Twist: Spell check is our friend.

Author: Xandria

Sister: Ooh! Someone new! Whee!

Rating: NC 17+ m/m eventually! At the moment PG

Sister: Why don’t you just say it’s NC-17? With movies, they don’t suddenly flash up a logo saying that the next section is rated differently. It’s all rated one thing.
Twist: You’re really reaching right now, aren’t you?

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer /Xmen

Twist: Oh, no.
Sister: Do you think it matters that I don’t really know anything about X-Men except what you see in the movie? And a little bit of the animated series?
Twist: How can you NOT know anything about X-Men?
Sister: I’m deprived.

Pairings: Xander / Remy maybe Bobby too as he is cute!

Twist: Like, oh my god! he is just so cute I’m going to make him gay so I never have a chance with him ever! Like it’s real life or some junk!
Sister: Obviously Xandria didn’t plan any of this story out beforehand.
Twist: Oh, Lordy.

Spoilers: Xmen movie, general comic canon.

Summary: Fred Harris is not Xander's real father. His real father is a Canadian man of mystery still trying to find out who he is. The mutant and Xman known as Wolverine.

Sister: Canada! Whoo!
Twist: No, Fred Harris isn’t Xander’s father. Anthony Harris is.
Sister: And also, doesn’t “Man of Mystery” usually mean secret agent and spy? Wolverine isn’t that. I know THAT much.

Feedback: Yes

Twist: Eep! The correct answer is, HELL NO!

E-mail: xandria1969@y...

Archive: yes

Sister: Straight and to the point.
Twist: Who’s straight?

Notes: thanks to Heather Exum for betaing this monster.

Twist: It’s ALIIIIIVE!

Note 1: Mutant Theory is something that has been talked about a lot in the Xmen comics and mentioned in the movie. My interpretation is that it is about mutants, why they suddenly started appearing, the variety of types there are, that type of thing, the science. It also includes the legislation involved with Mutants.

Sister: Sounds technical.
Twist: Sounds boring. Where’s the sex?

Ordinary humans are generally scared of the different and the media have built up the bad incidents and ignored the good. Plus Hate groups trying to get laws passed for mutant registration, to have to account for every move, maybe even be put in camps so 'ordinary humanity is safe'.

Twist: Less yakin’, more slashin’!

Professor Xavier is one of the foremost spokesmen in the world advocating mutant rights, such as the right to privacy, freedom of movement, to vote. Mutants have these, but the Hate Groups want to take these and other basic rights {like to live, have children} away.

Twist: Those rat bastards.
Sister: Sounds like my entire high school.
Twist: You went to school with mutants?
Sister: Them, and bigots.

Note 2: A tesseract is a portal type thingy.

Sister: Good to know.
Twist: Now THAT sounds technical.

Note 3: This is set between seasons four and five. Joyce is alive and Dawn exists. Anya left to find a normal life elsewhere, Xander found a place of his own to live when he came back from his road trip.

Note 4: Australian spelling, which is a combination of English and American.

Twist: Because the three languages are SOOO different.
Sister: There is only TWO types of spelling, people. Right, and wrong.
Twist: This should be fun. Deep breaths, Sister.

Website: http://members.tripod.co.uk/macgregor/index.html

Disclaimer: Other people own them all (Sob!) Marvel Comics and Joss do anyway. Don't sue, I just finished university and am job hunting. I own a broken clarinet, a twenty five-year-old car and I live with my parents, so you wouldn't get much.

Twist: Is it just me, or does Xandria sound like a loser?
Sister: Shut up. I live with my parents.
Twist: Yeah, but you’re barely legal.

PROLOGUE ONE

Sister: By definition, isn’t there only the one prologue?

OXNARD 1999

Twist: If this is set in Oxnard, California, United States of America, why do they speak Australian?

He was on the way from one side of the country to the other. Driving, as it was easier for one like him than otherwise.

Twist: What, is he going to fly?
Sister: He could burrow underground like Bugs Bunny.

Besides, it had been a while since he had had the time to do something like this, just drive. And then he saw it. The sign. Male Strippers.

Both: WHOO HOO!

Yeah, time to stop. To watch some flexible young bodies moving to a rhythm as they lost their clothes.

Twist: He’s going to a child beauty pageant?
Sister: So far this is good. I like the imagery.
Twist: I’m sure it’ll get bad. Don’t worry.

Sitting down, he ordered a beer and a burger.

Twist: Because I want to eat food cooked at a strip joint.

As he looked at the various young men he made plans, what to do if this happened, what to do if that.

Twist: He’s thinking pretty coherently for someone watching naked guys dance.

And he thought about several experiments it was time to check on as well.

