Sister: Wonder who THAT could be.

Twist: Shhh, you’ll spoil the surprise!

Sister: I don’t think there IS a surprise.

Title: Alex The Bounty Hunter

Twist: Didn’t she just say that?

Author: Amanda

Twist: Deja vu all over again

Sister: Guess some people can’t be bothered to change formats from email to webpage.

Pairing: Xander/ Spike

Twist: Well, that’s a good sign.

Sister: No, that’s a BAD sign. Think what they’ll do to our darling boys!

Twist: Good point. Bad Amanda! No cake!

Rating: maybe PG - 13 for now but later N- 17

Sister: Pleasure deferred is... Well, wait, this probably will be more painful than pleasurable.

Disclaimer: Joss owns everything. But the OC’s I put here and there.

Sister: Joss came and reposessed my car the other day.

Twist: Don’t badmouth the Power that Be!

Feedback: Yes Please! Let me know if you like it or hate it and if you think I should continue.

Both: NO! STOP! PLEASE!

Archive: If you want this for your site just let me know.

Twist: Anyone want to answer that for her?

Sister: I plead the fifth.

Twist: Make mine a quart.

Sister: *looks* No booze!

Twist: Not even rum raisin ice cream?

Summary: Xander leaves Sunnydale after he left Anya at the alter

Twist: Just because you use the spell check doesn’t mean it is the right word.

Sister: Well, maybe he was trying to hem her dress. You never know.

and rediscovers himself and with the knowledge of demons gets a new career as a bounty hunter. He hunts down the demons that are on wanted posters for money.

Twist: Here’s those posters you wanted, where’s my money?

Part 1

Jack Cloud was sitting behind his desk in his office at the Cloud Technology in San Francisco, California. His business was not only in computer web designs but also behind closed doors he was the front man for all the men and women that worked for him as bounty hunters.

Sister: To quote someone we know, reading makes our english speak good.

He didn’t know who they were since they only communicated through the Internet and they didn’t know who he was either.

Twist: Unless they went to his web page and clicked on “Contact Us”.

He contacted them and let them know whom to kill. Some of his people killed only demons and a few just killed humans and some killed both. Jack was a sleazy smelly guy who didn’t give a shit

Both: EEEEEW

Twist: Well, no wonder he smelled then!

Sister: Holding it in like that cannot be good for your colon health.

who was getting killed as long as he got paid. Some one with the right kind of cash could just contact him and he would draw up a wanted poster and sent it to who ever was going to bite

Sister: I’m confused, these people kill by biting?

Twist: But then, wouldn’t that make them vampires?

Sister: And if they’re vampires, aren’t they demons?

Twist: And if they’re demons, isn’t Jack Chick... I mean Jack Cloud supposed to kill them?

Sister: It’s fic logic. It does not resemble our earthly logic.

Twist: Oh, sure, she gets to quote Alex. I mean Xander.

Sister: Now you’ve done it! Spoiler!

Twist: Uh, whoops! Inadvertent spoil, no points taken off.

Sister: Well, now that the surprise is ruined, I can’t read this.

Twist: Oh, no. You’re not getting out of it that easily.

Sister: Damn.

and when the job was done collect his money and pay the bounty hunter who did the job. Ok so they were nothing better then a hit man or women but bounty hunter had such a better name.

Twist: And better dental benefits.

Sister: Aren’t bounty hunters licensed by the government?

Twist: Yeah. They’re not allowed to kill people either.

Sister: Should we punish her for false advertising?

Twist: Can I? Pwease?

Jack didn’t even have to pull a trigger and he got rich.

Sister: He’s a network exec?

No one ever question were all his money came from they all thought he had a real business and that was how he wanted things.

Twist: Well, he also wanted a pony, but that’s a different website altogether.

Sister: What do you mean by that?

Twist: Do you really want to get that perverted this early in the fic?

He had his favorite bounty hunters they were the ones that did the job quick and easy. They could go in and get the job done and he could count on them.

Twist: Didn’t she just say that? Did she even read this before posting it?

Sister: Did she even read it while writing it?

His best bounty hunter was Alex. Alex could go in and kill any demon professionally and quick.

