Sirius shook his head as he caught Cat staring at him from the corner of his eye. He knew the moment he looked up she would dart down behind the book again or pretend to be watching the falling snow outside. She had been like this since yesterday evening, he had put it down to her rather tenuous emotional state then, or perhaps her nightmares last night had set her on edge, but it was obvious it was something more now.
As he looked around, Sirius realized that everyone else had left the study, it was only he and Cat now. Very quietly, he pointed at the door, making it close and lock as he kept his eyes trained on Cat. It wasn’t until she heard the soft ‘click’ of the lock that she looked up, immediately realized what he had done.
“Cat, don’t go.” Sirius said softly as he saw her rise and head towards the door. “I don’t know what’s happened between us, but its well past time to fix it.”
“Sirius, I just can’t talk about it right now.” Cat replied quietly as she avoided looking directly at him.
Sirius quickly strode across the room, catching Cat by her hand before she could move away. “Gra, this isn’t like you. When have you not been able to look me in the eyes? Is this because of what happened yesterday? Did the ring upset you that much? Or was it all those nightmares last night?” he felt sure he already had his answer when he felt her body tense at the word nightmare. “What was chasing you last night, Cat? What were you telling to get away from you?”
“You heard me?” Cat asked, a haze of fear in her eyes as she finally looked into Sirius’s eyes. Her mind reeled as she thought of what else he had heard her say in her sleep, had he realized it was her own guilty conscious chasing after her, thinly veiled as a weeping Severus. Had she called out a name, had he heard her sobbing over who’s child she feared may even now be growing inside of her?
“Heard you? Mo ionúin I had to stop you from hurting yourself and me. Or didn’t you realize I staid by your side all night long……again?” he asked, a small smile on his face as he raised her hand to his lips, kissing it lightly. A look of quiet concern flitted across his countenance as he felt her freeze up once more. “Cat? Come on, sit down, you and I need to have a long talk. I don’t like the fact that you’re acting like you’re afraid of me.” he said gently as he steered her towards a small sofa.
“I’m not afraid of you, Sirius,” she sighed “you should know better than that.”
“And you should know better than to think I’d let this go.” Sirius responded, firmly but gently. He cupped her face in his hand, tilting her head so she had to look into his eyes. “And please, please, look me in my eyes.”
“How can you be so kind to me all the time?” Cat asked as her eyes started misting over. “This is how you used to be with me, until that night, then you were so wretched, always yelling and saying such hurtful things.”
“Shhh, don’t…..don’t bring that up. That wasn’t me, gra, it was my anger and my stupidity.” he sighed as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him. “Was that what was giving you all those nightmares last night? Memories of …well…of what I did?”
“No, not entirely. It started out as that, but it …..” she shook her head sadly, “I can’t explain it to you, Siri. There is so much I need to tell you, but I don’t know where to begin, and I’m so afraid I’ll lose you again.”
“No, not entirely. It started out as that, but it …..” she shook her head sadly, “I can’t explain it to you, Siri. There is so much I need to tell you, but I don’t know where to begin, and I’m so afraid I’ll lose you again.”
“You won’t ever lose me, Cat, not even if you wanted to.” he teased, trying to lighten her mood. “Come on now, gra. I know I’ve said this before, and I mean it. No more tears. We’re finally somewhere that I can actually be with you, in broad daylight, we don’t have to worry about the MoM showing up, or Auror’s apparating in to take me back to Azkaban, and what have we done? Hmmm?”
He looked down, only to see her staring up at him with a questioning look in her bright, green eyes. “I’ll tell you what. We’ve wasted it! Between the two of us, we’ve cried, ranted, feared, avoided and heaven only knows what else, rather than enjoyed it. I love you, I’ve told you that many, many times, I don’t know how or what else to say. And I have witnesses who have heard you say that ‘you’ love ‘me’, as well. So that being said, I want to know what, besides waiting for you father’s approval is stopping us from being together and being happy.”
“Are you sure you ‘really’ want the answer to that?” Cat asked softly.
“Honestly? I think I already know, and his initials are S. S……..am I right?” Sirius asked knowingly. “Cat, before you go getting yourself sick over this, or him, let me ask you a few questions.” Seeing her about to argue, he held up his hands “Just hear me out, that’s all I ask, gra. Its not too much to ask for, now is it?”
“As long as you promise not to be nasty or cruel.” Cat sighed.
