Rated PG-13.
Notes: Well, I'm back again with another Buffy/Pokemon crossover for your entertainment. To explain more thoroughly, me and Roy decided to come up with an idea and both write separate fics based on that idea. The idea was a Team Rocket Musical. We also didn’t share anything while these were written, so they should be totally different. (We should do a vote on whose is the best!! Although I wouldn’t wanna hurt Roy’s feelings ;-) Hmmm…huh…ahhh! I got an idea!
“Good morning Buffy!” said Giles cheerily.
“Oh hey, did Dawn get off to school alright?” asked Willow. Buffy looked a bit vague.
“Huh? Oh I…I think so,” she said. On the table, Xander was playing with his morning snack.
“Respect the cruller…and tame the donut!” he said. Anya sailed past him in a top that was barely there.
“That’s still funny sweetie,” she reassured him with not much enthusiasm.
“So no research going on? Monsters and what not?” asked Buffy. Giles took a bite of donut and shook his head. “Good…that’s…good…so um, last night, you know did anybody…?” Buffy struggled to say it. “Last night…you know did anybody…?” They looked at her. “…burst into song?” They all looked at her again.
“No. Guess it must just have been you,” said Xander, turning back to his donuts. And Buffy, not much comforted, said no more on the subject.
***************************************************************
“Oh but it’s cold…out…side!” Jessie and James sang to each other while trumpets that could not be seen played in the background.
“Bloody freezin’ in it?” Jessie commented. James did a rather unusual booming laugh that sounded like Santa Claus. Then they looked at each other.
“O.K…what just happened?” asked Jessie.
“I was telling you how cold it is outside?” suggested James.
“That and a lot of other stuff, like ‘my hair smells delicious’,” said Jessie. James blushed.
“But it does…” he mumbled. Jessie snapped her fingers.
“I’ve got it! That was a song!” she said triumphantly. “It’s a duet between Tom Jones and that woman that sounds like Butch smoking a cigar. Oh great. I get to be cigar woman!”
“Do you think I sound like Tom Jones?” asked James. Jessie looked at him.
“You want the truth?”
“Hit me with your—”
“Don’t finish that sentence.”
“O.K. Tell me.”
“You sound like Professor Ivy when she’s horny.”
“AAAAAHHHHH!!”
***************************************************************
“Girl I'm sorry now,” Ash sang, about five centimetres away from Misty.
"Were the last things,” Misty sang with him. “On my mind.” They stopped and looked at each other.
“O.K…that was weird,” said Ash, quickly stepping away from her.
“Did I just proclaim my love to you?” asked Misty. Ash shook his head.
“We’re not allowed to do that, remember? Ten year olds might get ideas,” Ash reminded her. “Besides, I'm sorry Misty, but my heart…is promised to Pikachu.” Misty looked at him and decided not to ask.
***************************************************************
Super Brock was having a hell of a time. He strutted up and down his imaginary stage, wiggling his hips like there was no tomorrow. One of his backing singers was close to fainting.
“Well you can do anything, but don’t step on my blue suede shoes,” Brock warned them. Buffy, who had decided to go and visit an old friend, looked at him in wonder.
“So…you too?” she asked. “Even Super Brock was affected! I'm not a weirdo!” This is the part where she starts singing Bad Ass Strippa. Buffy stopped in the middle of singing, “Sugar shake sugar shake.” She paused and thought for a moment. “Maybe I am a weirdo.” She thought a bit longer. “Ah what the hell.” She started ripping off her clothes. Super Brock stopped singing to watch her and every single one of his backing singers fainted.
***************************************************************
Meowth walked aimlessly along the street, watching amusedly as random people started singing and dancing. He chuckled.
“Dese wacky humans,” he said to himself. “Dat’s why I love em.”
*************************************************************** Jessie and James collapsed into each others’ arms after a very energetic rendition of Lady Marmalade. James fiddled with his fishnet tights.
“These are not my favourite kind of tights. They can be really itchy!” he complained.
“Then why did you put them on?” Jessie inquired.
“I was Pink!” he protested.
“I thought I was Pink!” she shot back.
“No, you were…the other one!” They glared at each other. James grinned suddenly and started singing again.
“Hit me with your rhythm stick!” he said. Jessie screamed and ran out of the room.
“I don’t have a rhythm stick!” she yelled from outside the door.
“Hit…me!” Jessie left the building.
***************************************************************
After Jessie had escaped from the building, she got another strange urge to sing. When will it ever cease? she thought as she started up another song. This one was different though. Somehow her out of control mouth twisted the lyrics until they were barely recognisable.