Twist: Because the muscular young men were just not holding his attention. This guy must be evil.

When his burger arrived he finished it quickly so ordered another.

Twist: Cheesebugah, cheesebugah, fry, Coke!
Sister: Is he fat? Who eats two burgers in one sitting?
Twist: Shut up.

Leaning back he forced himself to relax, he was on a sort of break, after all. So he looked up at the young man currently losing his clothes up there on the stage. Agile. Very agile. Hmmm, knew the human body could bend backwards like that, but so fast?

Twist: *snap* Whoops. We’re going to need another Timmy!

And the splits? That must have hurt but the dancer was smoothly moving to the next stage as he leaned forward, legs still apart, and moved up onto his hands. Only wearing tight long pants, he could see the muscles in his abdomen rippling as he moved forward. Hadn't one of the Russian male gymnasts done that in the Olympics recently? Perhaps this was one who didn't make the American team, though he couldn't see why.

Twist: Because he’s Canadian, eh?

And then he was standing, ripping away those tight tight pants to reveal a G-string underneath that barely covered his assets.

Both: *Drool*

But he wore a mask on his face still and the crowds began to chant. They wanted to see his face.

Twist: *sings* The Phaaaaaaaaaantom of the Opera is there, inside your mind...

Taking it off he revealed a handsome face with large brown eyes and a cheeky smile as the young man began to move around the stage, collecting tips from the other patrons.

The traveler sat there, frozen. After all these years, it was him.

Sister: Who’s him?
Twist: Probably Xander.
Sister: You always ruin the surprise for me.

When he had first come across him, years ago, he had never bothered to check the boy's origins.

Twist: Is it just me or was that sentence really perverse?

And when suddenly moved to this other world, he had had no idea where to start. So he had concentrated on other projects, other experiments, looking for the perfect gene.

Twist: Roddenbery!
Sister: Autry!
Twist: Fowler!
Sister: Kelly!
Twist: No, the perfect Gene is Gene Chretien.
Sister: It’s “JEAN Chretien”. You strange American.

The music stopped and the dancer moved off the stage.

"Okay folks, that was Lavelle!

Sister: Yep. Xander.
Twist: Duh. Didn’t she say his name was Alexander Logan Hyena though?
Sister: Shh. Continuity is for good writers...

And now, from the jungles of Peru..." The announcer continued. But Hank McCoy, otherwise known as DarkBeast,

Sister: And the appearance of our first X-Man!
Twist: Technically, a bad guy. You can tell by the use of the term ‘Dark’ before his name.
Sister: I bow to your superior comic knowledge.
Twist: As well you should.

thought about the young man who had just left the stage. One of his most avid protégés in the Age of Apocalypse. Alexander Logan. Hyena. And now he had an idea of where this version was.

Sister: Hah. Hah hah. Hyena? How…unoriginal, really.
Twist: At least it’s an ATTEMPT at continuity. A really bad attempt.

Moving back behind the stage, he just missed him.

Twist: So he went out to the rifle range and practiced his marksmanship for many hours.

And the next day, was furious to learn he had disappeared. But now he had more than just a name to look for as the manager had been almost eager to give him what little information he had on the boy. Sunnydale. Yes, he would be paying a visit. As soon as he finished some of his other business anyway.

Sister: *Yawn*
Twist: Yeah, kinda boring, isn’t it?
Sister: The author’s notes take up more room than the fiction. And the fiction is boring.
Twist: Give it a chance.
Sister: I gave Goldibuffy a chance, and look how THAT turned out.
Twist: Good point.

PROLOGUE PART TWO

Twist: There’s a second part to the prologue? Oy, this is not going to go well.
Sister: You’re just figuring that out now?

OXNARD 1999

Twist: Deja vu all over again.

Moving back off the stage Xander sighed in relief as he went out of sight.

Twist: Redundancies-- Not just for weapons systems!

"Great going, Alex!" Stan, one of his fellow dancers said. "How on earth are you able to bend like that though?"

Twist: Because all gay men are named Bruce or Stan. *nods*
Sister: And they all have mustaches and leather hats.

"I had a little gymnast training in school" Xander lied. Ever since being possessed by the Hyena Spirit his body had in fact been changing. He was more agile, flexible, a lot faster and stronger, even his senses were better.

Twist: How... convenient.
Sister: Exposition. I’m having post-traumatic flashbacks to Alex the Bounty Hunter.
Twist: Will we EVER forget?

When his car broke down, he didn't know what to do, so he went to the Fabulous Ladies Night Club and asked for work. The manager took one look at him and asked if he could dance. Xander decided to try and was hired on the spot. And was a big hit with everyone, even the other dancers. What a rush, he was making money, even saving it, and he was liked. He loved it.