Sister: -ly. -LY!

He knew every demon and how to kill each one. Jack wanted him to kill humans too but he knew by just talking to Alex on the computer he was the type of guy that believed in what he was doing was of the good.

Twist: Not only did the sentence not make sense, but “of the good” is not a Jack Cloud expression. It’s not even an “Alex” expression!

Sister: I believe this is called character assassination.

So Jack never brought it up, he didn’t want to lose him he was the best after all.

Sister: Gee, I wonder who that could be.

Twist: Well, excuse me for being intuitive.

Sister: Didn’t she already say that?

Twist: What can we say? She’s good with continuity.

“ So we have a new target good, great!” Jack was rubbing his hands together just picturing the money going straight to his bank account as he typed to a customer on his computer.

Twist: Talented guy. He can rub his hands together and type at the same time.

Sister: Maybe he has four hands.

“ Just tell me who and where to find this person and then I will contact you when the job has been fulfilled.” Typed Jack.

Twist: They don’t tell you what he’s typing with...

Sister: EEEEEEW!

Twist: Sticky keyboard.

Jack logged out of the Instant Messenger and went to all his contacts to find the list of hunters that were under his employee.

Sister: Doesn’t he need to find out who and where first?

He needed a vampire to go down and he knew the perfect guy for the job, Alex. The vampire was living in Los Angeles and he knew Alex just finished a job in Long Beach so he wasn’t to far away and he could have the job done by sun up tomorrow.

Twist: Unless he gets stuck in rush hour.

He left an Instant Message for Alex and then went out of the office to go to the coffee shop around the corner to get a cup of coffee.

Sister: This fic sucks in a sucky way ‘cause it’s sucktacular.

Twist: I was thinking the same thing with my thoughts in my head where I think a lot.

Sister: All right, enough with the teasing of the wordy woman who has too many words and no thesaurus to help choose other words.

He knew Alex wasn’t sitting around his hotel room waiting for Jack to contact him. Some times it would take a good hour before he heard back for him.

Sister: (Jack) So like a man, to make me wait by the phone. Hmph!

But never more then that. After all Alex was the best.

Twist: The best of the best of the best!

Sister: Wrong fandom.

Twist: Oh, yeah. Whoopsiedoodles.

Jack came back to his office and went straight to his computer. Like clockwork there was Alex saying hello.

Both: (dully) Hello.

Sister: What superb timing. There must be a psychic connection.

“ Hello Alex. Are you up for another job? I have an easy one for you. He is just a vampire living in L.A. He is trying to kill a bunch of lawyers. They have tried to kill him but they haven’t been successful they want you to just bring him to them and they will pay you. I know you don’t like being seen so all you have to do is wrap him up in chains like a present under the tree and drop him off at the offices.

Sister: But if he goes into the office, won’t they see him?

No questions asked. They will take care of the problem from there.”

Twist: Man, I just love exposition! It’s like, they tell you everything and you don’t have to read the rest of the story!

Sister: You’re not getting out of it that easily.

Twist: Dammit!

Sister: Suck it up. If I have to read it, so do you.

“How much, who, and where?” Typed Alex

Jack e-mailed all the information that Alex needed for the job. And then he got a reply back that Alex would take the job and would leave with in the hour. He told Jack that he would contact him when the job was done.

Twist: Why did he waste all the time waiting for an IM if he could have just emailed it to him?

Alex packed his bag as fast as he could. He always traveled light because he didn’t know when he had to leave quickly to his next target and if you only had a couple pairs of jeans and a few shirts then it was easy to pack in a hurry. He went to the bathroom and grabbed his shaving kit bag and tossed his toothbrush and paste in the bag then walked out of the bathroom.

Twist: And then he put his leather pants and his muscle shirt and his paoi shell necklaces and his hair gel and his boots and ...

Sister: Because of course, gay men never REALLY travel light.

He sat down on the bed for a minute to collect his thoughts as he looked in the vanity mirror at the dresser he was facing. He was wondering when he got so old. It just seemed like yesterday he left Sunnydale and not seven years ago. He wondered were the time went and he thought about the friends he left behind. He missed them and even though he loved them he was never going home. He had a job to do and he was good at it. No they didn’t need him any more. If they ever did. He knew that somewhere done the line in his life that the past was going to come back to him and slap him in the face but he didn’t think that it was going to happen today.

