Swearing is the compromise between fighting and running away
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
It's easy to fly, all you need to do is to throw yourself off a high cliff and close your eyes a second before you hit ground.
I'd explain it to you... but your brain would explode. - Douglas Adams
Their songs are on the whole very simple and mostly follow the familiar theme of boy-being meets girl-being beneath a silvery moon, which then explodes for no adequately explored reason. - Douglas Adams
He almost danced to the fridge, found the three least hairy things in it, put them on a plate and watched them intently for two minutes. Since they made no attempt to move within that time he called them breakfast and ate them. - Douglas Adams
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
Of course, we all live with our past, but I try not to encourage it to misbehave
I don't say that we ought to all misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. - Groucho Marx
I must confess, I was born at a very early age
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted
I cannot be bought...but I can be rented
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made
Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence.
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git".
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
People who are late are often happier than those who have to wait for them.
Never go to a doctor whose office plant has died
"This is like deja vu all over again."
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your parents
In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move. - Douglas Adams.
First, God created man. Then he had a better idea.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle
Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Whoever said you can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - George Bush.
A memory is what is left when something happens, and does not completely unhappen.
Where you used to be there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in daytime, and falling into at night.
Be who you are and say how you feel because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together.
Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately this wasn't it. (could have been Groucho Marx)
Santa, Santa, wish implanter how does your garden grow? With and jingle bells and workshop elves and time to ho ho ho!!
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gifts.