“Agreed. First question; If you’re so torn between us, why haven’t you had him brought here to your home? I know you can do it, I know Rick, Cash or Hamish could easily have brought him back with them. Did you not want to force him, or were you afraid of how he would react when he saw your clan. Especially someone like Bruid or your neighbours, the Fae.” Hearing only her silence, he continued.
“Second question; What about Harry? Do you honestly think he would ever be able to look at Snape and call him his father?” that had done it, he felt her cringe as soon as he had mentioned it. “Well, Cat, have you given it any thought at all?”
“Yes, I have…but there is so much more involved in this Siri. Its not just about me or you or even Harry.” Cat sighed
“I know, ….it also involves Edana, Calli and who knows how many others. Although I have serious doubts he’d survive your brothers, especially Duncan, ….’I’ barely survived Duncan.” he smiled as he heard her snort at his comment. “I’m glad to see I can still make you laugh…or snort.”
“Oh, Siri, what am I going to do with you?” Cat sighed.
“Well, for starters, how about educating him properly.” Orpha suggested as she barged through the locked doors. “We don’t lock clan out of rooms, well, maybe bedrooms, but not the study.” she stated reproachfully. “Kitty, you and I need to have a little discussion of our own before you and Sirius have a heart to heart. Your godfather went to the school last night, seems he found out something very important.”
“Sirius, here, take these book, study them carefully. Kitty‘s father will be returning home soon, I want you to be well prepared to meet him. Nothing can replace a good first impression.”……
Mohrg smiled widely as he peered into the room where Cobryn and Saralonde sat, it seemed he had been right. Each of them had been needing to feel useful, to feel needed. They had been able to help one another, pulling comfort and strength from each other as Saralonde nursed Cobryn’s wounds and Cobryn watched over and protected the inexperience Saralonde.
A feeling of warmth passed through him as he felt the guilt of his clans involvement diminish. They had been using the hunter as their own spy, lying and deceiving Prince Daithi to their own ends. Not that betraying the prince had really bothered Mohrg, but the realization that their spells had slowed the hunter down, had disturbed him greatly, especially when he saw the price both Cobryn and Roel had paid for his clans involvement.
If only he could do something to help Roel and the Gangrels, but Cash had made it clear that the decision to live or die would be Roel’s alone. He would not force his own childer to live and he all but dared anyone else to make that decision in his stead. Gods, but Cash was an odd sort of creature! One moment fighting passionately to save his clan, the next daring anyone to save a member of that same clan, even his own childer. Deep inside, Mohrg knew that it was only out of love that Cash refused to enforce his will on Roel, and that that decision must be tearing the Methuselah’s heart apart.
No sooner had that thought crossed his mind, than he heard the frantic pleas of the new Garou Alpha echoing through the mental caverns of his mind. It was the blood bond he had forged with Fang, and it seemed the young alpha was in need of help. Growling deeply, Mohrg dashed madly towards Fang, understanding immediately what was happening. Cash was very close to going mad and near frenzy. At first Mohrg feared that Fang was his intended target, but it became all to clear that it was Raul that was bearing the brunt of the Methuselah’s temper as soon as he caught sight of them ……………
< FERNGLENNIS ----evening Jan 3> Sirius stared at the books Orpha had given him, books on clan laws, customs, language, history, basically everything he would need to have an intelligent conversation with Cat’s father. He finished drying off with the towel as he slipped on the loose fitting loungers Luke had lent him and looked in the mirror. He was looking ’shabby’ again, as Cat called it, you would think after all those years of not being able to shave, he would have at least been able to grow a decent beard, but obviously that just wasn’t going to happen.
Pulling out the shaving kit, Sirius mused over the idea of maybe trying for a goatee, until he realized it made him look a bit too sinister, and that last thing he wanted, considering his already tarnished reputation. Besides, Cat liked his face smooth, he thought, grinning widely as he recalled how nice it felt to hold her in his arms. If only Orpha hadn’t come into the study this morning, he was finally getting somewhere with her. He knew he needed to get her to think her options through carefully and completely. He also had the sneaking suspicion that her little sojourn to Snape’s house was now preying on her mind, or more precisely, her guilt was. Part of him wanted to bring it out into the open, telling her he already knew and that as far as he was concerned it was over and done with and would never be spoken of again. But deep inside of him, he knew that if he was the one to bring it up…..well, things just wouldn’t go very well.