Twist: For a stone cold killer, he’s sure taking a lot of time for introspection.

Sister: But we have to know everything he’s thinking, or we won’t understand the story.

Twist: You understand the story?

Sister: Quiet, you.

No he didn’t wake up this morning and say today is a good day to go to L.A and find Angel and take him to these lawyers and have him willingly killed.

Twist: Uh, are we talking about the same Xander?

Sister: I seem to remember him letting Buffy send Angel to an eternity of torment in Hell.

Twist: *sigh* Naked Angel butt...

Sister: *sigh* yeah...

Shit how fucked up is my life thought Alex.

Twist: How bad are my punctuation skills asked Amanda.

Sister: Remember, the comma is your friend.

He needed to go and find Angel and tell him that there is a contract out on him. Alex also knew about Jack and he also knew that some of his targets weren’t always bad. He also knew that he was basically a hit man but to him they were demons and there for, they were evil.

Twist: Didn’t we already have this introspection exposition conversation?

Sister: No, that was Jack, now it’s Xander. You see, in slash, every single character must reiterate the main plot point over and over. Otherwise, it would just be PWP.

Twist: ... and that’s bad how?

Sister: Didn’t I already say ‘Quiet, you’?

He only saw in black and white and turned his head on the gray. But now it was different. It was some one he knew. It was Angel. Ya he hated Angel but not enough to have him killed. Angel was fighting the good fight now. He had a soul. So Alex made up his mind that he would go to Angel and tell him and ask him to not tell anyone that he saw him and then leave L.A. as soon as he can. Then contact Jack and tell him that….he didn’t know what to tell Jack yet but he will find a good excuse when he got to that part. Alex left the hotel and got in to his car and drove to L.A.

Both: FINALLY!

Sister: She seriously needs to learn about our friend the paragraph.

Twist: Maybe she does in part two.

Sister: You’re the eternal optimist aren’t you?

Twist: Gotta believe in mankind’s ability to better themselves.

Sister: She’s a woman.

Twist: We’re screwed.

Sister: And not in a fun, spanky kind of way.

Title: Alex The Bounty Hunter

Author: Amanda

Sister: No, next part. We have to disclaim again of course.

Pairing: Xander/ Spike

Rating: maybe PG- 13 for now but later N-17

Twist: BINGO!

Disclaimer: Joss owns everything. But the OC’s I put here and there.

Feedback: Yes Please! Let me know if you like it or hate it and if you think I should continue.

Archive: If you want this for your site just let me know.

Summary: Xander leaves Sunnydale after he left Anya at the alter and rediscovers himself and with the knowledge of demons gets a new career as a bounty hunter. He hunts down the demons that are on wanted posters for money.

Twist: Just cause she repeats herself, do I have to make the same jokes?

Sister: I’m begging you not to.

Part 2

Alex arrived in L.A just after the sun set and looked up at the huge hotel. He was trying to get the courage to walk in but he was so nervous.

Twist: (Xander) Wonder if he’s still mad for all the times I’ve tried and/or gotten him killed and sent to hell?

He didn’t want to have to tell Angel his career choice and have him be look down on him in disappointment.

Sister: Have him be look. Neat.

Well fuck him

Both: YAY!

Twist: Finally some action!

Sister: Sex! Whee!

thought Alex he was no better right, he some times got paid, thought Alex trying to analyze it.

Sister: She sets us up, and tears us down.

Twist: Look, now she’s attempting commas. That’s a good sign, right?

Sister: Probably not.

Alex walked though the door and looked around. Nice, he thought. He had never actually been here but Buffy and Willow both had and they told him that it was really nice and big.

Twist: When did Angel have sex with Willow?

Sister: I think she means the HOTEL is nice and big.

He finally thought he had better get this over with and so he yelled out hello in hope that some one would show up and lead him to Angel.

“ Hold your kit on. I’m coming mate.”

Sister: Can I hold his kit?

