Burns Night
Oh what a sleekit, horrible beastie
Lurks in yer stomach efter a feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous wind
The neeps an' tatties an' mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sonsie face
Will huv ye blawin' a' ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonnae huv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shift yersel' fae cheek to cheek
An' pray tae God it disnae reek
But a' yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
It ricochets aroon' the room
Michty me! A sonic boom
God almighty, it fairly reeks
(Ah hope ah havnae shit ma breeks!)
Straight tae the bog ah better scurry
Ah whit the hell, it's no' ma worry
A'body roon' aboot me's chokin'
Wan or two are nearly bokin'
he'll feel much better fur a while
Ah cannae help but raise a smile
"Wis him!!" ah shout, wi accusin' glower
Alas, too late, he's just keeled ower
"Ya dirty bugger!" they shout and stare
Ah dinnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e'er ye be, let yer wind gang free
(sounds jist the job fur thee and me)
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o'wan wee ferty.
