Cat snuggled against his chest "I’m not planning on kidnapping him Sirius, not unless the Tremere become a true threat to him" she loved how protective he was of Harry, if only Severus would show the same interest in her son. She knew she could trust Sev with Harry’s life, but she was unsure about Harry’s heart. He and Sev just didn’t seem to be on the same plain, emotionally speaking.

Sirius pulled her tighter against himself "And if the Ministry approves your adoption of Harry, what then?"

"Do you honestly think I have a chance?" Cat sighed "You know how the Ministry feels about me, they would rather see the Dursley’s abuse him then allow him to live with my family" she could feel the wave of anger as it passed over Sirius, he knew how Petunia and her horrid family treated Harry, she could tell he knew. "They kept you from him too, didn’t they?" she whispered.

Sirius couldn’t even speak, he simply nodded his head, he knew she couldn’t see it, and he also knew it didn’t matter. She understood how much he had wanted to care for Harry, just as he knew how much Cat had wanted to take him. "He means more to me than anything Kitty, I love him as if he were my own flesh and blood. Promise me if you take him...." he gulped loudly "promise me you will let me visit him."

Cat tensed immediately, she understood the unspoken message behind his words. Sirius was his godfather, she knew what that meant in the wizarding world. And by his own words, he had just given her permission to steal Harry away if she felt it was necessary. "Sirius.... oh Sirius" she whispered as her tears fell "you know I would never deny you. Harry loves you like a father, I can see that when he looks at you. I only want Harry to be safe and to know the love of family."

"If only James and Lily....." Sirius put his head down against Cat’s as he sobbed. It hurt him to even think about what had happened.

Cat’s heart was breaking, the sound of Sirius crying, the shaking of his body as he sobbed, it was more than she could bear. "Sirius, mo ionúin, don’t cry.... please" she pleaded as she held him close to her pulling her hands through his long dark hair. "Please Sirius, I don’t even know what exactly happened.... the last letter Lily sent me.... they had a plan, a way to evade Voldemort." she choked back her own tears as she tried to comfort him "I left for Japan trusting they would all be safe,..... please, if you can, tell me what happened."

Sirius grimaced as Cat spoke, "Lily sent you a letter? I thought she couldn’t find you." that had been what Lily had told him, week after week. Every time he had asked, Lily wouldn’t have lied to him, not about Cat.

"She probably couldn’t, she would send it to my family and they would forward it to me" she explained "In my last letter I told her I was going to Japan to study under Master Kitsune, he controlled the Fox spirits. I was sent to learn how to control my powers, my father felt I needed more discipline. If I had known.... Sirius I never would have left... I would have found a way back." her tears were falling freely now, "Sirius please... tell me what happened." she pleaded.

He wrapped his hand in her hair as he held her tightly "We did have a plan, we used a secret keeper... it was supposed to have been me" he choked as the memory hit him full force. "But I thought I had a better plan...."

Cat’s eyes grew wide as she realized what had happened, Sirius must have changed the plan at the last minute, it must have failed. He was blaming himself for everything, that must be why he wasn’t taking care of himself. Cat pushed him away so she could look at him, she could see the fear and pain in his eyes, and beneath that rage and guilt. "Oh Sirius.. No. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. You didn’t kill them, Voldemort did, he had been after James since he turned fifteen, it was only because of you and the other marauders that James made it as far as he did. I was there, .... I know. Sirius, please stop crying." she said as she wiped the tears from his face.

"I can’t help it Cat, I was supposed to be their secret keeper, but I knew it was too obvious. No matter who was picked Voldemort would come after me. I had no problem with that, I would have gladly died for them, but I wanted them to be safe. So at the last minute I asked James to pick someone else, they would be safe, the secret keeper would be safe.... Voldemort would come after me...." he looked deeply into Cat’s eyes, he needed her to believe him, to trust him. She had to know he would never knowingly place James or Lily in danger, he would die first.