“Don’t stop, never give up Hold your head high and reach the top Let the world see what the Rockets have got Bring it all back to the Boss!”
At this point, random people joined in and started dancing in the street.
“Hold on to what you tried to be
Your wacky fame and fortune dreams
When the world is on your shoulders
Just steal from it and run
If people try to put you down
Just hit them with a frying pan
You only have to answer to the Boss,”
Jessie sang, dancing with everyone else. God this was weird, but oddly cool too.
“Don’t you know it’s true what they say
The rodent will be captured
Coz your luck will never run out
So don’t stop trying!
Don’t stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Let the world see what the Rockets have got
Bring it all back to the Boss
Never dream of falling in love
That’s not what kids should be thinking of
Let the world see what the Rockets have got
Bring it all back to the Boss!
There may be times when people say
You’re gonna lose it anyway
Why try using that fishing net?
Shock proofing doesn’t last
But imagination is the key
Coz you are your own destiny
I never can be lonely
When James is by my side.”
At this point James, getting his cue right, came out of some random building and joined in the general singing and so on.
“Don’t you know it’s true what they say
Love, it ain’t easy
It won’t get past the US censors
But don’t stop trying!
Don’t stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Let the world see what the Rockets have got
Bring it all back to the Boss
Never dream of falling in love
That’s not what kids should be thinking of
Let the world see what the Rockets have got
Bring it all back to the Boss!
Bring it all back to the Boss!
Keep a cut and reach for the top!”
They stopped singing. The random people evaporated and Jessie and James were left standing in the middle of an empty street, in a strange and disturbing pose. The wind whistled around the buildings. A piece of tumble weed tumbled slowly past them. And James decided to let go of Jessie’s thigh.
***************************************************************
Meanwhile…
Buffy was singing her own version of an S Club Seven hit, although nobody seemed inclined to join in with her. And as they say in S Club land…a theme is emerging…
“Reach for a stake
Or just some random wood
Reach for a stake
Like Giles said you should
Reach for a stake
And when that vampire can’t be staked by you
That’s when you die and your friends save you
When this world
Leaves you feeling blue
There’s a special place
Where your nightmares come true
Fly away
Swim the ocean blue
Drive that open road
But the Hellmouth will find you
Don’t stop
Gotta keep moving
In case
Your blood gets sucked through your neck
Never
Ever forget that
If
You
Die
You’ll
Come
Back
Living
Reach for a stake
Or just some random wood
Reach for a stake
Like Giles said you should
Reach for a stake
And when that vampire can’t be staked by you
That’s when you die and your friends save you!”
At this point Buffy decided to stop singing. Things were getting a little too weird. She needed some professional help. So she decided to visit Super Brock again as she had nothing better to do. But this time, hopefully she’d be able to keep her clothes on.
***************************************************************
“So what should we do now?” asked James.
“Capture Pikachu?” suggested Jessie.
“I vote with a net!” said James happily.
“Can’t we use a pitfall trap?” asked Jessie.
“But I always end up doing all the work!” wailed James.
“But it usually works better than a dumb fishing net,” said Jessie reasonably.
“Well maybe we should just go our separate ways then,” said James suddenly. Jessie looked at him, shocked and hurt. Then she folded her arms stubbornly.
“Fine,” she said, her nose in the air. James looked at her sadly, almost as if he pitied her.
“Fine,” he said quietly, walking away. Jessie stared helplessly after him. The music started up in the background.
“What's it all about, Jessie?
Is it just for the moment we live?”
*switch scenes*
“What's it all about,
When you sort it out, Jessie?” sang James, walking along the street with his hands in his pockets.
“Are we meant to take more,
Than we give,
Or are we meant to be kind?”
*switch scenes* “And if only fools are kind, Jessie,” sang Buffy.
“Then I guess it is wise to be cruel,” sang Super Brock back to her. They were getting dangerously close to having a romantic moment and Super Brock’s backing singers weren’t happy about it.
*switch scenes*
“And if life belongs
Only to the strong, Jessie,” sang Spike, chucking a cigarette over his shoulder. Butch caught it happily and sang in a husky voice,
“What will you lend
On an old golden rule?
As sure as I believe”
*switch scenes*
“There's a heaven above, Jessie,” sang Buffy sadly, thinking of her own time there. Super Brock did his best to ‘comfort’ her. It included his lips and a slap from his backing singers.
*switch scenes*
“I know there's something much more,
Something even non-believers
Can believe in,” sang the Scoobies in the Magic Box, still eating donuts.
