"death"

from the pages of Morbid magazine

  My job is easier nowadays.  I mean, no more walking around, checking addresses, no more sickle, no more of those damn hot black sweaty robes made out of that itchy stinking wool.  Where're you headed, anyway?  Detroit, huh?  Oh, shit.  I tell you what.  I'm gonna do you a little favor.  I ain't takin' you to Detroit.  Why?  Because in case you haven't noticed, my hitch-hiking friend, I am Death.  And if I take you to Detroit, I'm going to be picking you up in three days.  What do I mean?  I'm saying that you are going to die in Detroit.  And I'm breaking a major rule by telling you this.  Don't believe me?  Well, you just wait. 

   Like this face?  I fuckin' love it.  Yeah, plastic surgery.  I was down in hollywood last week, had to take a care of a junkie, a hooker, two unknown bit=part actresses, and a nice-lookin' couple of kids that froze to death, waitin' for their "big break".  Kinda sad, really.  Anyway, I also had to take of this doctor who had this smokin' problem.  And you know what he said?  He said to me, Death, of all entities, "Can we cut a deal?"  Just like that.  Can we cut a deal.  So I lied to him (hey, you gotta do damn near every trick in the book to get a politician to go) and said, "Yeah, let's cut a deal."  So he gave me a new face and I let him die in bed with his wife. 

   Going to see you old girlfriend, huh?  Yeah, yeah, so she's still your girl (snicker) and she said she's wait for you to come back for her (snicker).  Me?  I ain't laughin' at nothin'.  Just be ready for a big surprise when you see her.  Yeah, your kid's okay, too, and no, she still wants to marry you.  Ha ha. 

   Hey, you wanna hear some tunes?  Yeah, I love this CD player.  Waitasec, let me put this carphone back in its cradle.  Keep hittin' it with my kneecap, knocks it off every time. 

   You know what I'd like to do?  Just once?  I'd like to go on a vacation.  Just once.  Say, you're gonna be comin' along soon, and I've looked up on you.  Yeah.  Well, it started when I first heard your name, back in, oh...  1234, I think.  Yeah, been hearin' your name a couple times.  What you thought it was original?  Ha!  there's been at least fourteen people in your decade died all over the world with that name.  Well, anyway, every time I pick up one of you guys, I check up on you, and (here's the point) I heard you're pretty good with people.  Would you like to fill in for me for a decade or two?  Come on, your girl ain't gonna be coming until at least 2029.  No, it ain't exact, but the second you pick her up, I'll let the two of you go off and spend eternity workin' it out.  Workin' what out?  Heh, heh.  You'll see.  Is it a deal?  GREAT!

   Say, we're almost in Detroit.  Uh-oh.  Got a call. 

   Hey, I gotta swing by Fifth and Buffalo to pick up a wino that just go nailed by a guy on a bike.  They ain't expectin' him to live, and this time they're right.  This spot good enough for you?  You sure?  Hell, i'll take you to her front door if that's what you want.  No?  Okay.  Hey, wait.  shake on my deal.  There you go; no backing out now.  And, hey; see you Monday....

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