Twist: (Xander) He especially loved the group shower.
Sister: Rowr! Thank you for that LOVELY image!

However, Xander knew when to be careful, regardless of what the Scoobies thought. Such as lying about how he could do what he could do. He also knew when to pay attention to his instincts more. Like when it was time to "Get the Hell Out of Dodge, right now!" Last time Xander ignored that feeling his ex ended up in hospital with a hole in her stomach.

Twist: The hole you stick it in is a bit farther south, Xander.
Sister: Pervert.
Twist: Hypocrite.

Nodding and joking with his fellow dancers he made his way to his clothes, grabbed them and went. Something out in the audience was giving him the wiggins and he was not going to hang around. In fact, the feeling was growing bad enough that he decided to pack and leave Oxnard altogether.

Sister: He’s giving up group showers with lovely gay men on a HUNCH?
Twist: What a waste.

Back in his hotel room he crammed the things scattered around into his bag. The feeling was getting worse, not better. Luckily the room was paid for and the car was fixed so he could just go.

Twist: Yup. Very lucky.
Sister: TOO lucky?
Twist: Shut up.

In just three weeks he had made enough money to have a really good road trip or put a deposit on a flat, one or the other. In fact, he was thinking seriously about not going back to Sunnydale, but becoming a full time professional instead.

Twist: Doesn’t professional mean... hooker?
Sister: Where do I sign up for his services?

Taking one last look around his room he rushed out the door and promptly crashed into someone outside.

Twist: Smooth Move, Ex Lax.

"I'm sorry..." he stopped and stared. Tall, very very tall. And he seemed to be made out of metal? Two large hands reached for him and he felt a sharp pain in his arm...darkness.

Twist: Sounds like my first homosexual experience too.
Sister: You scare me.

Nine Weeks later

Driving back into Sunnydale Xander sighed. What a rotten summer! Breaking down in Oxnard like that and being stuck there the whole time trying to get enough to fix the car so he could at least get back again. And that one night of dancing! No power on Earth would ever make him repeat that!

Twist: Not even... one million dollars?
Sister: Or two snarky fanfic reviewers?
Twist: You mean sexy.
Sister: Yes. Snarky.
Twist: Oy.

ONE YEAR LATER

Twist: Sex?
Sister: No.
Twist: Darn.

SINISTER'S LABORATORY

Mr. Sinister was laying down the final rules to the Marauders before sending them out.

"This is meant to be a fast, quiet pickup. No more, no less."

"Why the whole team for a flatscan?" Vertigo said.

"Because he isn't one. His genetics show all the signs of a mutant ability, but it hasn't manifested. I actually had him for a couple of months again this Summer and implanted some extra DNA into him. It hasn't worked and I want to know why."

"But all of us for one small town kid?"

"A small town with more things than you want to face. Some of them I don't want to. But this child has fought these creatures for four years now and survived. Now go!"

"You're the boss." Sinister opened up a tesseract ((portal right? Some people like me don't know all these terms, most of us can figure it out, but it's something to keep in mind.))

Twist: Oh dear sweet merciful Jesus and Blessed Mother above, does she even READ her own Author’s Notes?
Sister: Or even BETA her own fic?

and the Marauders ran through.

HARRIS HOUSEHOLD

Xander walked up the steps to his parent's house, wondering why he still did as they said when he didn't have to. About to open the door he heard them yelling at each other. Again. Why always the yelling?

Twist: With the yelling and the screaming and the freundlavin!

It's not as if they gave a damn about each other, staying together only for convenience's sake. He stopped and leant against the side of the house, waiting for a quiet moment.

"And the little shit doesn't even live here anymore so why should we bother?"

"He's our son, Fred! And his birthday is tomorrow. It's not much but I have a present for him. It can be from both of us."

"He's not my son, Arlene, he's yours. Remember? Twenty-one years ago you rejected me and left. And five months later you come crawling back begging me to let you marry me after all. I was stupid, I thought you cared. Even when you wanted to get married right away I thought, hey, Arlene's tried the big wide world, but now she knows she's safe with me. But you were pregnant. With another man's baby!"

Twist: Drunken fights are the best time to get exposition.
Sister: Works on ‘Cops’.

"I didn't know that at the time! And you were right, I was scared. I thought you would protect me! Yeah I was with another guy, but after we broke up! And he died, Fred. In front of me. He was shot in the chest and he collapsed in front of me. So I ran back to you. And strangely enough, I wouldn't have married you if I'd known I was pregnant. I cared about you too much to do that to you."

Twist: She’s pretty coherent for a drunk.

