"It doesn’t really matter much anymore, does it?" Sirius replied glumly
"She’s made her choice, not that I blame her." he added as he kicked the ground with the toe of his shabby boot. "I should have told her everything that first night. I kept waiting for the right time to break it all to her. And she kept bringing up Esmeralda" he winced as he recalled the painful look in Cat’s eyes. "She’s never really forgiven me for hurting her like that. Gods, I’ve treated her so badly," he said as he wiped at his eyes. "First that, then I lose my temper and almost kill her at the greenhouse, and then I have the audacity to take advantage of her that same night." Sirius shut his eyes tightly, biting his lip to stop from sobbing. "I deserve this you know, I deserve to be in misery for the rest of my life. But to make matters worse, I know she still cares about me. I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me."
Remus sighed deeply as he placed his arm around his friends shoulder. "No one deserves to suffer what you have. And I cannot believe she intends to spend her life with Severus, it will kill her Sirius. He will drain every bit of joy and happiness from her life, I won’t allow it, and neither will her clan." he assured him "But Sirius, your temper, . . its not helping things. Not that I’m one to talk tonight." he grimaced "I’m afraid I lost mine as well. If we want to get her away from Snape’s clutched, you have to keep your head."
I know, but what was I supposed to do?" Sirius said forlornly "I’ve lost her,... I know that.. in between Snape and my temper...I’ve lost her all over again." He closed his eyes and recalled the way Cat looked back over the garden, hoping to catch one last sight of him "All I have left is my memories, at least what’s left of them. You know, one of the first memories to come back was the first time I really kissed her."
They had been spending a long weekend with Lily and her parents in southern Spain. The housekeeper and her husband had just gotten done teaching them how to dance, and he had just gotten done shoving Remus into the pool for getting to close to Cat again. James had pulled him aside to ‘talk’ to him about his behavior, after all, Remus and Cat had only just broken up last week, and its not like she had started dating anyone yet.
Luckily Remus wasn’t one to hold a grudge, although the fact that Cat had fished him out and was helping towel him off was probably doing a lot to help the situation. Lily’s parents had suggested going to the rec room and playing some games until supper was ready, hoping it would calm them all down. Little did they know what games Lily had planned, she had told them they were going to play muggle games tonight. No exploding snap, no reverse the curse, just boring old muggle party games. He and James had looked at each other and sighed, expecting the chair game or something equally as boring, but they should have known better, after all, it was Lily who was picking the games.
She had decided upon a game called seven minutes of heaven, they all had to pick numbers, and the numbers that match had to go inside the closet for seven minutes and make out. At first Remus didn’t want to play, but Lily had given him a look that had quieted him down immediately. The first two matched had been Lily and James of course, Sirius had to laugh when he saw them coming out of the closet when the timer went off, both a bit red in the face and breathless. He and Remus had taken one look at them and started teasing James mercilessly, only to fall immediately quiet when the next match of numbers turned out to be James and Cat. Cat’s eyes had grown wide as she shook her head and said, "Absolutely not, I like being able to walk. I defer my turn to Lily." But of course he had to taunt them into going into the closet together, just to see what Lily would do.
"What’s so damn funny Sirius?" Remus asked glumly "Or have you completely lost your mind now?"
Sirius shook his head as he tried to stop laughing, "No Remus, I only wish I had. I was just thinking of the weekend we spent in Spain with Lily. Do you remember that game we played? Seven minutes of heaven." he waited until Remus smiled and nodded "Do you remember what happened when Cat and James had to go into the closet together?"
"Do I remember?" Remus chuckled "I thought Lily was going to kill you for that. And I have NEVER heard anyone count to 420 so fast in my life. I think she did it in what? Three minutes flat?" he grinned as he remembered Lily pacing in front of the door, counting loudly.
"Three minutes? More like two" Sirius teased as he joined Remus in laughter. "Poor James, two of the prettiest girls in school and him stuck in the middle. Say Remus. . .do you think he actually kissed her?"
Remus shrugged his shoulders "To be honest, I never asked her, or him." But Remus’s mind was already miles away, with his own memories of that gameJames had pulled him aside right before Lily announced the game they would be playing, James had wanted to make sure he would be alright with it. James knew how much he loved Cat, but he couldn’t ask her to stay with him, not after what he had done to her. Remus still remembered his exact words to his friend, "I’ve made up my mind James, besides they’re perfect for each other, just like you and Lily" he had felt his heartbreaking even as he the words left his mouth. James was right, he was madly in love with Cat, but after what had happened, .... he couldn’t bear to think about it, the site of her laying there, pale and limp, covered in her own blood, it made him cringe to think of how close he had come to killing her. . .
