Mulder: Can I call you skin man?
Mulder: Petrie, like the dish?
Mulder:Yeah we spooned together like little kittes and went to bed. Isn't that right honey?
Scully: That right poopy head...
Scully: He jumped at me like a flying squirrel?
Mulder: I'm Special Agent Fox Mulder.
Scully: I'm Special Agent Dana Scully.
Marge: Oh my gosh, its is about that pen from the Post office??!??!
Simpsons
Scully: What can I say, I was drugged.
Mulder: Crap. (After a manure plant blows up and covers Mulder and Scully)
Mulder: Trust everyone.
Scully: What happened to trust no one?
Mulder: Didn't you read the memo?
Scully: Sure, Fine, Whatever.
Mulder:I never knew reunions were so...
Scully: Wet?
Scully: You actually know that the year 2001 is the beginning of the new millenium.
Mulder: Scully, no one likes a math nerd.
Director: Somebody, what is Tea shoulder made of?
Mulder: You shot me Scully!
Reyes: I feel that I see things..
Mulder: I once say Elvis in a potato chip.
Scully: are we on live tv?
Mulder:No, because that lady just said BEEP
Mulder: Scully, the magic is gone.
The Cigarette Smoking Man: Life is like a box of chocolates, a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat during the game. Sure, once in a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee, but it's gone too soon and the taste is fleeting. In the end you're left with nothing but broken bits of hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but useless brown paper wrappers.
*seeing a body split in half*
Scully: She we arrest David Copperfield.
Mulder: Yes, but not for this.
Scully: It just means that proving to the world at aliens exist isn't my dying wish.
Mulder: What about the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus?
Mulder: Max could tell you. You know why they collapsed Max, don't you Max?
Max: Yeah, too much teen spirit.
Mulder: You think? It smells like Murder to me.
Scully: Its not till your back to nature you remember everything is out to get you.
Mulder: He believes the government is after him.
Mr. X: Its tax month, so do most Americans.
*talking to Scully*
Mulder: Hi, my name is Fox Mulder, we use to sit next together at the FBI
*finds a thumb*
Mulder: Who do you think, Siskel or Ebert?
Mulder: Will you let me drive?
Scully:I'm driving! Why do you always have to drive?! Because you're the guy? Becuase your a macho man?
Mulder: No. I was just never sure if your little feet could reach the pedals.
Mulder: I bought your a present. It's a video. Superstars of the Superbowl.
Scully: I knew there was a reason to live.
Fox Mulder: Brown Mountain, Scully, that doesn't ring a bell?
Dana Scully: No...
Fox Mulder: Brown Mountain lights? It's a famous atmospheric phenomenon dating back nearly 700 years, witnessed by thousands of people, back to the Cherokee Indians. Strange multicolored lights are seen to dance above the peak of the mountain. There's been no geological explanation, no scientific credible explanation at all.
Dana Scully: And, what does that have to do with these two?
Fox Mulder: Well, as I said, there is no scientific explanation, but there are those of us that believe that these multicolored lights are really --
Dana Scully: UFOs. Extra-terrestrial visitors from beyond who apparently have nothing better to do than buzz one mountain for 700 years.
Fox Mulder: It sounds like crap when you say it.
Dana Scully: Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Fox Mulder: Well I won't sit idly by while you hurl cliches at me, preparation is the father of inspiration.
Dana Scully: Necessity is the mother of invention.
Fox Mulder: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
Dana Scully: East, sleep and be merry for tomorrow we die.
Fox Mulder: I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.
Fox Mulder: Bambi also has a theory I've come to acro...
Dana Scully: Who?
Fox Mulder: Dr. Berenbaum. Anyway her theory is..
.
Dana Scully: Her name is Bambi?
Fox Mulder: Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFO's are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.
Dana Scully: Her name is Bambi?
Hartwell: You sure know your stuff Dana.
Mulder * micing Hartwell* you sure know your stuff Dana.
Scully: Look Mulder, giant monster aside, do you want to hear my opinions?
Mulder: Always
Scully: Mulder, have you been spreading rumors?
Mulder: Why? Have you heard anyone good ones lately?
Scully: Did you get a composite?
Mulder: Yeah, it looks like Kevin has been abducted by Homer's evil twin.
Owen: I was asked only to protect the boy.
Mulder: By who? Who asked you to protect him?
Owen: God.
Mulder: God! Thats quite a long distance call isn't it?
Mulder's Dad: My one year old sad his first word today.
CSM: What was the word?
Mulder's Dad: J.F.K
Mulder: Technically falling 300 ft and surviving isn't a crime.
Scully: Oh my God , it looks like he was hit with a sledge hammer.
Mulder: Police Flashlight, one blow.
Gary Shandling as Mulder: How about this deal? You give me Scully, I don't smash the Lazarus bowl and shove the pieces where the Son of God don't shine, you Cigarette-Smoking Mackerel Snapper.
Zombie: The people are made out of Turkey!
Mulder: Hey nice tatto.
