“What do you want me to do? Just drop it on her? I can’t risk losing her, I won’t go back to living without her.” Sirius said, waving his arms in exaggerated circles.

“You won’t have a choice if she finds out you’ve been keeping this from her.” Remus retorted. “You’re lack of honesty led her into Snape’s arms two nights ago, do you want her to end up there for good? She thought you were married to Esmeralda for the love of heaven. If you had told her the truth, I sincerely believe we would be here celebrating your wedding.” Remus softened slightly when he saw the wounded look in Sirius’s eyes, he hated to do this, but someone had to force the matter, and as usual, it fell to him.

“Do you love her Sirius? Honestly and truly, with your entire heart and soul, do you love her?”

“Even more than that Remus” Sirius replied weakly, “That’s why I’m so frightened to tell her. What if she doesn’t want me anymore, what if she doesn’t think I’m worthy to be her husband, or Harry’s father. What if she realizes I can’t offer her anything, no home, no money, not even my name.”

“Do you honestly have so little faith in her?” Remus questioned “Because if you do, leave her now, it will be less painful for everyone in the long run.” Remus narrowed his eyes at his friend, it hurt him to do this, but he needed to know, he had made a promise, one he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep. “And don’t give me that wounded puppy look, it doesn’t work on me, not anymore. You had everything, Sirius. I gave her up for you, knowing you loved her, knowing you would protect her. . .I never even tried to make love to her… do you know how many times I’ve been with a woman in my life?” he held up one hand, his fingers splayed. “and two of those I had to pay for….”

“Sirius, I love you like you were my own brother, but you have got to stop this. Cat and Lily were the two finest women ever to walk this earth. Lily’s gone, you screwed up once with Cat, don’t screw up again” Lupin snapped at his friend.

“How can you say that!” roared an injured Sirius “You know how much I care for her, but what am I supposed to do. You know as well as I do she still loves Snape. She never would have spent the night with him if she .. .if she wasn‘t in love with him.”

“Really.... Is she? Have you asked her that specifically?” Lupin bellowed back “Have you said ‘Cat do you love Severus Snape or do you love me?’ All I’ve heard for the past five weeks is how much you love her, how much you miss her, how much you want to make up for the past. Have you told ‘her’ what you’ve told me?“ he asked, seeing the look on Sirius’s face, he already knew the answer. “When did you become such a coward?” Remus sighed, his voice edged with disgust.

Sirius Black just looked at his friend, he didn’t have the courage to tell him. He knew he should tell Cat, but he didn’t have the nerve. He was terrified she would despise him, or worse tell him she didn’t care for him any more. Eyes brimming with tears, he looked at his best friend and whispered “I can’t, I don‘t know how to tell her.”

Sighing deeply, Remus decided it was time for him to be as honest as he could. “Sirius, I don’t know how much you were able to hear or understand after that Tremere attacked you. But Kitty and I had a long discussion about her future while you and Harry were unconscious. I made her a promise and I intend to keep it.” Remus insisted, his eyes gleaming angrily.

“And what promise is that?” Sirius asked, feeling very uneasy with the change in Remus’s behavior.

“I promised her that I would never allow her to marry Severus Snape. I told her that even if you were out of the picture I wouldn’t allow it. I promised her I would marry her instead.” Remus explained. “I gave her up once for you, because I knew how much you loved her, but if you don’t tell her the truth now Sirius, the whole truth, Azkaban, Peter, James, Lily, everything. She will never forgive you when she finally finds out for herself.”

“But I can’t just tell her” Sirius insisted, “How do you tell someone something like that? How do I explain to her I’ve spent half my life in prison, why they put me there……what….what happened to me in there” he added as his voice faltered.

Remus Lupin bent down until his nose was nearly touching Sirius’s, “I made her a promise Padfoot, one I intend to keep. If you don’t tell her, I will consider you removed from her life, and I will marry her. I know she loves me almost as much as she loves you.” Remus flinched as he saw the look of shock and pain on his best friends face, he hated to do this, but someone had to force Sirius to talk. “And when I do, you will never see her or me ever again. We will stay here in Fernglennis, with Harry…. Because I will never be able to look you in the eyes and see the pain I’ve caused you.” he added as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Sirius’s. “I’ve loved you like a brother and more Sirius Black, don’t force me to do this to you or to her. I know how much you love her, please, please, have the courage--have faith in her love. She won’t hate you, she would never turn her back to you.”