They had all been laughing when Lily sped through the count down, she almost wrung Sirius’s neck when he started to count backwards half way through it. James and Cat had walked out dutifully, both quite red, but Remus had the feeling that was more from laughing at Lily’s behavior than anything else. Once again the girls each picked a number, and then it was the guys turn. Remus smiled widely when he realized he and Kitty had matching numbers, this would be the perfect chance for him to put in another good word for Sirius. Glancing over, he saw the look of disappointment in Sirius’s eyes, he knew how much Sirius wanted to be with Kitty. Remus rose and took Kitty by the hand and walked into the closet with her, smiling as Lily closed the door behind them. The first thing he did was wrap his arms around her and kiss her passionately, it had been days since he had been able to do that, and he missed the feel of her lips against his. He sighed as he felt her nuzzle against him, kissing his neck as his hands caressed her. "I’ve missed you Kitty" he admitted, he never thought being apart from her was going to be so hard. "Promise me you won’t stop caring about me when you have someone else. I couldn’t stand it if you forgot about me, you’re the only woman who has never been afraid to be near me, to touch me, even knowing what I am."
He sighed contently as he felt her soft hands return his caress "I’ll never abandon you Remus, but you don’t have to do this. I’m immune now, once the cure is given. . ." he had kissed her again to stop her from continuing, it was hard enough for him as it was. "You’re immune from the transformation, not death. If it weren’t for James and Sirius, . . Kitty, I nearly killed you." he reminded her "I can’t ever take that chance again, I love you too much to risk your life." This time it had been her who kissed him, they had been through this conversation time and time again. Even James had agreed with him, it wasn’t safe for her, or anyone else to be with him. Remus brought his hand to Kitty’s face, pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss. He felt her melt against his body as she sighed softly. Remus finally had to pull away from her, he needed to end this once and for all, "Kitty. . .we can’t do this anymore. You have to find someone else" he insisted as he stroked her silky hair, "I’m sure you won’t have any trouble finding someone else to date. I know Sirius would be more than happy to take you to Hogsmeade next weekend. And before you ask, no, I won’t be going, it’s the full moon at the end the week."
Kitty had just smiled wryly at him "Yeah, right. Like I want to be Sirius Black’s latest conquest. . .don’t think so. He’s good looking and he knows it. I don‘t understand why you keep pushing me towards him." she laughed as she cupped his cheeks in her warm hand. "Besides, I don’t want to find anyone else."
"Yes you do." Remus had insisted "And I honestly don’t think Sirius would consider you a conquest, you must have noticed the way he watches you, the way he staid by your side the entire time you were in the hospital wing." He would have gone on, but he heard the others counting down the last few numbers, he quickly kissed her one last time before he opened the door. That’s when things had gotten interesting.
Sirius and James were standing there, arm in arm, singing ‘Memories’ and hamming it up. Kitty had taken one look at them and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Okay, now I’m worried" she had told them "you two know Barbara Striesand songs." she waved her hand about, holding her wrist limply, and lisped "Is there something *else* I should know about you two?"
Remus had burst out laughing as James and Sirius looked at each other and practically jumped to opposite sides of the room. James quickly grabbed Lily and pulled her close against himself "I have my proof right here, thank you very much Miss MacLeod."
"Well Sirius, that may explain why you never keep a girlfriend very long" Cat laughed jokingly, not realizing the effect it would have on Sirius.
"I also remember you being a bit upset with her over a certain comment she made." Remus reminded him "Surely you knew she was only teasing you. . . .We almost broke the door down when you drug her in there."
Sirius smiled softly "I remember, . . I don’t know why it upset me so much. I guess it was just one of those things."
He had been so angry and hurt over her insinuation, he had no idea what had come over him, but he decided then and there to prove to her how mistaken she was. Sirius had grabbed Cat by her wrist and pulled her into the closest, charming the door behind him so no one but he could open it. He had pinned her against the door and kissed her roughly, oblivious to her struggling as she tried to push him away. It wasn’t until she had practically screamed ‘no’ into his mouth that he realized what he was doing. He froze, horrified by his actions, but not willing to let her go, he had felt something stir deep within himself the moment his eyes first met hers. It had been weeks since that day, weeks of suffering silently, watching as she chose his friend over himself. The only girl in the school he had every truly wanted to date, and he couldn’t have her. It had nearly killed him to watch the tender way she would kiss Remus, the way she would always touch his face or hold his hand.