"Sirius, please...." she pulled him down onto her bed, she was too tired to stand anymore, and this was going to be a long discussion she could feel it. She took his face in her hands, he was still handsome, even the fine streaks of silver in his hair only served to highlight the silvery-grey specks in his eyes. It was almost physically painful to her to be so close to him and not be able to be with him the way she used to. "Don’t do this to yourself. No one blames you Sirius, I know Harry doesn’t, he loves you like a father. You know very well James would never stand for you behaving like this, and I knew Lily better than anyone, trust me, she loved you every bit as much as James did. You are the only one who blames you and you have to stop it, you’re slowly killing yourself."

Sirius gave Cat a bittersweet smile, <if only that were true> he thought <but everyone blames me, they all think I betrayed James and Lily, then killed thirteen others just to top it off, but at least she still believes in me, she knows I could never betray my friends> He couldn’t believe how much he missed her, he had no idea how deeply he loved her until she was gone. Now he had a second chance, he had to make her understand how much she meant to him, how much he wanted to start over with her. He wanted a family, he wanted to marry her and be a father to their children, but first she had to get well, she had to get her strength back.

"Look at you, you’re trembling like a leaf... and your getting pale again.." he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, she was getting cold again too. Leaning into her, Sirius reached behind her and grabbed a blanket with his hand. He smiled when she grabbed a hold of his robes to stop from falling backwards onto the bed. "You need to stay warm Kitty, I won’t make Harry an orphan again. I’m going to add another log to the fire.... I want you to start eating" he lifted her face to his "Promise me muirneach aon" he asked as he traced the outline of her lips with his finger. He saw her smile gently at him "I’ll take that as a yes" he said as he caressed her face.

Sirius walked to the fireplace and placed a log in the hearth, he was making sure it would catch and not burn out when he glanced back at Cat. She was picking at her food, or more correctly, rearranging it with her fork. Sirius sighed deeply, she had to keep up her strength, he had spoken with Cash about the Tremere, he understood why Cat was so frightened now. Even Cash had gone noticeably pain when he asked about them. "Don’t make me put you on my lap and feed you like a baby" Sirius warned "Because you know I’ll do it"

Cat put down her fork and stared at him, smirking she said "and you would probably enjoy it too." she dropped her head when she saw him grinning at her, this was only going to get worse, she could tell. "Sirius Black, don’t start anything you can’t finish... or in this case *I* can’t finish" she said weakly.

Sirius immediately walked to her side and sat next to her, placing his arm around her shoulders he cooed softly "Kitty, my dear, sweet Kitty, you have to keep up your strength. I will not lose you again, .... I know you don’t feel like it, but you have to eat. You don’t want me to get Pomfrey do you? I know how much you love those hospital beds, they’re just so comfy.." he chuckled as she groaned. "Okay, I won’t tease you, but you have to eat." suddenly an idea came to him. "Hang on.... I know exactly what to do."

Taking the wand out of his robes Sirius quickly changed the bedside table to an elegant dinning table, complete with a crisp linen tablecloth and candles, and even a small bottle of red wine. "There" he said, very pleased with himself "does that help?"

Cat laughed softly "Sirius, you always were romantic" she smiled widely as he bowed.

"Well m’lady," he winked "Remus is not the only person in this school who knows how to treat a lady" he said as he took her hand and kissed it. He watched as Cat’s smile grew wider by the minute. It made his heart soar to know he could still manage to make her smile no matter how bad things were. "I tried returning this to you the other day. You really should take it back" he told her, motioning to the wand.

Cat shook her head "It’s your isn’t it?" she asked. "I don’t know why Albus gave it to me, you should keep it. Its not like I actually need one after all" she watched as Sirius’s face became somber.

"I can’t keep it Cat." He sighed as he fingered his wand "that’s part of what I need to explain to you. A lot has happened since you left, more than I can ever hope to explain in one night." He looked into her eyes, "I don’t know why Dumbledore gave it to you, I don’t even know how he got it, but I want you to keep it. I trust you to keep it safe for me." he said as he kissed her cheek and nuzzled against her. "I trust you with everything precious to me" he whispered "and that includes Harry."

