Little girl
little girl
hiding under her skin
denying the world
trying to be thin
she does not eat
and with the pretty ones
she’ll always compete
who can be thinner?
Who’s the thinnest?
Thinner is the winner
and thinnest is the best
the feeling of empty
is such a success
one growl closer
to skinny
she’ll cry all night
smile all day
an eternal fight
pushing her away
a sandwich is too much
and none is not
good enough
one day she’ll realize
she will never win
one day she’ll realize it
even if she’s thin...
12:47am 9/11/03
Counting
I count the ribs
and a smile grows across my face
you count them
shake your head in such a disgrace
your not helping me
just to let you know
I live for the empty
I live for the hollow
I count the calories
and limit to almost none
when hip bones show
I know I’ll be done
but thats not really true
I’m always gonna be this way
Ana doesn’t just up and leave you
she prefers to stay
When my stomach is flat
I know I’ll be okay
no one can make fun of that
I’ll be your supermodel one day
I see the way you look into Victoria Secret
wishing I’d put something like that on
When I rid myself of these defects
baby I’ll wear them all night long
I count the ribs
with a smile in my heart
looking like if you squeese me too hard
I may just fall apart....
9:39pm 9/15/03
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Beauty
You just cant see
What I’m going to be
You just can’t see
The way I see
beauty...
Cant you see behind the smile?
Cant you see the tears?
I’m living life in denial
saving my fears
If you can hear me laugh
Why can’t you hear me scream?
I’m torn in half
floating down my tear filled stream
If you can look into my eyes
and tell me you see all of me
down to my insides...
Isn’t all that you see empty?
You say I’m hollow
you say I don’t know whats best for me
that I’m so damn shallow
but baby, all I see is beauty...
Starving to fix my defects
Starving to be so perfect
You always loved me then
and soon you’ll love me again
You can’t see my pain
I’m living in my self-attained hell
So baby look at me?
All you see is empty
but all I can see
is future beauty...
9:18pm 9/15/03
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Something about those eyes
How they always find mine
Makes me realise
We have to beat time
Something about those hands
how they feel around my hips
Something about those kisses
how they always linger on my lips
I wish i could kiss the pain away
that I see deep inside you
Can you see my tears?
Will you kiss them away too??
I dont want to cry anymore
Just hold me
Dont say anything
Just hold me
Ive been alone inside of me
For the past year
He broke me free
And with every fallen tear
His face reflected a smile
And burnt me
When you hold me
and stare into my eyes
All that pain
All those midnight cries
disappear
The clock is ticking
it hasnt been for very long
But still I want you to know
I hope this never goes wrong
I want to make you happy
I want you to take me away
Promise to keep me
And together we'll stay
3:53pm 11/03/03
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I think im falling in love with you
And as scared as I am
Im letting myself love you too
Nothing feels more right
Than calling you mine
Talking to you all night
Sharing eachother's time
Im trying not to hold back
Cause I want this more than you know
"more than this, more than that"
so please dont ever let me go
Im taking such a chance
exposing my heart
Where in one slight glance
it could fall back apart
I'd give you my forever
If we'd make it through today
I'd promise you my forever
If I hadnt already gaven it away
Even though I got it handed back
With you I want to make it
More special than just that
Please dont say forever
Forever makes me cry
Please dont say forever
cause forever's always been a lie
And if you really mean it
Than please say you'll try
Cause I already love you
And dont ever want to say goodbye
11:01pm 11/6/03
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here's my heart
on a silver platter
be careful not let it fall
cause it'll surely shatter
here's my heart
tied with a golden bow
topped with love
more than you'd ever know
here's a forever
in a tiny tin box
here's my forever
and all its locks
and here's the key
coated with kisses and hugs
here's a heart and a forever
and a girl for you to love
12:27pm 11/26/03
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Who's That Girl
Who’s that girl staring back at me?
As I slide my fingers across her face
she slides her’s too
a smile of misery and disgrace
too conceal her memories
hidden without a trace
I touch her face so broken
and feel her lips
and all the words unspoken
I run my fingers through her hair
she’s a real beautiful girl I wish she could see
releasing herself from her own nightmare
Who’s this girl staring back at me?
I stare into her eyes
and watch her life unfold
behind those camouflaged lies
I take my hand, place it on her cheek
Where once laid tear stains
you can still see their permanent streak
and feel their liquid remains
I cup her face with my hands
and stare into those eyes
I travel to her distant lands
of hurt and battered cries
I see her live it once again
and I cry as she holds her tears back
I see her look at herself and others
Always wanted to look like “that”
I watch her eyes as she remembers
all the troubles and strife
of her so distant past life
I can see the fear
so I hold my hands out to her
I don’t think she can see them there
cause she hugs herself instead
“this is what I used to have to do,
when I’d be shaking in bed.
Praying what I felt wasn’t true”
is what she said.
Tears streamed down my face
as I told her it was all okay
She could leave this place
if she wanted to bad enough, any day
Who’s this girl staring back at me?
Thinking back as her eyes flood with terror
and with the tears she never cried
Who’s this girl in my mirror?
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why are you so perfect
Why do I love you so much?
What happened to that fear
to all that pain
that my heart endured
because of the absence of one name
What happened to my fear
you'll never know how scared i was
how scared i was to love you
you prove me so wrong
all the time
and i love every second of it
I thought I had no reason to be here
Other than to hurt
and drown tear by tear
but my reason is you
I thought after him
nothing would ever be true
not ever again
And then you smiled
I thought I was never good enough
I hated myself to my inner core
picking at my every little defect
and then you wispered perfect
baby dont let me down
everything in my life was horrible
and you helped me turn it all around
I was so scared
scared to where I almost walked away
but i made the best choice ever
when i chose to stay
I never thought I'd see a forever
never thought it was true
Not until that day we laid together
and you said I love you
12:25 am 11/24/03
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