Alex froze at that voice and he held his body stiff waiting for the familiar person to notice him standing there.

Both: *snickers*

Sister: She said stiff...

Twist: She said holding his stiffy...

Spike stopped dead in his tracks

Sister: That’s just a little redundant.

and his eyes got wide and his jaw dropped.

Sister: And he was surprised and he looked funny and he was a vampire and he had blonde hair and…and…and I’m done.

He blinked his eyes several times not believing that right in front of him was Xander Harris. The same Xander Harris that left Sunnydale seven years earlier and haven’t written or called any one in that whole seven years.

Twist: Cause, you know, he and Xander were so close before.

Sister: Wait! Xander?! XANDER is in this fic?! But Amanda was SO sneaky! I never suspected a thing!

“ As I live and breath it’s Xander Harris. Ok so I’m dead and I don’t need to breath but here you are.”

Sister: As I live and breathe? Would Spike say that? And the rest of it, too.

Twist: It makes me sad.

“ Ya here I am. Hi Spike. How you been?”

Sister: (Spike) Horny and wanting you for your body. Let’s rip our clothes off right here and have wild mad monkey sex!

“ Good I’m working for Angel now. I went and did some thing stupid like get a soul and he helps me deal.”

Twist: Well, that’s a nice summary. Short, sweet, and doesn’t give away much information.

Sister: She should do all her story summaries the same way.

“ Wow a soul. They must give them out freely now. Did you get a good deal or does it to come with a curse?” Said Xander making a small joke but not even cracking a smile.

Twist: Joke?

Sister: What joke?

“ Why do you want to find out?” Asked Spike letting that leer of his travel down Alex’s body before he brought his gaze back to Alex’s face to notice the amusing twinkle in his eye.

Twist: That leer of his. Of course. That leer. The leer he always uses.

“ Maybe later Spike, right now I have to see Angel. Is he around? It’s really important that I speak to him.” Said Xander putting his resolve face back on.

Sister: This year I resolve not to shag any souled vampires silly.

Twist: Bite your tongue.

“ Ya follow me down stairs. Boy is he going to be real surprised to see you.”

Sister: Just like we were. Really.

“ Ya I bet he will.” Said Xander with a sigh.

Twist: Secretly in the night, we moved Los Angeles to the Upper Penninsula. Let’s see if anyone notices...

They walked down to Angel’s apartment so Alex could talk to him. They found him leaning against his kitchen counter holding an empty mug brooding of course.

Sister: So who had the mug of brooding, and who had the iced cappuchino? And hey. Didn’t Angel’s basement apartment blow up with his first office? The basement in the Hyperion is a training room. There is no apartment down there.

Twist: Really?

Sister: Yes.

“ Hey Angel you will never guess who just walked off the street and right to our front door.”

Twist: Jerry Springer!

Sister: Mel Torme!

Twist: Leon!

Sister: Worf!

Twist: Bill Clinton!

Angel looked up and he too was in total shock.

Sister: We were both wrong. It was Gwen.

“ Xander Harris? I thought I recognized that heart beat.”

Twist: (sings) Like a viiiirgin! When your heart beats next to mine!

Angel put out his hand and shook hands with Alex and asked him to have a seat at the kitchen table.

“ Wow, What brings you here?”

Sister: Yes, please, tell us! We are SO curious!

“ Well a long story short. I came here because I was hired to kill you.” Said Xander with a straight face set in stone.

Twist: Heh. Like anything on that boy is straight.

Sister: I am pretty sure some things resemble stone, though...

“ WHAT?” Yelled Angel confused.

Twist: We’re right there with you buddy.

“Now see here Xander.” Said Spike

Sister: (Spike) See Xander. See Spike.

Twist: (Spike) See Spike shag Xander.

Sister: (Spike) Shag, Spike, shag!

“ I’m not going to but you have to realize that your life is in grave danger. If it’s not me then it will be some one else. Some one wants you dead. Well dusted.” Said Xander not breaking his stone cold face.

Twist: I’m getting to the point where I want to break his face.

Sister: Isn’t Stone Cold a wrestler?

Twist: Yeah.

Sister: What’s Xander doing with his face?