*switch scenes*
“I believe in love, Jessie.
Without true love
We just exist, Jessie,” sang James, thinking of his partner. He had now stopped walking and looked back at Jessie’s window. The light was still on and he could vaguely make out her silhouette. God she was beautiful
*switch scenes*
“Until you find
The love you've missed
You're nothing, Jessie,” sang Jessie to herself. She was a fool, a stubborn fool. She wished James would come back.
*switch scenes*
“When you walk
Let your heart lead the way
And you'll find love any day, Jessie,” sang James, taking one last look at her window before walking on down the street. “Jessie…”
***************************************************************
Jessie sat in her bedroom. She wandered over to her jewellery box, not quite knowing what to do with herself now James had gone. She picked up her spare pair of earrings and sighed.
“Does anybody even notice?” she sang, not knowing the song was a curse. “Does anybody even care?” Right on cue, some very scary puppet guys appeared and put a bag over her head. Then everything went black.
***************************************************************
James sat down on a park bench and had a good long think. Jessie was too big for her boots, and her boots weren’t small to start with. That much was true. She hit him too much and constantly told him he was stupid. hadn’t he run away from home for that very same reason?
But then, Jessie had always been able to wind him round her little finger. Maybe that should change. But James remembered her face when he’d argued with her. She was hurt, really hurt. And Jessie meant more to him than anything else in the world.
“Maybe we all have our weaknesses, flaws,” he said to himself. “What have I done?” He stood up. Jessie was his ‘best friend’ and he really cared about her. More than that.
So maybe it was time to tell her.
“Give me strength,” he said to the sky as he walked back to their apartment. Little did he know that Jessie was in the bad side of town. O.K., a couple of blocks away. But that just ruins the dramaticness! Ho hum. What’s on TV? *starts walking away from computer* *readers glare at her* What?! Oh yeah, the story. Damn it.
***************************************************************
James burst into the Magic Box.
“Jessie’s gone!” he yelled at Giles. Giles blinked.
“That’s nice,” he said. “And you would be?”
“James, Team Rocket,” said James quickly. “Friend.”
“Why talk like this?” asked Xander. James stared at him.
“You’re funny. I like funny in a guy,” he said. “But we don’t have time for that. Jessie got taken away by some scary freaky puppet guys!” Giles sprang to his feet.
“Let’s save her!” he said. The rest of the group looked at him.
“We don’t even know this guy,” Willow reminded him.
“Hasn’t Buffy met him before? In a bush? With a girl?” asked Tara. James blushed.
“Yes…that would be Jessie…” he mumbled. “But please help me! I know who Buffy is! And I know what’s causing this, so we don’t have to do the stupid research bit first.”
“Causing what?” asked Anya blankly. James fell over, anime style.
*************************************************************** Buffy and Super Brock danced energetically. Suddenly, smoke started coming from Super Brock’s blue suede shoes. Buffy stamped on them quickly and stopped the dance.
“Oww! I said not to step on my blue suede shoes!” Super Brock complained.
“You were on fire!” yelled Buffy.
“Oh. O.K. then,” said Super Brock, shrugging. Suddenly Spike burst in, holding a strange puppet guy.
“Looky looky what I’ve found,” he said, holding the puppet by the collar.
“Who’s that?” asked Buffy blankly. Spike looked at her.
“I dunno. I thought you knew. Wasn’t I singing to you?” he asked, looking puzzled.
“This is so confusing!” wailed one of Super Brock’s backing singers.
“You’re telling me,” said Buffy. “Why did you bring me a puppet? Is this some strange way of proving you love me?”
“No! He’s got a story to tell. Sing!” Spike commanded. The puppet moved forwards in a burst of inspirational music.
“My master has Jessie of Team Rocket captured because she summoned him and at midnight he’s going to take her to a random place to be his queen,” it said without really breathing (do puppets need to breathe?).
“What does he want?” asked Super Brock. The puppet pointed at Buffy.
“Her.” Buffy looked confused.
“Why didn’t he capture Dawn then?” she asked. The puppet shrugged and ran away.
“Strong. Some day he’ll be a real boy,” remarked Spike.
***************************************************************
Jessie awoke in a dark strange place. At first she thought it was Rocket HQ. Then she remembered.
After a brief and pointless dance with yet more puppets, she skidded to a halt at the feet of a very strange demon. His skin was red and so was his suit. Suddenly he started singing.
“Why d’you run away?
Don’t you like my style?” He clicked his fingers and his suit changed colour to blue. Jessie gasped.
