Rating: PG- for darkness.
Notes: Okay… this is quite dark for me, but I’ve wanted to do a fic like this for a while. It’s about the whole Spike/Buffy relationship over season 6 which was a very funkadelic story line, I must add. Once again, Joss…you de man! Please tell me what you think and email me at free_tree@moose-mail.com. Anyway, without further ado ladies, gents, germs, amoebas, trees and other non-sexual species…please enjoy...
Roy.
Haunted by You
I know what I’m feeling for you is wrong. I know that this isn’t how things should be. I’m a demon, and you’re an angel. Wait, no you’re not. You may be good, always fighting the big bad, but you’re not perfect. You’re no angel.
Still, you were the thing that kept me dreaming, kept me fighting, kept me here. I’m an outcast of both worlds. I can’t kill anymore; I can’t be completely evil. So I try and be good, fight the good fight. But even though I try, I can’t deny what I am. I’m a monster, not a man. I knew you’d never love me, but somehow that didn’t matter. Just your trust was enough.
Then you left and I was empty. I could have gone back to the darkness, but I didn’t, because I had you under my skin. You were gone, but you were everywhere I turned. I was love’s bitch again. And I’d made a promise to you. You trusted me to keep that. So I stayed, to protect the only part of you left. But she wasn’t you. Then, I never reckoned on you coming back.
I should have known better. Nothing ever stays dead in this bloody town.
Long lost words, whisper slowly, to me
Still can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there
They brought you back, but not without a price. They dragged you out of heaven. And that changed you. You’re a fallen angel now. You’re not some kind of ethereal shining light anymore. And I can touch you.
***
I’m living in hell, and I’m numb from the pain. I try so hard to feel, and there is nothing. You’re the person I used to hate, used to pity and feel disgust for. You can’t feel the way I do because you don’t have a soul. But I know that in some way, you love me. You at least think you do. I should hate you, but in some ways you’re the only person I can understand. Why is it that I only feel when I’m around you?
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
I know I should fear you, like all the rest of my sorry species. Part of me is afraid. And part of me doesn’t care. All I think about, all I care about is you.
Fearing you, loving you
I won't let you pull me down
I’m vulnerable to you now, so I should kill you, but I can’t kill the only one that knows how I feel. And you’re such a temptation to me. I just want to feel. And you’re all I feel.
Hunting you, I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head
So now you’re tempted by me, now you want me, maybe not in the same way I want you, but you do. You’ve tasted the darkness, and it calls you back for more. The thought of you is my strength, and my weakness.
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
You’re what I want, and what I don’t. I know this isn’t right, but how else can I feel? How else can I get by? You want this from me, but I know you’re feeling something that I don’t. And I’m feeling something that you don’t: guilt. Is this all that’s left? Or should I fight to be what I was before? Should I give this up… to do the right thing? You’re changing me, making me reckless, turning me into something dark, and part of me likes it.
Saving me, raping me
Watching me
Is this all that I want from you? I think I can’t have all that I want.
I’m addicted to you; you’re like a drug. And I don’t want to suffer through rehab.
If this is all you can give me, then this is what I want. I don’t want to let go of you.
But I can’t go on like this; you’re my salvation… and my destruction.
You’re all I think about, all I want. I’m your slave.
And that’s exactly why this can’t go on.
Watching me, haunting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you, loving you
I won't let you pull me down.
***
End
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