~My Poems~

e Jim
Another loss, Nobody notices
Nobody sees him, slipping away
Not dying, changing
I see him turn away
Then they notice
They are angry
That he left so suddenly
But he didn’t…
I watched him turn and leave
I could have stopped him
I miss him so much
I should have kept him here
Now I see him so much
I should have kept him here
Now I see him everyday
I try to talk to him
But he’s gone

Apologies
I’m sorry I push you away, because then you aren’t near me,
And I’m sorry I pull you close because then I never want to go.
I’m sorry I won’t hug you, because then I don’t feel the comfort of your arms,
And I’m sorry I hug you because I lose you when I let go.
I’m sorry I don’t speak, but I don’t know what to say,
And I’m sorry I speak, but I am wasting precious time.
I’m sorry I don’t want to be with our friends, but I just want to be alone with you,
And I’m sorry I don’t want to be alone with you, because when you leave, a part of me dies.
I’m sorry I think about you so much because then I miss you more,
And I’m sorry I don’t think about you, because I forget how much I love you in that second.
I’m sorry I’m going to say goodbye, because good byes are final.
And I’m sorry I say I’m sorry so much, but I need to apologize
Because I know that eventually I will hurt you,
But by then it will be too late.

Apologies Revisited
"Love of my life", "joy of my heart"
I get so frustrated when we are apart,
I can’t wait to see you every day
Even though I know you’ll have to go away.
When I’m tired in my mind I keep
A picture, where in each other’s arms wee sleep.
I know you love me and you’ll always care
You just need to know that I’ll always be there,
Yet, to me, that image has begun to fade
And so this poem I Have made.
To tell you I’d love to stay close by your side
But something is wrong down deep in my mind.
Deep inside evils do lurk
Some of them say that this won’t work,
I try to ignore them, I really do,
But the hazes I can’t always see thorough.
So, here we are at the end of my rhyme
I’ll say I’m sorry again, if I wasted your time.

In my Mind
My darkest secrets and ones I’m told,
Hidden away, not to behold.
My deepest thoughts, the way I see,
See n and heard by only me.
Memories the good and bad,
Until they start to drive me mad.
Places I’ve gone, people I’ve met,
I’m trying hard not to, or to forget.

Good-byes are Final
Deep inside are things I hide,
I don’t want him to see…the real me.
So when I don’t really talk, or just quickly walk
I’m trying to get away, make it through another day
Wheat I say is all he ma know, due to the lack of feelings I show
I want him to know what is on my mind, I’m just scared what else he’ll find
I can’t always tell him why, I’m just afraid He’ll say goodbye.

My Pain and Suffering
Just another tiny cut
That is what you think
When you say that.
Just a little pain
You don’t see
How much it hurts me
It’s just one more scar, right?
I’ll hide it
You just don’t see
That I am covered in them.

Another War is Lost
Battle raging in my head,
Me against myself,
Another war within my thoughts,
I can’t find a way out.
Searching, Searching never finding.
Sometimes I hate myself.
Hold my battle scars inside,
Just so you can’t see.
I don’t want you to know,
What is wrong with me?

Death Wish
It’s a death wish
But she don’t care,
She doesn’t see the point
Of living round here
It doesn’t matter
Dead or alive
It turns out the same
No One Survives

The Beginning
Examine my life and question my worth,
A bit of blood I draw forth,
I glance upon my "easy" life,
Silently holding my weapon; a knife,
I picture my family and my peers,
Another bit of blood appears.
I hang this poem on the door,
And lay forever silent on the floor.

A Rant
Screaming and crying all alone.
I hate the madness
There is no longer a point
Why am I still here?
Too many options.
So many ways to die
Can I just jump?
Bridges, mountains,
No where is high enough.
No pills quick enough
Save me from myself.

My Poems
I always start sane,
Using complete sentences.
My thoughts are in order
And they make sense.
But as I go along,
I get frustrated
Confrizzeled. I
Start to
Not make sense
My letters blur
My thoughts jumble.
THEN
I complete
A Poem

Escape
A new start, a clean slate,
Or is it just a better end?
If not for death,
The memories would never fade.
Even if you leave,
Part of you stays,
Forever trapped by your thoughts.

Untitled
I'd love to share with you all my fears,
I want you there when I shed tears,
Its not like it happens a bunch
Am I Maybe asking too much?
Last Night I thought of you and cried,
If you would have left me I would have died.
I wish I could tell you all I know,
I'm just afraid you'll turn and go.
I know you've told me time and again,
he problem is I don't trust men.
You always say I can trust you,
But you don't see I already do.
If I Didn't I would never stay in your arms,
I'd be afraid of all your "harms".
But au contriare, and rest assured,
My love for you will never be abjured.