But Remus was his friend, he would no sooner try stealing her away from Remus than he would Lily from James. But things had changed the night Remus attacked her, and he had made it clear to everyone that he and Cat were no longer a couple. Sirius could see how much it hurt him to leave her, but it didn’t stop him from wanting her.
Sirius relaxed his grip on Cat and began to kiss her softly. He placed several little, gentle kisses on her lips and cheek, hoping she wouldn’t hold his momentary thoughtlessness against him. He felt her body tense as if she were unsure of what to do, he kissed her lips softly once more, delighting as she hesitantly returned his kiss. Sirius placed his fingertips on the side of her neck, just grazing her skin as his thumb stroked her cheek softly. He felt her body relax as she finally exhaled, he tilted her head towards his and kissed her a bit more compellingly. He immediately felt a rush of electricity coursing through his body as he heard her sigh softly. Pulling himself away from her lips, he rubbed his nose against hers and asked softly "proof?" He smiled to himself when her heard her panting softly as she breathlessly replied ‘proof’ as her eyes fluttered open. He looked deeply into her emerald eyes and lost himself immediately. She was the one, the one he had been waiting for, the one he could love forever. He leaned down, kissing her tenderly as her hand rose to touch his cheek, it just felt ‘so’ right, as if this is how it was supposed to be. He barely heard James pounding on the door as he gently took Cat in his arms, taking great care not to be rough or frighten her; he tentatively pressed forward, deepening their kiss.
Sirius felt his knees go weak as Cat returned his kiss, her arms circled around him, caressing him with her soft, warm hands. He pulled her closer, pressing her against his chest as he cradled her head in his hand. It was then that he noticed the bright flashes of light emanating from someone’s wand, he paused his kisses and smiled, chuckling softly "looks like someone’s worried about you" he had told her as he rubbed his cheek against hers, relishing the softness of her skin. "Is that James or Remus?" he had asked, only to feel Cat turn in his arms as she looked at the flashes herself. "James" she replied, smiling widely.
Sirius stroked her cheek once more, "are you ready Cat? I mean, are you. . . I didn’t. . . . . I’m sorry if I scared you or anything." He had suddenly felt so shy, so unsure of himself, he never felt like this, certainly not around girls. .
He experienced the strangest feeling of his life as she stared back into his eyes and smiled tenderly at him. It was as if someone had opened his heart and poured sunlight into in, he could feel a warmth radiating from his chest, filling him with joy and a strange sort of contentment. He was going to ask her to go to Hogsmeade with him when he heard James’ voice bellowing to open the door, ‘now‘. He sighed and hugged her tightly "Seems he doesn’t trust me with his girlfriend's sister" he teased, only to hear her reply "ghee, can’t ever imagine why". Her remembered staring at her, a look of shock on his face, only to see her blush and wink at him. He couldn’t have wipe the smile off of his face if he tried.
The moment he touched the door, it unlocked and was pulled wide open by James. Lily was standing at his side, an anxious look on her face. She must have seen the blush on Cat’s face, because the first thing Lily did was reach for Cat’s hand and pulled her out of the closet. Sirius remembered the next few minutes vividly, they had been engraved in his memory for eternity. While James was yelling at him for pulling a ‘stunt’ like that, Lily had been fussing over Cat, asking her what the hell he did to her for almost 15 minutes. She had blushed furiously, avoiding looking at any of them. James had turned to her and asked sarcastically "So, did he convince you?". Sirius had held his breath, waiting for her response, and expecting Remus to jump in and punch him in the nose at any moment. Then very quietly, Cat turned from James and looked directly at Lily and told her, "I’ll let you know when my toes uncurl" . Lily wasted no time in dragging Cat out of the room to get the whole story, while James and Remus stared at him in disbelief.
James looked at Remus, asking him if he was still alright with all of this, to which Remus replied. "You curled her toes? And I was worried the two of you wouldn’t hit it off" Remus smiled brightly at him, but Sirius had seen the flash of pain in his eyes, still; they all knew it was for the best. And as for himself? He was grinning like a madman, he had honestly never felt like this about anyone ever before.
"Well at least I know Snape won’t be enjoying himself immediately." Sirius said flatly. "I glued his trousers to his legs when he came up to you and Cat. Nice comment on his nose by the way. . .truly inspired."
Remus paused and shook his head "Sirius Black, you have got to be the oddest man I have ever met." they walked onwards in silence for a few more yard, then Remus added "Glued them to his socks or his skin"
"Skin, made sure I got a lot of hair in there too."
"Well done Padfoot, well done." . . . .