Funny PCW tales
The Jackass Amoco Station
OK this story happen on like Friday, August 14, 1998 if I remember correctly.
Anyways, the night before there was this big-ass party at Crystal's house for her
birthday so naturally Micah brought his heart and soul, his CD case. And, naturally,
being an idiot, Micah left it in her garage. Man is he a moron. So the next night,
Micah, Jeremy, and Andy are looking for something to do. So at about 11:00, they
decide to drive to Bloomer, which is like a 30 minute drive. Being the mathematical
geniuses that we are, we figured wed be back remotely around Micah's curfew of
12:00. HA. Well we get there at like 11:30 and then realize that well we weren't
going to run into Crystals house, grab Micah's CD case and run out like jackasses.
So we talked with Crystal until like 12:00 until we realized we had to be home in
exactly 15 seconds. YES. But of course, Andy needs gas to put in Pile, his big-ass
van. Woof. So, we pull into one of the 2 gas stations in the city. We pull up to a gas
pump. Andy gets out and looks at the guy in the store. The guy looks out at Andy.
Eye contact is made. So Andy unscrews the gas cap, takes off the pump thingee,
lifts up the gas pump lever puts the pump in the tank, and then BAM.......all the
lights go off and the pumps turn off as soon as Andy squeezes the damn lever.
Well, to put it lightly, Andy went ballistic. I guess he wasn't having a good day to
begin with but he started screaming swear words at the top of his lungs. We drove
around the station, flicked off the station attendant while screaming "fuck you" at
the top of our lungs, and then drive down the road. Andy is hot, I mean he is pissed
as hell. He's screaming stuff out of the window at passing cars. Some car went by
us in the opposite direction, Andy just yells out, "Yeah fuck you too" at the top of
his lungs. Then, we realize that, well, the other gas station is in the other direction.
SO we turn the hell around and get to the other gas station. And Andy is just pissed
cause to get top that one, we had to drive past the jackass amoco station. So we
finally get to the other station and were pumping gas just fine and it ends up being
$10.01. An end to the most wonderful night (yes we had a penny). So we ended up
at home at about 1 in the morning. And then, to even screw up the next day after
this one, Jeremy had to work at 4:30 in the morning so he got like 4 minutes 12
seconds of sleep. YES
The Stealing of Corn
This story is a tribute to the great man that is Corn. As
you may know from reading the PCW Friends page, Corn is our old manager at Burger
King. He is the definition of the man. Basically the coolest person that the band knows.
So one night Andy, Micah, and Nicole were very bored. So they drove to Mondovi for
the hell of it and on the way back saw some corn fields and they had a premonition.
They must steal the corn. So they went back to Eau Claire to wait for dark and to get a
bucket. Around dark time they snuck back out to a corn field
on the far outskirts of the town and Micah snuck out into the edge of the field. He ripped
out a stalk of corn with his bear hands and through it into the bucket. But alas, while
getting the corn into the car, the stalk of the corn broke. The three amigos thought about
using the corn anyway but could not fail in that way. So they found a better corn field
with sturdier corn, corn that had been given mass fertilizer. Micah again ripped out a
stalk from the ground with his bare hands and this one stayed up. The group then
proceeded to drive to Micah's house where the corn was planted
with really old mossy sand from Micah's yard. But it was the best that we could find.
We all then drove to Corn's house, on the way writing a little note for the corn, "Yo G,
Water me." The note was attached to the corn and Andy ran up to Corn's apartment and
placed it in front of his door. The next time Corn opened his door he was amazed. He
had no idea who did it and though someone might be stalking him due to the stalk of
corn. We told him eventually and the corn was replanted with some fresh potting soil
and resided on Corn's roof in the sun until it passed away over the summer.
