Written by Czar Fruitcake
SUMMARY: Elder slappage!!!
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is a continuation from the earlier THWACKs under the pen name Fruitcake.
Up in the white misty peaceful heavens a blue glowy sparkly aura appeared as Leo orbed in. He panicked when he saw Piper and let out a sigh of relief when he realized that she didn’t have a spatula with her.
“What are you doing here?” he asked in a whisper. “You know you’re not allowed up here barring special circumstances.”
Piper shrugged. “I’ve got something special in mind,” she said wickedly, rubbing her palms together. All of a sudden they were surrounded by elders.
“What are you doing here, witch?” a regal-looking female with long dark hair asked. She turned her disapproving glare on Leo. “What is she doing here? You know it is forbidden.”
Piper drew back her arm and sent her palm flying at the side of the elder woman’s head. The resounding THWACK echoed through the heavens.
“You and your ‘forbidden’ stuff. You can take your stupid forboding and shove it up your…”
“Piper!” Leo cut her off.
“Shut up, fat head. I’m sick and tired of listening to your elder-whipped whining.” Piper whirled around, facing the other elders. She went on a smacking rampage.
THWACK! The man in the white robe grabbed the side of his head. “That was for wearing a white robe. What, you think it makes you look pure or something? I’ll show you pure, you self-righteous oh-witches-just-can’t-marry-whitelighters buffoon.”
THWACK! “That’s for being a bald prig who should be banished to planet I’m-special-because-you-can-see-your-reflection-in-my-revered-head.”
THWACK! “That’s for the time when you separated me from Leo.”
THWACK! “That’s for being dumb enough to let Cole become invincible. What kind of dumb ass Powers are you guys anyway? ‘Oh look, there’s a dangerous demon who used to be the source of all evil getting a buttload of powers. Oh well. I think I’ll go buff my robe.’ Seriously.”
THWACK! Piper hit the first elder again. “That’s because your hair is longer than mine.”
THWACK! She moved on to another elder. “And that,” she clarified, “was for being the idiot who decided orbing should leave a blue light. Forget about being inconspicuous: let’s make it blue, okay guys?”
Piper was breathing heavily. “Okay,” she said finally. “Which one of you pompous good for nothing, always cryptic geniuses invented pink wooly hats?” Everyone cowered away from her.
Back on earth, Paige thwacked Phoebe upside the head. THWACK.
“HEY!” said Phoebe. “What are you doing?”
“Sorry, Pheebs,” Paige said. “It looked like fun.” And boy was it.