Pennyroyal Tea

Kurt Cobain was considered in his own time "the voice of his generation". His name, and that of his band Nirvana, was synonymous with Generation X. In his own words:

"I'm a spokesman for myself. It just so happens that there are a bunch of people that are concerned with what I say. I find that frightening at times because I'm as confused as most people. I don't have the answer for anything. I don't want to be a fucking spokesperson."
(Kurt quotes)

The all-pervading sense of a bleak future, political isolationism and personal hopelessness run though his music. His sound was chaos incarnate. On stage it was his band’s regular practice to smash guitars, equipment and stages. On his own generation he had to say:

“My generation's apathy. I'm disgusted with it. I'm disgusted with my own apathy too, for being spineless and not always standing up against racism, sexism and all those other -isms the counterculture has been whining about for years."
(Nirvana Quotes)

In Utero was released on September 9th, 1993. It was a hard-to-hear album. Some believe that In Utero was a literal musical suicide note. While that may be an extreme way to look at it, it definitely was meant to convey some emotional message. It was a different kind of album from Nevermind. It had a more underground sound; it was harsher, darker and rough. (Artist Direct) Cobain stated that when he produced the album, he was making something that he could listen too. He never would listen to Nevermind, as that kind of a sound “just bothers me.” (Nirvana Quotes) Whatever was meant by it, In Utero gets to you. From the first crash of guitar noise burying the line “Teenage angst has served us well, now I’m bored and old” to the slow chant of “Oh no… It’s all we are…oh, no... It’s all we are” to a heart-like rhythm of the drumbeat, it demanded your attention.

Lyrics: Pennyroyal Tea (CD liner)
I’m on my time with everyone.
I have very bad posture.
(Chorus)
Sit and drink pennyroyal tea.
Distill the life that’s in me.
Sit and drink pennyroyal tea.
I’m anemic royalty.
(Verse)
Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld.
So I can sigh eternally.
I’m so tired I can’t sleep.
I’m a liar and a thief.
(Verse)
I’m on warm milk and laxatives.
Cherry flavored antacids.
(Repeat chorus)

“Pennyroyal Tea” is the 9th track off In Utero. (CD liner) Although it is not one of the big hits off of this CD, it sums it up elegantly. The first sound you hear is a man coughing. The song starts out slowly. The lyrics are spoken as well emphasized singular words. The guitars being picked and slowly strummed are the only backups. The music is almost acoustic in nature. After the phrase “I have very bad posture”, the nature of the music changes entirely. It is hard, fast, and drum dominated. It continues like that for the entire first chorus. It slows again for the lines “Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld. So I can sigh eternally.” Yet it is different, the music has an ominous sound to it, the drums beat and Cobain drags his words out to an unpleasant finish. The next four lines are screamed to a background of noise punk-type music. He slows the song down to its peaceful beginning style for the two lines “I’m on warm milk and laxatives. Cherry flavored antacids.” Cobain painfully screams the last chorus to the noise of the bands‘ instruments. Pennyroyal Tea ends with the song slowing the drum beats down while Cobain is moaning. A guitar is randomly picked at the very end.
I’m on my time with everyone. I have very bad posture. To serve your time comes from prison slang. It means that your dues to society have been paid and now you are free again. In the broader sense used by most people, “I’ve served my time” means you have fulfilled your obligations. But Cobain does not say that. He is “on my time”. He is still serving his sentence, fulfilling his obligations to everyone. He never states just who everyone is. It would be a fair assumption to say he was talking about his fans. Having bad posture is often seen as some kind of moral deficiency. Someone who sits in his chair all slouched down is “definitely” a slacker…and people who stand and walk about all hunched over are “always” up to no good. They are not worthy of trust and should be watched. This probably referenced Cobain’s feeling of always being on the outside of society.
Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld. So I can sigh eternally. Leonard Cohen was once called the first poet of his generation. He was known for heavy drug use and scatological train-of-thought conversations. (MacLean) His poetry and his music have strong themes of religion running through them. For example, “The Gypsy Wife” reads in part: Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove. These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood. (Cohen Files) Cohen’s music is full of this kind of bittersweet religious imagery. The mental images brought up are restful and dark. They are peace sought and found. “Sighing eternally” is a wish for a rest in which one is at total peace with the world, and the rest is eternal. It is a wish for a death in the form of an ending or just literal death to come and end the obligations of the first stanza.

