OH MY LORD IT'S... Nothing to Get Excited About
The next evening, Sam awoke and could not find Frodo near him. Panicking,
he instantly jumped to the conclusion that when his guard was down, Gollum
had stolen or possibly killed Frodo to get The Spork.
However, just as Sam was about to go into a murderous rage, he noticed that
Gollum was still asleep in the spot where he had lay down that morning.
Confused, Sam looked around the little area where they had settled for the
day and noticed that a dead bush was shivering. Sam carefully made his way
over to the foliage and peered behind it.
There Frodo sat, muttering incoherently and rocking back and forth. As Sam
placed his hand on Frodo's shoulder, the muttering became more audible and
distinct.
"Can't sleep, clown will eat me. Can't sleep, clown will eat me."
Sam sighed. As much as the insane rambling was getting to him, a Gamgee
would never let a friend be alone in their time of need. And Frodo was
definitely in need. This quest was taking a lot out of him, both physically
and mentally. Mostly mentally.
Sam knelt down to the ground (which wasn't very far for a hobbit) and looked
Frodo right in the eyes. "There are no clowns, Master Frodo. Just your
trusty Sam."
"Gollum here too," a voice sounded from behind Sam, causing both hobbits to
jump.
"Yes, the slimy, smelly, untrustworthy Gollum is here too."
Gollum humphed. "Fine, use me for my expertise of the dark arts and then
toss me away on the side of the road like a flattened armadillo on a lone
Texas highway. Buzzards circling high above, longing for the..."
"Shut up!" Sam yelled, unable to control his anger once again. He paused,
collected himself and then spoke to Frodo once again. "Come, Frodo. We
need to move on. The sooner we get to Mount Doom, the sooner we can get you
back to normal."
With that, the trio headed out.
Not much later, Sam was wishing that Frodo would let him borrow Sting for a
mere minute. Just long enough to commit serious damage to his own hearing.
The ramblings were worse than ever, and once again, they were teaming up.
"Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth which it uses like a
hacksaw to cut through bone, candy, and fences. The Chinese believe that if
you find a discarded panda tooth you have the power to summon Godzilla."
Both Frodo's and Gollum's voices seemed to echo throughout the land, and
once again, Sam was left pondering what a Godzilla was.
Suddenly, they found themselves at the end of swords held by several men.
"I call it Mr. Pointy," Gollum said.
"You named your stake?" Frodo asked.
"Yes."
"Remind me to get you a stuffed animal."
One of the men stepped forward. "I am Faramir," he stated. "I would like
to know your business here."
Frodo chimed in. "No you don't, 'cause if you needed to know, you'd know.
But they decide that you don't need to know, so you don't. So stop thinking
about what you don't know 'cause you don't need to know what you think you
need to know about."
The man stared at the hobbit with extreme fear in his eyes. He also noticed
that the other short little man was shaking, almost like he was about to
snap.
"'Dis is Precious Roy and I don't wanna die alone in this bathhouse!" Gollum
spontaneously exclaimed, scaring poor Faramir even more.
Faramir suddenly felt an extreme weight pulling on his clothes, and as he
looked down, he saw Sam clutching to his collar and pulling himself off the
ground.
"Take me with you," Sam cried in desperation. "PLEASE take me with you!
I'll do anything! Anything!! I can cook, I can clean... I'll even swim
across a river. Just make them stoooooooooooooop!!"
Faramir threw the hobbit from himself and took off running in the other
direction. His men quickly followed, none of them eager to stick around
with the crazy little people.
Sam fell to the ground, and just broke down sobbing.
<< Chapter 18: To Go Insane, or Not to Go Insane... That IS the Question | More to Come