But at least Orpha had given him enough to keep his mind occupied while she ’stole’ Cat away for this ’talk’ of theirs. He could only hope that the talk was going to be something in his favour, although Orpha did seem to be a bit sterner than usual today. And what had Merlin been doing at Hogwarts? Sirius closed his eyes as he thought about Roel and Cash, hoping that nothing had happened to either of them, it would just kill Cat if she lost either of them.
“Hey, anyone home?” Paddy yelled out as he entered the bedroom, “Siobhan has Edana tonight, she said I look like I’m just this side of the living.” he added, screwing up his face as Sirius laughed at him. “Don’t you dare agree with her. Its not my fault I haven’t picked up this ‘daddy thing’ as fast as you have. So, you and Kitty have any plans for tonight? I mean since you’re all cleaned up and even shaving…..again..”
“Don’t push your luck” Sirius growled playfully. “And no, no plans, Orpha spirited her away earlier and I haven’t seen either of them for hours. Don’t suppose you know anything about what this ‘discussion’ of theirs is about?”
Paddy shrugged his shoulders “Sorry, no idea. But if you don’t have anything else to keep you busy, the guys and I were going to play some cards. That is if you can put off all that reading, or are you like Kitty? You know, read voraciously and then have the gall to remember nearly every word for the rest of your life.”
Siri laughed, “I wish, she was the good student, not me, I was too busy getting into trouble to study. And if you must know, Orpha told me to study those books, I think she wants me to be ready to meet Cat’s father when he comes home.”
“Well, that’s a good sign.” Paddy grinned, “But I think you can put it off for one night, you know get to know your new clan and all.” he added, nudging Siri with his elbow.
“Where and when?” Siri asked, smiling widely as he wiped the last of the shaving cream from his now smooth face.
“In Duncan’s room, ….now” Paddy grinned.
“Now? Remus bailed on you , didn’t he?” Siri asked, smiling good naturedly as he hooked his arm around Paddy’s neck.
Paddy laughed deeply as he rough housed with Sirius, “Yep, he did, I think its going to be a toss up with who’s first, you and Kitty or him and Tris”
“Are you two coming or is it just Duncan and me tonight?” Luke called out as he smirked at Paddy and Sirius. “Gheez, you two are already acting like brothers. This ought to be a real blast, I hope everyone survives.” he deadpanned.
“Come on, Luke, its just a game of cards,” Paddy winked, “nothing to worry about, right?”
“Riiiigghht” Luke sighed, shaking his head as he looked between Paddy and Sirius. “I can see this is going to be a real surprise, isn’t it?”
“What are you talking about, Luke? Paddy said we’re playing cards,…….aren’t we?” Sirius asked.
Luke hesitated, his eyes drifting between Sirius’s curious blue eyes and Paddy’s pleading ones. “I’d considering more along the lines of …a game of chance…I doubt any real skill is going to make a difference, I’d say its more a matter of instincts and luck.” he stated evenly. “But I’ve seen you, I’d have to say you have an awfully good chance at coming out on top. At the very least, I’m rooting for you.” he added smiling brightly as he clapped Siri on his back, steering him towards the hall.
The three of them walked towards Duncan’s room, laughing and talking as they went. It wasn’t until Sirius felt Duncan tackle him from behind that he even had a clue something was wrong. Before he had the chance to gain his footing, Siri felt Paddy and Luke’s hands on him, dragging him towards a door he had never seen before. He felt a strong hand cover his mouth as he tried to yell out for help. He struggled vainly as Duncan’s muscular arms wrapped around him, tossing him through the open doorway as if he were no more than a sack of potatoes.
Sirius immediately ran towards the door, reaching it just as it slammed shut. Pounding loudly against the door, he yelled at them to let him out, only to hear them laughing at him. Realizing he wasn’t getting out of the room anytime soon, Siri leaned his back against the door, surveying the candle lit room. There was nothing in the room save a large bed and a fireplace, not a table, a chair, not even a window. In other words, short of burning himself trying to climb up the chimney, there was no way for him to escape.
Hearing the boys moving off, he pounded half-heartedly on the door a few more times, knowing in his heart that it was hopeless. Feeling his hot, angry tears rolling down his face, Sirius threw himself on the bed, burying his face in a pillow as he sobbed loudly. It was all over, obviously her brothers had changed their minds, and who could blame them, especially considering the last two days. In between his dragging her off from the supper table when she and Harry had returned from Mac Lir’s , and then her hysterical crying jag the next morning….heaven only knew what they thought of him. It was apparent they didn’t think he deserved a second chance with their sister…..