“You’ve mastered the power of Japanation?! So have I! We have so much in common!” she said excitedly. The demon blinked.
“So I don’t have to force you to be my queen?” he said.
“No way! You’re cool!” said Jessie, forgetting all about her partner.
“Oh. That’s alright then. Are you cool with going to some random hell dimension?” he asked.
“It can’t be much worse than my life here, so sure,” Jessie said.
“Oh damn, I forgot,” he said. “I invited the Slayer along tonight. She’ll probably want a battle or something, so we’ll move out tomorrow, O.K.?”
“Fine by me,” said Jessie, sitting down to wait. This had been a strange day. And still she did not remember James.
***************************************************************
Buffy, Super Brock and his singers and Spike walked into the Magic Box.
“Whatcha doin?” asked Buffy.
“Absolutely nothing, but we can do something now you’re here,” said James. “Will you help me rescue Jessie?” Buffy shrugged.
“Sure. I’ve got nothing better to do than hit Spike a lot and then end up sleeping with him,” said Buffy.
“That hasn’t happened yet,” Spike reminded her.
“It will do soon,” said Buffy. “So who cares? Coming guys?”
“No!” said Giles. “Buffy has to go alone!”
“Why?” asked Xander.
“Because…it’s in the script?” asked Giles.
“O.K. See ya later Buff,” said Xander.
“I'm coming with you,” said James. “I have to save Jessie.”
“O.K. Just don’t get yourself killed,” Buffy warned him.
“I can’t die, this is a cartoon for ten year olds,” James reminded her.
“No it’s not,” said Buffy. “It’s a programme about sticking things with sharp objects.” They glared at each other.
“Let’s just say it’s a fanfiction,” said James.
***************************************************************
Far away, in a land called Alaska, Pingu and Mika the Eskimos looked at the white world around them.
Translation “Is there anything whiter than snow?” asked Pingu.
“If there is I don’t wanna know about it,” said Mika. “Let’s go tobogganing.”
“Wait a sec, we have to sing something first,” said Pingu.
“We can sing whilst we’re tobogganing,” said Mika, grabbing a toboggan.
“I'm dreaming of a white Christmas…”
*************************************************************** Buffy wandered along. A random fire flickered in front of her and she had the urge to sing. James quickly started singing over her. (Buffy’s voice annoyed him)
“A pizza hut
A pizza hut
Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut,” he sang. Buffy soon joined in, as did Super Brock, although they hadn’t actually realised he was there. He was though.
“MacDonald’s, MacDonald’s
Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut.”
***************************************************************
The Scoobies sat around in the Magic Box.
“Shouldn’t we be going to save Buffy?” asked Willow.
“Why bother? We can just sing from here,” said Xander.
***************************************************************
“Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut!” Buffy and James finished, kicking down the door to the Bronze.
“Showtime,” muttered Sweet (the demon), a smile curling on his lips. “I just love a good entrance.”
“How are you with death scenes?” asked Buffy coldly.
“No! Don’t kill him! I love him!” cried Jessie. “And I'm gonna marry him!”
“So…you don’t wanna be rescued?” asked Buffy.
“Nope!” said Jessie cheerfully. James stepped through the ruined door.
“So you’d rather be with that demon than m—somebody else?” he asked coldly. Jessie gazed at her partner.
“James!” she whispered. “I forgot James!” James turned and walked out of the building. Jessie turned to Sweet desperately.
“I'm really sorry Sweet, I can’t marry you! I'm in love with someone else!” she said.
“But you have to marry me. You summoned me,” he said. “So I'm very sorry Jessie but you don’t have a choice.”
“But I didn’t summon anything!” protested Jessie.
“You have my talisman on sweet thing,” he said, fingering her earrings.
“But I’ve worn these for years!” she said. “I didn’t summon you!”
“Then who did?” Sweet asked. Tracey stepped out of the shadows.
“I did,” he said. “You really thought you’d killed me, didn’t you Brock? You didn’t. And now,” he said to Sweet. “I wanna be your queen.” Sweet screamed. “Um…What a lot of fun…blah blah blah…See you all in hell…bye-bye!” Sweet disappeared.
“NOOOOO! My one true love!” cried Tracey, running out of the Bronze.
“O.K…I'm leaving now,” said Buffy, walking out of the Bronze and trying not to explode. Super Brock and his singers followed her. Jessie ran outside and tried to catch up with James.
“Wait up!” she called to him. He turned around.
“Why don’t you do with them? Finish the big group song. Get your kum-bay-yayas out,” James said, pointing to Buffy, Super Brock and co.
