Public Service Announcement: triops.
There's a terror out there, a terror that remains, unknown to the majority of you. While you sleep, while you masturbate, while you pick at the small stones that stick in the cracks of the soles of your shoes, its working diligently at achieving its goal, of complete global domination.

Triops, an eternal killer harking back to the age of the dinosaurs survived meteor attacks, an ice age, and lived through the second world war. Truly, evil incarnate, they are horrifying creatures with claws, tentacles, carapaces and hideous eyes. They eat their young and each other, yet they're sold in stasis at many children's store in the guise of harmless pets. Once they mature into their adult form though, horrendous carnage is always the end result. Small packs of triops have laid waste to entire modern day towns, and in the past they have been linked to the bloody demise of several civilizations (Mayans, Atlanteas). Sadly the situation has gotten worse ever since 1944. Near the end of WWII, Hitler was running out of options, and similarly to the ideas that created the african killer bees, decided that a hybrid would help him trounce the allies once and for all. He knew of the wild triop's unbridled savagery, and thought that if he could somehow direct their demonic rage towards the jews and allies, the war would be won. After years of experiments, they managed to merge one of Hitlers's lesser known brothers, Jermaine with a triop. The result was the ancestor to 98% of today's triops, because of this many of them still have a deep-seeded hatred for Jews which lies dormant bubbling to the surface periodically.

A growing trend now is also the triops' desire to take over small plots of land in the attempt to bring back the ancient feudal system. Being fairly intelligent, and rational, up until now triops have decided against head on conflicts with humans, and have continued on their path to world domination enslaving lesser creatures and then working their way up. Being common knowledge that they're the "Kings of the Jungle" or the "Kings of the beasts", this put lion's at a great list. All to often triop elders confront lions for all out, no holds barred, battles for jungle supremacy! Because of the triops' lightning quick reflexes and advanced telekinetic attacks such as it's "Thunder Shock", these battles always end the same way, with the lion being defeated, then leaving the jungle for San Francisco to become gay. As a result, San Francisco's gay lion population has skyrocketed, leading to overpopulation and increases in crime, habitual drug use, and a teen pregnancies.

I believe that in the 21st century, we should join together to stand up against the triops' oncoming onslaught. Forget about the wars on racism, drugs, equal rights, and terrorism and lets focus on toppling the Triop monarchy that may one day enslave mankind. If we push now we may still have a chance of defeating them, but if we allow the unification of all their jungle scepters, they will have the means to build their moonship armada, and all will be lost.