Cat walked slowly towards her room, distracted by the memory of her talk with Orpha. The old girl certainly didn’t pull any punches, in fact, she laid everything out before her rather clearly. And then Merlin, bright goddess, who would had thought that she would have come across his last two descendant, and then managed the get herself romantically entangled with both. But then her god father did sum it up rather well, looks and social standing never meant much to her, but she did seem to have a fatal flaw where men of intensity were concerned. And both Severus and Sirius were extremely intense in pretty near anything they did.
She allowed herself a small smile as she thought of the two of them, how alike they truly were. The way their eye’s shown when they felt challenged by the circumstances around them, the way they instinctively took charge in dangerous situations, the way they grew soft around her, showing her their hearts and souls…. Cat faltered momentarily as she saw an image of Severus flash through her mind, the look of love and longing on his face as he fed her strawberries at Arbour of the Moon’s Enchantment, the way his body had trembled at her touch.
What was she going to do? Sirius was right, it was only the though of hurting Severus that had truly stopped her from consummating their love, well that and the fear that she might be carrying Sev’s child. And what about Harry? He and Severus didn’t get along, and as much as she might try to smooth things over, they probably never would.
But the hardest part of all was admitting to Aunt Orpha the real reason she had gone home with Severus. The reason she didn’t wait until after the holidays, the fact that she had gone there with one purpose on her mind, and chances were very good she had done exactly what she had set out to do. And now it may well haunt her for the rest of her life. She was so engrossed in her thoughts, she never heard the soft footsteps of a man sneaking up behind her, never even realized that he was standing behind her. At least not until his hand was firmly over her mouth and her wrists pinned securely behind her back………..
“Well? What do YOU think Orpha?” Merlin asked as the dust settled after Kitty’s rather dramatic exit.
“I think our dear girl is in way over her pretty little head. If Maharet realizes that this professor is one of ….. If she even suspects…”
“Then we make sure she doesn’t.” he stated firmly. “We don’t do anything out of the ordinary were he is concerned. He may be the father of the next rion, for that reason alone we would be expected to see if he measures up, to see if he is both worthy and capable of joining the clan. Although judging from what we’ve heard of him from Sirius and Harry, I do have some reservations. And if what Kitty tells us about his father is true” Merlin shuddered, “I hate to think that one of my own could be so cruel to his own flesh and blood. But his mother sounds intriguing, it’s a pity she’s no longer among the living. I just wish I could remember them better, I’m sure I must have seen them when he was younger. At the very least, though, he seems to have been able to hide himself and his abilities from nearly everyone, even Maharet.”
Orpha nodded, “True, but his hidden status still doesn’t protect Kitty or Sirius from her. I’ve made arrangements to send them away for a little while, but I can’t guarantee Maharet won’t find a way to get to them, especially if Kitty’s last comment gets out.” she sighed, “That girl has got to learn to control her temper.”
“Do you think she was serious? Do you honestly think Sirius was right about that?”
Orpha turned and looked at Merlin as if he were a three headed giraffe riding a unicycle. “DO I THINK!!!! Didn’t you HEAR her? She just asked how far along a pregnancy would have to be before we would be positive of the results! ‘I’ would have to say that’s a damn good sign, wouldn’t you?!”
“Orpha, please, calm down. And I still don’t think its true, after all, the carousel has been as silent as ever.” he paused as he saw a strange look in Orpha’s aqua eyes, “What is it dear? You look as if something has just popped into your mind.”
“It has,” she stated as she rose and moved towards the door. “Did anyone take a good look at that trinket when Mac Lir returned it? Do we even know if it’s the REAL carousel?”……..
Sirius held onto the pillow tightly, wishing with all his heart it could be Cat as he wondered how he would ever be able to live his life without her and quite possibly, without Harry. How could her brothers be so cruel, to lead him on like that, telling him they approved of him, even to the point of encouraging him to push Cat a little further, only to do this to him.
He was so deeply into his sorrow, that he didn’t even realize the boys had returned until he heard the loud thud and even louder laughter coming from the other side of the door. Quickly wiping the tears from his face, Siri stood up, trying to get to the door as he heard the click of the lock, only to be sent backward by something soft and warm being thrown on him, nearly knocking the wind out of him as he fell on the bed.
