What would Jesus do?

Per my policy of leaving no question without a stupid, but well thought out and exquisitely articulate answer, here we go.

Jesus would...

• hang out with prostitutes, the social outcast, the diseased and dying.
• evade local authorities attempting to arrest him
• violate local customs regarding religion, legality, etc.
• gather a group of cultish followers who would unquestioningly follow his every whim
• make people feel so bad about themselves that they commit suicide (Judas, in case you don't remember the stories)
• commit blasphemy
• fabricate psychoactive chemicals from common household materials (water to wine)
• get lubricated by a prostitute

What does it mean to be a "Christian"? Look at the word. Break it down. First part, "Christ". Undisputedly, the name of a man. "-ian" a suffix meaning "of or pertaining to". Since a "Christian" is someone "of or pertaining to Christ", this can break down two ways; "of" and "pertaining to".

• "of Christ". Does this mean belonging to Christ, or coming from Christ? A Bostonian not necessarily belong to Boston; a Bostonian comes FROM Boston. Likewise a Madisonian, or a Christian. We all know how the human reproductive system works; people don't pop out of men. And last I checked, the son of a man is a man; it follows that the Son of Man is also a man. Therefore, "of Christ" must mean something different. Since the important part of a being is not the body, but rather the soul, the soul must be from Christ. Since we have shown above what Christ did, isn't it nice to know that Christian souls are the nice, wholesome things we always thought them to be?
• "pertaining to Christ". A Christian book, for example, would be about Christ. It would probably tell wonderful stories about committing blasphemy, how to make alcohol beverages at home, how to question the norms of society, etc. In short, it would read like the Anarchist's Cookbook. Wouldn't a Christian person also be "about Christ", therefore telling the story of Christ through their life? It saddens me to think that Christians tend to scorn the very activities that they themselves should be doing. Either that, or most of them are heretics.

This whole Christianity deal is beginning to sound more and more like Jim Jones and company.

This Jesus fellow certainly is in good company if his followers are just like him.

Here is a brief list of other notable persons who performed acts from the "What Did Jesus Do?" list:

• Adolf Hitler, Jim Jones, David Koresh; gathered a group of unthinking followers
• Timothy Leary; fabricated psychoactive chemicals
• O.J. Simpson; evaded local authorities attempting to arrest him
• Ronald Reagan; made people feel so bad that they committed suicide (particularly gay teenagers; check the suicide demographic for the Reagan Presidency years against the years before, and after; let me know if I have my sources confused here)
• many politicians associate with prostitutes

And I'm sure a whole bunch of other things. I can't remember them all. LET ME KNOW! if you can remember some more, or better yet, Add and view the comments and add your own particular insight.

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