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Well, I don't really know how to start. If it helps, I will tell you I am full-blooded Portuguese - my whole family (all 16 sets of aunts & uncles) is Roman Catholic & pretty devout. Everyone in my family has been attending the same school/church since they all moved to America from the Azores (which are little islands in the Atlantic about halfway between Portugal and Brazil) in the 1960s. From 1st-8th grades, I (and my cousins) spent my youth in private schools. Not so unusual really, but it now seems to have pushed me- made me become so very strong today in my faith. I suppose that my mother never realized that by forcing me to go to church every sunday morning, she was only intensifying my longing to find a different religion; one that would make me EAGER to learn and worship, not do so under duress.
I would like to say from the get-go that I did enjoy many aspects of the Catholic religion--> I do not mean for this page to bash Catholicism in any way. I learned many things while attending mass and studying the bible. I learned how exquisite some music (i.e. "El Shaddai") can be. I learned so much about historical texts like the Bible and the Dead Sea Scrolls. I have known a lot of wonderful friends, whom I am still very close with now. I learned the benefits of a higher education, and I never really had any awful experiences. Everyone in my class was like family to me (there was only about 30 of us in the whole grade, from 1-8th grade years) and I always seemed to fit in, while still being unique. I was the token hippy, the flower child in the class and I loved it. I put my hair in braids and wrote peace signs everywhere space was available. I cannot remember the exact day or time I began to turn away from Catholicism. Perhaps I never really looked it full in the face. I only fondly remember snippets of those days- the smell of frankincense, myrrh, snuffed out candles, lemony shined church pews, red plaid and hymnals. Assembly every thursday morning, school mass every friday. The smell of fresh pizza cooking in the kitchens before lunchtime. It was more or less a sweet life, until I realized that Wicca existed. Once there, I don't think I ever looked back. I can remember reading my Tarot deck once lunch time at school. It was brand new and the colors were so vivid that I almost cried to touch them. It was like a show and tell, girls around me were asking questions left and right and I remember being shocked at their level of interest. Almost like a sideshow, and I remember regretting taking them to recess, even though I planned on finding a quiet corner to study them. Tarot seemed almost forbidden to me, like a naughty picture or a stolen kiss. It does not surprise me now: curiosity about the unknown will outweigh prudence and virtue anyday. When I became 16 or so, I was chosen to be The Portuguese Queen of my town. To a Portuguese family, that is a great honor- the girl chosen represents Queen Isabella of Portugal, a generous humanitarian and hero to the people of her time, and now. A chosen Queen traveled from city to city and particpated in many MANY parades with other queens from other areas of the state. It was a LOT of walking, but I had my keds on underneath my wedding dress and sunglasses, so I was OK. ~_*This was my second time being chosen (I had also been chosen once as a little girl). I was more or less excited- I got to wear a lushly decadent maroon velvet & white fur cape, an incredible moonstone and silver crown and a gorgeous white wedding dress, all of which I still own. I even had my own sceptor. It sounds cliche, but I really did feel like royalty.
The only drawback to obtaining the crown was that I had to be Confirmed in the Catholic church. There was pretty stiff competition, and everyone knew that if I did not go through with the Confirmation, I would probably not receive the title again. Ultimately, it was my parents that made me go through with the confirmation. I was adamently against it, but I did not really have a choice. The next 2 years while I studied to be confirmed were a bore and I disliked them intensely. I did not agree with so many things that I was being taught and no one seemed to understand the one major rule behind confirmation: that the teenager go of their OWN FREE WILL into the sacrament. The theory behind it was that (as a baby) a person is baptized without their consent. Being Confirmed was supposed to be that person's consentual re-birth into the Church as an adult. Great in theory, awful in practice. I can remember taking my runes to mass, feeling them polished in my pocket and drawing comfort from them. After awhile I stopped saying "Amen" (which means "I believe" in Latin) and began to pray to a deity that I felt was always near. But Confirmation came and went, and I chose the name of a goddess instead of a saint as my "middle name"- ANYSIA, a muse of natural beauty, poetry and music.
After my "reign" as Queen, I stopped going to Church at every opportunity. Instead, I looked into Wicca. I first heard about Wicca from a best friend/neighbor of mine named Summer. She is a very open-minded-earthy kind of girl. The type that always looks incredibly beautiful without makeup, in any clothing she wears. One of THOSE! But she had a pack of Tarot cards that she had received from a relative of hers and would answer any questions I had. She is not Wiccan, but she has a great knowledge of it, and aligns herself with the Celtic version of the Craft. Between Summer and my cousin Elizabeth (who always seemed to know everything there IS to know about paganism and beliefs of native peoples- it was her Major in college.), I learned much about Magick. I have always believed that knowledge is power, thus my library is full of reliable books on the craft, my shelves are stocked with every kind of essential oil...my heart is filled with every kind of affection from (and for) my Deities.
I do not belong to a coven, since there is not one in my area that I wish to belong to...the time just is not right for me right now. Currently I am a solitary practitioner, but I am still a rookie. I am learning as I go which is what everyone else does, I believe. Life is a constant exchange of information, and to stand still is to grow mold. I try to ask as many questions I can from educated fellow-Wiccans and soak up the recipes and history behind the religion I have chosen. I would love to find a mentor, someone to teach me everything I want to know about the Old Ways, because I do have a history of Witchcraft in my past.
My beliefs are this: I believe in the power of nature and the universe. Fate and Karma. No coincedences, because everything is part of a balance- I basically believe in the Chaos Theory, though not in its extreme sense. I believe that, when I pay close attention, I can see how everything is connected, how hints are sent and received. I believe in ghosts/spirits/guardians/the sidhe. I believe in a God and a Goddess and all their aspects and incarnations. I look at the Moon and I get choked up because she is so beautiful. I go to bed every night with a candle lit on my window and try to sleep with a smile on my face, no matter how depressed or frightened I may feel. I do not believe in love spells, or any other type of romantic binding spell- to do so is only to obtain a hollow & pathetic relationship. Where is the satisfaction in knowing that the only reason that someone is with you is because you FORCED them? It is disgusting. You can quote me on that!
I believe in reincarnation. To me, Heaven/Hell/Lucifer/Purgatory were created historically by many to justify the good vs evil ideology. To scapegoat away punishment. I believe in karma and the soulmate principle and the idea of a straight shot into either dimension (Heaven or Hell) just does not sit well with me. I can not believe that life is once and then a soul is stuck for eternity (?)somewhere else. Or somewhere in between.
I try not to let hatred rule me when I read about injustices witches have had to face in the past- the sacrifices and the blood and the tears we have shed. The ignorance of people even now, though we are supposed to be in an "enlightened age". The despicable lies perpetrated by bible thumpers and bigots. The mass hysteria that idiots fall prey to, whether it be with Communism, the Marijuana Scare or the tens of thousands of Witch Trials. See? I am getting worked up now. *breathes deeply* THAT is why I have created this web page. To scream the truth from my little corner of the web. Thank you for joining me in this journey. )O(
The Wiccan Rede *
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