It wasn’t until he heard the soft groan that he realized what, or more precisely, who, had been so unceremoniously tossed onto him. “Gra?” Sirius gasped breathlessly as he squinted his eyes in the dim light of the room. “Cat is that you? What’s going on?”
“Sirius?! What in the name of Brighde are they doing now?” she growled “So help me, they are all going down if I have any say in the matter. And why are we in a closet?” she asked, expectantly.
“A closet? This big?” he mused, “I have no idea….and why is there a bed and a fireplace in a closet?” he grinned as he finally began to understand what Luke, Duncan and Paddy had done.
“A firepl…… oh, …dear…..uhmm” Cat’s impending temper tantrum suddenly lost all of its fire as she looked around the room. It had been a closet, but it seemed Luke must have gotten involved if had changed from a linen closet to a room such as this. She could feel her face turning deep red as she saw the only thing it had been furnished with was an overly large bed, a fireplace and dozens of candles. “I don’t believe them,” she sighed, “you do realized this HAD been the linen closet we hid in after I doused Duncan during our little game.”
“You’re joking…” Siri left out a low whistle as he looked around the room, “Did Orpha do this? It must have taken some doing to manage a change like this.” he added as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her onto the bed to sit next to him. “How did your talk with Aunt Orpha go? I was beginning to think you were avoiding me, you’d been gone so long. Or was that all part of the plan?” he grinned.
“You don’t think for one minute that ‘I’ had anything to do with this.” Cat insisted, trying to lean out of Sirius’s embrace, only to have him move with her, leaning into her and effectively pinning her down to the bed as he kissed her deeply……..
The silence in the haven was nearly as deafening as it was unsettling. Raul sat in one corner, nursing his wounds and his pride as Desiree did her best to clean the blood and dirt off of him. And on the other side of the haven was Cash, sitting still as stone on the edge of Roel’s bed, holding his childer’s hand as he waited for him to either awaken or die. The other Gangrels were also gathered around Roel’s bed, as were the Garou, most of them holding candles and singing some strange, mournful tune.
“Raul, be still and let me clean this before it heals over.” Desiree stated firmly as she removed what was left of his tattered shirt. “What in the name of the blessed Mary made you confront him, you know the stress he’s been under lately, poor Roel….”
“I didn’t confront him with ANYTHING!! He sought ME out, HE brought the fight to me, I was sound asleep when he…” Raul snapped, only to be hushed by Des’s fingertips against his lips.
“Raul, now stop and think for a moment. Cash nearly died not more than what? Two or three weeks ago? I understand that beast nearly took Angel’s only child and her soon to be husband as well. Then all those death eaters attack the day after she leaves…. He’s on edge and you know it. Someone amongst us is a spy and we all know that, we just don’t know who.” she sighed, “Add all of that to the fact that his youngest childer sacrificed himself to save his clan brother and the prince’s hunter…”
“I am NOT responsible for that, if I had been there things may have gone differently” Raul insisted, unmoved by Des’s argument. “I took care of the beast, ‘I’ made sure that NONE of my clan was placed in danger, which is more than he did. Not only did he leave them open to harm, as Roel’s situation proves all too well, he then has the nerve to come after me, attacking me for his own mistakes.” he added, his voice growing louder and louder as he went on.
Desiree looked nervously over to where Cash and the others were, only to be met with several sets of nervous eyes staring back at her. Rick and Hamish were silently pleading with her to keep him quiet, while Angus looked as if he were ready to finish what Cash had started. Even the Garou twins were giving the primogen nasty looks, something they never would have dared to do even a few hours ago. “Raul, I think it may be wiser to hold both your tongue and your anger at the moment. This isn’t really the best time to….”
“I don’t need your permission to speak my mind, woman.” Raul snarled. “And if it weren’t for that Nosferatu interfering…”
“If it weren’t for Mohrg’s intervention, Raul, you would be dead.” Rick said softly as he knelt down next to the two primogen, giving Desiree a friendly kiss as he took the blood soaked rag from her hands “I’ve seen him like this before Raul, don’t push him, there is much more going on here than you can possibly realize.” he added as he wrung out the cloth handing it back to Des so she could continue cleaning up Raul.
“And I’m sure you won’t explain any of it to me, as I have obviously been branded a spy an enemy to my own clan. No trial, no chance to defend myself.”
