Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
Wanna go back to the Crazy Beaver?

Check this girls site out, I copied this but it's fucking hilarious, and I'm not that clever.

Some random girls to look at. I don't know the first one, the second is Sylvia Saint, then Pamela Anderson, Jill Kelly, and finally Sky Lopez and Krystal Steal.

If they aren't enough, maybe some amputees will get you going...
Ever see that gag where someone steals a lawn gnome and takes pictures of it traveling around the world?

Researching Jack Black is a daunting task. How do you really define a man who is so multifaceted, so complex? Someone who can make you laugh on minute, cry another. Someone who can convey paranoia, fear, loss, anger, hunger; all with just a look? It's hard. You know what makes it harder? Five minutes into trying to learn more about who this man is, what makes him tick, I lost a whole hell of a lot of money playing black jack on the web. Type in his name on Google, you'll see what I mean. Lots and lots of casino links. I am a compulsive everything, so this couldn't be ignored. Out comes the debit card. Good thing it's not real money. Happy 35th Birthday Blackjack. Jackie Chan turns 50 today. Half a century old, and still does his own stunts. Little known fact about Jackie Chan, he's not American. In fact he was born on Hong Kong. He grew up in China. China is a communist country people. COMMUNIST. I don't know how else to say this, but uh, Jackie Chan might be polluting our children's minds with pinko propaganda. I know how to fix this though. We will take the greatest warriors the free world has to offer, and train them in a secret base on a deserted island. We will abduct Jackie Chan, and there, he will fight in a battle to the death against Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, Bruce Lee, John Wayne, Jaws (from James Bond), Jack The Ripper, Jaws (from Jaws), Darth Vader (from the original Star Wars, not the pussy Vader-Lite going around today), Stone Cold Steve Austin and Russell Crowe. Oh yeah, happy birthday Russell Crowe. He's 40 today. Getting up there in years aren't you? A little old to be playing the fop in the powdered wig wouldn't you say? I can say this because I am fairly sure he'll never read this, or meet me if he happened to read it. Besides I would never allow a drunken, half gay, English ponce kick my ass. You heard me, I called him English. After all what is Australia but a penal colony of England, and what's New Zealand but a penal colony of Australia. So he's English. Damn fine actor though. It's been 65 years since Francis Ford Coppola took his first breath of fresh air, and 25 years since he's Directed a good movie. If he was anything other than a megastar director, he would have been fired a long time ago for shitty job performance. The funny thing is, the last great movie he did, was Apocalypse Now, and that's where that picture below came from. If only he pulled the trigger and didn't embarrass himself with Godfather III. Happy birthday Fran. Both PT Barnum and Henry Ford died today. That picture of Henry Ford is priceless. Next time you buy a Ford think about that pic. It's the last one. That's Henry Ford in the middle, getting an award from the Nazi's in the late 1930's. Henry even had an autographed photo of Hitler on his desk until the US entered WWII. What a role model! PT Barnum on the other hand, wasn't such a great role model. I mean, he was essentially a con man. He came up with the phrase "there's a sucker born every minute" and also popularized the current circus theme. Go here to learn more about circuses.

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.”

“No, no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.“

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