“Did anyone realize he meant you?” she gasped as she quickly understood the implication.
“Yes, Hermione Granger, she’s a very bright girl. And luckily for me, she kept it to herself, as I was going out of my way to teach her best friend how to defend himself against Dementors.”
“That would be Harry.” she smiled “Leave it to you to keep an eye out for our clan.” seeing a flash of sadness in Remus’s eyes, she leaned against him and allowed him to wrap his arms around her. “Why are you so sad Remus? I feel like you want to say something to me.”
“You are a perceptive woman, Tristessa.” he sighed as he pulled her closer to him. “I’m worried, very worried. Kitty isn’t confiding in me like she used to, in fact, she seems to be holding in a lot of secrets and pain. And I’m also terrified that your clan won’t allow her and Sirius to be together, and your coming here to ask me about Snape doesn’t do anything to ease that fear.”
“Why would it ‘terrify’ you if Kitty didn’t wed Sirius? I don’t understand how that can be a frightening thing.”
“That’s because you weren’t there, Tris. You didn’t see Sirius when he first escaped, when he was scrounging around just trying to find enough food and warmth to stay alive. He had been beaten, starved, mentally and emotionally ravaged, and heaven only knows what else. He reminded me for all the world of a dog who had lost his home and had no where to turn. Kitty was right you know, he used to be very proud of his looks, always clean, neat, well dressed, by the time I found him he was in rags, covered in filth, he looked like he had clawed his way out of the grave…. ” Remus shook his head slowly as his memories rose to the surface. “I remembered him the way he USED to be, young, handsome, vibrant…..all the girls wanted to be with him, he could pick and choose who, what, where and when. I was so jealous of him for that. And then Kitty showed up, and she liked ‘me’, not him, it was a bit of a slap in the face for him, the infamous Sirius Black passed over for the scrawny bookworm.” he laughed softly as he recalled the look on his friend’s faces when Kitty told Sirius she couldn’t go to Hogsmeade with him because she had already made plans to go with Remus.
“He handled it pretty well, all things considered, he even seemed glad for me, you know, finally having a girlfriend and all. But as the days went by, I realized she was more than just another girl to him, I caught him watching her all the time, and even blushing when ‘she’ would catch him watching her. At first I hated him for it, I thought he was trying to steal her away, but the more I watched him, the more I realized how deep his feelings for her went, and then when James saved her from that fall at the Quidditch match and Sirius nearly decapitated a few of the Slytherin team members with those bludgers….not to mention the way he risked himself to save her life when I attacked her” he added softly.
“Please tell me you are being overly romantic about this, or at least overly dramatic.” Tris pleaded.
Remus pulled her far enough away from him so that she could see his eyes. “No, Tristessa, I mean and believe every word of it. If your clan denies them permission to wed, it will be the same as killing him.”
“Remus, I know he’s your friend, and I also know how loyal you are, after all you are a mortal child of ‘my’ clan. But there is something else you’re not telling me about this.” she rose up on her knees as she tilted his head up towards her. “Tell me Remus Lupin, what are you hiding from me?”
“Pain,….longing and loss….” he sighed deeply as he caressed her cheek. “I keep telling Kitty I will never marry, never be a father due to my curse, and I intend to stay true to my word, but it hurts me. I want to have a family, I want to be a father and a husband, but I can’t. And before you argue with me, don’t. You are a beautiful and understanding woman, but even you cannot comprehend what its like to wake up screaming because you’ve just dreamt that you transformed and slaughtered your own family. That you got too sick to make it to a cage, or something went wrong with the wolfsbane potion and now its too late, your own children are shrieking and crying as you tear out their throats. To wake up with their screams still ringing in your ears and expecting to see their blood on your hands.” Remus turned away as the tears fell freely from his eyes, his voice was little more than a choked sob as he continued. “I have lost everyone I’ve ever loved Tris, everyone but Sirius and Kitty. My own family abandoned me emotionally shortly after I was bitten, I don’t really remember when they physically left. Lily, James, Rufus, Veronica, Joe, Nathan, Cecile, Sean and Liz,…. I was practically an uncle to their children, and I had to bury them all.”
Tris’s eyes were brimming with red tears as she wrapped her arms around Remus, hugging him tightly as she tried to soothe him. Her heart broke for him as she felt his frame shake with emotion and pain. It was no wonder he was placing so much of his own fear and hope on Kitty and Sirius, they were all he had left in the world, they were his last chance, his last hope to prove that there was a point to his life, to anyone’s life. “Remus, oh my dear Remus” she cooed softly as she gently pushed his head onto her shoulder allowing him to lean against her as he tried to compose himself once more.
“Let it out, Remus” Tris advised, “it can’t be healthy to hold everything inside of you like this. You’re amongst family here, and we will NEVER abandon you, no matter what, I promise you will always have a warm and welcoming home here, and so will Sirius.”……….
“Rick?! Yeah, of course” Cash responded, sounding a bit groggy himself. “What’s up with the professor? Is everything alright?”
“Yeh, its fine.” Rick stated, hoping that it was true. “Hamish promised to keep an ear on him for me so I could stop in and see how Roel was doing. And it looks like you could do with some relief yourself. Do you want to stretch your legs or go hunt or something? I’ll stay with him until you come back, I’d kind of like to talk to him.”
Cash nodded “I think that may be a good idea, it certainly couldn’t hurt. Maybe I’ll go find Minnie and see if she’s heard any news from Albus. Besides, I need to get a few things in order.”