“In other words, the same judgment you inflicted upon the Garou,” Rick stated softly. “I know you don’t want to hear this Raul, particularly from me. I know you really don’t like or respect me, you consider me too soft to be a ‘real’ Gangrel, but as you can see, I have my place in the world and in my clan. I can fight if I need to, but I had more than enough of that in my mortal life to last me through eternity. Cash and my brothers know this, just as they know I will stand beside them, defending my clan, both mortal and kindred, if I am needed.”
“Then where were you when Roel fell? Hmmm? Babysitting the Slytherin that protected the whelp who nearly killed her? That’s a strange sort of arrangement, don’t you think?” Raul hissed. “He claims to love her so dearly, yet he doesn’t love her enough to protect her very life…..:
“You are wrong, Raul, so very, very wrong.” Rick sighed. “He loves her so deeply it is almost frightening, he feels as deeply for her as Sirius does. If you had bothered to take the time to get to know him, you would understand this. I know you despise him, and I know you, like Cash, feel that Sirius should be the one to stand by her side.”
“Cash still feels this way?” Raul asked, a slight wave of surprise rippling through him. “Then why does he have you watching over the Slytherin as if you were his own personal guardian angel?”
“Because it is what I do. I preserve and protect, I even heal if I can, and trust me, Severus is a man who’s heart and soul have been in desperate need of healing for many, many years. Up until now, only Angel has ever broken through his walls to touch his heart, but he does seem to be opening up, albeit slowly.”
“But he defended her would be killer, he….” Raul sighed.
“He protected a student, a child of his house. You or I would do the same thing, Raul. We would defend one of our own to the death, but that’s not to say we wouldn’t punish them harshly for what they had done once they were safely back among us.” Rick explained as he rose to his feet, “Besides, he waited until he saw Cash heal her, he knew she was fine.”
Mohrg shook his head as he watched the confrontation between Raul and Rick, well, if you could call it a confrontation. Where Rick was involved, things very rarely escalated to that level, he would simply walk away, just as he was doing now. Mohrg wondered if it had been a mistake to save Raul’s life, and he had no doubt his interference had done just that. Cash was near frenzy, he had Raul in a death grip, it was only the news that Roel needed him that had brought him back from the brink of madness. But then, that was so like Cash.
But try as he might, Mohrg simply could not imagine Raul as a spy. The man was too blunt with his opinions, to insistent that Snape not be allowed near Angel, to protective of Angel to ever want her to be harmed by anyone. He surveyed the room, seeing the mass of Kindred and Garou present; the Gangrel, of course, the Caitiff, even Joshua and Cobryn were here, paying their respects to the bravery and selflessness of their injured fellow.
Mohrg allowed himself a small smile as he watched both Joshua and Cobryn with particular interest. It seems they had both made close friends of the Caitiff, Joshua with Coco, and Cobryn with the tender Saralonde. It was a realization that reminded Mohrg that even in death, life continued on, just as it had since the dawn of time, just as it always would.
It wasn’t until Mohrg saw Hamish pull Rick aside that his mind focused once more on the scene playing out in front of him. He watched as Rick shook his head adamantly, whatever Hamish wanted, Rick seemed set against it. Discreetly, he moved closer to them, listening intently to what they were saying.
“Rick, you have to go back to him, he must be protected. I’m being told it is more and more likely that he will play a part in our future, in our clan’s future. As a child of the clan, it is your duty to protect that future.”
“It’s your duty as well,” Rick insisted, “why must I be the one to leave Roel’s side?” he asked, barely holding back his tears.
Hamish sighed as he looked into Rick’s eyes, he was right, it wasn’t fair, but life rarely was. “Because aside from Angel, ‘you’ are the only person he trusts, you are the only one he will listen to.” He hugged Rick tightly as he saw the tears slipping down his brother’s cheeks. “Rick, please, I know this is hard for you, I know you want to be here with us, and with Roel, but we all have our duties. And believe me, I am no more fond of mine right now than you are of yours, but at least yours will get better”
“Will it? All I can see in his future is a broken heart and a lonely life, he deserves better than that.” Rick insisted, “It isn’t his fault that Sirius Black chose ’now’ to return to Angel’s life, she could have been happy with Severus, you know that.”