Twist: *shrugs*

“ Who?” Asked Angel.

“ Have you ever heard about a bunch of lawyers at Wolfram and Hart?”

“ Ya they are like my archenemies. I have been in a feud with them for years. They are constantly trying to kill me or to get me to lose my soul.”

Twist: Just in case you found this story and you’ve never watched the show.

Sister: (Angel) We, like, go on Family Feud, like, once a week. Like, usually on Wednesdays and junk.

Twist: Oh, you betcha.

“ Well it sounds like they have finally found a way to do it. I don’t know what they exactly want but I am to deliver you bound and gagged with chains and leave you on their front door step. They are willing to pay thirty G’s to get the job done.”

Twist: (Xander) And I’m gonna pop a cap in yo’ ass.

Sister: They’ve gone from Yoopers to Gangstas in less than 100 words.

Spike was quite though the whole conversation.

Sister: Quite? Quite what?

Twist: Quite sexy, yeah baby, yeah!

His mind was moving a mile a minute. He couldn’t grasp that the boy he used to know was sitting across from him and casually talking about killing Angel and he was just sitting there with confidence and with a air of coldness like killing some one was an every day thing for him.

Sister: *looks in dictionary* Hitman: one who kills people as an every-day event.

But he did say that he was hired to kill Angel. Which brought up a new set of questions.

Sister: Can I borrow some money?

“ Xander you said that some one hired you? What exactly do you do?” Asked Spike.

Twist: A little of this, a little of that, some flower arranging, maybe some dance choreography on the side to make ends meet...

Sister: We’re finally catching up, are we?

“ Well first of all I’m a bounty hunter but I some times don’t think that is entirely true. As much as I am a hired gun. A hit man.” Said Xander harshly.

“ Oh!”

“ Oh!”

Twist: Wait, how’d we get from exposition to sex?

Sister: Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes! Right there! Oh, God! Yes! Yes!! *sigh* Was it good for you, too?

Angel and Spike gave each other a look and they both came to the same conclusion that this man sitting at the table with them was definitely not the same Xander Harris they remember.

Sister: Well, no, because Amanda butchered his character beyond all semblance of recognition.

Twist: But that’s not the point.

Sister: She also butchered each and every grammatical law out there.

Twist: Again, not the point.

“ So Xander the hit man. Wow, have you been doing this for long? And how did you get in to this job?”

Sister: Please, don’t bother to wait for an answer. Make sure he talks as long as possible. We desperately need to hear his life story.

“ Well first of all its Alex now.

Twist: Even though it’s Xander in the summary.

I haven’t gone by Xander since I left and my last name changes a lot. Right now it’s Collins.

Twist: What do you want to bet Amanda’s last name is Collins?

I travel by a lot of names really but mostly just Alex.

Twist: I bet I have more names!

Sister: If you don’t shut up we’ll never get through this exposition from hell.

Twist: Sorry.

And as far as how long, about five years or so. And how. Well let’s just say by accident.

Sister: Can we leave it at that, please?

I was in Montana when a Deikertins demon caught me and you know how they are. They are real ass holes when they are in heat and let me tell you he wanted to mate with me real bad

Sister: Who wouldn’t?

Twist: Shh. I’m trying to read.

Sister: …

Twist: Hah. Just kidding.

and I had to disappoint him by telling him even though I was bisexual

Sister: Great how that just slipped in there, huh?

there was no way in hell I was going to do the whole mating ritual with him and let him pregnant me

Sister: You can pregnant someone? Or should you IMPREGNATE them?! And since when can boys be impregnated?

Twist: Don’t question. It just extends the time we have to suffer through this.

and then have him devour me after I have birth to his devil spawn.

Sister: Wow. there are so many things I could say about that sentence.

Twist: Yep.

Sister: But they pretty much boil down to... COMMAS!

Twist: Yep.

Sister: Well, that and I’d like to devour Xander, too.

So I stabbed him in his back.

Twist: Wait, he did have sex with the demon? I’m confused.

Sister: We know. But we still love you.

You know where his heart is located and killed him.

Twist: I do?

Sister: I did?

Twist: Why am I suddenly flashing back to my last relationship?

