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Part Seven

 

Author:  kevswitchau

Pairing:  Peter Parker/Casey Connor

Genre:  AU: Faculty/Spiderman crossover

Rating:  M

Warnings:  Sexual tension, drugs, language, angst.

Disclaimer:  I don’t own the rights to these characters, I’m just playing with them.

Note: I don’t own ‘em, I don’t own the characters, but I’d like to! Thank you to Kinkyhobbit for this part- The ending had me stumped.  He fixed.  Lots of tweaking later, it’s finished!

 

 

And sooner or later it’s over

I just don’t want to miss you tonight.

Iris (The Googoo Dolls)

 

 

The darkness was good. It was safe.

 

This is what it must be like...

 

Casey stood against the wall in the darkroom. This was his world, his retreat. His nostrils tingled as the sharp scent of chemicals calmed him. He was in control here. He needed that now.

 

He knew what today was. He’d done nothing but think about today all week, and now here it was. Who would have thought Casey Connor would ever be sorry to see the end of a football carnival? Dad would be so proud. Casey laughed humourlessly, the sound a dry cackle.

 

In truth, Casey was terrified.

 

A week and a half ago, his whole world had changed. Now it was all ending. Peter was leaving, and that thought scared the shit out of Casey. He had never been so scared in his life.

 

This morning he had caught the bus to school as usual, but instead of waiting for Peter, he had headed straight for the darkroom. 

 

He didn’t want to see Peter. 

 

Didn’t want to say goodbye. 

 

Some irrational part of his brain told him that if Peter couldn’t say goodbye to him, then he wouldn’t leave. But the sane part of his brain knew that was crap. The sane part of his brain knew that Casey just didn’t want to say those words, because then it would be true.

 

Peter would be leaving.

 

Then what would he do?

 

Casey jumped as the door burst open, and Peter came in.

 

“Jesus Casey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

 

Casey remained against the wall. He couldn’t stop his goddamn hands from shaking.

 

“I’ve been here.” His voice shook too. Fuck.

 

Peter closed the door. Casey looked at him bathed in scarlet light. This was how Casey would remember him the most, his skin painted red as Casey grasped his jacket and pulled him towards that first kiss. Casey wanted to cry.

 

“Don’t do this, Case.”

 

“Do what?”

 

Peter approached him slowly.

 

“Case, you know I have to...”

 

Casey closed his eyes. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to be serious or adult or sensible. He didn’t want to see that look on Peter’s face as he told Casey how sorry he was.

 

Peter’s lips were soft. They were always soft. Casey kept his eyes closed as Peter kissed him gently.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Peter kissed him again, the apology a breath between them. Casey opened his lips and let Peter’s tongue gently probe his mouth. He kept his hands by his side. He didn’t want to make it easy.

 

“I’m so sorry Case…”

 

Casey felt Peter’s hands go around his waist and hold him. He felt himself trapped in the warmth of Peter’s arms. His hands reached up in spite of him and pressed against Peter’s chest and stomach. Casey leaned his head forward into Peter’s neck and he let a tiny sob escape. He could feel Peter beneath his hands and his lips, he could smell him and feel his body pressed against his own, and his resolve crumbled.

 

“Oh man. Don’t cry. Please...”

 

But Casey couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop it. Peter was holding him and kissing him and whispering to him softly that it would all be okay. But Casey knew it wouldn’t, not now. Not ever. He was stuck inside his shitty life after having a glimpse of something else. Something better. Something that would never be his.

 

His hands began to tug at Peter’s jacket. He slid it off Peter’s shoulders and dropped it to the floor. He had no idea what he was doing, but he knew he had to do it. Just once. Just before everything went to hell. Maybe this would be something he could take with him. Something to keep him warm. 

 

He pulled Peter’s t-shirt out of his jeans and ran his hands up under the thin material. His fingers brushed over hard muscle and taut skin, and he wanted to feel more, to see more.

 

“Casey...”

 

Casey shut him up with a kiss. He knew what Peter had to say, he just didn’t want to hear it. 

 

Peter reached up and grabbed Casey’s wrists, gently easing away from his touch. Casey stood still for a moment, staring at the ground, his wrists locked in Peter’s grasp.

 

“Casey...”

 

Casey looked up at him, and even in the dark shadows cast by the scarlet light Peter could see the expression on his face. The hopelessness in his eyes. Peter wanted to believe that everything was going to be okay, that everything had changed, but he knew better, and Casey knew better. Everything would just go back to the way it was as if Peter had never been there, and there was not a damn thing he could do about it. 

 

Peter looked at Casey and felt like a failure. There was so much shit in the world, so much he’d never be able to put right no matter how hard he tried.

 

“Nothing you can say is going to change anything,” whispered Casey, and Peter knew he was right. “Just promise you’ll call me...you won’t forget me.”

 

Peter nodded. “I promise.”

 

Casey leaned his head against Peter’s chest. “Good,” he sighed. “Thank you.”

 

They stood there for a minute, Casey leaning against Peter, Peter gently holding Casey’s wrists down by his sides. Each listening to the other breathe. Casey still had no idea what this was or where it was headed, all he knew was that for the past week he’d felt safe. It was a good feeling, a feeling he didn’t want to lose.

 

He knew he wasn’t in love with Peter...well...probably not...not yet anyway. He wasn’t even sure he knew what love felt like, at least that kind of love. But he knew he was in love with the feeling of safety. The security. The strength. Strength he’d never have. But perhaps there was something else too, something...

 

don’t think about that. It’s pointless.

 

Eventually Casey straightened and tugged his hands out of Peter’s grasp.