Cat closed her eyes, her mind running wild with ideas of what could have happened, why couldn’t Sirius keep his own wand? Why was he hiding, the spy story only went so far in her mind. She tried to concentrate on her questions, but was distracted by the scent of Sirius as he nuzzled against her, it was practically intoxicating. She blinked quickly trying to clear her head "Sirius, *are* you going to tell me? I’m tired of everyone trying to shield me from the truth, I know Remus has held back on me several times since I’ve started here. I think I deserve to know the truth."

Sirius couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes at the moment "You’re absolutely right, you do deserve to know. More than anyone else actually" he laughed weakly, he finally let go of her, only to take her face in his hands. He smiled sadly as he stroked her cheeks, "Start eating and we can discuss it over dinner, I need you to be well. I need you to understand what happened, but most of all, .... I need you to forgive me."

Cat nodded silently, she had no idea what he was talking about. What did he expect her to forgive him for? She could see his heart was breaking, whatever he had to say, it must be earth shattering, she picked up her fork as he sat down opposite her in the chair Sev had used earlier. "Aren’t you going to eat as well?" she was beyond concerned for him at the moment, he look as if he needed medical attention more than she did "Harry specifically asked that you eat too, remember?"

"Yeah.. My boy Harry... sometimes I wonder who’s supposed to be taking care of who?" he couldn’t help but smile, Harry had been the one bright spot in his life. He looked up to see Cat smiling at him, if he could just get past this tonight, if he could make her understand, maybe she would agree to stay with them, even if it were only for Harry’s sake. Sirius knew in his heart, given enough time, she would love him again, heaven knew he still loved her. "So, where do you want me to start?" he asked as he began eating.

Cat paused for a moment, she really wasn’t sure where he should start, since no one really told her what he needed to explain. "I’m guessing this has to do with Lily and James?" Sirius nodded "Then *please* tell me what happened. How did Voldemort find them? If everyone thought you were the secret keeper, he would have gone after you"

"That’s what I thought, and James agreed. He didn’t like the idea, but it wasn’t just us anymore, he had Lily and Harry to think about" Sirius took a long, deep breath, he knew Cat never really cared for Peter, but still he *had* been one of them. "We decided that the least likely choice would be Peter"....

"PETER?!!, but he’s a coward, there is no way he would be able to stand up to Voldemort." she yelled.

"Now Cat" Sirius warned "if you can’t stay calm, I won’t explain anything until I feel you’re well enough to handle it."

"Gheez Louise, Sirius.. Not too protective are you?" she sighed as she slumped her shoulders, she could tell she wasn’t going to like this conversation at all. How could anyone trust Peter with anything so important "Why didn’t you two pick Remus. He would never tell, he’s as brave as you and James and every bit as loyal" she asked.

Sirius balked. There was absolutely no way he could tell her that they suspected Remus of being the spy. She would tear his head off right there, and probably use it as a piñata when she was done. Let people say what they want, no one had a temper as bad as Cat when the people she loved were concerned, and she had always loved Remus. Thinking quickly he told her "Cat, he had enough going on... and the change made him vulnerable..." He felt the relief flood through him when he saw Cat nod in agreement.

"So you chose Peter, with you as the decoy?" she said softly, getting a very bad feeling about the direction this seemed to be going. "And your not eating....." she reminded him.

"Neither are you" Sirius pointed out as he gave her a lop-sided grin. He knew the rest of this would only get worse, so he decided to pour them both a glass of wine. He saw Cat giving him a strange look, "trust me grá we are both going to need it by the time I’m done. Keep eating...." he smiled as she stuck her tongue out at him "and such manners, what would Magnus say?"

"He would ask what I’m doing eating a candle lit dinner with you, in my room, while wearing nothing but my nightgown. And after he bet you senseless, I would be sent to my room until I was an old lady." she replied sarcastically.