Top Fifteen Remus/Sirius Clichés

Here they are, the Top Fifteen Remus/Sirius Clichés! Have you ever wondered why we see so many of the same characterizations or events in the Remus/Sirius fics? Well, even if you haven't, the shipmates of the H.M.S. WolfStar have! What began as a simple mention of clichéd writing tactics turned into the list you see before you.

Now, just because you read this and think, 'Oh, no! I've used these plot elements/characterizations before in my own fics!' doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. Everyone on our ship has used them, too - that's how we came up with them all. It's not a bad thing at all. But if you've got all fifteen in your story, and are coming up with a few items that we left off the list, that might be saying something. ...Just kidding.

Totally dedicated to my H.M.S. WolfStar shipmates. You guys are the best. Without you, things would, well, suck. And not in the way that either of the puppies would enjoy. ::blows kisses to all her lovely shipmates::

15. One of their mothers is usually named Moira. We're not sure why this happens...it just does. We think it has something to do with the name "Moira" meaning "bitterness" or "fate." Works for the mother of either puppy, wouldn't you agree?

14. Remus speaks French. He has either lived in France, is actually French in origin, or has spent time in France having various medical tests performed on him. Apparently all werewolves are French. "Est-ce que tu est un loup-garou?"

13. When the Marauders announce that they still want to be friends with Remus even though he is a werewolf, and that they intend to become Animagi as well, Remus is moved to the point of tears. Never mind that he is male and has had years of practice on his rigid self-control. He will break down and cry tears of joy, and none of the other boys will find this the least bit strange.

12. Peter is always portrayed as Homophobic!Peter, LoserDestinedToBeAlone!Peter, or, sometimes, HomophobicLoserDestinedToBeAlone!Peter.

11. James is the most understanding straight best friend a gay boy ever had. Ever. Nothing squicks him, no matter how many times he walks in on Remus and Sirius in...er...compromising positions.

10. When Remus and Sirius come out about their relationship, nobody is squicked. In fact, everyone is cool with it. Everyone.

9. The puppies inevitably go to the Shrieking Shack to have sex, even though there are approximately 84,000 unoccupied rooms in the castle at any given point during the day. Never mind that the Shrieking Shack has the werewolf vibe and is an undecorated, disgusting, dusty shack. It turns into The Shagging Shack when the boys are ready to get it on.

8. Sirius Black is bi and quite experienced - I believe Ithica coined the phrase "Gryffin-whore." He is halfblood, possessing either wonderful or awful parents, and usually has particularly evil siblings all named after stars. Sirius is the taller of the two, having long "silken" "ebony" hair and pale "quicksilver" or "ice blue" eyes. He finally matures when he realizes that Remus does not possess an ounce of self-worth, and then takes it upon himself to prove that "You're just as human as the rest of us, Moony, and I love you!"

7. Remus Lupin is gay and quite inexperienced - his "first time" is usually with Sirius. He is pureblood, possessing either wonderful or awful parents, and usually has no siblings, unless he has a saintly deceased twin brother named Romulus. Romulus generally bites the dust in the childhood werewolf attack. Remus is the shorter of the two, having short "tawny" brown hair with "speckles of silver" and "unearthly" "amber" eyes, indicative of his lycanthropy. Remus hates himself and does not believe he is truly human or worthy of love, until Sirius and the others proves otherwise.

6. When Sirius possesses awful parents, Remus's are understanding; when Remus's parents are evil, Sirius's are quite kind. It's an alternating parental unit evilness scale. Then, of course, there are the angst-ridden fics where both sets of parents are evil, but Remus/Sirius is an angst-prone pair anyway.

5. Lily has Preternatural Gaydar. (Thanks to Ballyharnon for coining the phrase.)

4. So, of course, whenever the puppies are angsty, Lily and her mad Preternatural Gaydar skills will realize it and have a solution for them, whether it be in bringing them together in the first place or reconciling them after some terrible disagreement (namely, the Whomping Willow incident). James, although he is the Most Understand Straight Best Friend, will not have a clue as to what's going on.

3. Sirius's name is eventually cleared. Always. And he and Remus adopt Harry, and they all live happily ever after in the infamous cottage in the woods. This lifestyle generally features MaleMum!Remus (thanks to Strange Vision for coining the phrase), DemiDad!Sirius, and I'mCoolWithHavingTwoGodfathers!Harry.

2. Dumbledore's instructions to "lie low at Lupin's" are inevitably interpreted as "Go to Lupin's cottage in the woods, make up with him, and shag. Then shag some more. Then shag again for good measure, discuss what a miserable hand fate has dealt you, then come back to the Order of the Phoenix and save the world."

1. MATING FOR LIFE! Honestly...need we say more?

Back to the Doghouse.........or visit us on board the H.M.S. WolfStar.

H.M.S. WolfStar III: Bondage and Clichés and Male!Mums, Oh My!

Email: dramaticks03@yahoo.com