"Well I loved you. And look where that got me! A dead end job in a shitty little town with a drunk for a wife and a loser for a son. Only he's not even my son! I'm going out!" Xander heard footsteps hurrying to the door and quickly ran around the house. From the corner he saw Fred Harris storm out and get into his car, driving quickly away with a squeal of tires.

Twist: Wait... no... stop.... Nah. Drive drunk.
Sister: Darwinian theory in action.

Xander sat down and leant against the side of the house, not sure if to laugh or cry. //He's not my dad? Oh I'm so glad.

Sister: It rhymes!
Twist: He’s taking this pretty well.

Wait, who is?// He got up and knocked on the door. It took several minutes but his mother finally opened it.

"Mom? I heard you two just now."

"Xander? I'm sorry. I should have told you." Arlene Harris hugged her son, hard, and after a moment Xander hugged her back. His Mom drank, yeah, but he knew if he could just get her away, she wouldn't anymore.

Twist: *bangs head on desk*

Sister: Got a pamphlet for ‘em?
Twist: Codependents Anonymous.

"So what happened?" His mother opened her mouth to answer but never did as a group of strange beings suddenly appeared out of mid air

Twist: Welcome to the KISS Army!

and grabbed Xander before disappearing with her son.

Twist: They grabbed Xander, and disappeared with her son.
Sister: So there were two men in the house!
Twist: And it was Mrs. Peacock in the Library with the Pipe!

Arlene collapsed to the floor in shock.

Sister: Fred and Arlene? What, are they from Backwoods Texas now?
Twist: With names like that, I’m surprised they didn’t name their son ‘Cletus’.
Sister: Heh. From now on, I’m calling Xander ‘Cletus’.
Twist: Oy.

Scott and Jeans thoughts in {}. Xander's and Willow's thoughts in // and Remy's thoughts in []

Twist: Ah, yes, because we’re all suddenly telepathic.
Sister: Is it just me, or is this going to get REALLY confusing?

SINISTER'S LABORATORY

The Marauders reappeared, grinning. Sabertooth had a tight hold of a fiercely struggling Xander as he wriggled, trying to get free.

Twist: She must be getting paid by the word.

And then the boy twisted somehow and turned around, biting him, hard.

Sister: Hmm, maybe all the fierce struggling and wriggling aided in the twisting.
Twist: When you say it like that, it makes me horny.
Sister: Linoleum makes you horny.
Twist: ... so?...

Sabertooth howled in surprise as the other Marauders shrieked with laughter. He snarled, ready to hit the glaring young man. Xander snarled back and licked the blood from his lips. The mutant stared.

Twist: (Sabertooth) You have something on your face... right there... yeah...

"Do not harm him. I'm not sure how much genetic material I'll need yet." Sinister said.

Twist: Isn’t genetic material a euphemism for semen?
Sister: Or at least, can it be?

Sabertooth froze and growled before slamming Xander down on a platform and holding him down while shackles were attached, one for each limb.

Twist: YAY! BONDAGE SCENE!

"Genetic material? My genetic material? What for?" Sinister ignored him and took out a large needle. "Umm, you're not gonna use that are you? Owww!" The boy glared up at him before falling asleep. Sinister began to take various samples and measurements of his unconscious body as he lay there.

Sister: 7 inches, uncut.
Twist: *snaps photos*

SUMMERS HOUSEHOLD

Scott and Jean knocked on the door of the Summers household. Dawn opened it to squeal in joy and launch herself at them.

"Are you my new cousins?! How are you?" She said. Jean smiled and Scott gaped for a minute before following her inside.

Twist: This family has a history of suddenly-appearing relatives.
Sister: What if they WEREN’T Dawn’s new cousins? What if they were Jehovah’s Witnesses, coming to the door to quiz her on God’s true name?
Twist: What?
Sister: Well, that’s what happened the last time I opened my door to Jehovah’s Witnesses. I should have hugged them and asked if they were my new cousins.
Twist: Next time.

"We are. I'm Scott and this is my wife Jean. Thank you for being willing to see us." Joyce entered and stared at him.

"My God. You look like Hank. Before he gained weight and got the ulcer anyway."

Sister: An ulcer makes you look different?

"I haven't been able to catch up with him yet so I wouldn't know."

"I remember him talking about you once. His cousins, who went on a flight and never came back. The authorities couldn't find a trace of you, and said you were most likely dead."

Twist: How I love back story. Can we get to the sex?
Sister: If they were expecting new cousins, wouldn’t they have already talked to them about the back story?

"Alex and I survived. We were brought up in an orphanage." Scott frowned and fell silent.

Sister: Because when I meet long lost relatives, I don’t expect to have to tell my life story. Nope.