Gone
I remember not wanting you to leave,
And wanting you to just the same.
I don't want you to live here,
But I can't live without you.
You consume my being,
Take over my soul,
Yet release my chains.
I can't explain my feelings.
I love you, but not the way you think.
Not a longing, I need you,
I hoped you needed me.
I guess not.
But the time has come.
Soon you will leave.
But I'm okay now.

Sanity
Lost,
Never there.
Who has it?
Who needs it?
Who wants it?
Why keep it?
Why is it so easy to loose?
Was it ever there?
What is it’s purpose?
Was it there to start with?
Why not?
Where did it go?
Is it coming back?
When?
When did it leave?
Why did it leave?
Do I want it back?
Do you?
Do I even have it?
Did I ever?
Do you?
Can I borrow some?
Please?

Corruption
You swore, nothing will change.
But everything did.
I see you differently
I’m more paranoid then before
I swear people know,
Even if I know they don’t
Things changed,
In my thoughts,
The things I say
The way I act,
And what I see when I close my eyes.
You see, everything changed

Untitled
Every harsh word is another knife
Another cut on my heart,
I’m dying from the inside out.
Bleeding to death because
Because of your words,
Every word cuts me again
You don’t think when you say that,
And you don’t see my eyes
The sadness in them when you shout.
Are you oblivious to my emotions?
No, you're just focused on him.

Untitled
Words fly like bombs
Only these bombs don’t kill
They don’t maim
They just sting
Like a paper-cut
Except not physical
Mentally
They injure, they kill
Nobody sees the hurt
Not till its too late.

A friend
I'm glad you showed me that it's okay,
Showed me to live from day to day.
You wiped my tears when I was sad.
And showed me the calm when I was mad.
You showed me how to see through blinded eyes
And you found my way through all the lies.
You helped me forget a broken past,
And motivated me when I was last.
I talk to you about personal things,
I love you, and the happiness loving you brings.

Final Farewell
I close my eyes, Imagine you & me,
Together forever, the way I want it to be,
But, in reality you’re too far away,
And though I want you more than words could ever say
I know you are too distant for me to reach,
& the gap is one I’m unable to breech.
I know you have problems that drive you insane
& I want you to see that it can’t always rain.
And I’m saying good bye, to you my dear,
Hoping your name is one I’ll not soon hear,
For each time I do, I believe I shall cry.
Because I know I’ll regret the day I said goodbye.

Change
Slowly time ticks away
Dragging us into another day
Slowly things will all work out
And we’ll figure out what life is about
And as time drifts by and memories fade
I know that it’ll never be the same.

Death
This hour glass is here to show
Just how quickly time may go
You are born and time goes by
Just as soon you may die,
This is for those who morn
Your death that is,
So forlorn.
Go ahead enjoy the day
Just remember none can stay.

High school
No one cares
They walk right by
They don’t see
The inside
They ignore
Leave, hate, anything
But pay attention to you.
What Is the point of going on,
The world is such a desolate place.

Untitled Song
Smile, dammit, pretend you don't care,
You can't anymore there's no point left there.
You're getting no where fast,
Your caring is dragging you down.
It's dragging you down, it's dragging you down.

Chorus:
Falling, you're falling down, down, down.
Falling down again, you can't take anymore.
You're breaking down again a million pieces on the floor.
Don’t fall again, don't fall again.

Don't give him your heart just to watch it break.
Don’t trust him again it's your biggest mistake.
He’ll pick you up and make it all okay,
just to break you're heart someday.
He’s dragging you down, it's dragging you down.

Untitled
As I slip into the room,
A defensive mask slides over my face.
A mask to hid emotions,
A mask that by hiding my face
Makes me less vulnerable.
I’d love to see you criticize,
I want you to find faults.
I did this to hide from you,
But instead you are crueler,
Saying I’m a cold heartless bitch.
I do care…
I have to hide it from you.

Untitled
When I see you I wish you were mine,
All I want to do is hold you,
I think about you all the time,
Even when I sleep sometimes,
I want to feel your tender lips on mine,
I long to hold you,
You said you wish you could kiss away the problems,
And you can, just kissing you makes me forget them.
But I know you don’t care as much as I do,
And I know you don’t want a girl friend,
You say you aren’t ready for that,
I understand that, maybe I’m not ready either,
But I’ll wait for you.

Sanctuary
My mind is my sanctuary,
Escape from this hell into another,
My thoughts drive me mad, a smaller hell,
If I go mad it will be hell, a bigger hell,
But smaller still than reality,
I can’t accept reality, but can’t escape.

