~ walls of hell ~

Suicide comes to mind while Kirsten stares at these walls. Does she really deserve to be here? She would be better off ending her life of constant hurt and pain than to spend any amount of time in here, inside this dreadful room. They watch her every move, they hear her every sound, every cry for help. She screams to be let out but no one cares to pay attention to her. Nobody ever paid attention; no one ever cared. Maybe if they had cared more she wouldn’t have done what she did. Kirsten wonders why the world has seem to turn against her. Nobody ever deserves to be tossed aside like she was.

Kirsten lies on the floor in the corner, holding her knees tightly against her body, singing “Rock-A-By-Baby”. Her mother use to sing that to her when she was a child. Kirsten stares at the many scars covering every part of her body. Cutting, burning, biting; this was the only way she could tell she was still alive, that she still existed in this world. Seeing the blood and feeling the pain was her only realization of life.

The floor is cold and it is dark. She crawls around her tiny room looking for something to keep her warm. Her body begins to shake and her teeth begin to chatter. Everyone knows she’d do anything to end the miserable life she has led. That is why she is here, to keep her away from anything that could harm herself. As she stares at the dark walls, she begins to tap her head on the wall. She stops, closes her eyes. A few moments later she takes a deep breath and forcefully slams her head into the wall. Trickles of blood drip down the back of her head. Lying motionless on the floor, the physicians that were to be watching her rush into the room. They immediately carry her to a different room nearby. They lay her on the bed, tend to the gash on the back of her head, and leave the room.

A few hours pass; she sluggishly awakes and gazes around the room, squinting at the light. Her head pounds immensely with pain. Her eyes were in some sort of shock from the light; she hasn’t seen anything but her dark room for over 3 months. Observing the room, she notices it is filled with many things, things that they would not allow her to have in her room. She looks to the door, wondering why no one has come in to check up on her yet. Wanting to look out the window, she cautiously sits upright, dangling her scrawny legs over the edge of the bed. The weakness of her body terrifies her. Slowly, her emaciated figure makes its way off of the bed and standing, leaning against the table beside her bed for support. She hesitantly walks over to the window, wide-eyed at the sight of what is beyond the glass. A shy smile comes to her face, one that no one has seen in a long time. All of the wonderful things nature brings to the eye, most people take for granted. Kirsten knows that this could be the last time, for a long time, that she will see this beautiful sight.

Turning her head and looking around the room, a nurse walks around the corner and stands in the doorway of the room. “Come with me Kirsten”, the nurse says.

Kirsten doesn’t move. She doesn’t want to go back to that room, ever. She turns to stare out the window.

“I’m not going to get better if you keep locking me in that damn room,” Kirsten says calmly.

The nurse takes a few steps forward and puts a hand on Kirsten’s shoulder, “Please come with me Kirsten.”

Kirsten glances out the window one last time, turns, and slowly walks to the door. The nurse smiles and follows her out.

The halls are empty; everything is silent. Kirsten cautiously looks at everything around her, still not believing that this is happening to her. The nurse stops and looks into a room. Kirsten peeks in and sees that it’s a waiting room of some sort. The nurse pushes the door open and directs Kirsten to go in.

She walks in, the nurse directly behind her. The room is filled with people of all ages. The walls are decorated with beautiful pictures of different scenes from nature. In one corner of the room there is a small group of small children playing. Kirsten smiles slightly, remembering when she was that age.

“Kirsten?” a woman’s voice sounds from the opposite side of the room. Kirsten quickly turns toward the voice. A small, middle aged woman begins walking toward her. Tears run down Kirsten’s cheeks. “Mom?” Kirsten manages to speak.

She turns to look at the nurse, the nurse smiles and nods. Kirsten screams, this time a scream of joy and not of pain and suffering. The mother and daughter reunite once again after almost fourteen years. Her mother kept fighting for Kirsten and finally won.

“Kirsten, we are going to release you to live with your mother,” the nurse says happily.

“Really?! I’m really free now? I don’t have to go back to my room?” Kirsten says enthusiastically.

The mother and nurse both nod. The nurse leads them out of the room. After stopping at the front desk to sign some forms, Kirsten and her mother walk out the door.