"Oh dear I didn't mean to..." Joyce began but Jean interrupted her, elbowing Scott in the side as she did so.

"Scott has a tendency to brood a little too much." Jean smiled.

Twist: Wait, Scott is Angel?
Sister: No, Ben is Glory. Get it correct.

"Must be a strong silent type thing." Dawn said, staring at Scott starry eyed.

"Dawn!"

"Well, Angel did too!"

"Angel?!" Scott wondered if he was in the Twilight zone. {Just Suburbia, Scott.}

"Buffy's ex. He was the king of Brood." Dawn said happily. Joyce groaned, Scott stared and Jean grinned. {You have a rival!}

"That's right, you have two daughters. So where is Buffy? I would have been eager to meet a long lost relative at her age."

"Buffy's...occupied so will be later than she intended."

Twist: She’s really badly constipated..

CEMETARY

Buffy Summers ducked under the swinging arms of the demon as she picked up the ebony knife she had dropped. Standing up again she turned and stabbed it in the creature's right knee. It shrieked and exploded, in a fluorescent pink slime that covered Buffy from head to toe.

Twist: Ew. How 80s.

"Eww. I so did not need that. Giles, how can I go home like this? We have relatives coming and they'll be here now."

Sister: Are they in the cemetery or Buffy’s house?

"It's alright Buffy, I have a spell, well, Tara and I have one. It was in one of Gile's spell books. For all those times we get gunk on our clothes. See?"

Sister: How many things are wrong with that dialogue, grammatically?
Twist: Ah, yes, Magic Rule #14-- you can never do a spell without the help of your lesbian lover.

Willow took out a pouch and poured some dark blue powder into the palm of her hand before blowing it over the Slayer.

There was a bright blue flash and everyone blinked. When they could see again, it was to see that Buffy was no longer coated in pink slime. Instead, it was dark blue and smelt like old socks.

"How many times have I said not to try any spells before I check them, Willow?" Giles glared at the Witch.

Twist: Ew! He’s having sex with Tara too?
Sister: Hey, now.
Twist: I’m just mad he isn’t having sex with me.

"Oops. Okay, I have a change of clothes in my car. And you can have a shower at Giles place."

"Wonderful" the Watcher muttered to himself as he followed the two girls back to his apartment.

Twist: (Giles) Spent all bloody day cleaning the bathroom and now it’s going to be bloody blue. Like my balls.
Sister: Ew much?
Twist: I want SEX!

ONE HOUR LATER

"Giles, my Mom's going to kill me! No, I'll tell her it's all Willow's fault and then she'll kill her!" Willow looked down in shame as Buffy glared at her. The blue had come off everywhere except for her hair. Her hair, eyebrows, even her eyelashes, were now a dark blue in colour, matching her eyes perfectly.

Twist: Even though her eyes are green.

"I'm sorry Buffy. First thing tomorrow Tara and I will..."

Sister: Have wild hot lesbian sex and then do magic spells together.
Twist: I want wild hot lesbian sex!
Sister: I thought you wanted Giles.
Twist: Can’t I have both?
Sister: Slut.
Twist: Jealous?

"Come over here with all your spell books and I will go over them to make sure that this doesn't happen again." Giles said sternly.

"What about my visitors?" Buffy almost wailed. Giles took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose between two of his fingers.

"Tell them it was someone's joke gone bad. A bad batch of shampoo. I'm sorry Buffy but I'm tired. And Willow and I have a long conversation ahead of us before I can think of going to bed tonight."

Twist: Okay, so he’s having sex with Tara and Willow.
Sister: Can’t you think about anything else?
Twist: Can you?
Sister: ... moving on ...

Looking at the statement on Giles's face, Buffy left without another word.

Twist: Oh, is that where you keep statements now?

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

Sister: There’s a whole lot of time elapsing here…

"We're in here Buffy" Joyce called from the loungeroom as her daughter entered the house. "What took you so long to...What on earth?!" Joyce stopped and stared at her in astonishment. Scott and Jean stared in amazement and Dawn giggled.

"Oh wow! Way cool Buffy. How did you do that? And the eyebrows and eyelashes too?" She said, examining her older sister.

Sister: (Dawn) You changed your eye color too! Like, wicked cool!

"I'm very interested in an explanation for this." Joyce said, crossing her arms.

Twist: (Joyce) I told you not to get the colored contacts.

"Scott, why don't we take a walk?" Jean said, grabbing her husband and walking out side.

"Dawn, why don't you show them the rosebushes."

Sister: Everyone likes roses.

"But Mom..."

"Now. Well?"

"I was fighting this really icky demon. And got covered in slime. So Willow tried this spell and..."