I’m so tired I can’t sleep. I’m a liar and a thief. Cobain’s obligations to what he is drained him so much that regaining his will to live (which he lost in the first line of the song) is impossible. He is depressed. He cannot figure out how to revitalize himself. The next line has to do with his commercial success. He once stated that" We're so trendy that we can't even escape ourselves". (Kurt quotes) Simply put, he did not want fame. He never had. All of his aspirations had to do with the underground scene. It was wrapped up in the “Corporate magazines still suck” shirt while on the cover of Rolling Stone, the biggest corporate “whore” out there. It was the lesson of years of Punk Rock 101,the so-called punk ideals, that Cobain held himself up to. It was be true to yourself, and fuck what the other guy said/did/thought. It was an upraised middle finger while winking. And in his eyes, he fell short. He wanted to play his music, yes, but he never wanted his fame. (Arnold 205-223) But even so, he has come to terms with his fame (On my time…), he wants out (Leonard Cohen afterworld…eternally), but he accepted it. But he does not feel worthy of the attention given. He believes he is cheating the fans that are looking up to him as their voice, their spokesman.

The chorus reads: Sit and drink pennyroyal tea. Distill the life that’s in me. Sit and drink pennyroyal tea. I’m anemic royalty. Pennyroyal tea is an abortive herbal substance. It was used in England and other places as a safe way to end an unwanted pregnancy. To distill something is to bring it to a more pure form. He is killing himself, or his creative spirit, in his work. It is somehow making his life force/music/self more pure. But the price is death of his creative energy. He knows this is so, but being either unable to change things, or not knowing how, he keeps killing himself. Anemia is a blood condition. It makes the person who suffers from it weak and always tired. As a rock star, he was holding the closest thing in American society to royalty. He lost a lot of the control over his band and their music after signing with a major label. He feels he has lost his “authenticity” because of this. What they play, where they play and how they sound are now partly controlled by their label. In his new position, he feels weak and tired. It is killing him. He wants to step down, but once you are a king, you are so till the day you die.

I’m on warm milk and laxatives. Cherry flavored antacids. The last verse deals with Cobain’s psychical state. Throughout most of his adult life Cobain suffered from strange stomach pains. It was always assumed they were stress related in some way. Milk is said to help sooth an upset stomach. Laxatives here could refer to actual laxatives. Take enough laxatives, for long enough, and you die. It also could be a reference to the drugs the Cobain was taking to easy the pain of his stomach. The last phrase would refer to the medications he had been proscribed to take to treat the pain. They did not work, and Cobain “resorted” to various street drugs to numb the pain.

In this song titled “Pennyroyal Tea”, you have the regrets of someone who is far from what he feels is home, and going back is impossible. Although he is still serving his time, playing to his fans, being the star, he believes he is somehow unworthy. It is wrong for him. He hopes to reach a superior plane of existence, where he can relax in utter peace. He wants out of his obligations. His musical compulsions are wearing him out to the extent that he can no longer recharge himself. He feels that his status is undeserved. He is not true to himself, which is his greatest sin. He has sold out and lost his soul. By being the untrue star, he is somehow cheating those who have made him into the star. He feels this disparity, and it is “aborting” what makes him, him. Sure, he is “royalty“, he has fans that would tear him to pieces out of love, but he is a figurehead. Others control his art, the music. He can’t regain his authenticity. He wants to quit; but a king can’t quit. They can only die. To top it all off, he is in physical turmoil and pain. He just wants it all to end. And end he did.

...Wanna be on the cover of the Rolin'Stone..

Kurt Cobain once stated:

“Punk to me is musical freedom. It’s saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster’s terms, “Nirvana” means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that’s pretty close to my definition of punk rock.“
(Nirvana Quotes)