27th March 2005
"Nothing hurts like Love" one of my dearest favourite songs to sing on stage .......or a car crash as i like to say.......
I decided that as i had a had a day off from my current touring schedule last Monday 21st i'd pop down to Brighton with some dear friends Dave, Mandy and Crystal to have some fish and chips on the pier (yes, that thing that juts out into the water - to the left of the Hilton Dave you thick tw*t!) and a good old drinking sesh - oh yes, i nearly forgot - we also went to see the beloved "Westside" at the cinema - i mean Brighton Centre.....weeeeeeell, the cinema is next door after all. Its easy to get confused! I did have to get a feel of the place seeing as my own tourbus would be rolling into town the following evening.
Anyway, starting from the beginning.... Dave was supposed to meet us in Croydon at 12 o clock, but as usual, Dave was running late and we had to retire to a quiet little village pub to stop me from being recognised in the "ghetto" of Croydon...... autograph hunters, dont ya just love em?? Dave finally turned up a full 30 mins late AFTER getting us to down our drinks saying she was outside waiting for us in the tour bus - We staggered outside half cut from the sudden intake of alcohol to get swamped by fans - YES FANSSSSS DAVE - THE PEOPLE YOU FAAACCCKIIIN HATE!!!" and to be greeted by no Dave! So there we were trudging through the streets of Croydon - yes my insurance people will be having a field day if they read this!!!! - until we found Dave on a dodgy backstreet sniffing round a tall dark handsome lad.
After making Dave actually do some work and pack our luggage into the hold of the bus whilst i signed autographs for the many adoring fans with Crystal and Mandy as acting bodyguards, we said a quick goodbye to everyone and hopped onto the bus to begin our journey to the seaside. The tourbus was quiet and so Dave decided to put a bit of "Westside" on for entertainment and get us ready for the concert ahead later that day. We were warbling along to "Fried Chicken Wings" when some cute guys started to beep the horn at the bus - don't know whether it was Daves lack of driving skills, Mandys outstanding natural beauty *see, i do fancy her!!!* or the choked cat-like noises that were attracting their attention but we had a good giggle about it regardless.
We arrived in Brighton at round about 2.30 after nearly getting ram-raided of the road by a taxi - the guy wanted my autograph but trying to hold a pen and paper out the passenger window whilst sitting in the drivers seat and doing 90mph round the M25 is not safe and not clever! We checked into our hotel - which shall remain nameless - where there was a problem with the room - fooookin hotels - do they not realise i'm an international superstar and need space for my entourage??? They cant have recognised me as i had an assumed name - Justin Time. So after the re-shuffle of rooms we decided to go and meet Pierre on the pier for a few beverages. "Its that thing that juts out into the water" hooted Dave through gritted teeth as she tried to give directions to Worzel to meet us there.
A few hours later after many bloody marys we wobbled back down the pier and into the hotel to get ready for the concert. Again Dave got a strap - sorry - strop on - because i had to stop to sign autographs for the legions of bedders fans who had arrived a day early to see me - or were they secret Westside fans?? Who knows......
Once at the concert we took our prime seats - Mandy was disappointed that she wasn't sat on G4 again - and the concert began. Jim, Bob, Ken and Barney marched in from the back of the arena - though not to their usual raptuous screams - Dave was quite audible from the balcony shouting obscene gestures as the show swung into life.
The concert was a bit of a blur - it had to be with all them bloody marys consumed on the jutting into the water thingy-ma-jig but it put me in good stead for a show of my own the very next day - and that my friends is a whole different diary entry.
