(painfully twangy steel guitar solo)
(chorus)
So come back to me darling,
This is weird and it's strange and its sick
I'll die without you and how can you love her
when I'm the one with the dick?
(twangy keyboard solo)
At night I jerk off with my Penthouse and my old friend KY
but its just not the same as you slappin my balls
while I strangle myself with a tie.
I miss you more than anything that I've missed in my life
if you come back, then I'll cut off my whang
with a rusty and dull butter knife
(chorus)
I dont understand what you see in this skank
there's nothing sexy about a woman named "tex"
and, fisting nonwithsanding, if there's not a schlong
it dont qualify as real sex
(chorus)
(absurdly twangy interlude)
(chorus, repeat chorus)
(muffled screams)