“I know,” Hamish nodded, “but only for a time, they would never stand the rigours of the ages, not together. And as for Sirius ’choosing’ to return now? I’d say he had no more of a choice in that than he did going to Azkaban.” he reminded gently. “Besides, Merlin was here earlier, checking up on your dear professor, it seems he and Orpha have developed a rather keen interest in him. So, one way or another, I’d say it’s a safe bet he’ll be with us a long time.” He added, smiling as Rick’s face lit up.
“Why are you smiling so much, Hamish? I thought you despised him.” Rick questioned when he saw the grin on his brother’s face.
“Two reasons. First and foremost, because you are smiling, and I enjoy seeing you happy. Secondly, I, like Cash, have no issue with this wizard, except that I will not see him as Angel’s husband. If our clan chooses to foster him, or to find him a wife amongst our womenfolk, I will treat him as I would any other member of our clan.”
“Promise?” Rick asked softly “Promise me you won’t torment him or harm him.”
Hamish shook his head, chuckling softly, “No more than I do any of the other boys, Rick. Now lets get you back to his side, I have a very bad feeling that if Maharet finds out what he may have done to our little girl, things will NOT go well.”
“Hamish? One more question?” Rick asked as he held onto Hamish’s arm, “Why have you been acting so …..odd…lately? You’re not at all the man you were when we came here.”
Hamish nodded sadly, “I know, I have a lot on my mind lately, I’m sure you understand.” seeing the confused look in Rick’s eyes, Hash knit his brow. “Hasn’t Cash told you? I’m the one that Maharet’s been trying to get to, insisting that only ‘I’ can keep our clan safe.” he snorted softly. “As if Cash hasn’t been our champion and keeper for the last twelve centuries. He’s been there for us since before HIS sire passed on. I’m not about to turn my back on him, or any of my clan, especially not for that old crone.” he gave a lop sided grin as he added, “That’s why I’ve been staying on my own so much, if I don’t know anything, she CAN’T know anything. But gods, Rick, its so lonely, that’s one of the reasons I went back home, I needed to be near the people I love.”……
Sirius’s passion grew stronger as he felt Cat’s soft form wriggle underneath him, returning his kisses with tenderness and warmth. His longing flooded him as he slowly moved down her body, kissing her jaw and neck, only to sigh as he heard her squeal, he had momentarily forgotten how sensitive her neck was. A shiver of pleasure ran up his spine as he gently nipped at her neck, just below her ear, and heard her inhale sharply. “Táim i ngrá leat” he insisted “cronaím thú”
“I miss you too, Siri” Cat sighed as his declaration of love rang in her ears, just as his kisses reverberated through her body. And she loved him, more than she could ever explain to him or even to herself; but that still didn’t change what she had done, and she needed to answer for her actions. But even worse, she needed to explain them to Siri, to tell him what she hadn’t told Orpha, she had to tell him not only what she had done, but why, and hope he would understand. “Sirius,…no…please..” she sighed as he felt his hands roaming over her body and his kisses intensifying.
Sirius slowed his movements, but only slightly, he had heard her ask him to stop, but he also remembered Luke’s advise to push her a little more, to not give up so easily. “Mo gra, why must you constantly deny me?” he asked as he manoeuvred himself on top of her. “I’m in love with you, I want to marry you, raise a family with you. Why must you always say ‘no’ to me? Especially when its so obvious that you need this every bit as much as I do.” he added, continuing his advances
<<<<<
“But why?” Sirius pleaded “I love you” he said as he kissed her softly “you said you still cared about me, you‘ve told me you love me,” kissing her neck once more as she sighed “please gra, let me love you again. Let me hold your hand, waltz in the rain, laugh with you….”
“Sirius, oh Sirius” Cat sighed deeply as she felt her heart aching to be with him “I can’t, not now.” She took a deep breath and decided to take a chance, after all if they were going to build a future together it needed to be an honest one. Diverting her eyes from his, she felt herself cringe as she started speaking, “Sirius, I’m not sure if you know where I was, what I did, that weekend of the Yule Ball. . , Severus and I…..”
“I know” Sirius said flatly as he winced “and the thought of you two being together” he shook his head “I won’t lie to you gra, it kills me to even think about it.” he replied softly as he rolled off of her, laying on his back and staring at the flickering lights as they danced across the ceiling.
“But how? When?” she swallowed loudly as a horrible queasy feeling washed over her. “How did you know?”