Twist: Giles is having sex with Willow and Tara. Willow is also having sex with Buffy.
Sister: You just won’t let this go, will you?

"You let Willow do a spell on you!? How could you be so stupid as to..."

"Mom, she just did it, okay? Before I could say yea or nay.

Both: (dully) Yay.

And it changed the slime to this dark blue colour, so I went and showered it off at Giles's place, except it won't come out of my hair! You think I wanted to meet Jean and Scott looking like this?! Somehow I doubt Dark Blue hair is the thing at Westchester!" Joyce looked at her and sighed.

"Mistakes happen. Like I just made. I'm sorry I yelled. But sometimes..."

"I've grown a little since then, Mom. Why don't we go call them back in before a vampire comes along?"

Twist: But if they’re eaten, then the story will end.
Sister: Oh, let’s hope!

NEXT MORNING SINISTER'S LABORATORY

Twist: *sings* There is gloom and doom while things go boom, in Dexter’s Lab!
Sister: Do you just know every single song ever recorded, ever?
Twist: Yes.

"Interesting." Sinister muttered to himself as he looked at the results of his tests.

"Boss, you gotta see this!" Arclight ran into the room.

Sister: (Stewart) Look what I can do!

He turned on a TV monitor to reveal a reporter speaking in front of the Harris house.

Twist: That’s something you don’t see every day.

"The authorities neither confirm or deny the possibility that the group of colorful individuals who grabbed Mrs. Harris's son and left are mutants.

Sister: They were clowns!
Twist: NOOO! NOT CLOWNS!
Sister: ???
Twist: I have clown fear.
Sister: Is that anything like your laundry fear?
Twist: Are you saying I smell bad?
Sister: You said it, Sister.
Twist: No, you’re Sister.
Sister: …………

Mutant activity in Sunnydale up to this point has been..." Sinister turned it off and glared at the Marauders.

"I told you to make it quiet! Not to attract attention of any sort! What part of that didn't you understand!?"

Twist: The part in Australian.

"Hey, he was just standing there in the doorway talking to the dame, so we grabbed him and went. Simple."

Sister: ‘Tis a gift to be Simple.
Twist: Dame? So now Arlene “The Rutabaga Redneck” Harris is recognized and rewarded by the monarchy?
Sister: Damn right.

Sabretooth said. Sinister blasted him and he went flying back against the opposite wall.

"I didn't want this kind of attention. How can I return him to his home now?!

Twist: Very, very carefully.
Sister: We’we hunting wabbits.

"Return him?"

"You have just ruined an experiment I have had running for the last twenty one years!"

"He's one of yours boss?"

"Of course he's one of mine!

Sister: Don’t you remember the exposition from a few parts ago?
Twist: God knows I was trying to forget it.

Years of ensuring he stays in the same town! Making sure he never tries hard enough at school. On his road trip I discourage him from staying away from the place.

"It was an ideal environment.

Sister: With vamps and demons and Slayers, oh my!
Twist: I sense an exposition in the force.

Except the DNA I implanted never seemed to take in him! So I wanted to quickly examine him, again, to see why. I have no use for him here if the DNA won't take!"

"So why not get rid of him then?"

"Because, you imbecile, he was at the least an ideal control for the others who have been a success! One child fathered by one of the world's stronger mutants and implanted in a latent mutant with DNA taken from others as well. Raised in an environment ruled more by magic than by science. Absolutely fascinating. Why did I send you idiots to pick the child up? I should have gone myself."

Sister: Because without this fuck-up, we would never have gotten all this exposition that we already had.
Twist: (dully) Wouldn’t that have been a tragedy?

"Sorry boss."

"It's not as if I can make him forget this if you left a witness who has since gone to the authorities and the media is it?"

"Forget?"

"Of course forget! And plant ideas into, to act certain ways! I've had years in which to take various subjects and return them without their knowledge. The experiments I've conducted have been more viable if the subject is within its natural environment.

Twist: Bla bla bla, GET TO THE SEX!
Sister: For crying out loud, go get distracted already.

"Young Alexander here has been seeing me since a child, only he and his parents remember it as vacations to see his maternal grandmother. In reality I have been trying out different samples on him to see if any abilities will manifest."

Sister: So did they ever ACTUALLY go see Grandma? Because if not, she’s gotta be feeling PRETTY lonely.

"What abilities did you implant?"

"Not abilities. DNA.

Twist: (Sabertooth) But you just said abilities!
Sister: (Sinister) Shush, youse.

From various mutants I have been able to get samples off of over the years. His mother has such a good genetic potential, but is latent, while his father is very strong. Over the years I have implanted DNA from the Xmen like Longshot, Jean Grey, even Charles Xavier among others.

