out sooner or later, though. And you know it."
As Severus walked away, he felt Emmett's eyes on him, and the back of his neck started to tickle. This was not good. Definitely not.

Lily walked back into the castle, her shoulders squared, showing that she had made her decision. A decision that she wasn't sure was going to work yet. She let her feet walk anywhere, not caring where she went, as long as it was quiet. Soon, she found herself in the corridor leading to the library, and smiled. The library was the perfect place for her right now. She sped up, on impulse, and soon ran into something solid and bounced back, almost falling over.
She stepped back to look at what she had run into.
Severus Snape stood gazing down at her, his black eyes looking confused. Now, what in the world could confuse him?
"I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you alright?" he asked her. Lily realized her mouth was hanging slightly open, as though she were on the verge of saying something and she shut it abruptly, her teeth clicking together loudly. She dropped her eyes to the ground. Was this breaking her promise to James?
Severus stood there, watching her, as though nothing else in the world existed. He looked so... Lily scolded herself inside her head. This was not good. Not good at all. She didn't think things could get much worse than this.
"May I ask where you're headed?" Severus inquired. "Perhaps we could go together."
A gong sounded in Lily's head, but she pushed it away. Her brain seemed stuffed with cotton. What was she doing? The funny thing was, Lily didn't really care.
"I'd like that very much," Lily said, smiling as she looked up at him. "I was just going to the library to find something interesting to read."
"The library it is, then," Severus said, grinning, and they walked through the doorway together.

Severus watched Lily's back as she browsed through the bookshelves in search of a good book. He turned back to his own shelf and pulled out an interesting-looking potions book. He carried it over to a table and opened it up to the table of contents. Very interesting indeed.
It had directions for making potions that would make you float above the ground for an hour if you drank 3 ounces of it, give you super-bionic ears, or even make you be able to read minds. Fascinating. He began to flip through the book to see what ingredients some of them needed.
"What's that?"
Severus's eyes snapped up to find Lily sitting across the table from him. He hadn't noticed her sit down, he had been so into his book. "A potions book," he said, showing her the title.
She smiled. "I should have known."
"What did you find?" he asked.
"Charms," she replied, holding up a green hardcover volume. Severus nodded. He had read some of that book before. It was alright, but not nearly as interesting as potions. Lily set her book on the table and opened it. Severus turned his attention back to his own book.

"Severus," Lily said hesitantly after a while.
"Yeah?" he said, marking his place with a finger and leaning back in his chair to meet her eyes.
"I don't know how to say this," her gaze dropped to table. Severus waited patiently for her to go on, and she did. "James...well, he..." Severus knew where this was headed. Still, he waited instead of saying anything. He found that in circumstances like this silence was the best treatment. "He doesn't want me to be around you." Lily lifted her gaze to his face to see his reaction.
Severus sighed. He had known this would be coming. "Lily," he said. "He can't control your life. You have to make your own decisions."
She paused. "I suppose, if James never found out, he wouldn't mind just this once if..." Severus grinned. Lily smiled back at him. "Do you want to leave? I have to go check something. You can come if you want," she said.
"Alright," he replied.

They checked out their books and walked out of the library.
"Do you want to stop at the Great Hall to get some breakfast?" Severus asked. He was hungry.
"Sure," Lily said. "Then we have to go to the owlery. I have to see how he's doing. He's been acting strange lately."
They went to the Great Hall and grabbed a few pieces of toast each, then headed up to the owlery.
Severus stood back to watch Lily scan the rafters for her owl. "There he is!" she said, pointing to a black owl perched on a low beam in the corner. "That's Emerald." They walked over to him and he hopped onto Lily's shoulder and nipped her ear. He had green eyes almost the same shade as Lily's. Severus walked over to where the owl had been sitting.
"Looks like your Emerald is a she," he said, motioning for Lily to come over and take a peek. She gasped. Emerald had made a nest and had laid two large owl eggs. Severus chuckled.
"So that's why you were acting odd!" Lily said to her owl, who flew to the nest and draped itself over the eggs protectively. Lily grinned and stroked Emerald's feathers. Severus held out his bread crusts to the owl, who turned her head from one side to the other, studying him, then gobbled up the crusts and nipped his finger.

As they left the owlery, Lily wondered what James would say if he ever found out about this. She didn't want to think about it. She just couldn't help being drawn to Severus. Yes, he was Slytherin, but he was different. He was sweet, considerate, and caring, not like all of the other Slytherins she had met.
They reached the bottom of the staircase and Severus stopped. "I'd better be on my way. I enjoyed your company, Lily," he said.
Lily smiled up into his face and found herself being drawn toward him. His dark eyes were full of kindness as their faces inched closer and closer and...
Lily stopped herself just before their lips met. "I can't do this," she said, dropping her eyes.
"I understand," he replied, looking at the floor. "I shouldn't have done that."
"No, but it was partly my fault as well," Lily said, staring at her shoes.
"I think I should go now," he said. "And Lily," he paused, giving her time to lift her head to look into his eyes. "If you ever find yourself in any kind of trouble, I'll be there for you." He brushed a finger across her cheek, then turned to leave.
Lily watched him as he walked off down the hall, his book tucked under his arm. She brushed her fingertips over her cheek, wondering how she was going to keep this a secret. It was all so hazy.

Severus walked back to the Slytherin common room and walked right into Emmett.
"I was just going to find you, Sev," he said. "What's that?"
Severus held out the book that was tucked under his arm.
"Nothing new," Emmett said. "Just a whole lot of potions. So what took you so long?"
Severus paused, trying to think up a story. "I had trouble finding something I liked."
Emmett raised an eyebrow, not buying it. "Then who was that girl I saw with you in the Great Hall?"
Bloody hell! How could Emmett have seen them? Why hadn't Severus known to be more careful? "I don't want to talk about it," he said, then sidestepped Emmett and walked calmly up to his dormitory. This was getting worse by the second. Why did he have to be attracted to Lily, anyway? It was all so hazy.

James sat in the Gryffindor common room, doing some of his History of Magic homework for Professor Binns, but he couldn't seem to concentrate. His mind kept wandering off. And he couldn't really say why, but he had this feeling that something was happening. It had something to do with Lily's disappearance. Melanie and Bekki said they couldn't find her, but that she would turn up sometime. He wasn't worried about her, because he knew that she could take care of herself, but something was wrong. Maybe it was just some odd sensation that people sometimes had and didn't mean anything at all, but he couldn't help wondering.
There were footsteps coming from the portrait hole. James looked up to see Lily walk into the common room. She was holding a book to her chest and a subdued expression on her face. He watched her as she walked toward him and stood up as she reached his chair.
"Hold me, James," she whispered, leaning into him. He wrapped his arms around her small figure as she buried her face in his chest. They stood there for several moments, quietly embracing, before Lily pulled away. "Thank you," she said, and walked off to her dormitory.
James sat back down in his chair, all thoughts of homework scattered. What was that all about? Did Lily need consolation for some reason? If so, why? It was all so hazy.