Stay?
Please don’t leave me,
I have hope for the way things can be.
I wouldn’t know how to survive,
I want you here with me alive.
I know you think nothing of the cuts or an OD,
But I still want you here with me.
You know I’d miss you a whole bunch,
I love you so very much.
Please don’t leave me here alone,
There’s so much more I could have shown,
I’d show you that it’s all okay,
And that I’d be here day after day,
I’m not sure if this is something that you know,
But suicide is not the way to go.

Untitled
I wish you the best of luck my friend,
As you pass this journey’s end,
You’ve gotten further than I ever would,
And thus you finished before I ever could.
I know I’ve never expressed my love for you,
But it’s something I could never do
I hope you loved me more than I thought you did,
And I hope you saw behind the mask where I hid,
I know your life wasn’t exactly great,
But I don’t’ think you deserved this fate.

Untitled
I never knew what I’d do without you,
Till you left me here alone,
My mind, my thoughts are free.
But I don’t know what to do with them.
You’ve left me here, open and nieve,
Alone and vulnerable.
My thoughts haunt me,
Memories of you flood me,
I’m drowning in memories,
Please come back,
Rescue me from this flood.
Hold me like you used to,
And tell me it’s all okay.
Protect me from this world,
So eager to ambush me.

Secrets
You must cease to be,
Thought I have not heart to let you go.
You are my alter personality,
A hidden side I’ll never show.
You met a girl you know you love, but that she cannot know,
She can’t fall in love with me, she’s too in love with you.
I can’t tell her I made you up, and so you had to go,
And when you went away, a part of me left too.
You can’t come back and so you “die”
And another part of me is gone.
It hurts me so much to see her cry,
And now I see it was wrong,
But I can’t take back my words,
And I can’t erase her memory,
I’m sorry I made up your world,
I couldn’t just let it be.

Freedom Fighters
How long before they take our freedom?
How long before they take our innocence?
They tell us that our generation is screwed up
They tell us we will get nowhere.
They tell us we are useless and pathetic.
Is it our fault? Do we deserve this?
Their generation was full of war,
Their generation created things they blame us for.
They gave us our music, they raised us,
They are our government, they control us.
They were the hippies, they were the whores and druggies.
They set excellent bad examples.
Yet they blame us for their downfall.
They call us lazy bums, say we have it easy,
But they created Playstation, computers and DVDs.
They control our media and our schools,
We exist only to benefit them…
Yet they blame us.

Perfection
She had perfect parents, perfect body, perfect hair,
And I soon learned I could never compare.
I went to her house once, a perfectly scrubbed floor,
Perfect smiling family in a frame near the door.
If I wouldn’t have gone I wouldn’t have known,
Wouldn’t have seen the fear, she had never shown.
I wouldn’t see her reluctance to turn off the light,
And her fear of day turning into the night.
But lying there next to her I could see fear in her eyes,
But what had caused it would be a sick surprise.

I saw the door open, a presence came in,
I watched, horrified, as away went her grin,
He walked to the bedside, she spoke out in fear,
“Daddy, don’t touch me, I’ve a friend over here.”
He looked at her blankly, he called her a whore,
Then he marched out of the room, slamming the door.
It took just a minute for me to realize,
I had started to see behind all the lies.
Nothing was said as we laid there in silence,
I whispered to god, a prayer for guidance,
“Please, god let this all go away,
Please help me know just what to say.”

The next morning I thought I was alone,
Until I heard her soft little moan
I looked down beside me next to the bed,
She was there on the floor with a gash on her head.
It seemed her and her father had gotten into a fight,
And I now understood her fear of the night.
As I helped her to bed I wished I could stay,
But I promised I’d protect her at the end of each day.

I felt her struggle against me, I let her go,
She was fighting him, but I couldn’t know.
I attempted to wake her from this nightmarish dream,
But as soon as I touched her she started to scream.

It’s years later, yet she’s still afraid,
And I think of the impact her father made.
As she sleeps I look upon her face,
And I softly wish I could take her place.
And holding her there in my arms,
I tried to convince her he couldn’t do harm.
As she sleeps I still hold her tight,
Attempting to ease her fear of the night.

I wish I could erase all of her fears,
And that I could wipe away all of her tears.
I wish I could take her away from this pain,
But I know that my wishes are made in vain.
The mark was made and couldn’t be taken away,
I know she thinks about him day after day.

