Harry had often wondered how Sirius survived all those years, after all Sirius had been a man who was used to being around people, Remus had told him many times about Sirius’s popularity, especially with girls. And it was obvious from the past few hours how much Sirius both loved and needed to know that someone cared about him. In fact Harry was hard pressed to remember a time he had ever seen Sirius happier than since they came to Fernglennis with Cat and her clan.
As Harry was busy watching Sirius, he noticed the door on the other side of the room open as a petite redheaded woman walked through. Harry recognized his mother immediately, he wanted to signal to her, but the look on her face prevented him from making a move. Her eyes were transfixed on Sirius, watching every movement his godfather was making. Harry was sure he saw tears in Cat’s eyes as Sirius continued to sing, he wondered if Sirius had finally told her about Azkaban, if she understood why he was so sad all the time…..
remember the first time I moved in you, the holy dark was moving too, and every breathe we took was hallelujah
Cat closed her eyes as she let Sirius’s voice wash over her, she remembered this song so well, he used to sing this song to her all the time. He sung it with such a passion, such depth, he had known that it always reminded her of the first time they made love.
She sighed as she wiped her tears away and remembered the first time she and Sirius had been together. Neither of them had intended it to go so far, but neither of them wanted to stop either.
His uniform was hanging half off his back and her blouse was somewhere near their robes, the air was mild for March, not that either of them would have noticed. His kisses had been so passionate, she could still feel the heat when she thought of them. Their tongues had searched and tasted each other as their hands explored the warm hollows of each other’s bodies. She shuddered as he kissed his way down her neck, biting playfully here and there for no other reason than to hear her gasp. He had kissed his way down the chain, down until he found his ring were it lay over her heart. He gently pushed her down onto her knees, joining her as he tore off his rumpled shirt.
Sirius had looked deeply into her eyes, searching them to make sure she wasn’t frightened, he wanted to be positive she was sure, he had sworn to her time and time again he would never push her. If he had any questions, they were quickly put to rest when she locked her lips over his, drinking in his warmth as her hands enjoyed the flesh of his naked back. She all but melted when he twisted his hand in her hair, gently pulling her head back as he leaned into the kiss, invading her mouth with his tongue as his free hand slowly made its way to her breasts.
She moaned softly as his hand cupped her breast, lifting and fondling it as he half cradled her body in his powerful arms. She could feel his body quivering against hers as he responded to the arching of her back and her gasping breaths. He had pulled away from her momentarily, she knew he was trying to control himself, after all, he was used to this, he had been with so many others, but he was her first, and he knew it. She had thought he was going to stop, instead, he reached out for her again, undoing and removing her bra. Tenderly he kneaded her nipples between his fingers, a look of entrancement on his face as she moaned and squirmed under his attentions. Once more he looked deeply into her eyes as he stroked her breasts, she remembered nodding her head as he silently begged to be allowed to continue. She had cried out his name as his mouth closed over her sensitive nipples, his tongue bringing her to the edge of delirium as it darted playfully over her delicate flesh.
Cat remembered how loving and gentle he had been towards her, he kept his promise, he never forced her, never badgered her, in fact he had seemed surprised when she had urged him on. He had gasped loudly when she had finally worked up the bravery to reach out and touch him. She had always wondered what it would feel like when it was hard and stiff, and the only other boy she had ever touched in such a way had been nearly as frightened as she had been. A momentary flash of sorrow filled her as she remembered the night she and Remus had shared in Fernglennis, nothing had ‘really’ happened, other than a little cuddling and touching. But it had been enough to arouse her curiosity, she wondered if all boys felt the same, if they would all reacted the same way to her touch.
Her hand slowly moved up his thigh, feeling the strength of his muscles through his trousers as he continued to suckle at her. She shuddered as she felt him moan. Her hand had finally found his passion and gently closed around it, she began stroking it, uncertain as to whether she was doing it correctly. “Oh Kitty” he had sighed as he rested his head against her chest, just before he wrapped his arms around her, and laid her on the soft ground. It was now his hands that set the pace, he had started right above her knees and slowly moved upward, lifting her skirt and parting her legs as he knelt between them.
Gingerly he touched her through her panties, his eyes half closed as his breath came in slow, deep gasps, mirroring her own. She felt her hips rising to meet his fingers as they pried the fabric away, revealing her secrets to him and him alone. She was surprised by her own lack of fear, she expected to be terrified when this moment actually arrived, but all she could think about was him, his softness, his love, his happiness. His fingers nimbly slid inside of her, causing her to arch her back and moan as the sensation rocked its way through her entire body. She wriggled and gasped as he continued his attentions, she wanted him so badly, so desperately she could almost taste him. Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled him onto her, kissing him feverently as he redoubled his efforts, causing her to quake and orgasm several times.
