By Richard Willis GerkVille, Saturday: Authorities last night had to be called into a private function to break up a struggle between celebrity politician, Evan Ritli and an unknown youth.
The function was hosted by the town mayors fiancé Jacinta Jones, with a sizeable amount of the GerkVille Community in attendance.
“It was quite an obvious attempt to crash my fiancés party, I thought.” said Geoff Thorsen between puffs of an old cigarette. “Typical Ritli-like behaviour.” The incident apparently stemmed from Ritli’s previous actions in which himself and some of his cronies poured off-milk over the GerkVille Skatepark.
“I will stand by my husbands actions.” said Mrs. Tegan Murnane to a packed conference room this morning. “He did what he did with good reason.”
Ritli has been avoiding phone calls and hasn’t yet commented on last nights events.
“The fight would have been broken up sooner if it had not been for the only policeman in attendance, Mr Jay Ferguson being undeniably under the weather.” spouted radio shock-jock Aaron Mcneilly.
Media mogul and GNN (GerkVille national news) newsreader, Melissa Walsh also expressed disgust at constable Ferguson’s outrageous behaviour “He spewed on my new dress. I SMELL LIKE SPEW.”
There is no indication of yet on how the disturbance will affect the up-coming election. Political analyst Stacey Ray Commented “There may be a chance that Ritli’s actions could benefit him in running for mayor. None of the people who use the skate parks are of voting age and most of the older residents find the skate park useless and a waste of tax-payer money.”
The only other incident which marred the celebration was that some cunt with an underwear fetish exited the party with an extra white g-string stolen from Jacintas bedroom drawer.
Overall, the party was excellent with drinks provided by the and idiot and music performed by James Wilson, Classical guitarist.
And on a side note I, myself got a bit of a “rub” off renowned prostitute Learna Brown. Oh yeah, does this journalist rule or what.
Other unrelated news stories in this edition of the GerkVille Times:
Michael Depalma models his new White G-string! (Pg34)
Hillman in Johnson & Johnson confusion!
(Pg54)