"And then there are the other mutants I have had samples from. The powers they have, plus his father's especially, should have resulted in a particularly good specimen of the Alpha Class Mutant Variety."

Twist: This is more complex than my family tree!
Sister: Yeah, but aren’t your parents cousins?
Twist: No!
Sister: Oh. And here I thought that would explain everything.

"Who is his father then? Cyclops?" Sabertooth demanded. Something about the kid was annoying the heck out of him, his scent was familiar somehow.

Sister: Axe Body Deodorant.

"No. Your favorite enemy, Victor." Sabertooth began to growl as he thought about Sinister's reply. "That's right. Young Alexander here is your Logan's son. When I've finished with these tests, you can discuss it with the boy. Just don't mark him."

Twist: Sabertooth, I mean you. No peeing on the hostage.

XAVIER'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED STUDENTS

"...left are mutants. Mutant activity in Sunnydale up to this point has been quiet. Mrs. Harris described the man who grabbed her son as six and half feet tall, with long blond hair and what seemed to be razor sharp teeth. Her description matches that of the mutant terrorist at large called Sabretooth..." The TV turned off suddenly and Gambit turned around to see Wolverine scowling at him, remote in his hand.

Twist: *sigh*
Sister: Oh no, not them too!
Twist: I’m horny. Is that against the law?
Sister: In your case, it should be.

"Y'got somtin' 'gainst the news, mon ami?"

Sister: Yes.
Twist: No.
Sister: Maybe. I’ll let you know as soon as I can coherently read that sentence.

"No, we have to move. The professor wants us in his office." The two Xmen arrived to find Storm and the Professor waiting for them.

"I want you to go to Sunnydale and see if you can find any clues as to where this boy may have been taken."

"Isn't that where Scott and Jean are visiting relatives?"

Twist: Yes.
Sister: No.
Twist: Maybe.
Sister: I’m sorry, but this whole “Every Scooby is related to an X-Man or two thing is bugging me.
Twist: You too, huh?

"Yes. You can pick them up on the way."

SUMMER'S HOUSEHOLD

Buffy sat down and hugged a sofa cushion as she stared at the television, tears running down her face. Joyce walked in, smiling, but stopped when she saw the expression on her face.

"What is it?" Jean and Scott walked in behind her. Jean and Joyce sat on either side of the crying girl.

"Mom, it was on the news just now. You know that mutant guy, Sabretooth? The one they say is responsible for those really yucky deaths?

Twist: No. I refuse to believe that Buffy, the Slayer, who’s fought every demon known to Giles, would say ‘yucky deaths’. Nope. Not gonna happen.
Sister: And since when do they all know about mutants, anyway? This is the problem with crossover fiction from different fandoms. It never, ever, EVER makes sense.

He's got Xander. Why would he take Xander? He's never done anything to anyone!"

Sister: Except for that one time.
Twist: And the other.

"Sabretooth works for another man at the moment. He has a tendency to grab mutants to find out about them. Was Xander a mutant?" Scott said.

"No. I don't know. We've kind of drifted apart in the past year or so. See, we started college and he didn't, he's been working instead. So maybe? He'd be delighted if he was."

"Why?"

Twist: That’s what I was wondering too.

"Well it would help when we...He always wanted to be able to..."

"Fight vampires?"

"You know?"

"The signs are pretty obvious. Especially when we've come across them in the past." Scott said. {Dracula certainly gave us a hard time.}

Twist: Everyone’s fought Dracula.
Sister: He’s like the Washington Generals.

"You know how Scott and I both work at a private school? The owner, Professor Xavier, is an expert on Mutant Theory. We're actually part of a special group that deals with these situations on a regular basis." Jean said.

Sister: Very regular. Like every time we wake up in the morning.
Twist: And then several times during the day.
Sister: We were talking about bowel movements, not how many times a day you masturbate.
Twist: Oh.

"I'm going to give him a call. Maybe we can help." Scott spoke up then. Buffy smiled and she blew her nose on a tissue Joyce had handed her.

"That would be great. Vampires I know how to fight, but this? I know when help is a good." Scott sighed and let Jean and Joyce comfort his new found cousin while he went to contact the Professor.

Twist: (Scott) I’m a man. I have no emotional capabilities at all.
Sister: Are you being sarcastic there or not? I can’t tell.

Several minutes later he returned to find them all looking at him expectantly. Dawn had gotten up while he was gone and he saw the traces of tears on her face as well. {Xander must be a nice lad}, he thought absently. {He is Scott. And when we rescue him we must bring him back to the mansion with us.} Jean told him.

Twist: We want to deprive them of his company because we’re so boring!