“I don’t want to,” said Jessie.
“The day you figure out what you do want, they’ll probably throw a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones,” said James.
“James…”
“Look, you don’t have to say anything,” said James, turning to walk away. Jessie stared after him helplessly. There was only one way to get through to him. She took a deep breath and began to sing.
“For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all.” James turned around. Did she mean this, or did she just feel sorry for him? He nervously joined in with her singing.
“You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me.” They slowly walked closer to each other and leaned in for a kiss.
“I'm everything I am
Because you loved me…”
Suddenly Tracey popped up out of nowhere.
“Yoink!” he said, kissing James instead of Jessie. He then ran for the hills, giggling to himself. Jessie looked at James, who thought he was going to be sick.
“I think I speak for all of us when I say yuk,” said Jessie. And thankfully for the readers, the curtain finally went down.
“Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut!”
*************************************************************** Far far away, Dr Evil and Mini Me decided to truly end this musical with a classic live rendition of It’s A Hard Knock Life. Dr Evil: we love ya *puts pinkie to lip in a sort of salute*
“O.K., you frickin idiots, hit it!” yelled Dr Evil. Annie sadly started singing, but not before Dr Evil had managed to say his comedy lines.
“Take the baseline out:
No? You don’t have to... BOUNCE WITH IT!!” A load of random prison dudes started dancing, and Annie sang in her helium filled voice with all her gay friends.
“It's a hard knock life for us
It's a hard knock—” Dr Evil butted in with a ‘Yeah’ at this point. “—life for us
Steada treated we get tricked
Steada Free says we get kicked
Its a hard knock life.” Annie was gagged temporarily so Dr Evil could talk (thank the Lord).
“I don’t know how to be no crib on MTV.
God only knows. Got my Mini-me in the GP see how it goes.” Really getting into the swing of things now, the prison dudes danced like they had never danced before. The cast also joined in, even Kate and Barlow, who aren’t even in this story. (“But we should be!!!!”)
“Evil's all that I see... you ask me my name? D to the Rizzo, E to the Vizzo, I to the Lizzo.”
Unfortunately, at this point Annie escaped her gag and decided to put some helium into an otherwise decent song.
“I'm a crazy
(its a hard knock life)
mother (beep) y'all knew that. Austin caught me in the first act that's all backwards, what’s with that?
So I'll make a prophesy from the dogs to the mini me.” Mini-Me waved his little arms to show everyone that he was actually there too. In fact, he had a large clock around his neck (God knows why. Does it matter?).
“Gimme an escalade, 2 way bling-bling on Ebay. Domino, mother (beep).” Annie pranced around with hr gay friends, singing about how crap their life is. I have a suggestion Annie: if you don’t want to get beaten up all the time, give up the helium. I know it’s addictive, but I'm sure there’s some patches you can get or something. Just SHUT UP!!!
“Its a hard knock life (yea) for us
Its a hard knock life.” Why doesn’t she listen to me? It’s for her own good. Dr Evil, you got something to say?
“Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.” Thank you for that comment. Dr Evil put his pinkie to his lip, looking quite pleased with himself. Goldmember muttered something about a smoke and a pancake.
“Steada treated (uh huh) we get tricked
(this is for all my homies in rouge)
Steada kisses we get kicked.” Wonder why that is?
“It's a hard knock life (uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh) for us
Its a hard knock life for us
Steada treated
(ah, crystal, my moto, a couple of behotches, why not?)
” Yeah, why not? I would do the same, as, I'm sure, would you, my little readers.
“we get tricked
Steada Free says we get kicked.” Shame.
“Its a hard knock life.”
“I gotta busta move, droppin busta groove feeling fine.
Got an evil crew, Goldmember too. Lick my nine.
Till then, I'll (beep) on my (beep) grand up the (beep) ill call and I'll splooge in your (beep) that’s all!
Fizzle my nizzle y'all.” Will do.
“(its a hard knock life)
This is a shout out to HOVA,
God MC...
You all know him, That’s Jay-Z!!
I met him!!” At this point the cast looked at Dr Evil, saying things like, “Wow! Really?” Dr Evil sweatdropped (odd, aren’t we in Sunnydale? Hmm.)
“Well I saw him a restaurant once...
It's a hard knock life!” Dr Evil looked at Mini-me’s clock, then looked at his watch. Then he shook his watch.
“Stick that in your (beep)ing blunt and smoke it!” yelled Dr Evil. Everyone gasped.
“Yeah, I said Blunt!”
Adios and goodnight.