“But I’ve already hurt her so much” Sirius wept softly, silent tears streaming down his face “how much more can I expect her to bear.” He shook his head, causing his thick, black hair to frame his face like a dark halo. “She wouldn’t even kiss me like she used to, just a little kiss here and there, on the cheek, or if I’m lucky on the lips, but nothing more…. Maybe you ‘should’ marry her, at least I know you’ll never hurt her. Not like Snape would….not like I have.”

Lupin regarded his friend, he knew Sirius Black better than anyone else. He knew how much pain he was in, he also knew how terribly stupid he was being. They had been over this at least a dozen times already. Cat had never tried to hide her feelings about him, she had always cared about him, and Remus knew if Sirius would just say something, anything to her about Azkaban it would explain everything, all of Kitty‘s doubts would be answered, everything would fall into place.......

“Sirius, I can’t let you do this to yourself, and I hope you will be able to forgive me. Harry is bringing Cat back with him, he is going to tell her that we need to talk about a few things. You need to tell her, before its too late....... You know Severus doesn’t want her here with you, he’s afraid she’ll fall in love with you again. I think he’s planning to ask her to be his wife....... My friend, its now or its never.”

“WHAT, Remus you didn’t, and she can’t, not him.” Sirius was beside himself. Pacing the floor, running his hands through his black hair “What do you expect me to do, just walk up to her and tell her, I can’t....I just can’t.” Sirius sat down, utterly defeated.

“Like I said my friend, I hope you will be able to forgive me” Remus said softly as he pulled out his wand.

Slowly walking up behind his friend, Remus spoke “IMPERIO” ……

Rick smiled as Sev woke up and blinked his eyes, “Feeling better?” he asked as he helped the wizard sit up, propping pillows behind him to help support him.

“Where am I?” Sever whispered hoarsely, the last thing he remembered was Cash looming over him, a strange look of concern on his face.

“You’re in Angel’s room, at the school” Rick explained as he took one of Sev’s hands in his own. “You were attacked by the Tremere a few hours ago. Poppy has already been here and will be back as soon as she finds the ingredients she needs to help your back heal completely. Until then, she wants you in bed.”

“Angel’s bed?…. Catri” he gasped, trying to get out of the bed “She’s in danger, if that monster figures out where…..”

“Stop!” Rick said loudly as he held the man in place “You are NOT listening professor. Poppy said ‘in’ bed, and I promised to keep you here. Now be good or I’ll call Cash back.”

“Cash? Cash was here earlier, I remember….” Sev knitted his brow and shook his head. “Never mind, it must have been a dream” he said as he vaguely remembered the Gangrel stroking his hair and speaking softly to him. “a very strange dream.”

“But why? Cash hates me, he has since the first day we met.” Sev replied, feeling completely confused as Rick’s strong hands reached up and cupped his face, turning his eyes towards his.

“No, Cash doesn’t hate you, in fact he stopped being angry with you weeks ago, once Angel explained why you defended the student that tried to kill her.” Rick explained gently “If anything, I’d have to say its you who hate him, or maybe all of us. Constantly scowling when you see us, shock and disbelief when you see us show signs of sympathy or love for someone….” Rick paused “Do you always hide behind that icy exterior of yours professor? Do you ever let anyone inside?”

“I do not know what you are talking about.” Sev began, only to see Rick’s bright blue eyes staring at him, a knowing look shining within them. “You think you know me, don’t you?”

Rick gave a bittersweet smile “Only because I know myself. I was just like you were. I was terrified to let anyone get too close to me, let alone touch me, physically or emotionally. I knew I could be hurt if I trusted them, opened myself to them. It was just to risky, and the few times I did allow anyone close, I paid dearly, usually with my flesh if not my soul.” Rick shook his head sadly “I thought it was better to keep everyone at a distance too, build up a wall and protect myself. But you know what? That hurts too.”

“That pain I can bear” Sev replied softly “it is how I survive.”

“You can bear that pain?” Rick repeated “Then why is it you so desperately want Angel? I see the way you look at her, with her and her alone you allow yourself to be vulnerable, to drop your cold façade. She is the only person I’ve ever seen you allow to touch you, and it seems you expect her to make up for all the people you scare away.”

“Exactly what is that supposed to mean?” Severus asked, narrowing his eyes as he tried to figure out what the Gangrel really wanted from him. “I only want to share my life with her, I love her. Is that so wrong?”

