ARE DEATH AND TAXES THE ONLY SURE THINGS IN LIFE?

 

 

YES

CORINNE GRANT

Comedian

I HAVE never been sure of anything in my life. I'm not even sure that

leg-warmers were ever a smart fashion accessory, that the Spice Girls

aren't just New Kids on the Block in drag or, that Michael Jackson is

human. I don't think that just because he's nearly 50 and balding,

Bruce Willis won't make another action movie. I'm not sure whether

John Howard is actually Prime Minister or whether someone gave Ronnie

Corbett the country. And with all the Akubra hats he wears, I don't

think Tim Fischer even realises he's a politician. He probably reckons

he's Molly Meldrum. But I am sure about death and taxes. I just hope

that when I die the Tax Office leaves me alone.

 

NO

WIL ANDERSON

Comedian

THERE are plenty of things other than death and taxes that we can be

sure of in life. We can be certain that every year, just before

Christmas, at least one member of the Australian cricket team will put

out a book. We can be sure that nobody can watch an entire episode of

Friends without thinking, "Gee, my friends are crap compared with

these guys." We can also be sure that no matter what the weather

might be this summer, it will be blamed on El Nino. Too hot, that's El

Nino. Too cold, El Nino. Just right, but Goldilocks ate it - El Nino.

And finally, we can be just as certain that no two weather forecasters

will ever pronounce El Nino the same way.