"He's already sent a team. They'll be here in an hour. " Scott said out loud. {I agree Jean. Someone who interests Sinister like this should be tested at least. And we can keep him safe, train him if he needs it.}

Sister: I knew it! They’re into S&M!
Twist: Hallelujah!!

"I better go get ready then. Have a shower before we go and try to get this blue stuff out again." Buffy left the room, Dawn following close behind her and Joyce turned to look at Scott and Jean with a determined look on her face.

Twist: Xander’s been kidnapped, so of course she must wash her hair!

"Can you really help? What's been on the news lately hasn't been very good about the mutant situation. If you are going to hurt Xander I'd prefer you to leave. That boy, along with Buffy and her other friends, has been through enough the last few years. He doesn't need..."

Sister: Sex. He doesn’t need sex.
Twist: But I do!
Sister: But much like Xander, you aren’t getting any.

"Wait a minute Joyce. Our school is not one of those organizations set up to hide the so called mutant threat. Professor Xavier founded it to help mutants. So they can learn how to live with their abilities, use them.

"If...when we rescue Xander, we'd like him to come away with us, but not for good. To find out what he can do if he is a mutant, and to help him, train him." Jean said.

Sister: (Jean) I hope he looks good in leather chaps and manacles.

"He would be free to leave at any time. He wouldn't have to go with us at all if he preferred. It would help him a lot if he did though." Scott added. Joyce looked at them both, in the eyes, then nodded. Silently, they sat down and waited.

Sister: (Joyce) Sure, you can take him. I have his power of attorney, after all, and I totally trust you two complete strangers who just showed up on my doorstep at this totally coincidental time... waitaminute...

FORTY MINUTES LATER

Soon after Buffy joined them again there was a knock at the door and Buffy got up to answer it. Tara and Willow stood there, holding hands. Willow's face was tearstained and Tara's was distressed at the anguish her Willow was going through. Willow and Buffy hugged each other and started to cry again.

Twist: During the shower, Buffy found her remorse.
Sister: I bet that’s not all she found.
Twist: If she’s got a massaging showerhead, I KNOW that’s not all she found.

"Sh...shouldn't we go inside?" Tara said as they stood there in the doorway. Both girls sniffed and walked on through, leaving Tara to follow as they slowly moved to where everyone else was waiting. An uncomfortable silence fell as they all stared at one another.

"Oh. Oh! You must be Buffy's long lost cousins." Willow said. Tara smiled and came close enough to take her hand.

Sister: (Scott and Jean) Yes. Don’t mind us intruding on this intensely private moment.

"Yes. I'm Scott and this is Jean..." Another knock came and Joyce went to answer it. Remy, Ororo and Logan stood there.

"Yes?" Ororo smiled.

"Mrs Summers? Is Scott and Jean here?"

Twist: Yeah boy howdy! They all done went out back for some barbeque! Y’all come back now, y’heah?

"Yes. You must be their friends." Joyce stepped back and silently let them pass by. Giving her a strange look, they entered. "It's safer not to actually invite anyone in, even in daytime." They followed her into the living room. Scott stared.

Sister: About time she learned that one.

{Okay, Storm yes, Logan yes, but Remy?} {He's a good fighter Scott. And if Sinister is involved we'll need his knowledge.} While they had mind spoken to each other, they had also introduced the others to each other.

Sister: This is my lack of X-Men knowledge coming out, but what happened to Ororo? And when did Storm get there?
Twist: They’re the same person.
Sister: Right, then.

"Less talk, more action, Cyke. Lets go."

Twist: *wild mad applause* I wholeheartedly agree! Pants off, everyone!
Sister: The vote is unanimous! Everyone get naked!

Wolverine growled when it looked as if there would be more discussion. Scott scowled and began to speak but Jean put a hand on his arm, calming him.

"Wait a minute. What exactly are you going to do?" Buffy demanded.

"Buffy, if Scott says they are experts with mutant issues, then they will know what they are doing." Joyce said.

Sister: It’s nice seeing Joyce taking an active role in Slaying decisions even though she knows jack about squat.

"Actually at this stage we only intend going over to speak to Mrs. Harris, see if she remembers anything that could help us confirm whether it was Sabertooth or not." Jean said.

"Then I'm going too. Hey, Xander was my best friend, and at least Mrs. Harris knows who I am." Willow said.

"Me too." Buffy said. With that settled they went, leaving Tara Joyce and Dawn to stare at each other.

Twist: First one to blink has to take an active role in the next chapter!
Sister: *blink*
Twist: What’d you do that for?
Sister: If I take an active role in the next chapter, I may be able to salvage this fic so it makes sense and isn’t so fricking boring.
Twist: I knew there was a reason I liked you.