Written by Czar Fruitcake
SUMMARY: White lighter smackdown (sorry Sammi).
Piper stirred the cake batter with a spatula, feeling in the best mood she had been in since Phoebe was born. Leo orbed into the room, filling it with bright glowy blue light (hint hint). Piper looked at him and he smiled at her. She shuddered. She carefully ran her fingers over the end of the spatula, removing the cake batter. She licked her fingers and walked over to Leo.
“Hi honey,” Leo said. “How was your day?”
Piper lightly smacked her palm with the spatula. “It was actually the best day I’ve had in a long time,” she said. “How was your day?”
“Well, it was pretty good…” he started, but then Piper cut him off. THWACK! She smacked him upside the head with the spatula and it made a satisfying thud sound as it came in contact with his skull. Leo rubbed his head.
“Is there something you want to talk about?” he asked. .
Piper smacked him again and then shook her head “Absolutely nothing,” she replied. She calmly walked over to the sink, rinsed off the spatula, and resumed baking the cake.
“Piper?” Leo asked calmly.
“Oh yeah,” Piper said. “The whole I-need-a-reason-for-smacking-people thing. Umm…. Well, for starters, you’ve been a real pain-in-the-ass wuss since we got married with your whole holier-than-thou-pacifist attitude, and you either spend too much time with the Elders or not enough time with them, depending on how wussy you’re being, and, um, remember that time that you stabbed Phoebe… I know it wasn’t really you, it was just a shape shifter that looked like you, but hey, you’re the one who asked for a reason.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Leo asked.
Piper thwacked him again. “That was because your head looked fat,” she clarified. Leo left the room, mystified, and went to find Phoebe and Paige to see if they knew what was going on with Piper. Piper’s eyes glowed a bright glowy bluish white, and she rubbed her stomach.