A limerick packs laughs anatomical,
Into space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen,
Are so seldom clean,
And the clean ones are so seldom comical.
No matter how grouchy you're feeling,
A smile is always quite healing,
It grows like a wreath,
All around the front teeth,
Thus preserving the face from congealing.
In days of old, when knights were bold,
And condoms weren't invented,
They wrapped their socks
Around their cocks,
And babies were prevented!
There once was a lad from the sea.
He molested a baboon in a tree.
The result was quite horrid,
All ass and no forehead,
Four balls and a purple goatee.
There was an old pirate named Bates,
Who was learning to rhumba on skates,
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates.
There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin
There once was a man named McGill,
Whose acts grew exceedingly ill,
He insisted on habits,
involving white rabbits,
and a bird with a flexible bill.
There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
To stay out of trouble
He stuck it in double
And instead of coming he went.
There was an old woman from Clyde,
Who ate some green apples and died,
The apples fermented,
Inside the lamented,
And made cider inside’er inside.
An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Said Sex is one thing I do know
Women are fine
And sheep are divine
But llamas are numero uno!
Most women get married its true,
They feel it’s the best they can do,
But why spend your life,
Being somebody’s wife,
When you can spend it on just being you.
An observant young man of the west
Said "I’ve found out by personal test
That men who make passes
At girls who wear glasses
Get just as good sex as the rest".
A remarkable race are the Persians;
They have such peculiar diversions.
They make love the whole day
In the usual way
And save up the nights for perversions.
There was a young maid from Madras,
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think-
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
A lunatic living at Lyme,
Had honesty that was sublime;
When we asked, "Are you there?"
He said, "Yes, but take care,
For I'm never all there at one time."
God's plan made a hopeful beginning,
But man spoiled his chances by sinning,
We trust that the story,
Will end in God's glory,
But, at present, the other sides winning.
There was a young man of Japn,
Who wrote verses that never would scan,
When they said, "But the thing,
Doesn,t go with a swing"
He said, "Yes, but I always like to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can."
There was once a yound man who said, "God
Must think it exceedingly odd
If he finds that this tree
Continues to be
When there's no one about in the Quad"
Dear Sir, Your astonishment's odd:
I am always about in the Quad
And thats why the tree
Will continue to be,
Since observed by Yours faithfully, God.
- on the philosophy of Berkeley