“No, nothing wrong with that at all” Rick replied quickly, “You just can’t expect her to make up for an entire life deprived of intimacy. You’ve never really been close to anyone but her, have you?”

“Why do you care?” Severus spat, “I don’t mean anything to you, I’m not one of you, your kind doesn’t even…..”

“What do you know of ‘my kind’ Professor Snape?” Rick snapped back, “You’ve never even spoken to me before today, you’ve barely even spoken ‘at’ me. I’m trying to help you because I don’t ever want to see anyone suffer through what I have. I was just like you, strong, cold, deadly….and terrified to let anyone near me. I would watch other people together, watch them touching and caressing each other, and I would feel a terrible pain inside of me, I wanted to be like them, and since I couldn’t; I hated them.” Rick confessed as a bitter edge rose in his voice. “I see the same thing when I look at you. Remember at the dance, those two students in the dark corner, you ranted furiously, claiming to be disgusted and annoyed, but what you really felt was the pain of being utterly alone.”

Rick waited for Severus to reply, to deny what he had said, or to defend his stance, but the professor simply sat there, silent and introspective. After a few minutes, Rick slowly reached out and touched Sev’s cheek, startling the professor. He looked into Severus’s eye, but this time instead of anger or fear, he only saw the eyes of a young boy, one who wanted to be like the other children. One who wanted to be loved and to love. “Let me heal you.” Rick pleaded softly, “Let me teach you from my mistakes. Please.”

“You can’t, I’m too old, too tired.” Severus said weakly, watching with numb interest as Rick conjured a bowl of warm water and a sponge. “What are you doing?” he asked as Rick pulled down the quilt, exposing his naked chest.

“In case you hadn’t notice professor, you are filthy” Rick commented as he wrung out the sponge. “I’m sure you would much prefer a shower, but you’re not well enough to get out of bed just yet.” he explained as he bathed the wizard.

Severus felt both relieved and nervous as Rick tended to him, tenderly wiping his face and down his neck. Carefully avoiding the quickly healing wounds, he made his way down his chest and abdomen, using a soothing motion as he spoke softly, doing his best to put the wizard at ease. “Rick, please,…..that is quite enough” Severus whispered, the covers clenched in his hands as the Gangrel moved to pull the quilt down even further.

“You can’t heal properly if you’re covered in grime.” Rick sighed, then seeing the look of uncertainty in the professor’s eyes, yielded to his wishes. “Fine, if you are ‘that’ uncomfortable with me touching you, I’ll stop there. But I insist on finishing your arms.” he stated as he gently picked up the wizard’s hand, washing away the remnants of the battle. “If it makes you feel any better, you can close your eyes and pretend I’m Angel.” he suggested.

“She will not return to me or the school, will she?” Sev whispered, his voice cracking as he felt the last rays of hope dim inside of his heart.

“Hey, no… don’t do that.” Rick said firmly as he lifted Sev’s chin, trying to pull him out of his depression. “You cannot succumb to the pain, you’re better than that. You have love in your heart Severus, I can see it, so can Angel.” Reaching over to the bedside table, Rick picked up Sev’s silver dagger, feeling the professor’s eyes watch every movement he made. Cutting the inside of his wrist slightly, he went just deep enough to bring a thin trail of blood to the surface. “Learn from me Severus Snape, save yourself from my pain.” Rick said softly as he offered his wrist to the professor.

Severus’s first reaction was one of disgust and abhorrence, but the sincerity in Rick’s eyes touched something inside of him. He had never known anyone to be so kind towards him, save for Catri. “No, I can’t, I will not.” He said softly, closing his eyes and clenching his jaw.

Rick shook his head “My blood is already inside you. I gave you a few drops earlier to help your body heal. It’s already stained your lips and heightened your senses. ” he explained. “Our blood is more than just the fluid that animates us, it holds what and who we are. It holds our memories and the memories of all we embrace and make one with us.”

Sev winced as he felt the pull of the blood and of his heart, Rick was right, he wanted to be like the others, he wanted to love and trust people, he wanted to know what it was like to have friends, real friends, to be like Black and Lupin, to be able to have faith in someone. He flinched as he clearly remembered the way Lupin would touch Catri, holding her hand, his arm around her waist, a kiss on the cheek. It all seemed so casual to him, so natural. Even between Lupin and Black there was a physical closeness that Severus could only guess at, they would constantly be at each other’s side, arms around one another’s shoulders, smiles on their faces.