 

“Better get to it, I guess.” He rubbed away the tears on his cheeks and looked at Peter. “Don’t wanna be late for that bus.”

 

Peter stood against the wall silently. He kept so much hidden. So much was locked inside, unreachable. Casey wondered, not for the first time, what Peter was feeling.  What had the week been for him? Was he feeling guilt? Or regret? Maybe Peter was regretting it all. Maybe he was worried that Casey wanted more from him than he was willing to give? Than he was able to give? Maybe he was wondering how to make a break without having a scene on his hands. It was so damned hard to tell.

 

If that was it though, Casey was resolute. There would be no scene.

 

Casey bent down and picked up his bag. Slinging it over his shoulder, he started towards the door. He set his shoulders and refused to look back. Nope, no scene. Like he said...you get used to it. There was no point looking back.

 

He almost made it to the door before Peter pulled him back. His bag fell from his shoulder as he was clutched against Peter’s chest, held tightly in the cage of his arms.

 

“Peter...don’t...”

 

Peter held him closer, tighter. Casey could feel Peter’s heart beating against his back and felt something well up inside him, something like panic. I can’t let you do this...

 

“Peter, please. We...I can’t...” I can’t let you do this and then leave me.

 

He struggled against Peter’s grip, but Peter was strong, incredibly strong. So after a minute, Casey gave up. Gave in and leaned back into the body behind him, his head falling back against Peter’s shoulder. Damn you, you bastard.

 

They stood that way for ages, locked together. Neither of them spoke. Strong, gentle arms held him tight and Casey wondered absently if this was what it felt like to be loved. Did it feel the same as being safe? Did it make you feel this invincible? He listened to Peter’s breathing and would have given anything to know what he was thinking at that moment.

 

“You need to forgive me.” It was a whisper against his skin. 

 

Casey lifted his head. “What?”

 

“Forgive me.”

 

“For what?”

 

Peter let Casey go and slid down the wall, until he was sitting on the floor. He looked up at Casey, and Casey saw the scarlet tracks of tears down his cheeks.

 

“Peter...what...?”

 

“I’m sorry...I try, I try all the time, but there are just things that I can’t...things that just won’t...”

 

Casey crouched down his hand resting on Peter’s knee. Peter was scaring him now. “What are you talking about? Pete…talk to me.” He swallowed hard. “Please.”

 

Peter wiped his face with his hands. “It’s all too much. I can’t be everywhere...I try, but... I really like you and I want to be with you and…I want to be here to make sure you’re okay.”

 

Casey shook his head and smiled. “Come on, Pete. I’m fine, really. It’s okay, it’s all gonna be okay.”

 

Peter looked at him, his face deadly serious. “Is it? Is it ever going to be okay?”

 

“Pete, you’re freaking me out.” He took Peter’s hand, warm in his own. “Come on.”

 

Peter sat and stared at Casey for a few moments, before letting Casey pull him to his feet.

 

“I just…fuck, I just want to be with you.”

 

Casey knew there was more to it, but he let it go. He had no idea what he was dealing with, and it made him feel small. He pulled Peter into a hug and felt him tremble beneath his hands. Peter would probably never let him glimpse the dark part hidden inside, but that was okay. He had his dark place too. Maybe one day when things weren’t so fucked up…

 

He laughed softly against Peter’s shoulder, and suddenly bit his lip as tears filled his eyes. He was just assuming they’d see each other again, but there was no way of knowing. This might be the last time.

 

Casey eased out of the embrace, bent down and picked up Peter’s jacket.

 

“Here you go.”

 

Peter took the jacket and shrugged into it, pulling it closed and adopting the hunch that Casey had grown to know so well. Then he took Casey’s face gently in his hands and kissed him. Peter held him tight afterwards for a long, quiet minute.

 

They finally let each other go at the same moment, and looked at each other. Peter shook his head and laughed.

 

“Can’t believe this.”

 

“Yeah, well…I never saw it coming either.”

 

Peter squeezed his shoulder. “It was great, Casey.”

 

“Yeah,” he said softly. “You call me, okay? Stay in touch.”

 

Peter nodded, smiling. “I won’t forget.”

 

Casey picked up his bag and walked to the door.

 

“Pete?”

 

Peter looked at him. “Yeah?”

 

“It’s going to be okay.”

 

Peter paused, and smiled slowly. “Yeah?”

 

Casey smiled. “Yeah. “

 

Peter pulled him into another brief hug and then stood back. “Thanks man.”

 

Casey reached up and moved a stray piece of fringe from Peter’s forehead. “No worries”.

 

They let their bodies lean together until they were out of the darkroom and into the light, then they separated, walking a few feet apart.

 

Casey watched Peter throw his bag onto the bus. He didn’t really understand where this incredible protective streak of Peter’s was coming from, but he appreciated it. Nobody had ever wanted to protect him before, only hurt him. Now Peter needed to feel that Casey was okay, he needed Casey to forgive him for leaving. Casey could do that. That was one thing Casey could give him.

 

Peter turned. “I’ll call when I get home.”

 

Casey nodded and smiled. He tried to hide everything else. I’ll be waiting. “Cool.”

 

They stood and looked at each other for a second. They were surrounded by football players, so anything they wanted to do or say was probably a bad idea. Peter put his hand out, and Casey took it.

 

“Take care, man.”

 

Casey smiled and squeezed Peter’s fingers warmly. “You too.”

 

Then he was gone. Casey stood in the school yard, watching the bus pull away. “It’s going to be okay.” He muttered, wondering how much it was going to take to convince himself of that.

 

Fin

 

Kevswitchau 2002

 

 

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