This story took place over the early part of the summer. Micah, Joe, Carl, and Jeremy
were all sitting in Carl's basement bored out of their minds. Then out of no where this
girl instant messages Carl (they both use AOL, no one knows why) anyway we get to
talking with them and tell them were on our way over. Actually we never went over but
we did arrange to meet them at a McDonalds the next day. So the four guys went to meet
Wendy and her friend Sarah. Micah and Jeremy were at top form, Wendy had never
laughed so hard in her life. Sarah on the other hand, bless her sweet heart, a normally
quiet person, was scared out of he mind by Micah and Jeremy. Needless to say that's the
last we ever saw of her. So we all goofed around at McDonalds for a long time until we
all had to go. Wendy immediately discovered that Jeremy was the charming one, Micah
was the funny one, and Joe was the quiet one. The next day we went to pick up Wendy,
to our surprise Sarah was not there. =) So the group drove around and Micah and Jeremy
decided it was time to test this newfound human. In goes KoRn and Jeremy and Micah
bust into twist as it starts shaking the car. Well if a person doesn't think less of you after
you just yelled "U nat ratnanat put a put rata sean a put a put rat sapamitily......" for five
minutes then she was in. We listened to other various music too. Anyways in doesn't
really matter because all it actually takes to be our friend is to say "hi." So ever since
Wendy has been one of our best friends. Even if she does go to a crappy High School
(GO MEMORIAL!!!)
The Origin of "Hamster"
This is the story of the origin of "hamster" when the band uses it as a brain. The whole gang went to rent a movie. So after spending like 7 hours picking out a movie we all go up to the counter to pay for the movie. Carl decides he wants a sucker so instead of buying it then waiting until he's gone to eat he takes one and eats it then tells the guy behind the counter he would like to pay for the sucker he has in his mouth. Jeremy and Wendy thought this was hilarious, as in dumb. They started ripping on him and joking about how Carl is being run by a hamster on one of those spinning wheels and they just got more and more elaborate from there.
The Tale Of Mr. Clean
Okay the band members don't usually participate in unlawful things but in some cases we
make exceptions. There is this jackass that lives over by Micah's house that keeps his
yard spotless. He like vacuums his yard. Then like if one leaf get on his lawn he like
come running from his house and like dives on it and like destroys this leaf that thought
could ruin his lawn. I mean what would happen if a car driving by saw his lawn wasn't
spotless. Pathetic. Anyway so Micah and Joe get these two big bags of leaves to go dump
them on his lawn. So they go running across the street goofing around like it's an army
drill. So they like take one step onto his yard to get to the sidewalk and then just start
walking down the sidewalk. Well since Sr. Jackass's yard is under constant surveillance
as Micah and Joe continue walking this 50 year old man with too much testosterone
jumps out from behind a bush and like grabs Micah. Well since as of now they were just
2 kids walking down the sidewalk with big bags Micah goes off (Micah fill in
conversation)
Corn and the Mushrooms
Dios Mio!
Dios Mio is a video the group had to do for their Spanish class. It was a blast. It was supposed to be about
medical stuff because that's what we were doing in Spanish class at the time. Anyway it ended up being sort of off the subject but for the most part it was right on. It starts off with Micah skipping merrily through the fields. When he finds an old broken old man, a.k.a. Jeremy (to better suit the role we figured it would be a good idea if he turned his Pearl Jam shirt around, as it turned out you only saw his back anyway. So then the old man gives Micah a rabbit and makes a sad attempt at running away because soon after the old man falls the rabbit attacks Micah tearing at his throat. Then Jeremy playing some dude calls for an ambulance with soon comes peeling into the church lot and for some reason parks a mile and a half away from the patient. Well we did some research prior to filming this scene, apparently in Mexico and Spain they don't have stretchers. You just pick the person up and run. Also they don't have any anesthetics so they make do by kneeing the person in the back of the head 400 times as they carry him. The ambulance then makes a perfect 3 point turn around and is off to the hospital. Well the OR looks remarkably like an office but with some last second laser surgery Micah is saved. There was much rejoicing. As smooth as that all sounds believe it or not we did make mistakes so at the end we put all of our little blunders. Oh and also we wanted to find an excuse for Sra. Jolley to play the clip of Chris Farley playing El Nino in a clip from SNL. So we put it at the very end so it would be over by the time she got up to the front to turn the VCR off. You can order a video here. It's about 10 minutes in total running and oh yeah; it's all in Spanish.
*Lowy attempting to kill everyone on the way to crystals
*Ozzfest- the wannabe woodstock guy (aka the dirty guy that carl put the
sticker on during Civ)
*Less than jake- because it ruled
*you guys driving to see Korn and getting the shaft
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