Bartender: What does it look like?
Mulder: Flying Saucer. You really don't believe in that stuff do you?
Bartender: I take it you don't.
Mulder: No, I think its just a bunch of crazy people howling at the moon.
Mulder: You feeling lucky Scully?
Scully: Relative to whom?
Mulder: I would never lie! I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.
Mulder: You maybe right.
Scully: Wait, you think I 'm right?
Morris's wife: Special Agent Dana Scully? What so special about her?!?!
Mulder: Banks down the street. Be back in 10, cover for me.
Scully: When do I not?
Mulder: You know the best way to keep body heat is to get naked and crawl into a sleeping bag.
Scully: If it starts raining sleeping bags, you'll lucky.
Scully: Have you ever thought seriously about dying.
Mulder: Yeah, once at the ice capades.
Scully: What happened to the dog?
Mulder: Dog gone, Dog gone, Dog Gone.
Scully: I get it Mulder
Scully: A killer dog?
Mulder: You get a biscuit for that one Scully.
Scully: And if your sister is your aunt and your mother marries your uncle, you'd be your own grandpa
Scully: Mulder if you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes you'd lapse into catatonic schitzofrenia.
Scully: A woman gets lonely, she can't wait for a man to be reincarnated.
Mulder: Hey Scully, if we get lucky maybe they will let us clean the toilet bowl.
Mulder: There is a dead man in my apartment. He'll start stinking up the apartment soon.
Scully: Okay Mulder, But I'm warning you if this is monkey pee your're on your own.
Scully: I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it is what you just said
Scully: Can you explain the scientific nature of a whammy?
Mulder: Scully, what are you wearing?
Mulder: Woman, come back here and make me a sandwich!
Mulder: Scully?
Scully: Yes
Mulder: I love you.
Scully: Oh brother.
Scully: You know I haven't eaten since six o' clock this morning and that was half of a cream cheese bagel and it wasn't even real cream cheese, it was light cream cheese.
Scully: Who is it?
(at the door) Mulder: Steven Speilberg!
Scully: There is your bleeping ufo.
Mulder: Tell me I'm crazy
Scully: Your crazy.
Scully: No, how much you're like Ahab. You're so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or mysteries, everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology.
Mulder: Scully, are you coming on to me?
Scully: This gift that you gave me for my birthday. You never got to tell me why you gave it to me or what it means... but I think I know. I think that you appreciate that there are extraordinary men and women and... extraordinary moments when history leaps forward on the backs of these individuals... that what can be imagined can be achieved... that you must dare to dream... but that there's no substitute for perseverance and hard work... and teamwork... because no one gets there alone... and that, while we commemorate the... the greatness of these events and the individuals who achieve them, we cannot forget the sacrifice of those who make these achievements and leaps possible.
Mulder: I just thought it was a pretty cool keychain.
Mulder: Some people collect salt- and pepper-shakers; Fetichists collect dead things - fingernails and hair. No one quite knows why, though I've never quite understood salt- and pepper-shakers myself
(Mulder and Scully are covered in Manure)
Police Officer: You guys should take a break, you two look *pooped* out.
Scully: By the time of artifically intelligent dung eating robotic probes from outer space, maybe their uberchildren would devise a way to save our planet.
Scully: Isn't there anything you don't believe in?
Mulder: I was just here, where did I go?
Mulder: That is so Scully. Well its good that you haven't changed. That's somewhat comforting.
Scully: I just put my money in the magic fingers!
Scully: They could drop you in the middle of the desert and say that the truth is out there and you would ask for a shovel.
(talking to Mulder)
Scully: The blind, leading the blind.
Scully: Shut up Mulder, I'm playing baseball.
Scully: Did he have a lightsaber?
Scully: You got that look on your face Mulder.
Mulder: What is that?
Scully: The kind where you forgotten your keys and your trying to find out how to get back into the house.
Scully: so what is the profile of our serial killer? Indetermined height, weight, sex, unarmed but extremely attractive?
(talking about sea monsters)
Mulder: Sounds like you know a little something about the subject.
Scully: I did as a kid but then I grew up and became a scientist.
Fox Mulder: On behalf of the International Jewish Conspiracy, I've got to inform you that we're almost out of gas.
Dana Scully: Begin autopsy on white male, age sixty, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am, though not by much. I'll begin with the Y-incision. Yee-ha.
Dana Scully: You know, on the old mariners' maps, the cartographers would designate uncharted territory by writing "here be monsters."
Fox Mulder: I've got a map of New York City just like that.
(Clyde Bruckman can tell the manner of people's deaths.)
Clyde Bruckman: Not that it's any of my business, but autoerotic asphyxiation is a really undignified way to die.
Fox Mulder: What makes you say that?
Clyde Bruckman: Never mind. Forget I said anything.
Dana Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
Fox Mulder: I guess their parachutes didn't open.
Fox Mulder: Scully?
Dana Scully: Yes?
Fox Mulder: Marry me.
Dana Scully: I was hoping for something a little more helpful
