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He would tell me details that drove me to a point where,
I was crying so hard that I slowly started to lose it..

I became confused...
I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to be with one or the other.

D. gave me advice from his own experience.
And he was there when I started to break into pieces.
He was there for me even though it bothered him so.

It came down to a point where I was tested on my feelings for both of them.
I hurt D. cause he tried to make us work but I broke a promise.
I couldn't stop talking with Jeff.

~><~

It even came down to a point where I was so jealous of Jeff and his girl
that begged Jeff so hard, getting on knees and all for us to be togtehr again .
But in the end he laughed and walked away.
Leaving me there after he made me believe that we were always one.

I guess I deserved it.
So then after that I beat myself about it
.

It got to a point where D. and I were drifting apart...

The thought of his true love Jen. kept haughting me in my thoughts...

I should have taken it as a warning for what was to come
because later on we finally did break up...

I broke up with him because I was starting to get scard.
But he too didn't want to be with me.
He didn't want to tell me his reason
becaus he didnt want to hurt more then the pain I was already in
but I knew there was more to his reason then him not wanting to be with me.

I cryed for days... I felt like I lost one of my best friends.
And I wanted to know why.
So I lost it.
I was so desprate to know why he'd shut me out.
The cool dude who stood by me when he didn't have too.

So I went to his house to confess my feelings letting my guard down,
to find Jen. there. My heart leaped.
My intuitions were right!
And for 2 days I questioned him about it.
He said it was nothing but I knew otherwise.
He denyed everything I asked him after I begged him to tell me the truth.
We started to argue and he had hit me several times.

The first day he choked me, kicked me hard in my chest
when i was on the floor, and bunched me in the face with a pillow on top
to soften the blow all infront of his friend. O. while he was laughing.

Then after he made fun of me with his friends when I was crying in the staircase.
Treatting me like I was dirt to him. Laughing in my face.

Later that night he had the balls to talk to my sister and ask if i was alright.
He then called me and I forgave him and offered him to hangout in my house the next day so he could make it up to me.

The next day I got hit again.
We argued, about him telling me the truth.
My head was smashed into the wall and I was choked again.
"ahh...I.....Love....You....ahh."

I screamed at him that it didnt matter that he'd hit me,
I still wanted the truth.
But nothing. I didn't let him outta my house
no matter how much he screamed at me.
:: I spapped ::
I threw a really heavy chair at him cause he was on his stupid cell.
OMG How I hated that phone!
I grabbed the siccors to slash out tires from his bike
but instead of doing that I started to cut myself.
Screaming: "Is this what you want from me!".

Luckily my step mom came in time.
D. ran free while I was left to bleed and get sent to the mental hospital.

On my 18th birthday I found out what had me locked up in the first place.
He was back with his ex-girlfriend and
then treated me like I was on his dick.
Like I was pathetic and dirty.
That hurt me so bad cause one it was my birthday and
two I waisted so much time on trying to figure out
why he was the way he was
when I already knew from the begining.

To be continued... page 4

I was so stressed out by the issue that the next day I got the abortion.
I didn't want too because my lil sister and her friends made me think about the life i was going to destroy.And also it was a life inside of me.
Something that I could hold dear to my heart and take of.

But I started to feel the other end of the issue.
Drama itself was already about and I wasn't feeling too good either.
I was weak and scared. Just having that fight with D. in the street almost made me passout. I couldn't handel the stress. And so I choose.

I had the abortion...
I was in alot of pain afterward...
But I was happy that everything ended. The problem was solved.
I didn't want a baby to be born into a life where it wasn't wanted.

So shit ended or atleast I thought...

After the abortion... Jeffery and I wasn't doing so good.

We would have constaint fights about anything and everything.
It even got to a point where he started to hit me outta his own anger.
Calling me a whore and was laughing at me cause I was sick.
He didn't care if what he did hurt me cause he was seeking his revenge.
I guess i desevered it but after a while I kept begging him to stop and leave me alone. My sickness grew worse as I started to cry more often and start shaking.My headacks grew more painful and I started to swallow more pills then i usally due to ease my pain. My father didnt notice since I locked myself up but Jeffrey knew. He sought out his revenge and I took advantage.
He kept saying that I was easy and that's why I got used by D.

It wasn't true. I knew it wasn't true.

Saying: " Who can ever love a whore who acts like a baby!"
"He used you and you let him you stupid bitch!"
! He never cared about you!"
"He didn't even love you."
" He told me he used you as a game."

I wanted to die. "I'm not a whore!!"

~I felt like I already paided my price! Why?! ~
~Why do I have to endure this much pain. Haven't I had enough?!~

Jeffrey:
*w/ a tight grip on my arms shaking me*
"I'm the only one who gave a shit about you
and this is how you treat me!!"

Me screaming:
"You don't love me, you know noting about me!"
"How can say i love u back, you never made me happy!"

HIs grip on my arms started to hurt, and I couldn't take it!
So i punched him in his face. It was then that I realized this wasnt right.
He wasn't meant for me. So I didnt have to put up w/ his shit.

I broke up with him.
He got upset and started to scream:
"Go, you stupid dumb bitch. Go suck D. dick you whore."

Crying I paused and turned around to say:
" I'd rather be his whore than your girlfriend!"
*Pause*
" Nah fuck that, I'm no ones whore.
You were my bitch, remember that!"

~That was it. It was finally over.~