“I was there, remember? I staid behind with our son.” he added reproachfully. “The only reason I didn’t chase after you was because I thought you hated me for Azkaban. I was convinced you had given up on me, that you felt I wasn’t good enough for you anymore. The thought broke my heart.” he sighed as he reached over, pulling her close to him. “It wasn’t until Cash confronted me about my ‘wife’ that any of us realized that you weren’t referring to Azkaban at all.”
“You’ve know this whole time and you never said anything?” Cat replied weakly, allowing the warmth of Sirius’s body to comfort her. “But why?”
Spooning against her, Sirius buried his face in her hair to hide his own tears, “I know you Catrianna, maybe better than you know yourself. If I would have brought this up, you never would have forgiven me, you’d insist that I would never be able to put it behind us. It would have destroyed any chance of a future together for us.”
Cat winced as she recognized the truth in his words, he was absolutely right, she would have taken his knowledge as an accusation against her. She would have found it almost as difficult to forgive him as she was finding it to forgive herself. “And ‘can’ you put it behind you? Can you….you..”
“You don’t need to be forgiven, gra.” he whispered, holding on to her tightly as he felt her body tremble. “Its not as if we were together anymore, I just wished I could have told you everything in the garden that night. But Hermione and Mohrg were there and I just couldn’t take the chance of being seen. It was bad enough to know where you had gone, but it would have been even worse if they had caught me and sent me back to Azkaban. I’d never see you or Harry ever again, I’d lose both of you twice in one lifetime, I would never be able to survive that sort of pain again.”
“Besides, it gave Cash and I the chance to have a long talk.” He added, turning her in his arms so he could kiss her. “He asked me some tough questions, got me thinking about a lot of things, especially about what it means to be a family.” he insisted as he kissed her deeply, untucking her blouse and slowly undoing the buttons. His body was screaming for him to forget the niceties and follow his animal urges, but his heart was insisting he take his time, make this a night for them both to remember for the rest of their lives.
<<<<
Closing her eyes as she felt the tears slip down her cheeks, Cat choked back a soft sob. “This is exactly what I was afraid of, Sirius. What do you want me to do? Give you a blow by blow? Compare the two of you and decide which one is better? Is that what you want from me? Or do you just want to tear out my soul and hand it to you now?”
“NO! No, of course not, Cat.” he insisted, startled by her statement. “But you have to understand how much this hurts me. To know you willingly gave yourself to him, that you went with him to his home….. But you’ll hardly let ‘me’ so much as touch you.”
“I know” she whispered, kissing his lips with her tears, “but you have to understand, Sirius. If we do, and I become pregnant….I’ll never know who the father is, I’ll never know….”
“It doesn’t matter.” Sirius stated bluntly “If you’re pregnant I’m marrying you here and now. I don’t care who made the child, it will be *our* baby” he insisted. Kissing her lips tenderly as he imagining the infant he may one day hold in his arms. “In fact, part of me almost hopes you are pregnant, I want us to start on that Quidditch team we were supposed to be having. So far all we have is one seeker” he teased as he pulled her close, nuzzling against her neck. “Besides, I don’t know if you truly comprehend how much I want to be a father. And not to just Harry and Edana,” he added, “I rather like the idea of giving the kids a big brother AND a big sister.” he grinned as he saw her mouth the name Callista.
“Sirius, it isn’t that simple.” Cat sighed.
“Sure it is,” he winked. He could tell she wasn’t going to give in that easily, and oddly enough, that was fine with him, he just wanted to know she didn‘t dream of Severus now. That their time to together was over and done with, that he, she and Harry could finally put all of their secrets behind them and move forward with their lives. , “I mean, what exactly do you think your brothers were thinking when they locked us in here with nothing but a bed and no way out but the chimney?”
“I’m willing to bet they didn’t think I may already be with child.” Cat replied softly, unable to look Sirius in his eyes. Not that she needed to, she could tell by the way his body had just tensed up that he was more than a little upset.
“You went with him specifically to conceive, didn’t you?” Sirius asked as his face grew dark with hurt and anger. “Why didn’t you come to me? Or even Remus, why him?” he insisted.
“I thought you were married, remember. And Remus has sworn to never have a family. And there was no way I could ever abandon Remus, not after ding something like that. He’s part of my clan, a fosterling, …….like you are.” Cat replied softly, nuzzling against his chest as she listened to the beating of his heart.
“But why, Cat? Why is it suddenly so important for you to have a child now?” he whispered, half afraid to hear her answer.