I don’t know where to begin. I love you, I miss you, I’m sorry, please, please forgive me. There isn’t a night that goes by that I don’t dream of you, of your smile and your eyes. If it’s a good night, I’m dreaming of the way we used to be, smiling, talking, holding hands, making love. If it’s a bad night, I keep replaying that one moment over and over, and your eyes haunt me with their pain.

Cat, Kitty, Grá, I know I can never truly take away all the pain I’ve caused you. But I am begging you to give me the chance to try, to make amends for what I’ve done to you, to us. My life has been so empty without you by my side, there are times when I actually wake up from my dreams and expect to feel you in bed beside me as our children climb into bed with us, just like your nieces and nephews did in Hogsmeade.

In fact, every time I hold James and Lily’s son, Harry, I keep thinking that this could have been our child. That he ‘should’ have been our child. I can still hear us talking about having a large family, how many children, the names we would give them. The way we would make bets as to which of our mother’s would be the biggest pest, which one of our children would give McGonagall the hardest time. Which ones would make the Quidditch team, which would ace their N.E.W.T.s, how many of them we could encourage to blow up Morano’s classroom and/or office.

I know you can’t have forgotten all of the good times, we had so many of them. I’m ashamed to say I never thought much about them at the time, but now that you’ve left me each one becomes more and more precious with each passing day.

Please, Cat, I am begging you, even if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me, please, please, please, at least talk to me. Give me one last opportunity to apologize to you, to try and win your love back; to give our children the chance to be born.

I don’t care if I have to get down on my hands and knees, Catrianna, I have no pride left where you are concerned. You took my heart with you when you left. I’m not ashamed to tell you that I cried for days after you left, to the point that James, Remus and Peter became afraid for me. It had gotten so bad that my mother was sent for, she brought me home a few days before school officially ended. We spent the entire summer hoping to find you, and when I graduated, the first thing we did was tour Scotland and Eireland, hoping to find any sign of you or your family.

I think my mother would have won our bet for the peskiest mother, but your leaving broke her heart almost as much as it did mine. I know some of my family was less than kind towards you and I apologise for that, they had no right to say things like that to you. I wish you could have heard my sweet, quiet, lady-like mother giving them bloody hell for what they had said about you. She and father both knew how much we loved each other, and they both adored you more than I can ever put into words; just as I do.

I don’t want to pressure you, but please owl me back as soon as you can. I don’t know how much Lily has told you, but James and I are Aurors now and it’s a very dangerous job. I keep telling James he needs to transfer out, find something safer, especially with Lily and Harry to worry about. I honestly don’t mind dying if that’s what it takes to keep the people I love safe, but I can’t bear the thought of dying without at least attempting to make things right with you.

If the worst does happen, and I don’t live to see your reply, know that I love you, that I have always loved you. No matter what stupid things I may have done or said to make you think otherwise, I swear to you now, on my life and my soul, I love you like I love no other.

Sirius