Deep in his heart, that is what Severus wanted, he wanted to be like them, just like that first day in Diagon Alley, he had fit in with Potter and Black so easily, talking about Quidditch, school, just everyday sort of things. Sev’s resolve wavered as Rick brought his wrist closer to his mouth, barely a hairs breadth from his lips. Severus felt his mouth open, but still he hesitated. He wanted Catri to be here with him now, to hold him and caress him, to tell him everything was fine, to show him he was loved, that he wasn’t alone.

Sev gasped as he felt Rick’s fingers softly graze his cheek, a single drop of blood dripping onto his parted lips. He groaned as he felt the liquid light again, invading his senses as the thundering sound of Rick’s heart throbbed in his ears. Trembling, he fought off the urge to taste more, even though he knew it was pointless. Part of him wanted this more than he would ever dare admit, he was tired of being alone, of being the one whom everyone despised, he simply wanted to be held, to know that he was not alone anymore. He heard his own panting breaths as his mouth hovered over Rick’s wound, he knew if he did this, there would be no turning back. Slowly Sev’s lips closed around the wound on Rick’s wrist, he tasted the light saltiness of the Gangrel’s flesh just before he felt the impact of the blood. Sev shut his eyes and groaned as the warmth and memories flooded over him as he drew a thin stream of blood into his mouth. His trembling turned into shaking as Rick pulled him closer, allowing Sev to rest against his chest and stroked his hair as the connection between them grew deeper.

“That’s it, take it, understand what I’ve gone through and try not to repeat my mistakes” Rick urged, pressing his wrist tighter against Severus’s lips.

Sev winced his eyes as the blood dissolved on his tongue, he began to understand what Rick had been telling him. He cringed as he saw Rick as a young boy being beaten by a large man who was covered in a bear’s hide. Nothing Rick could do was good enough for the man, any opportunity to beat him was taken, sometimes to the point that Rick would lay in a stupor for days. He saw Rick grow into a young man, inflicting the same abuse on others that had been inflicted upon him. He felt the pain and horror that Rick endured when he first killed, first felt the slickness of another’s blood on his hands. He felt the emptiness growing inside of him, eating at him, he felt the jealousy and longing Rick felt when he saw the Clans and the way they stood by each other, supporting and aiding one another, never letting their own behind, no matter what. Rick had hated the Clans for having what he couldn’t, even in battle they defended each other, sacrificing themselves so the others could live, defending their children at all costs instead of using them as fodder as his people did. He felt the pang of fear in Rick’s heart as he saw Cash for the first time, a wild warrior, painted with blue and brandishing a flashing sword, killing without thought or mercy as he fought to keep his clan safe. He saw Rick arguing with the others of his kind, trying to prevent them from murdering the MacLeod children, he watched as Rick threw himself in front of one little girl, taking the blade that was meant for her. He looked up through Rick’s eyes, seeing Cash looking down at him, expecting to be hacked to pieces by the heartless warrior, only to be shocked as Cash gently picked him up and carried him to the healer of Clan MacLeod, placing a gentle kiss on Rick‘s forehead as he left to rejoin his clan in the battle.

Sev sighed contentedly as he saw Rick’s lessons among the clan begin, he was still mortal, still hurt and angry, but they accepted him, taught him with their touches and their humor. Sev felt as if he would swoon as the echoes of Rick’s first experience of love coursed through him, the woman’s voice, the scent of her hair, the feeling of her breath against his chest as they enjoyed each other’s company. He watched as Rick learned to read and think, and as he taught other’s. He bore witness as Rick once again sacrificed himself to save another member of the clan, ‘his’ clan, he was a MacLeod through and through now. He had become one of them, he had been fostered and accepted by the MacLeods and loved dearly by his new family. He felt Cash’s hot blood filled tears splat upon his face and chest as the Gangrel offered him his choice. To die as a mortal, or to join him in the night. Severus realized he was finally beginning to understand what Rick had been attempting to show him when he felt the tears slipping down his own cheeks…

Harry closed his eyes as he heard the roaring of flames in his ears. He had tried to do what Cat told him to, but it just didn’t seem to be working for him. But, true to form, instead of being upset or disappointed in him, Cat simply shrugged her shoulders and assured Harry he would catch on in no time, only to quickly add that didn’t mean he would be allowed to go popping in and out without informing her were he was going.