Sirius finally removed his fingers from her, pulling her up so she was sitting in front of him. Even though he had released her several times, one look into his eyes told her he was still yearning to feel that same release. She had taken his face in her hand and kissed him tenderly letting her lips trail from his lips, down his neck and to his chest. “Kitty, are you sure you want to? If you don’t, just say so, I promise I’ll stop right now.” he had told her, his eyes pleading and searching her own.
“No, don’t stop, I want to, I want to know you.” That had been her response. His eyes had filled with tears as he kissed her deeply, removing her panties as he undid his trousers. She knew he was much more experienced than she was, but he seemed every bit as nervous as she did. He stroked her hair gently, kissing her over and over as he tenderly laid her back on the ground, easing himself into her. She grit her teeth at first, waiting to feel the pain that everyone talked about, but it never came. All she felt was an immense pressure as he pushed passed her maidenhead an into the deepest recess of her body. She felt herself gasp sharply, then moan deeply as his presence invaded her, she had never felt anything like this before, even the motions of his fingers were nothing compared to what she felt now.
His entire being was inside of her, not simply a piece of him, and every time he moved, that sensation only intensified. She was surprised by her own reactions to this, in fact, she wasn’t even sure if she should call them reactions, they were more like instincts. Her moans were becoming deeper and louder as he pushed further and further into her, soon she was finding it difficult to catch her breath, but she didn’t care, not anymore. Something inside of her had chance forever and she knew it, to her, it felt as if the vastness of the ocean had invaded her, each wave bringing a new intensity of the flesh and emotions. She tried to call out his name, but found it impossible to form the sounds, so instead she kissed him, his hair, face, arms, it didn’t matter, she wanted to devour him, to keep him with her forever.
She felt her body tensing and straining just as it had a few short minutes before, but this was so much more intense, so all consuming, it was all she could do to hold onto him. In fact, she could already feel her fingernails digging into his flesh as he quickened the pace, plunging deeply inside of her as he kissed her body. Just when she thought she would die from the overpowering rapture that was growing inside of her, she felt herself exploded, screaming out his name as she did so. She heard him call out her name only moments later as his body tensed and convulsed as he held her tightly in his arms. They laid there a few minutes, overcome by the experience and weeping with joy. Sirius had nuzzled against her, kissing her neck and ear softly as she ran her hands through his thick hair, she whimpered as he moved to separate himself from her, she didn’t want this moment to end, it was too wonderful, too perfect to disturb. She could tell he felt the same way when he kissed her lips, she locked her arms around his neck, hoping to keep him near to her for a few moments longer, but only succeeded in having him lift her as he pulled himself up. She groaned as the change in their position caused him to slide further into herself. They both hesitated as the shock reverberated through them, she could easily see the conflict in his eyes, he wanted to take her again, but he was so concerned about hurting her he was afraid to.
He spoke her name uncertainly, it was barely a whisper, but in that word she heard all of the longing and yearning he had held inside of him over the past few months. She kissed him deeply pulling herself up as she held onto his broad shoulders, it was all the encouragement he needed. He wrapped his strong arms around her waist, pulling her in and downward as he thrust his hips against hers. They both growled and moaned like animals as they kissed and plunged into each other. Within minutes she felt the same sensation of exploding, of moving outside of her own body as they climaxed together. Only this time she felt something more, she felt their souls touching and joining, like two flames becoming one. She knew deep in her heart, she would never love anyone else the way she would love him, he had become part of her now, and she knew she had become a part of him as well.
She rested her head on his shoulder as he rubbed her back, he had mentioned something about it becoming cool and taking her back to the tower, but she had barely heard him. She was tired and the muscles of her legs were trembling and nothing she could do would stop them. She sighed as she felt Sirius lift her off of himself and set her gently on the ground as he quickly gathered their clothes. She had to smile at him, he was so sweet, so concerned for her.
He must have seen how much of a toll it had taken on her physically, his hands rubbed her thighs gently, trying to stop them from shaking. She felt so foolish, so silly, how could she explain to him that she was fine, just tired. She leaned against him and laughed softly as she apologized to him, only to have him hush her with his kisses as he told her once more how much he loved her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and helped to stand up, only to catch her as he knees buckled under her, that’s when he saw it. His face had gone a ghastly shade of white as his eyes focused on the bright crimson puddle, “Catrianna? I’m sorry, please, please I tried to be gentle, I swear, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” he had repeated that over and over as he stared at the small pool of blood. No amount of reassurance would convince him that she was fine, that he hadn’t hurt her. In fact, he had insisted on carrying her back to the tower, and it was only at her insistence that she would never speak to him again that she persuaded him not to take her to Poppy. Apparently, even with all the girls he had had, he had never had a virgin before, he knew nothing of the rupturing of the membrane or of the blood that it produced. ……
Cat looked longingly at Sirius as he continued singing, she had to walk out of the room, her emotions were overcoming her, she had been so sure they would be together forever. Her heart ached just thinking about they many nights they had spent in each others arms, he had been the man of her dreams, and if the past several hours were any indication at all, he would be a wonderful father as well.
