Written by Czar Fruitcake
SUMMARY: A multi-faceted THWACK based on the episode that introduces Jasmine.
The Angel Investigation team stood in silence, waiting for Angel to describe the horror that Cordelia had given birth to.
Angel smiled, and Fred suddenly developed a very slight facial tic. No one saw the warning signs.
“She’s beautiful,” Angel said, smiling. Behind him, Connor smiled, and Fred’s facial tic became more pronounced.
She bit her bottom lip, trying not to give into the urge the smack Angel, but then Angel opened his mouth again.
“She’s not green. She’s more of a mocha, really.”
A wicked expression came into Fred’s eyes. Had Angel just said what she’d thought he just said?
THWACK! Fred smacked Angel upside the head, and with light speed, she delivered a similar smack to Connor.
“You don’t understand,” Angel said.
“Dad’s right,” Connor said.
“I understand that neither of you should be allowed to smile, because you, Angel, look fruity, and you, Connor, look distinctly creepy, like you’re having some sort of perverted thought that puts you at a disturbed peace with the world.” The same vacant expression and soft smiles stayed on Angel’s and Connor’s faces, and Winnie could have sworn that a slight bit of drool came out of the corner of Angel’s mouth.
“Hello. You may begin to worship me now. Allow to talk in a soothing, sing songy voice and quote the bible now. Through me, all things are possible. In the beginning…” Winnie had an overwhelming urge to smack the woman, but at the last second, she couldn’t do it.
That night, Fred was again talking to the mysterious woman who Cordelia had given birth to, and she was informed that the woman needed a name.
Microseconds later, the woman picked up a flower. “What’s this smell?” she asked. “Jasmine, oh, is it Jasmine? This smell suits me. Yup, Jasmine suits me. It sure does. Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine.” She waited expectantly.
No one in the group caught the woman’s drift, as they were all captivated with watching her excessively large lips move as she spoke.
“What’s this smell?” the woman asked again.
“Jasmine,” everyone replied.
“Must find correct balance between laconic and disturbing,” Connor murmured. “Must be a stoned prairie dog with illicit fantasies.”
The woman nodded, lifting her eyebrows slowly and wondering when in the world someone would pick up on the Jasmine thing.
Still later, Jasmine was giving advice to Wesley and Gunn. “You both love her,” she said. “That should bring you closer together. In fact, you should have an orgy.”
Gunn and Wes nodded thoughtfully.
Fred’s face changed again as she saw Jasmine as her true self, and Winnie brought her hand slowly back.
THWACK!
Just as her hand was about to connect with Jasmine’s face, Angel came diving from across the room to land in front of Jasmine and take the THWACK on her behalf. Winnie ran out of the room. THWACKing Jasmine would have to wait… for another day.