Roy: This is a collaboration of ways to die in Sunnydale. Fun or what? Eevee came up with it and we both have added to the list. If you can think of anything we've missed, which we probably have as more people have died in Sunnydale than in Midsomer... and that's sayin' something... (You won't get that unless you're sad and British), please send in your ideas to me (free_tree@moose-mail.com) or Eevee(dovesista@btopenworld.com). And now...on with the show!
O Little Town of Sunnydale- Roy's rendition
Disclaimer: I do not own this song or Buffy. I stole it to use for my own greedy, but non-profit purposes. Don't sue me,; I'm a nice friendly person. Love and peace to ye all!
O little town of Sunnydale
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and deathly sleep
The vampires go by.
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The Slayer, good old Buff
The fists and fangs and forceful bangs
To beat her aren't enough.
For stakes are born on Buffy
To beat vamps to the ground
While mortals sleep, the scoobies keep
Their watch on the Hellmouth
O when a demon comes to town
And casts his nasty spell
All start to sing, start burning
Well Buff beats them as well.
How silently, how silently
Some freaky demons come,
Those mean old farts want human hearts
So scream 'til your ears go numb
O here, in little Sunnydale,
There's always blood being spilled.
When poor old Will goes for the kill,
It takes someone who's skilled.
O deary me! O so much death!.
As each day, here, goes by
Eaten, beaten, stabbed or bitten.
O, so many ways to die.
We know that being on the Hellmouth
Gives risk of death and stuff,
But we're okay, 'cause we can say,
We've got the Slayer, Buff!
Oh Little Town of Sunnydale
Eevee: Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a pretty little town called Sunnydale. It was a town of perfect happiness, where there were no monsters, vampires or things that go bump in the night. Nobody died, and everybody lived happily ever after.
And if you believe that, you’re an even bigger sucker than I thought.
Welcome to the real Sunnydale, land of all things strange and decidedly unpleasant. Here you get your monsters, vampires and things that go bump in the night, along with things that are a lot worse. How many demons would you see if you lived here? Probably rather a lot in your short little life. Coz you have to be experienced if you wanna live long. This is the real Sunnydale, land of pain and suffering, oh little town of torture. If it weren’t for a group of people we like to call the Scoobies, everyone would die. And even with them, there’s no guarantee that you’ll live happily ever after.
How many ways to die are there in Sunnydale? Let’s take a look:
Eevee: 1) Having all your blood sucked out through your neck: Vampires are the most common monsters here, so you’re always in danger of this one.
Roy: 2) Getting dusted by Buffy the Vampire Slayer! (If you are a vampire that is)...death for those that are already dead!
Eevee: 3) Removal of a major organ: Sunnydale has seen many types of demons who like to do this, one of them the infamous ‘Gentlemen’, probably some of the scariest things the Hellmouth has ever seen (and that’s saying something, believe me)
Roy: In agreement there…these guys freaked me out decisively first time I saw ‘em…I was about 8 at the time but still…
Roy: 4) Getting beaten to death by a clinically insane invisible girl...the name Marcy ring any bells?
Eevee: O.K., she didn’t actually kill anyone, but it’s the concept that matters…she would have done eventually
Roy: Also she later became an invisible government assassin…which I’m assuming will later involve inflicting people’s doom…
Eevee: 5) Death by giant bug: thankfully not that common. But hey, if you’re male, a virgin and go to Sunnydale High, anything can happen.
Roy: 6) Getting eaten…this has become common among principles…
Eevee: Note to self: NEVER apply for job as principle at Sunnydale High
Roy: 7) Getting shot by nutters (Poor Tara!!!!) Yes...normal circumstances such as men with guns can effect.
Eevee: That was so sad! Sniff…you’ve got me all emotional now…
Roy: 8) Getting a stake like weapon driven through your heart by your Frankenstein-like creation (If you are "the Evil Bitch-monster of Death”-not talking about Jessiebelle there- or Professor Maggie Walsh)
Eevee:Language Roy…tut tut…say Evil Bitca-monster of Death…protect young innocent minds…any out there?
Roy: Yeah…sure…I think if anyone who came to this sight started out with a young innocent mind, it won’t be by now…
Roy: 9) The unforeseen after-effects of an operation to remove a brain tumour (waaaahhhh!!!!! Joyce! Somebody pass me a recycled Kleenex!!!!)
Eevee: Are you attracted to her in some way? If not, why the crying? She’s just a mom………good grief I'm heartless.
Roy: Yes you are…everybody loves Joyce!
Eevee: 10) Garrotting: this one is just plain disgusting. There are a few types of demon and the like who would rather slice off your head than offer you a cup of tea (Has that actually ever happened? The tea thing?)
Roy: 11) Getting stabbed by your best friend in order to open the Hellmouth (Jonathan!!! WaaaaaaHHHH!!!!! …again)
Eevee: Why exactly do you care about Jonathan? I think I know someone who needs therapy…no, not me
Roy: I liked Jonathon! He has a magic bone! And I share in his pain at being short…
Eevee: 12) Spontaneous combustion: this has only happened once in Sunnydale history. Remember never to leave magic amulets around anyone who you think has dreams of musicals.
Roy: Well it may have happened more… but I can’t think of any other times. (That have caused death that is.)
Roy: 13) Getting shot by a bullet psychically powered by a grief driven, extremely powerful and pissed off witch, and then turned inside out...literally (well, Warren, you had it coming...)
Eevee: Yep, gotta agree…how could you kill Tara?!!!! You evil psycho *bleep*
Roy: 14) Getting bitten by the master...(well...it was death...for a few minutes...but Buffy rose again by the mystical power of the CPR!)
Eevee: Personally, I think Xander enjoyed that moment a little too much if you ask me
Roy: 15) Jumping into an abyss to save the world (Good old Buff. Is she dead...oh...wait...she came back! There's a surprise!)
Eevee: One of these days they’ll just leave her to play with the worms…don’t count on it though…
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