“In order? It sounds like your planning on leaving us or something” Rick joked, only to have his smile fall as he saw the look on Cash’s face. “Cash? What is it? What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing, Rick, I’m just ….preoccupied…” Cash stated, “Things are changing quickly, Rick, far too quickly for my liking. We can’t tell who our friends or enemies are anymore, I can’t protect my own clan, I can’t even save my childer.” Cash looked down at Roel as he wiped away a stray tear. “Don’t worry, Rick, I promise I won’t leave any of you without saying goodbye first.”
Rick froze and watched speechlessly as Cash left the haven and quickly disappeared out of sight. “Oh Cash, what are you thinking? That sure didn’t sound like a ‘we’re going home, start packing’ sort of goodbye.” Sighing deeply, Rick went to Roel’s bedside, taking Roel’s hand in his own as he tried to rouse his clan brother. “Roel, Roel, please wake up, I need to speak with you. Our world is falling apart, our clan is in turmoil, everything I ever thought I knew to be true is now being questioned. I need your laughter, Roel, I need your smile.”
“They’re yours, take them” Roel’s weak voice replied as he tried to smile for his clan brother. “And don’t be so serious all the time, it will make you old.” he added, managing a smirk as Rick’s eyes misted over. “Don’t you dare cry over me, Rick. You should know better than anyone else why I choose this path.”
Rick nodded his head, “I know why, I just don’t understand. I know what you said about dying with dignity, I was there with Carrig and Shane when your clannad died during the Black Plague, I know what you saw, what you suffered, but you don’t have to die Roel, we’re vampyres, Kindred, Gangrel…its as close to immortal as you can get without losing your soul. Don’t give up Roel, don’t do this.” Rick pleaded. “Here, take some of my blood, I’ve just come from home…Siobhan, Angel, Lia…rich, pure blood, it will heal you in no time at all. If you change your mind later, you can always….always…”
“No, Rick, I couldn’t and you know it.” Roel stated, “its one thing to allow nature to takes its course, to stop fighting when the battle has worn you down into the earth. Its another thing entirely to take your own life, I can’t do that, I just can’t.”
“You might as well” Rick retorted, sounding far more accusing than he meant to. “You don’t have to die. You are choosing to die, to give up, ….to go on without your clan.
Roel slowly smiled up at Rick “Don’t you understand Rick? I don’t want to live anymore, I’m tired of it, tired of the fighting, tired of the same stupid games everywhere we go. Wizard fighting Wizard fighting Sidhe fighting Humans fighting …well… pretty much everything. Its been the same for hundreds of years, nothing we’ve done has made a difference.” Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply as he added “I miss my parents and my sisters, I miss not having to worry about tomorrow. I want to move on, I want to know what is on the other side, who is on the other side. I want the coldness to end Rick.”
The pain etched on Rick’s face was heartbreaking to behold, “Are you sure, Roel?” he asked as he reached into his shirt, pulling out two phials “Can you honestly and truly tell me you are ready to leave us? Isn’t there any chance you will change your mind?”
“Brother, don’t be so selfish. Don’t insist I continue to exist simply because you aren’t ready to let go yet.” Roel chided gently. “I know Angel would understand if she were here, at least she would when she was done tearing Gustavas limb from limb.” he grinned, “She and Cash are too much alike sometimes, he understands too. He just doesn’t want to accept it any more than you do. And why are you staring at those phials so intently?”
Rick closed his eyes tightly as he clutched the phials in his hand, Roel was right, it was his decision and his alone, even if it did effect everyone around him. Blinking away his tears, he placed the phials in Roel’s hands. “They refused to allow her to come to you, they insist she isn’t safe here; and you aren’t well enough to survive the jaunt home. So she gave me these.” he explained. “One is full of her blood, enough to sustain you for a few days, the other….” Rick hung his head, “the other will make your passing easier.” he whispered as he leaned over and kissed Roel’s forehead. “We love you, you know that, right?” Seeing Roel smile, Rick nodded. “Try to get some sleep, brother, I promised Cash I’d watch over you until he returned.”…………
Raul growled loudly as he caught scent of Gustavas, startling everyone but Minerva, who was concentrating far too deeply to be disturbed by anything at the moment. Mohrg and Severus exchanged glances as they watched Raul circling around the edge of the pit, as if he could somehow manage to find a way inside and do away with the Tremere.
Hearing the mocking tones of Gustavas emanating from the pit, Severus and Mohrg turned to Brutus who was sitting calmly on the forest floor, seemingly deep in meditation. “Go on, you might as well take a good look at him now. He’s too weak to risk undoing the spells and face us. And there is no way any of you are getting in, he is effectively trapped, at least for now.” Brutus stated, not even bothering to open his eyes. “Mohrg of Clan Nosferatu, please be so kind as to ask my Primogen to wander his way to me. I have a last request I am hoping he can fulfil.”
“Of course, Brutus, hunter of Clan Gangrel.” Mohrg replied, “Severus, why don’t you join me? I think Minerva will be ready to begin, and I am sure Brutus and Raul would like some privacy.”
Making their way to the pit, they both peering over the edge to stare at the Tremere who smirked back at them, arrogant and smug in his hole. Severus watched as Mohrg placed one hand on Raul’s forearm, and then the other on his shoulder. Quickly pulling the Primogen’s attention away from the Tremere and focusing it completely on himself. Sev gave a half hearted smile as he recalled both Catri and Rick explaining the importance of touch and body language among the Clans, especially Catri’s Clan. Never was that point more clearly made than now. He watched closely as the two vampyres communicated He could tell Mohrg was being far more reserved than he wanted to be, probably for the sake of appearance, after all, Sev wasn’t one of them, he didn’t really belong here. But as long as his school, his students, his Catri was at risk, there was nothing that would stop him from doing his part.
Seeing Minerva’s signal, Severus immediately strode to her side, “Are you sure about this Professor McGonagall? You do understand the risks…”