Well the next thing I know this tall and mysterious guy came up to me and thanked me for killing his target for him and gave me a card and said if I needed a job killing demons to log on to a computer and get a hold of this guy.

Sister: (Xander) And I said, “Thanks, Angel!”

Twist: Great how it all works out so nicely, isn’t it?

So I e-mail this guy from the local library and he offered me a job. I figured I already knew so much about demons I might as well get paid for some thing I was already doing.” Xander not breaking his cold posture once while he talked.

Sister: This Xander’s kind of a bastard, isn’t he?

Twist: You have to be, in order to become a contract killer.

Sister: Yeah, but he could crack a smile, couldn’t he? I mean, he IS in the company of two very hot men.

Twist: I’m going to stick him in the microwave on defrost.

“ And you said that if it wasn’t you then someone else. What did you mean?” Asked Angel.

Sister: Yes, let’s get back to the plot, shall we?

“ Well if I don’t get the job done in the time period that was set then someone else will show up and take the target.” Explained Xander.

“ How long do we have?”

Sister: I’m sorry, but you only have six months to live.

Twist: Oh, Marsha! *sob*

Sister: Oh, Dirk! *sob*

Both: *Kissy smoochy sounds*

“ I will start by contacting my boss and telling him I hit a snag that you are harder to find then I thought. Then we have about seven days. Hunters have the same time period to get their target before another is called.”

Twist: One Slayer must die before another was called.

Sister: That was lame.

Twist: You wrote it!

Sister: Quiet, you.

“ Ok contact your boss and then we will sit down and make up a plan to save my ass.” Said Angel.

Twist: Cause it’s so cute and tight.

Sister: Would Angel even say “Save my ass”?

Twist: Remember how we talked about character assassination?

“ Do you have a telephone line I can use for my lap top?”

Twist: (Angel) No, we’re Amish.

“ Ya I have one in my office. You can use that.” Said Angel.

They all got up from the table and went back upstairs to Angels office so Alex could get hooked up and they could set the first part of their plan in to motion.

Sister: And what an elaborate plan it is.

Twist: First, don’t stake Angel

Sister: So we’re doing good on the plan?

Spike looked over at Alex when they get to the office and he was watching him set up his lap top he set up a bit and took a quick peek in to Alex’s briefcase and noticed all the passports, driver license and different currency that was in there.

Sister: Does she just flip through a dictionary and string random words together, hoping they’ll make a sentence?

Twist: How do you know English is her first language? Maybe this is the best she can do. You should be nicer.

Sister: Are you defending her??

Twist: ... I’m sorry.

And he couldn’t take his eyes off the automatic pistol with a silencer lying there too.

Sister: (Xander) Because keeping it in a holster where it would be easily accessible would ruin the line of my jacket!

“ Hey Xander I hope you aren’t expecting me to call you Alex because that don’t sound right.” Asked Spike.

Twist: Was that a question or a statement?

Sister: Spike can ask a question without a question mark, wording it as a question, or any change in voice inflection. He’s special.

“ No you guys can call me Xander. But if only I can call you guys Liam and William.” Joked Xander trying not to smile.

Sister: *whispers* It is now day forty-seven of our elusive joke hunt.. and we think we spot one...

Twist: No, that’s just a zebra.

“ Hell no” They both said at the same time.

Sister: Was that…?

Twist: No, that was a muskrat.

Xander throw his head back and laughed.

Sister: Why is he laughing?

Twist: Dunno. Nitrous oxide?

Sister: Could be Angel and Spike were toking up before he got there.

It had been a while since he laughed and it felt good to just be around someone.

Sister: Lately when he’d been around someone, there was just the loud *bang* and then the body to move.

His job kept him from having friends and he knew he was lonely and lacked company. Spike watched Xander laugh and it put a smile on his face. He had a feeling that Xander hadn’t had a reason to laugh in a while.

Twist: Spike must be psychic.

When he first walked in the door there seemed some thing off with Xander. Like he was emotionless, cold and a bit ridged.

Twist: Ruffles have ridges!

Sister: He’s emotionless, cold, and rigid. We get it. Please, Amanda, move on.