“You are such a mum” Harry teased, smiling from one ear to the other as Cat grinned at him, wrinkling her nose as if to say ‘brat’. Harry’s eyes grew wide as they stepped out of the shadows of an alley, and into the busy market place. The wall of heat and exotic scents that hit him was beyond description, it immediately wrapped itself around him, caressing him with warmth and the enticing smell of spices, piquing his curiosity more and more with each breath he inhaled. And the people, he had never seen such a crowd in his life, it was literally a sea of people. “These aren’t wizards, are they?” he whispered to her as he took in all the different colours and types of dress.

“No sweetie, this is a muggle place, much like London. We can walk among them freely though. They aren’t nearly as uptight as the Westerners are, I think it has something to do with philosophy and religion.” Cat explained, “In Europe and America, magic is somehow connected in people’s minds with evil, but in the East, its connected with intelligence and knowledge. And believe me, it’s a welcome change.” she added, smiling at several of the shopkeepers who bowed politely to her, almost in reverence as opposed to simple respect.

As they walked, Harry kept pulling her from one tent to another, and then into the little shops that lined the courtyard where the market was set up. Every thing was so new to him, so curious, he wanted to know what it was and how it worked. He was holding a small ebony box, inlaid with mother-of-pearl as Cat explained its purpose when he first heard the deep, male voice. “You honor us with your presence Bean Uasal de MacLeod, I hope that you are here on pleasure.”

Harry watched as Cat turned around to see a large, powerfully built, bearded man, she paused for only a moment before throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. For his part, the man seemed to find her reaction both amusing and touching as he smiled down at her, a fatherly expression on his face.

“Rashid, I didn’t know you were here” Cat smiled as she stepped back, a warm smile on her face. Wrapping her arms around Harry’s shoulders, she added “Oh, Rashid, this is my son, Harry. He needed some new robes, and I remember all to well how comfortable and soft yours are. Although I hope never to have to wear them myself again, somehow me passing myself off as a man is less than convincing.” she teased, winking playfully as the man shook his head, chuckling softly.

“So, you have a son Uasal, I am ashamed not to have met him before now.” Rashid replied as he bowed politely to Harry, who noted the man’s furrowed brow and look of confusion when he realized how old Harry was. “Come Uasal, …Harry,….allow me to escort you. The marketplace has become much less hospitable than you remember. Bands of criminals rove with impunity since Quatre has left us to aid his brothers.”

“They rove with impunity?” Cat repeated “With you here? I find that impossible to believe. I’ve seen you quell several uprisings, organize villages into disciplined armies,….”

“True” Rashid agreed, smiling slightly “but those were people who cared about their homes, their families,” he waved his hand dismissively, an angry edge suddenly appearing in his voice “but these creatures. Bah, they care for nothing and no one, not even themselves. They are lost and want to pull the rest of us down into the mud with them.”

Harry watched and listened intently as Cat and Rashid continued their conversation, he realized Rashid was asking for the Clan’s help without actually asking for it. It seemed a strange way to go about things, but he was sure Cat would explain it to him once they were back home. But until then, Harry was more than content to follow along, his hand firmly held by Cat, as he took in all the sights and sounds. He was so wrapped up in watching everything around him, he had failed to notice Rashid speaking to him, and it was only when the man quickly grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him backwards that he realized he was in danger.

“You should learn to listen child.” Rashid hissed softly as he ushered Cat and Harry into a shadowy alley, only to stand in front of them as a group of young men walked by. Harry felt Cat’s arm around him, pulling him close to her as she stood in Rashid’s shadow, as the men paused to stare at Rashid before passing by. He watched as his mum waited a few more moments before silently reaching out and placing her hand on the arm of Rashid, who stood unmoving and silent as a stone.

Cat gazed down at Harry and smiled softly, fussing with his hair as she waited for Rashid to turn and explain his actions to her, she didn’t have long to wait. “Hurry Uasal, before they return.” he whispered darkly as he quickly hurried them along.

“Who are they and why do they worry you Rashid?” Cat asked coldly, her eyes taking on a fierceness that Harry was unaccustomed to. “I know you, I’ve seen what you can do. You could have easily killed them all.”

“Yes, and more would quickly follow” he replied. “That is why I came to look for you, there is a price on your head Uasal. A dark wizard from the North has placed a bounty on your clan, and more particularly you and this boy you refer to as your son.”

Cat stopped cold and turned to face Rashid “What dark wizard?” she asked, glowering darkly “Who dares to endanger my clan, my son.”