Once Cat was safely down the hall and away from the music room, she allowed her tears to flow freely. “Why couldn’t you have told me you weren’t married sooner? Why did Remus have to be the one to tell me gra, if you love me as much as you seem to, why didn’t you tell me right away?” she sobbed as she shuffled down the hall, wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse. “I can’t just abandon Severus, I care for him too much to ever hurt him like that, but I can’t lead him on either.” she sighed.
“Now child” a gentle voice spoke from behind her “surely you can find a gentle way to tell this other man your feelings for him have changed.” Merlin said as he appeared out of the shadows, opening his arms to Cat as he smiled warmly at her. He hushed her tears as she allowed him to hold her “Hush child, you know how I hate to see you cry.” he said soothingly as he rocked her softly. “And I see nothing to be gained by postponing things, I would say its obvious that you care for Sirius Black a great deal.”
“I do, but I care for Severus as well, and it wouldn‘t be fair to him if I just abandoned him, he didn‘t do anything wrong. He‘s never been anything but kind and loving to me.” Cat sobbed as she clung to Merlin, knowing she was safe in his arms. He had been there for her since the day she was born, he was her godfather and her protector. “Uncle, I don’t know what to do, I think Sirius still loves me, but I know he isn’t being honest with me either, I can’t ignore that, and I can‘t forget he betrayed me once before.”
“And you shouldn’t my dear, you must insist he tells you everything, honesty is very important,. As for his betrayal, hmmm, well I don’t know what to say, but that must be discussed as well, at the very least he owes you an explanation. Besides he will never be able to heal until he tells you everything.” he added, watching with approval as Cat’s eyes looked up at his. “Yes child, he needs your help again, just as he did when his father passed away. Only this time you and his godchild are the only ones he has left. Do you know his entire family has been wiped out over the last two decades? No? I had the feeling no one bothered to tell you of that bit of information.”
“But why? Why would anyone kill off the Blacks? And how did Sirius survive?” Cat suddenly gasped “Is that why he looks the way he does? It that why he’s in hiding?”
“Partly” Merlin nodded “but its much more involved than that.” he explained as he pushed Cat away from him so he could get a good look at his god daughter. “As lovely as ever, no wonder he’s never forgotten you.” he winked as he handed her a handkerchief. Offering her his arm, Merlin escorted her down the hall “Now, about this other fellow you say you care for, Severus did you say?”
“Yes Uncle, Professor Severus Snape” Cat replied as she dabbed at her eyes. “He’s a very dear man, intelligent, clever, charming, and he tries so hard to do the right thing. Although I’m afraid its not always easy for him, he’s had a very hard life. He’s lost everyone who has ever meant anything to him, his mother, his wife, his daughter.” She sighed deeply “He deserves better, he certainly deserves someone who can love him more than I do. Someone who wouldn’t be haunted by what ifs and maybe’s. I can’t bear the thought of hurting him, I don’t think he could endure it if I turned away from him.”
Merlin smiled warmly at her “You always did have a kind heart child, but let me ask you this. Is it kindness to allow this Professor to think you love him?”
“I do love him Uncle….” Catri said quietly.
Merlin sighed deeply “You’ve been spending too much time with Orpha, its not like you to take things so literally. And we both know there is a very large difference between loving someone and being in love with them. So tell me, are you ‘in’ love with this professor, or with Sirius?”
Cat shook her head. “I don’t know that I’m ‘in’ love with either. I adore both of them, I hold a special fondness for each of them, and they both have their good and bad points.”
“Such as?” Merlin encouraged her, hoping she would listen carefully to her own words…….
Sirius smiled warmly as more and more of Cat’s clan came over and introduced themselves to him, even though he knew it was only to see for themselves who the stranger she had brought home with her was. But Harry’s constant support and the kind smiles from Cat’s aunts and brothers was doing wonders for his mood and his confidence. He remembered all to well how important clan was to Cat, it was at the center of nearly everything she did, and if they accepted him, or better yet, approved of him,….well, it would certainly make things much easier.
“Harry” Sirius asked, “have you seen your mum lately? I though she would have made her way over here with the others.” he explained, motioning to Remus, Tris, Merigwen and Siobhan.
Harry paused for a few moments before replying, he didn’t want to upset Sirius, but it was obvious that Cat was upset about something, why else would she start crying and leave the room like that. “She was here earlier, but she left. I guess she needed to do something.” Harry said, hoping Sirius wouldn’t ask him anything else.
“She left?” Sirius repeated, “it’s not like her to leave a party, especially her own.” he said absently as he wondered where she had gone. “Harry, why don’t you go talk to your cousins, you know, get to know them a little” he suggested, giving Harry a gentle nudge towards Callista and the other children…..