He wondered what happened to Xander all these years to make him so cold.

Twist: Besides killing things for a living?

He thought it was his job but he felt deep down inside it was bigger then that.

Sister: Killing people for a living isn’t enough?

But what was it? Something changed him and made him in to an uncaring almost hateful person.

Twist: I’m going to go with ‘Killing people for a living’, and that’s my final answer, Regis.

Xander stopped laughing and let out a sigh. He put back on his stone face that he wore almost all the time now and finished setting up his laptop and letting it boot up.

Sister: And now, Spike and Angel are convinced he’s gone hyena again.

Xander got a hold of Jack and told him that he looked for the target and he has was a bigger challenge then first thought and it would take him a couple more days to finish the job.

Sister: Can Jack process all that information?

Jack told him that every thing was fine but he reminded Xander that he now had the required seven days to finish the job before another was called.

Twist: Did he really need to be reminded? Didn’t just Xander just say all that a minute ago? If she’s going to reveal things in the dialogue, wouldn’t she think to NOT tell us the exact same thing in the prose a minute later?

Sister: No.

Twist: Damn.

“ Ok we need to put our heads together and form a plan.” Said Angel.

Sister: Heh, he said head.

Twist: When are they going to have sex?

“ I can call some people I know and they can tell me who did the actual hiring and give me a list of all the players in the law firm. And then I will one by one knock them down.” Said Xander coldly.

Twist: Because it’s always this easy to track down hired killers. Just ask the police.

Sister: If Xander’s so cold, shouldn’t someone get him a sweater?

Angel and Spike realized then that the boy they knew from Sunnydale was now a cold-blooded killer

Both: DUH!

Sister: They just realized this now?

and he was worse then any demon. He was a human with a soul. They didn’t know what changed the boy

Twist: Besides killing people for a living?

but who ever this man was he wasn’t Xander he was some thing else. He was more sinister and more evil. The Xander they knew would never kill a human; he didn’t have it in him.

Sister: What an original plot device.

Twist: Can I kick her? Please?

Sister: No.

“ Xander I thought you said you only kill demons?” Asked Angel.

Sister: He did say that, didn’t he?

Twist: How about now?

“ Well now it seems like a good time to change my M.O.” Said Xander.

Sister: No.

“ We can’t kill them. No matter how evil they may seem they are still human.” Said Angel.

Sister: *trembles*

Twist: Are you actually getting invested in this?

Sister: No, I just wanted to see what you’d do.

Twist: You know what I’ll do. I’ll ask, ‘How about now?’

Sister: And I’ll answer ‘No’.

“ I have to agree with Angel on this one Xander. We can’t go in there with guns a blazing and kill them.”

Sister: (Xander) Why not?

Twist: (Angel) Because that would be too easy and end this fic before we get to the sex. (as herself) Can I kick her now?

Sister: NO! Stop asking.

“ Ok, Then we find a different way. Maybe we buy them dinner and flowers and set them down and ask them in our really nice voice if they will not kill the champion for the Powers That Be.” Said Xander sarcastically.

Sister: That’ll work.

Twist: Worked on me, didn’t it?

“ Ok but no killing and I mean that Xander.” Angel was getting really frustrated and he was beginning to get agitated with Xander and how he wanted to just go in and kill everyone. It reminded him of his childe Spike before he got his soul.

Sister: Did Angel just agree to the worst plan of the century?

Twist: He’s going to streak across the White House lawn at noon with “President Bush is a Pansy Ass Puppet” painted on his chest?

Sister: I stand corrected.

“ Fine no killing now lets just all sit down and work out a plan.” Said Xander feeling tired all of a sudden and right at that moment all he wanted to do was get something to eat and go to bed. They all set there for several hours throwing out plans back and forth trying to come up with a good one to save Angel.

Twist: It’s over, right?

Sister: Yep. She never completed it. She realized how bad it was and couldn’t continue.

Twist: But she still released it to the public?

Sister: Yes. She’s a masochist. Or maybe a sadist. This is the end.

Twist: So…no sex?

Sister: Apparently not.

Twist: Okay, NOW can I kick her?

Sister: Sure.