Anna
What if you die?
I ponder as I look at your closed eyes,
I try to think of you dead,
Tears come to my eyes as I stare at the bed.
What happens if you’re not okay?
Could I make it through those days?
It’s all my fault, if only I were there,
Your note said nobody would care.
I don’t know what made you think it was true,
God how I wish that I could die too.
I wish the life taken would be mine,
I’d do anything to know that you’ll be fine.
The doctor said, “It was from the pills,
They really shouldn’t give teens stuff that kills”
That’s why you’re here now, but there are scars on your wrists,
I can only keeping thinking of all the signs I’d missed.
If only I saw the depression, insomnia and anxiety,
I didn’t think they were dangerous, stupid me.
Now I sit here hoping you awake,
And praying that I’ll never make these mistakes.
It seems so easy to take your own life,
Sometimes it seems better than all of the strife.
Maybe you’ll be okay in the end,
But I can’t see around that bend.
All I can do is sit here pray,
And maybe you’ll make it through another day.
The doctor said that you’ll probably die,
But if I think of that I’ll start to cry.
I wish there were something I could do,
Make that me instead of you.

Vietnam
We got a notice late one day,
To tell us Johnny couldn’t stay,
They’re sending him to Vietnam,
I think it’s starting to get to my mom.
She spent all day in her room crying,
She said he’s afraid of him dying.
But Johnny said it would all be okay,
He promised that he’d back in May.
He said he had to go protect our country,
But I want him here to protect mom and me.
He said Daddy would take care of us,
And asked me to try my hardest to be tough.
I told him how hard I would try,
But when he left I started to cry.
It scares me that he’s out there all-alone,
I just want him to come back home.
He’s been gone so so long,
But I promised him that I’d be strong.
I heard the doorbell ring, Johnny at last!
I ran down the steps, oh so fast.
I saw an officer at the door,
Why he’d come I wasn’t sure.
Where was my brother? My Johnny dear?
Why didn’t the officer bring him here?
“Johnny is dead. I’m sorry he’s gone,
Your brother died in Vietnam.”
I heard him talk, I almost fell.
Was he serious? I couldn’t tell.
The officer left, my mother cried.
I couldn’t believe that Johnny died.
He was my friend, I loved him so,
Why was HE chosen to go?
So remember that, sitting here today,
Don’t forget those who couldn’t stay.
They were husbands, fathers, sons,
Marching on till the battle was won.
These men were sent to die and fight,
Marching to their battle in the night.
Sent to fight a war not their own,
We heard their cries, their sobs, their moans.
They fought and died for all our sake,
To prove that freedom isn’t something you can take.

Brick Walls
I put up my wall a year ago,
When she committed suicide.
I wasn’t going to be hurt again.
I distanced myself from people,
To avoid getting too involved.
But I met a girl with a higher wall than mine.
I quickly grew to love her.
I needed her to know,
Know I could protect her…
So she’d never be hurt.
But I would have to lower my wall.
I decided it was worth her love.
Brick by brick my pain doubled, tripled.
But when I was done, she was gone.
On to love again, and get other pity.
She left me alone in the dark world,
Alone, vulnerable.

Untitled Song
Join me in my mind, just make me feel sane,
You’re all I can see at every corner I turn,
You’re all I can think of all the day long,
You lost me my job and I’m failing school,
But here I am still dreaming of you.

Chorus:
I’m going insane (I’m thinking of you)
I’m losing my mind (I’m dreaming)
You’re not ever here but you’re everywhere I turn
I’m losing my mind (still dreaming)

I see your face on every person that passes me by,
I hear your voice in every conversation (you’re on my mind)
We haven’t talked in days, but your voice is still fresh,
I swear I hear you talking to me now. Chorus:

At the end of each day I think of you baby,
I have to stop this thinking or I’m gonna go crazy,
All I want to do is hold you in my arms,
But every time I turn away, you’re gone Chorus:

Child
I used to agree when people said life was good,
I used to do the things people said I should.
I went through life without a care,
Hardly noticing the other people there.
Slowly I woke up and learned the truth,
And saw how glittery I had made my youth.
I suppose romantic thoughts aren’t that bad,
But I had managed to destroy all the sad.
Looking back on my earlier years,
I began to see that they weren’t without tears.
And even as I look at my current life,
I see that everyday is filled with strife.
But as time goes on I’ll make it through,
And I’m lucky to have friends like you.
As things got worse you were there,
And I’d like to thank you for bothering to care.
People like you make things okay,
And you’ve helped me survive to this day.

If you got this far let me congratulate you *congrats* thanks for mustering through all of my poems...either that or you just jumped to the bottom to get out of here...any way..if you read them I'm amazed...tell me what you think at my email. Eyore52087@att.net...wanna hear from ya...ttys

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*~My Poems~*

~My Poems~